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<\/p>\nI\u2019ve mentioned before that one of my favorite internet meme images on the internet is the white couple, with the black baby, and there\u2019s a big OWNED in Impact font, pointing at the guy. Sure, that\u2019s a funny image and all, and it\u2019s not so much the racist undertones of it that I find funny as much as it simply is the concept of why the guy is OWNED. It\u2019s irrelevant to whether or not the baby were adopted, or fathered in, or out of wedlock, by obviously a black man, but the fact that he is OWNED, because he is clearly stuck in a situation where he\u2019s raising someone else\u2019s kids. It\u2019s funny in a sad, thank god it\u2019s not me kind of way, and I am amused by it immensely.<\/p>\n
This past weekend, I spent worked an emergency weekend shift at the Renaissance Faire. It was not my preference, but it was most certainly a personal solid done for a close friend, and it\u2019s not like I did it for free. But it\u2019s still burning an entire weekend, putting myself in the lowest of worst retail situations, peddling wares to a bunch of cheap rednecks who would rather spend their money on turkey legs, overpriced \u201cale and wynne,\u201d and unfittingly, samurai swords. Regardless, with the help of Miss Sarah, we tried to make the best of a bad situation, by doing what any snarky retail dreg workers do \u2013 judging strangers, and fabricating stories about them. The following series of posts will be a recollection of my weekend at the faire, and the assumed true stories about the people we watched, that made the weekend just a little more bearable.<\/p>\n
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At a gathering of mutual friends, Mary met Bill. Mary was moderately attractive. Mary also had one too many margaritas, and Bill was more than happy to oblige Mary. Once conscious, sober, and unknowingly pregnant, Mary realized just what a fat fuck of a mistake she had made. After the weeks of initial morning sickness progressed, Mary realized she had a problem. Through the network of mutual friends, Mary managed to get Bill\u2019s contact number, and gave him a call.<\/p>\n
\u201cHello, Bill? It\u2019s me, Mary.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cAw shit, Mary? How are ya, sweetheart?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cLook Bill, I\u2019m just going to cut to the chase. I\u2019m pregnant.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cAw shit, darlin\u2019. Are you sure a\u2019hm the daddy?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cYes. I haven\u2019t\u2026 you know, since then<\/strong>.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cAw shit.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cYeah. So, I don\u2019t really know what to do next\u2014\u201c<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cAw shit, hon. A\u2019hm a man o\u2019 honor. Let\u2019s get married, and raise this kid together.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Mary, completely mind-fucked due to hormones and desperation, considers this abrupt proposal. Despite her age, and decent genetic makeup that would likely lead to her being capable of cougaring-up the singles scene post-child, she still comes to the conclusion that she isn\u2019t going to have a chance at marriage at a later time. With tears of false happiness due to hormones, she decides to keep the baby and marry Bill.<\/p>\n At the day of the wedding, Mary noticed two largely rotund kids hanging around Bill after the ceremony. Puzzled, Mary asked Bill about the two children who appeared to be on the same genetic path outcome that Bill was currently at.<\/p>\n \u201cAw shit, babe. Ah forgot to mention, ah got two kids already\u2014WAYNE! DESIREE! Come meet your new ma! She\u2019s carrying your future baby sister in there!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n OWNED.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I\u2019ve mentioned before that one of my favorite internet meme images on the internet is the white couple, with the black baby, and there\u2019s a big OWNED in Impact font, pointing at the guy. Sure, that\u2019s a funny image and all, and it\u2019s not so much the racist undertones of it that I find funny … Continue reading A weekend at the faire – Female OWNED<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[83,15,52],"class_list":["post-29143","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-brog","tag-observations","tag-og","tag-owned"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29143","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=29143"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29143\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":29145,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29143\/revisions\/29145"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=29143"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=29143"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=29143"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}