![\"\"](\"http:\/\/totfc.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/billeveryman.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
There was once an episode of\u00a0King of the Hill<\/em>\u00a0somewhere in the 13th<\/sup>\u00a0season, where the non-Hank plot of the episode was that Peggy, Dale and Minh realized that Bill was the perfect representation of the every man in the United States, and basically that anything he liked was worth putting some chips into on the stock market.\u00a0Discreetly, of course.\u00a0After a while, the troika began to make some money on stock market, and started to enjoy some of the luxuries that an influx of cash provides.<\/span><\/p>\n Eventually, it slips to Bill that he\u2019s the guinea pig to them, and once made aware that his decisions had impact on others, the talent of inadvertently picking stock market winners vanishes as he becomes overly self-conscious of the things he likes, and the troika not only starts tanking at the stock market, they ultimately lose all their luxuries in the process and come back to zero.<\/span><\/p>\n Now there\u2019s absolutely nothing to be proud of in comparing myself to Bill Dauterive, because in the show\u2019s hierarchy, he\u2019s the world\u2019s biggest loser, in spite of his unknown wealthy background, fluency in Cajun French, and numerous talents, hidden because he\u2019s the show\u2019s punching bag.\u00a0But in context of this post, I do feel like I can sometimes relate in being somewhat of an everyman.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n I\u2019m not autistic (at least I hope I\u2019m not<\/em>) by any stretch of the imagination, but I do find a lot of solace in routine and consistency.\u00a0In the vast world of publicly available things that we as human beings like to take unofficial ownership of, I consider small victories throughout the day when I can get the parking spot I like to park in, the locker I like to store my shit in at the gym, the treadmill that I prefer to run on, and the stationary bicycle I like to ride for spin class.\u00a0In each of these circumstances, there are always plenty of other parking spots, lockers, treadmills and bicycles available, and I\u2019m definitely by no means taking the rockstar variants of any of them; I park far, I choose a far locker, the treadmill NOT behind the ellipticals the women use, and the bicycle not in the back corner where cheating is less seen.<\/span><\/p>\n Anyway though, in spite of the seemingly completely random locations in which I pick things to declare \u201cmy own,\u201d it turns out that in each and every one of them, I\u2019ll never be capable of keeping ownership for long, because inevitably someone else will always decide that they want them too.\u00a0And it\u2019s never (at least I think) cases of where I put my flag in someone else\u2019s property or anything, because in often times there\u2019s never anyone there before I show up.<\/span><\/p>\n I simply just do not get it.\u00a0I deliberately pick things that appear to be unpopular so that I can stake my claim to it without having to worry about others wanting it, but inevitably, someone will take them from me.<\/span><\/p>\n Like\u00a0the parking spot<\/a>\u00a0\u2013 when I first started working here, nobody ever parked there.\u00a0It was empty every single morning before I realized that I was going to be a mainstay with this company, and I decided to stake claim to it to establish a routine.\u00a0But now, I\u2019ve got at least three other motherfuckers who decide that they want this out-of-the-way spot on a daily basis, and if I\u2019m anywhere from 5-15 minutes behind on my morning routine, I\u2019m probably not going to get it.<\/span><\/p>\n Out of the 300 available lockers at my gym, the one I prefer isn\u2019t exactly in prime real estate.\u00a0It\u2019s far from the sinks, showers and toilets, and the television nearest to it is always tuned into FOX News.\u00a0But it was always available, so I decided that it should be my daily locker.\u00a0This too, wouldn\u2019t last, the few mornings I arrive, and see someone else\u2019s red or blue Master locks adorning the hinge.<\/span><\/p>\n Recently, I lost another unofficial belonging, which serves as the impetus for this post in the first place.\u00a0Every Tuesday is spin class at noon, and I like to use the exact same stationary bicycle, in the precise spot where I started a little over a year ago.\u00a0The thing is, amongst people I know, very few people actually spin.\u00a0Most are content to smugly voice their opinion that spin classes are gay and\/or are for middle-aged women and bored housewives.\u00a0I don\u2019t care, because I find it to be excellent cardio and I\u2019m mildly attracted to the instructor.<\/span><\/p>\n Anyway, I show up to the spin area 15 minutes early like I normally do, so that I can warm up and get in some extra time to burn some more calories and overachieve in class, and I find that someone has put their shit all over the one bike that I like to use.\u00a0Out of the 30+ bicycles in the entire room, someone chose\u00a0mine.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Seriously, what the fuck?<\/span><\/p>\n And since this was a class that hadn\u2019t started yet, I was going to see the asshole who decided to take my bike.<\/span><\/p>\n Sure enough, it\u2019s some fat fucking noob I\u2019ve never seen in class before.\u00a0With a dopey sweatband around his head to draw attention away from his receding hairline like a fat white LeBron James.<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s bad enough that he took my bike, but as class started, it turned out that he also smelled.\u00a0I\u2019m not saying it because I\u2019m dissatisfied with his existence due to what theft he has committed, the truth of the matter is that the motherfucker really did smell.\u00a0Like straight up mildew.\u00a0I\u2019m not certain if it was emanating from his body, or the clothing he wore, but the fact is, every time he moved, or toweled himself off (which was often, because he was a fat, out of shape but at least he\u2019s trying to do something about it but I\u2019m not here to defend him because I hate him, sweaty fuck), an unpleasant mildew odor would waft.\u00a0I know it\u2019s him too, because there is a pretty regular group of people who also spin when I do, and we\u2019ve all kind of been near each other at one point or another, and never have I smelled such a rancid smell in class before.<\/span><\/p>\n But yeah, I can\u2019t even have a regular routine stationary bike anymore, thanks to some fat gross piece of shit that seems to have the inadvertent precision preference to select the one bike out of 30+ that the most anal-retentive, routine-oriented person in the class has declared as their own.<\/span><\/p>\n The thing is, it\u2019s not like I can be like Bill and screw other people up.\u00a0I\u2019m far too perceptive of the obvious routines of others, and far too respectful to not encroach upon their own pursuits of consistency.\u00a0Taking the shit of others because someone has taken my shit doesn\u2019t make anything right.\u00a0It\u2019s really that noobs should fucking respect their elders and show up late, to\u00a0everything<\/strong>, see what\u2019s not taken, and then take their cues that what\u2019s leftover is up for grabs, for them to mold and shape into their own routines, until they\u2019re no longer noobs anymore.<\/span><\/p>\n Seriously though, fuck all the people who take my unofficially mine shit.\u00a0They need to learn their roles, and pay their dues too.Freedom ain\u2019t free.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" There was once an episode of\u00a0King of the Hill\u00a0somewhere in the 13th\u00a0season, where the non-Hank plot of the episode was that Peggy, Dale and Minh realized that Bill was the perfect representation of the every man in the United States, and basically that anything he liked was worth putting some chips into on the stock … Continue reading Sometimes I feel like Bill from King of the Hill<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[109,15,48,69,124,49],"class_list":["post-38002","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-brog","tag-gym","tag-og","tag-parking","tag-television","tag-trolls","tag-wtf"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38002","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=38002"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38002\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":38004,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38002\/revisions\/38004"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=38002"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=38002"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=38002"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}