I JUST WANT A BANANA SPLIT

Atlanta’s food scene is sometimes aggravating.  I can tell you about thirty different places where you could get an interesting taco or some barbecue, or where to get more tacos.  Tacos are very popular for some reason, which I can’t really complain about because I do like tacos too.  But the bottom line is that I know Atlanta has some pretty good eateries, the variety sometimes feels lacking; I have no idea where to go if I wanted a massively stuffed pastrami sandwich like what would be available at a classic New York Jewish deli.

But of all the recent food trends, the one that currently has my ire is the very much now overkill trend of frozen yogurt shops.  Specifically the ones that label themselves as “Fro Yo” because people are too fucking stupid to actually verbalize the words “frozen” and “yogurt.”  And I especially dislike the ones where customers have to serve themselves, with bucket-sized cups, soft-serve machines, and toppings where most fat people are too indulgent to show any restraint and end up spending $7+ on a bucket of frozen garbage.  When I go into an eatery, I’m paying money for people to do the fucking work for me, to serve me; not make me down my own fucking work.  And how stingy has the world become to where food is literally measured on a scale and charged by the ounce?  Eyeballing it, human error, and the honor system used to be sufficient, but now these fucking FroYo joints want to charge you every single penny including the weight of the cup for every transaction made at these shitty business models.

The unfortunate casualty to the frozen yogurt epidemic has clearly been ice cream.  Just about every single Baskin Robbins I can think of off the top of my head is either closed down, or is too far for any sort of normal convenience, and a lot of the smaller joints either are too mom and pop to advertise and be discovered, or are also, too few and far between for me to possibly visit within conventional reason.

I don’t really understand it either; they’re both cold, fattening, sugary concoctions, but for some reason, people seem to believe that frozen yogurt is akin to non-caloric water whereas ice cream is pure, frozen lard or something.  Neither is good for you in excess, yet the influx of frozen yogurt businesses has decimated the ice cream industry, as far as I’m concerned here in Atlanta.

It’s really saddening that people today have so little self-control that only way to implement any sort of restraint is to eliminate it outright.

I just want a fucking banana split.  And I can’t find anywhere to have one served to me.   I could identify at least ten places off the top of my head where you could get fucking froYo, but I can’t find anywhere remotely convenient where I could get a god damn banana split.  I don’t eat a lot of ice cream, because lactose does nightmares to my digestive system, but I really want a banana split lately.  I honestly wouldn’t be able to say when the last time I had one was, because it has been possibly over a decade by now.  I know they’re dietary nightmares on all accounts, but I would like at least one ice cream indulgence for the next decade.

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