It’s my opinion that today, we live in an era of antagonism. There are people out there that take pride in being an asshole and make conscious efforts to make life more difficult for their fellow human beings, be it by deliberately being contrarian, intentionally acting in manners that makes a situation difficult for another, or to go on the internet with no purpose but to grief, troll, and pick fights and antagonize others, under the safe veil of anonymity.
I think we live in a time where overall positively-connotative morals are at an all-time low, and because it’s been like such for so long, there’s a manner of acceptance of it in lots of cases. Some choose to laugh it off, others shake their heads at the state of our jaded society. Personally, I think I do a little of both; sometimes it’s funny, but sometimes, I just feel like I have no faith in humanity.
I read this article in Equire, about why people cheat on their spouses or significant others, and that the tone of the overall article is pretty much sympathetic and accepting of adulterous behavior. Keep in mind that the author of such an article is of your typical New York-residing liberal pseudo-feminist whose apparently also written a book simply titled after female canines and/or irrationally tempered women. But the following quote stood out to me:
More than I believe in the sanctity of union and promise, I believe that everybody cheats. If you have not cheated yet, it’s because you are still too grateful to be secure, or you have not yet had the opportunity, or the right color of red hair has not come along and sat down at the bar on a Tuesday when the jukebox was playing Leonard Cohen and your Manhattan tasted like the future.
Now not everyone knows this about me, but I’m a little bit sensitive to the topic of cheating. Likely because I’ve been cheated on before; granted, we were but idiot sixteen year olds who didn’t know what the fuck we wanted in life, but it was still the emotion-wrecking manner of witnessing a girl who agreed to be with me only to admit to a relationship with someone else whom she professed her love to in the midst of our relationship. Sure, I was young, but the feeling of rejection was prevalent then too, and apparently enough to shape me to who I am today in some manner.
Frankly, I disagree with such a notion.
I believe that everybody cheats.
I don’t. At least when it comes to relationships. I’ll cheat in a video game, or maybe exploit loosely-established rules during a zombie obstacle run, but I can’t say I would go behind the back of someone whom I’m in an established relationship with.
If you have not cheated yet, it’s because you are still too grateful to be secure, or you have not yet had the opportunity
What’s wrong with being grateful for having a relationship? I’m grateful to even have a girl smile and not seem completely disinterested in me, let alone establish a modicum of security. As for the opportunity part, even I couldn’t say that the seeds of opportunity didn’t exist for me at some point either. Sure, the thought crossed my mind, but a bigger voice in my head says that it’s wrong; it’s not even worth the stroke to my ego to see how close I could get to someone stroking my dick without actually stroking it.
But here’s the thing – apparently the article goes to great lengths to support evidence that there’s a whole lot of cheating going on in the world, and that it’s apparently okay. It kind of reminds me how anywhere on the internet where public voice can be heard, the nastiest, racist, vulgar and hateful statements will be made, but it’s so commonplace nowadays, that it’s not only acceptable, but almost expected to a degree.
So back to the query that started all this, if there’s so much adultery and cheating going on, and everyone does it, is it really sexy anymore? It seems like the part of the appeal to cheat goes along the lines of enjoying the forbidden fruit; establishing a relationship means everyone else is off the table, but managing to get access to the fruit makes it that much sweeter, since we technically shouldn’t be partaking in it. But if everyone’s done it before and still doing it now, isn’t it kind of … mainstream? I hate to use hipster logic to support my thinking, but it’s kind of valid here.
It can’t help that there are “services” like the pitiful eHarmony for cheaters, Ashley Madison, that “specialize” in hooking up people looking to cheat for the sake of being able to say the word “cheat,” and what goes along with it. But if there are services that are shedding so much light onto the act, is it so secretive and clandestine as it would be if done by yourself? Isn’t the sneaking around and the act of being secretive part of the arousal? Wouldn’t involving an internet matchmaking service kind of water that down just a smidge?
And if everyone’s doing it, couldn’t it just be said that there are probably people out there establishing paper relationships, for no other reason than to be able to say they’re cheating? Like I’m really attracted to Sallie, so I establish a relationship with Elizabeth just so I can cheat on her and go rail Sallie while she can cheat on me with Richard, because forbidden sex is sooooo hawt. But before Elizabeth and I were “together,” it wouldn’t work out, because Sallie couldn’t get her rocks off without the tawdry idea of nailing a married guy, and Richard really wanted to bang a married woman. If it’s fabricated, would it still be cheating?
I believe that the author is from another planet, one where cheating is acceptable. I also believe she’s kind of a tramp for, deliberate or not, tempting other men into cheating. I believe that this whole diatribe about why people cheat and why it’s apparently okay is kind of an attempted justification for her own admitted indiscretions and affairs with married men. I believe that this kind of mindset does not accurately represent the mindset of those in the world that exist outside of the planet of New York or any other superficial metrosexual, metropolitan planets of the world.
I believe that not everyone cheats, and that cheating in a relationship, is not okay.