snOwned

The United States’ soccer victory over Costa Rica is the equivalent of the dastardly heel professional wrestler who just snuck a cheap shot in against their opponent without the referee noticing, and pointing to their head to emphasize their use of brains to get the upper hand.  Long story short, a World Cup qualifier between the US and Costa Rica was played in Colorado, a state that is known to get snow fairly regularly until about late-April.  Needless to say, it snowed pretty heavily during their match, but the game went on, and the Americans eventually ended up winning 1-0.

The Costa Ricans are crying foul over unfair playing conditions, to which frankly I don’t think they have any ground to complain.  An objection should have been made well in advance, once it was decided that Colorado in the month of March was going to be the site of such an important game.  It’s as well known that Colorado is a cold place in March as well as its known that Costa Rica is vastly tropical; the fact that snow could have been a threat and actually happened should not have been any surprise, and could have been addressed well in advance.

Anyone who watches any sport of any kind knows that nothing is quite the same when played in the state of Colorado.  Visiting teams who play the Nuggets or the Broncos in Denver always cite that the thinner mountain air wreaks havoc on their stamina and endurance.  One fat football player actually died from a combination of having played in a brutal game, the thinner air and sleep apnea.  Baseball hitters love Colorado, because the high altitude and thin air makes their flyballs soar, boosting home run totals.  But on the flip side, it’s hell on the outfielders who have to cover a gigantic outfield to compensate, and worse on the pitchers whose pitches don’t exactly move the same way in high altitude as it would closer to sea level.

There are professional athletes who are so convinced that playing in Colorado is the pinnacle of physical testing to the point where they attempt to simulate Colorado conditions from thin air and pressurized rooms, believing that if they can excel under Colorado conditions, they can thrive anywhere else.

Chalk one up for the home team for simply outsmarting the Costa Ricans.  Bring them not just to the United States, but to fucking Colorado, in the midst of a snow storm.  Not only do the tropical-weather Costa Ricans have to deal with freezing climates, they now have to deal with the snow.  Some of these guys have probably never even seen snow in their entire lives.  No better way to beat your opponents than to push them as far as possible out of their comfort zones, and such a game is pretty definitive of how it was for the Costa Ricans.

They can complain all they want, but it’s probably going to do them no good.  QQ moar noobs Costa Rica.

I can’t get over this story

Everything about this story is pretty incredible.  Long story short, former WWE wrestler Chris Masters, rescued his mother from her burning home, set ablaze by a crazy neighbor.  He accomplished this act of heroism by retrieving his mother through a window that he bashed through with a tree.

Let those words soak in for a moment.

With a tree.

Not a stick, or a substantially large piece of wood that happened to be lying in the ground.  Chris Masters picked up an entire tree, and smashed through the window in which he rescued his mother from.  And this wasn’t just some fallen tree that happened to be conveniently located, Chris Masters uprooted a ten-foot tree from the ground with his bare hands and used it as a battering ram.

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Well, at least he didn’t get killed on the job

Well, to each, his own. I chose my path, you chose the way of the hero. And they found you amusing for a while, the people of this city. But the one thing they love more than a hero is to see a hero fail, fall, die trying.

On one hand, it’s good to know that Darien Long isn’t going to die on the job.  But on the other hand, it’s ironically unfortunate that not only has Darien Long been let go from his job, he’s also been arrested.  For doing god’s work and trying to heaven forbid, actually make a mall a better and safer place.

I get all the facts that have surfaced around both the circumstances of his release as well all his arrest, but it all just doesn’t really feel that right regardless.

He’s being let go by the property under the excuse that they are making budget cuts, but the initial story seemed to insinuate that the property owners simply didn’t like the attention that his righteous fame was bringing to the area, and the best (ironic) part was that a lot of the mall’s shop owners didn’t really like the fact that he had a video camera recording everything, including the discreet sales of possible counterfeit goods.  It turns out that the shop owners would rather have the mall be populated by thieves, drug dealers and prostitutes harassing patrons, rather than someone who legitimately wants to keep the place clean.

Long is aware that they’re all coming back the instant that he’s no longer guarding the property.  Personally, that serves the property right, and I hope a gang war or something flares up in there, leading to the property being destroyed in the long run, because it’s a shit hole of a place to begin with, and if crooked bureaucracy is going to eliminate the one beacon of good from it, it doesn’t need to exist at all in my book.

