{"id":46949,"date":"2020-05-25T14:32:02","date_gmt":"2020-05-25T18:32:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=46949"},"modified":"2020-08-13T14:32:13","modified_gmt":"2020-08-13T18:32:13","slug":"new-father-brogging-009","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=46949","title":{"rendered":"New Father Brogging, #009"},"content":{"rendered":"

Today was quite the day, and not in a particularly positive manner.\u00a0 I had a day in which I was mostly stressed out on account of the fact that I just felt as if I were kind of losing myself because I just didn\u2019t have any time for myself, because I have to spend so much time in the day doing the same things over and over again, all pertaining to the obvious care of an infant child.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Obviously I know what I signed up for, and that this was to be expected, so it leads to a tremendous amount of guilt over the fact that I felt such feelings in the first place, so then I try to compensate for my selfishness by trying harder, but then getting similar results and triggers that compounds my frustration, creating this unfortunate cycle of feeling exasperated.<\/span><\/p>\n

Currently, my child is dealing with a lot of reflux issues, which is pretty common for babies similar to mine, so on a day like today, I\u2019d been thrown up on several times.\u00a0 I do not fault my kid, as she is still a baby and has little control over these such things, but it is disheartening to get thrown up on all the same.\u00a0 Additionally, she\u2019s in this current state where she\u2019s either actively eating, or is fussy unless she\u2019s being held.\u00a0 In either state, she requires hands-on attention, and when either mythical wife or I are providing such hands-on attention, we have no capabilities of doing anything else really.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve become somewhat adept at doing some things one-handed to where I can at least kind of dick around on my phone while nursing or trying to coax a baby to relaxation, or I can watch television, and I\u2019m surprised at how fast we\u2019re going through things on Netflix these days.<\/span><\/p>\n

But what I can\u2019t do are the perpetually mounting tasks, daily chores and routine dog relief while on baby duty, much less anything I want to do for my own gratification, and as I watch the minutes tick away into hours, and then suddenly it\u2019s only a few hours left before the day\u2019s end, and all of this starts all over again, and then I mentally feel defeated, and that I\u2019m losing myself because I just can\u2019t find the time to do anything at all, whether it\u2019s necessary tasks or personal ones.\u00a0 Either I feel like the chores are going to overwhelm me, or I won\u2019t get to do anything for myself ever again, and both lead to me feeling negative.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Additionally, a conversation with my sister was a reminder that nobody in my family has actually gotten to meet my baby, thanks to fucking coronavirus.\u00a0 This weekend was supposed to be the weekend in which my sister and dad would\u2019ve come to meet the baby, and my mom would\u2019ve been here a week ago, and have already acquainted herself, but thanks to Chinese wet markets, those plans went up in smoke.<\/span><\/p>\n

I know they\u2019ll eventually get their chance to meet my child, but what makes me sad is that I already feel like she\u2019s growing so rapidly like a weed, and they\u2019ve all already missed the stage in her life when she was but a tiny newborn baby that was asleep for 16-18 hours of the day, and wore the tiniest and cutest little newborn outfits.\u00a0 Given the fact that we still have no idea when the coast will ever be clear, we have no planned timeline when they can meet her, and who knows just how much bigger and how much of her growth they\u2019ll have missed by the time that occasion comes.<\/span><\/p>\n

All in all, I\u2019ve had kind of a trying day, and the only reason I\u2019ve had the capability to write this much at all is solely based on the fact that mythical wife saw me fried and took the bullet and went on full-isolation baby duty, to where I could actually have a small window of time in which I could actually get some shit done and have a little bit of time for myself.\u00a0 Obviously, this doesn\u2019t make me feel that great either because she clearly saw me smoldering to have graciously given herself up like such and I\u2019m lucky to have a partner who can identify when I\u2019m needing some help.<\/span><\/p>\n

We know thing will eventually get easier, but this was definitely one of those days in which being parents for the first time sure felt a little bit overwhelming.\u00a0 My wife and kid are all that really matter to me, so I feel like a dick when I feel like I want some personal time to do things that only serve me.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today was quite the day, and not in a particularly positive manner.\u00a0 I had a day in which I was mostly stressed out on account of the fact that I just felt as if I were kind of losing myself because I just didn\u2019t have any time for myself, because I have to spend so … Continue reading New Father Brogging, #009<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[194,193,71,192,52],"class_list":["post-46949","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-brog","tag-coronavirus","tag-dad","tag-famiry","tag-kids","tag-owned"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46949","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=46949"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46949\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":46950,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46949\/revisions\/46950"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=46949"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=46949"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=46949"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}