Gym math, personified

What the gym taketh, in terms of energy, sweat and stamina, the gym also occasionally giveth, in terms of gains all-important brog content.

Back in January, I posted the story of this guy who added plates onto the chest fly machine, despite the fact that the machine could have matched/exceeded his desired weight limit without the need of plates.  I deduced (accused) that the guy was not only just dumb, but arbitrarily adding weight to make him appear more hardcore than he really was.

Today, I got photo evidence.

I also got a good look at the guy who did this himself, and to no surprise, he fit the mold of someone who wants to look fierce and menacing; BeatsTM headphones, compression sleeves, high socks to hide the fact that he obviously has small calves, and lifting gloves.  For machine lifting.  All while breathing like he were breathing fire like Smaug.

Seriously, I was doing lat pulls, across from this guy, and my eyes lit up when I saw him lumbering over to the chest fly machine, carrying a bunch of plates from the nearby smith machine.  I knew that I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to possibly photograph this idiocy this time, considering it had been nearly three months passed.

So I deliberately did two sets of hip adductor stretches, just so I could be in an optimal position to take this picture.

The best part is that I could now make a more accurate assessment of his weight, instead of making educated guesses back in January.  Which is to say that now that I can study the set up, I can see that he’s lifting way less weight than I thought he was back when I first noticed him.

So with the 45s impaled onto 90 lbs., and another 25 lb. plate arbitrarily placed on top of everything, the total rack weight is 205 lbs.  The machine maxes out at 290 lbs. with standard plates only.  The best part is that there’s an approximate pin location for 205 lbs., but instead, this guy went through this elaborate set up to make it look like he were lifting like 2,000 lbs. or something.

The moral of this whole story is that it’s vastly more important to look like you’re a fire-breathing gym beast, sent from the depths of Hades to lift barbell plates affixed to machines, than to actually be a gym beast that’s capable of actually doing chest fly at a weight greater than 205 lbs.

The Washington Wizards and team logos

Impetus: The Washington Wizards have changed their official logo, ditching the bearded wizard that has plagued the identity since 1997 and has been gradually phased out.

Halle-fuckin-lujah.

Back in the mid/late-90s, when I was a huge NBA basketball fan, I loved the Washington Bullets.  They were my hometown team, and despite the fact that they more or less stunk record-wise, I still loved them.  Because my parents didn’t allow me to have cable, aside from the NBA on NBC on weekends, Bullets games were the only regular exposure to watching basketball available.

I watched through the rough days of teams anchored by Tom Gugliotta and Rex Chapman, to the arrivals of Chris Webber and Juwan Howard, to hope to rekindle some of that Michigan Fab Five magic, which actually produced some halfway decent, and entertaining squads.  And who could forget loveable 7’7 Gheorghe Muresan, and the perpetually stoned-looking Rod Strickland?

I endured some of the sports heartache and dramas such as the narrow-miss of the playoffs in 1995, the jubilation of the narrow-entry into the playoffs in 1996, only to be crushed when the Bullets got swept by the freight train known as the Michael Jordan Bulls.  And then there was the first time in my young life where I was exposed to the ugliness of sports free agency, as the Bullets basically lost Juwan Howard to Heat, only to manage to keep him at an exorbitant contract that’s still perceived as one of the worst deals in NBA history.

It was in 1997 when the Bullets were more or less forced to change their name, due to the violent perception of the word “Bullets.”  To this very day, I still contend that such was a trite and silly debate and should never have come to fruition, because inherently bullets by themselves are not violent; it’s the guns that chamber the bullets and fire them at lethal speeds that are violent.  And in that regard, it’s the wielder of said guns that house said bullets that are the genuine problem.  It’s not like the team was the “Washington Gunmen” or “the DC Snipers.”

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Fantasizing about “fixing” Atlanta’s traffic woes

After a morning which saw an 84-minute drive into work, and an additional 20 minute wait at Starbucks, I’m finally settled in at my desk a solid hour after when I would have preferred to have done such.

Seriously, the next time I wake up at my house and hear pelting rain and torrential downpour, and it’s a day in which carpooling wasn’t scheduled, I’m going to say I’ve contracted cholera, and call in sick.

I’m finding that my criteria of what constitutes a “good” morning grows lower and lower, and it’s getting to a point where nightmarish traffic is expected, and I’m just happy when the douchebag in front of me at Starbucks doesn’t pay with the Starbucks app, which conveniently my daily Starbucks does not have the hardware to accept in any other fashion than necessitating three minutes to punch in every single digit before the screen goes back to sleep.

Anyway, whenever I have a morning where I have to slog through traffic worse than it usually is, whether it’s because of a retard getting into a catastrophic wreck, or like today, there’s liquid AIDS AKA “rain” falling from the skies, my mind always wanders to the oft-fantasized topic by all Metro Atlanta denizens, which is hypothesizing how to “fix” Atlanta’s traffic woes.

Naturally, the logical solution of improving mass transit is off the table, because the city is already polluted full of crooked criminal greedy bureaucrats who will nix the idea every single time for personal monetary reasons that us pleebs aren’t going to understand, so it’s not out of the realm to start thinking of some more radical ideas.

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Xbox achievements are lame now

Back in the ancient days of the Xbox 360, I really enjoyed Xbox achievements.  I spent way more time than I care to admit trying to lock down every single achievement in Left 4 Dead.

I used exploits to assist in beating Expert, I changed the difficulty to Easy to farm massive numbers of zombies to kill, and all sorts of tactics to nail down all available 1,000 gamer points.