As for Darien Long’s arrest, I get that too, but it doesn’t make it any less unfortunate.  Long story short, Long is charged with assault, for tackling a person in the mall that he had at one point banned from the property who still came back anyway.  There aren’t a whole lot of facts out there regarding the banishment in the first place, but given the nature of the place, people, and how Darien Long operates, I’m assuming that Long himself had declared him banned from the property, and maybe done so on camera, or taken a snapshot.   But being where it is, and the already-known crooked nature of the property’s management, I’m also going to assume that there’s no official record, or police-mandated restraining order preventing the perp from being allowed onto the property.

So for all intents and purposes, Darien Long tackled an “innocent” patron, despite personal history.  As unfortunate as it is, and as much as I’d like for them to do so, I’m betting the courts aren’t going to accept video of a verbal banishment in the past as grounds to dismiss the assault case.  I think the only thing that saves Long in this case is if there’s clear literature stating his power and rights as the on-site security manager of the property, and very clear and unaltered time stamps of the video incidents of the initial banishment.

What I dislike about the whole scenario are all the people interviewed or quoted on the sidelines.  From the shop owners who are kind of glad he’s getting the axe so that there’s no chance of there being any video evidence of them selling illegal counterfeit merchandise, to the so-called witnesses of any of Long’s physical altercations with thugs; it’s like they’re all opposed to Long’s self-imposed mission to fight the good fight, and insinuate that he’s disturbing the peace.  Even in the embedded video, the witness to the fight that got Long arrested basically has this smugness in her tone, and makes sure to point out that the thug was actually getting the better of Long in the scuffle.

To me, these are most definitely people who are relishing in the fall and failure of a hero, who’s just trying to do the right thing; and I just don’t understand why people enjoy this so much.  Not just exclusively in the case of Darien Long, but all sorts of celebrities, heroes, and people attempting to just do good.

Man, What A Stupid Commercial #009

I have to imagine that this State Farm commercial’s objective is to get the viewer to think that the wife is psychotically jealous and suspicious that her husband is cheating on her and/or is into phone sex.  After all, she marches down the stairs, turns on the lights, snatches the phone away from her husband, and sternly inquires the person on the other line in an accusatory nature.

I have to imagine that the goal of the commercial is to paint the wife out to be the “villain” of the plot, while the husband and Jake, the State Farm agent are completely innocent.  Yeah well, I don’t think they did a very good job.  Which is why this commercial is stupid.

First is the fact that what kind of psycho decides that 3 AM is the best time to contact State Farm for insurance rate quotes?  And the fact that he’s standing in the living room in complete darkness doing this doesn’t seem completely odd at all?

You’d do that for me?

Hubby seems to think that State Farm is making some sort of personal exception for him, as if corporations treated every single person like unique individual flowers or snowflakes.  Fuck no, the line is forced into the dialogue to create the false scenario that he might be engaged in phone sex or some other raunchy illicit conversation.

But the biggest fallacy of the entire commercial is the husband himself.  The guy looks and sounds like a psychotic serial killer.  If they had cast any guy that didn’t look and sound like a child rapist in the first place, the whole conflict and reaction of the entire scenario might have played out a little bit more efficiently.  But the fact that he sounds like a chain smoker and looks like a creepy older Jason Segel doesn’t help draw any sympathy to him for having an overbearing wife.

This commercial fails on all accounts.  Ironically, I’m a State Farm customer.  If I weren’t so lazy, and it wasn’t like pulling teeth to do it, this might actually inspire me to change insurance companies.  If my premiums are going towards funding and producing putrid advertising like this, someone else has to be willing to charge me less, somewhere.

Sexism logic fail

Game is perceived to be sexist due to the fact that male protagonist must rescue female from the forces of bad.  In an attempt to nullify the perceived sexism, the game is re-created (plagiarized) with the male and female roles reversed.

…and this is considered NOT sexist how?

Murdering a murderer for committing murder doesn’t solve anything.  In the end, you still have someone who committed murder that is still alive and standing in the end, and is technically probably wanted by the authorities.  It’s a little extreme of an analogy but I think it’s valid; people who hack video games they think are sexist, and make a game where females rescue males aren’t solving anything either; in the end, they’ve produced a sexist game themselves.

Over the last few weeks, there’s been some buzz on the interwebs about sexism in video games, and two particular instances where people have hacked some classic Nintendo games in an attempt to fight an imaginary fight against sexism in video games.  One guy hacked Donkey Kong, and reversed the roles of Mario and Pauline, so that the player plays as Pauline who has to jump barrels, hammer living fireballs, and climb ladders to rescue Mario, who has been kidnapped by Donkey Kong.  A week later, someone hacked The Legend of Zelda, so that you play through the entire game as Princess Zelda, in the quest to gather the pieces of the Triforce and defeat Ganon and rescue Link.

What we have here are people attempting to fight against perceived misogyny by employing misandry.

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