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You know what I\u2019ve found out to be an extraordinarily harder task than I imagine it would be?<\/span><\/p>\n Finding a landscaper.<\/span><\/p>\n With baby #2 on the way, and my general limits already pressed past capacity on a regular basis, mythical wife and I decided that perhaps we\u2019re long overdue to just hire landscapers to take care of cutting the grass and making it HOA\/NIMBY Karen-proof at the very least.\u00a0 I had done it for the vast majority of the time we\u2019ve lived here, and it\u2019s never been easy because I have a lot of grass I\u2019m expected to cut, so we\u2019ve decided to bite the bullet and just pay people to take care of the problems that we don\u2019t want to deal with.<\/span><\/p>\n I would say that 75% of the homes in my neighborhood have landscapers, but getting any of them to come and service my property has proven to be as frustrating as one of those speedbike levels in Battletoads<\/em>.\u00a0 For the landscapers that have actual names, branding or contact information on their company\u2019s vehicles, literally none of them ever return my phone calls or reply to my emails.\u00a0 For landscapers that people have referred me to, it\u2019s easy to speak to any one of them once, but again, getting any sort of follow-up is pulling teeth.\u00a0 And then, there are all sorts of landscapers with no identifiable affiliation that are teams of efficient Hispanic men who show up, get the job done, and then gtfo before I can get shoes on and try and stop them to ask for service; those are the types of guys I\u2019d want, but it\u2019s like they\u2019re a shiny Pok\u00e9mon and hard to catch.<\/span><\/p>\n I think I\u2019ve finally gotten someone now, but it\u2019s only been one cut so far, and this guy services one of my neighbors, so the jury\u2019s still out on his affordability, but I have to say that I never would\u2019ve thought it would be such a colossal pain in the ass to get a landscaper, and I hope I don\u2019t have to deal with this again any time soon.<\/span><\/p>\n Anyway, because theFacebook is scary and clearly listening in on conversations and\/or my general rants about the frustrations of landscaping, I started getting targeted ads for this robotic mower made by Husqvarna, that looks like a miniature Batmobile.\u00a0 Now there\u2019s a rich guy\u2019s house outside my subdivision, where I\u2019ve driven past, and seen a little robotic mower doing its job at the edge of his property; it looked like a little lawn version of a Roomba.<\/span><\/p>\n It also felt a little Black Mirror<\/em>-ish to me that the idea of robotic mowers exist now in the first place, because it\u2019s one part the pinnacle of human laziness, that robots that cut grass have emerged in the real world, but also to go back to that Black Mirror thought, one step closer to having machines dominate us like Maximum Overdrive<\/em>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Regardless, something that looks like a Roomba doesn\u2019t seem as insidious or intimidating if they were to go rogue and try to kill humanity, I feel like I could probably stomp on it like a goomba from Super Mario Bros<\/em>. if one tried to revolt against its makers and snuff out the rebellion.<\/span><\/p>\n But one that looks like Husqvarna\u2019s Batmobile?\u00a0 This little motherfucker looks like it might have some machine guns that will emerge from some hidden compartments and end my life if it chose to.\u00a0 It basically looks like it was already sprayed with that shit from Transformers<\/em><\/a> that turned a Nokia into a killer robot, except that the Batmobile is just laying dormant in standby mode and not yet ready to kill everything in sight.\u00a0 It looks like it\u2019s ready to team up with the robot dogs from that one episode of Black Mirror<\/a> to go on hunting sprees for remaining human life.<\/span><\/p>\n All the same, if it didn\u2019t cost $4,000, I think I\u2019d want one.\u00a0 The idea that this little murder mower would run constantly in order to keep the lawn short always versus landscapers coming weekly\/bi-weekly is appealing in that I\u2019d have to interact with nobody ever, and on a long enough timeline, it would probably pay itself off fairly efficiently.\u00a0 But a $4,000 tab is a tough pill to swallow, when there are several other things that I\u2019d probably want to do with my property to where that would be better spent in a lump sum.<\/span><\/p>\n But it would be great at deterring assholes who let their dogs shit on my property, if something that looked like the Batmobile were patrolling my yard, to menacingly threaten people and their pets away.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" You know what I\u2019ve found out to be an extraordinarily harder task than I imagine it would be? Finding a landscaper. With baby #2 on the way, and my general limits already pressed past capacity on a regular basis, mythical wife and I decided that perhaps we\u2019re long overdue to just hire landscapers to take … Continue reading I would like a small Batmobile to curate my lawn pls<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[140,100,121],"class_list":["post-47828","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-brog","tag-comics","tag-comparison","tag-homeownership"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47828","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=47828"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47828\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":47830,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47828\/revisions\/47830"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=47828"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=47828"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=47828"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}