{"id":38342,"date":"2014-03-04T22:23:58","date_gmt":"2014-03-05T02:23:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=38342"},"modified":"2020-07-10T22:24:07","modified_gmt":"2020-07-11T02:24:07","slug":"zelda-fights-arent-as-epic-in-real-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=38342","title":{"rendered":"Zelda fights aren\u2019t as epic in real life"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/Y2Bn3P8a5Jk?controls=0&amp;start=15\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-38344 alignright\" src=\"http:\/\/totfc.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/epic_zelda_fight.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"127\" height=\"216\" \/><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\"><span style=\"font-family: Lora; font-size: 12pt;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.click2houston.com\/news\/2014\/03\/04\/two-men-hospitalized-after-legend-of-zelda-sword-stabbing\/\">Long story short<\/a>: girl has argument with live-in boyfriend, girl calls ex-husband for consoling. Ex-husband arrives to house, confrontation with boyfriend erupts. Boyfriend happens to be a Link-cosplaying nerd, runs to <span style=\"text-decoration: line-through;\">Lost Woods<\/span> bedroom to grab Master Sword replica to defend himself with. Husband is stabbed and slashed a few times by very real-bladed sword, but gets in some offense himself by breaking a pot over boyfriend\u2019s head, before authorities arrive.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Lora; font-size: 12pt;\">Imagine the arrogant, shit-eating grin on my face while I was reading this. Some days it\u2019s really difficult for me to find something to write about, but occasionally there\u2019s a story like this that just makes writing so fun.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Lora; font-size: 12pt;\">I mean seriously, there\u2019s really not a whole lot I can add to the linked story, other than being the arrogant, third-party bystander who inserts his own judgment and opinion, but mostly judgment. And the GIF that I made, I\u2019m real amused by that, and want everyone to see it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Lora; font-size: 12pt;\">Nothing seems to indicate the legal outcome of the brawl, but really does it even matter? By association, it\u2019s a safe bet that the girlfriend and her ex-husband are also gigantic dorks, if Link himself is a IT nerd in the day (presumed, but look at him in the video, what else could he possibly do for a living?) but a cosplay superstar during convention weekends with his very-real Master Sword replica. The magnitude of such sissy-fighting between the two dudes had to have been incredible, and I would have paid money to have been able to see it as it transpired.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Lora; font-size: 12pt;\">Obviously, not lost is the fact that I&#8217;m also a huge nerd who isn&#8217;t a stranger to dressing up and dabbles with occasional prop making. However, nothing I&#8217;ve ever made or own as a replica wouldn&#8217;t be capable of any efficient offensive abilities other than a one-time blunt force attempt before shattering into a hundred pieces.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Lora; font-size: 12pt;\">The only thing that would have made this entire altercation better is if Link tried to throw a boomerang at the charging ex-husband, with hopes that it would stun him for a few seconds to where he could gain the upper hand.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Lora; font-size: 12pt;\">Regardless, ex-husband should be lucky that Link didn\u2019t whip out the bombs, because if they were anything like his Master Sword, they would probably have been functional, and all three of them would\u2019ve been fucked.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Lora; font-size: 12pt;\">Alright, I\u2019m done amusing myself with the Zelda analogies. Hahahahaha.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Long story short: girl has argument with live-in boyfriend, girl calls ex-husband for consoling. Ex-husband arrives to house, confrontation with boyfriend erupts. Boyfriend happens to be a Link-cosplaying nerd, runs to Lost Woods bedroom to grab Master Sword replica to defend himself with. Husband is stabbed and slashed a few times by very real-bladed sword, &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=38342\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Zelda fights aren\u2019t as epic in real life<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[112,76,30,15,91,19],"class_list":["post-38342","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-brog","tag-crime","tag-geeks","tag-justice","tag-og","tag-pf","tag-video-games"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38342","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=38342"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38342\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":38345,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38342\/revisions\/38345"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=38342"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=38342"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=38342"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}