There was once a night where I managed to wrangle together seven other people, and we played a patsy of a 4v4 game, where we all took turns trying to farm down achievements, such as the one that involved puking on all four survivors simultaneously, one special infected incapacitating all four survivors, and so forth.

And then Valve released some expansions that resulted in more achievements, none of which actually worked even when accurately triggered, and I lost interest in being 100% in that game anymore.

Because I moved onto Resident Evil 5, and farmed the shit out of getting all those achievements.  My friend Huzzard and I would spend hours in Mercenaries mode to make farming them easier, and utilized the adventures of Chris Redfield and Gay Chris Redfield to both have shotguns to make farming easier to unlock double Weskers which took us the rest of the way.

And then Capcom released a PvP mode that had more achievements, and because it cost money to acquire, neither of us went for it, and we eventually lost interest.

The point is, back in those days, Xbox achievements kind of meant something, and there was some merit to actually unlocking them.

I have no games for my Xbox One.  Yet, I’ve already unlocked like, eight achievements.  I haven’t checked, but none of them actually appear to be for any gamer points, but they’re still achievements forever associated with my Xbox account now.

The thing is, none of these achievements really mean anything.  You’re basically getting them for doing anything at all, as long as the Xbox itself is turned on.  I mean seriously, there’s literally an achievement for logging on an existing Xbox account to Xbox one.  There was one for pinning an app to your home page.

But the impetus for this post was the fact that I was watching some baseball games on MLB.tv, and I got an achievement, because it was a game involving an NL West teams.  The achievement was appropriately labeled simply “NL West.”

And because MLB.tv is the Jesus app for baseball fans, I switched to another game, and then another blip and bubble popped up on the screen to let me know that I had just “unlocked” the AL East achievement.

According to this list, there’s literally an achievement by watching any game from each of the six MLB divisions, among several other patsy achievements that don’t mean anything or boost your gamer score.

The bottom line is that as far as XBONE is concerned, there are so many meaningless achievements that are in existence right now, that it’s basically killing the whole idea of achievements as a whole.  Gone is hearing the blip, and then seeing the emergence of the bubble, and the name of the achievement unlocked, much less the curiosity to just what it just was that was unlocked.

If MLB.tv really wanted to add a legitimate degree of difficulty in gaining app achievements, they should have achievements called “Cleveland Indians” and “Arizona Diamondbacks,” which are each unlocked upon 100% completion of watching a Cleveland Indians or Arizona Diamondbacks game.  The app should track whether any sort of fast forwarding was done, and Kinect connectivity should be mandatory, so that Big Brother can watch to make sure that someone was watching the games in their entirety.

Those would be legitimate challenges, and would be something proud to boast about gaining.

Updates required

As my annual aging draws nearer, I guess now is as good of time as any to bust out a good old fashioned “back in the day” kind of posts.  But over the weekend, I wanted to watch a stream of a League of Legends match because of course I would.  But instead of watching it on a computer screen, I figured why not watch it on my big screen television, because such a thing is possible?  So I turned on the XBOX One that I have no games for, because I basically plunked down $300 for a glorified app player, so I could log into Twitch and watch.

But first, there’s an updated that needed to be applied, and it was somewhere in the vicinity of 2.3 GB.  Even hardwired, that’s still a little bit of time to move that much data.  So I sit around with my thumbs up my ass waiting for this update to download and install, before finally, it’s completed.  Turns out that I don’t have Twitch installed on my XBONE, so I have to download that.  Update required.

So while Twitch is updating, I figure why the fuck not just get on my PC and just watch it on a monitor instead, so I turn on my computer, only to find out that there are now Windows updates that need to be installed, and my virus protection software has found updates and would like to apply them.

Long story short, by the time I managed to get the game I wanted to watch up and running, it was practically 21 minutes into the game, and just about already decided.

While it’s true that technology has made grandiose advances, to where we can get HD streaming of live competitive events onto our large screen media, and have internet speeds that are a billion times faster than the 28.8 mpbs modems from the mid-1990s, it’s not without its own prices of aggravation.

Gone are the days when mom and dad brought home a Super Nintendo, where you could plug in the power and AV jack, and within ten minutes be discovering the joy of riding Yoshi, eating every enemy in sight, and figuring out the nuances of cape flight and seeing how many enemies Mario could jump on without touching the ground.

Now, you get an XBOX or a Piss4, play cord-Tetris to see if there’s even an open HDMI jack, or settle with component cables, before you even turn the machine on in the first place.  Once on, there’s the inevitable first system update that are usually 2-4 gigs, which then requires internet connectivity, and the debate on whether to go wireless, or actually find a way to snake an Ethernet cable(s) to the respective systems.  Eventually, you’ll finally get Halo 4.2.5 HD Remix into the disc tray and running, only to find out that the game itself has a 267 MB update to patch out the hovering tea-bagging that has plagued PVP over the last four months.  By the time player one has fired a single round, nearly 45 minutes have been spent unboxing, wiring and waiting on updates to download and install.

It’s absolutely great that due to the power of the internet, and the fact that with each passing day we as society are more and more permanently connected to it, we’re able to have every electronic device we know capable of being up-to-date with the most recently, most up-to-date soft/firmware so that things can be “easier.”  However it’s gotten to a point where the updates are so frequent to where it’s just this exasperating feeling of deflation every time you turn on a device or open a program, only to be halted in place while a mandatory update derails your time.

There are plenty of times when I just want to turn on my television and watch something, without having to wait for the player, the television, the firmware and the wireless connection to require 35 updates and having to wait 20 minutes to watch a 30 minute program.