{"id":40294,"date":"2015-04-07T21:49:38","date_gmt":"2015-04-08T01:49:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=40294"},"modified":"2020-07-15T21:49:48","modified_gmt":"2020-07-16T01:49:48","slug":"feelin-mediocre","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=40294","title":{"rendered":"Feelin\u2019 mediocre"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m having one of those afternoons where I am disappointed, dejected and more or less bummed out.\u00a0 Naturally, I had a train cart full of thoughts and emotions swirling around my head while I was driving home, but now that I\u2019m behind the keys, I can\u2019t seem to put any words down to convey how I\u2019m feeling.<\/span><\/p>\n

For starters, it all began with the fact that my submission didn\u2019t make it into the\u00a0Capcom Fighting Tribute<\/em>\u00a0book being released by Udon.\u00a0 I knew the odds of getting in were pretty slim, given the fact that I was years out of practice when it comes to illustrating, but I honestly thought that I had a pretty winning idea, that if the right people understood what I was trying to convey, I might have a shot, on a humor route.\u00a0 I liked my idea more than my art, and you can\u2019t hit home runs if you don\u2019t step to the plate, so regardless, I sent my submission out, and waited the month of anticipation and excitement with an alleged thousands of artists.<\/span><\/p>\n

I can\u2019t say I\u2019m the least bit surprised when I found out that I didn\u2019t make it into the book, because frankly there are a billion outrageously good artists out there in the world who make my best shot look like a toddler\u2019s drawing of the American flag with seven stars and four stripes, and many more that won\u2019t\/didn\u2019t get into the book much like me.\u00a0 However, it doesn\u2019t change the fact that I feel kind of crushed and defeated, nonetheless.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Eventually, I got to thinking about what accolades or achievements I\u2019ve had in my life in general, and then it occurred to me that I really don\u2019t have any; and then the snowball of self-loathing really began rolling down the hill.\u00a0 Naturally, this thought process eventually devolves into the question \u201cwhat have you done with your life,\u201d and \u201cwhat are you going to do with your life,\u201d with the natural response being along the lines of \u201cI don\u2019t fucking know\u201d in a frustrated manner.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ultimately, I\u2019m feeling like that I\u2019m simply not good at anything.\u00a0 Not to a level where I can get notoriety or attention, and make me feel all warm and fuzzy and good at things to give me a sense of validation.\u00a0 But really, I think about things like my job, the things I like to do, the things I try to do, and I simply feel like on all available routes, I\u2019m simply mediocre at everything I do.<\/span><\/p>\n

This feeling will obviously subside, and it\u2019s not lost on me to be this dejected at failing to succeed in a contest where thousands of vastly more superior artists will also fail to succeed, but I guess I just really had my heart set on this one, and I foolishly actually let my hopes get too high.<\/span><\/p>\n

But god damn, do I feel really absolutely worthless and frustrated right now<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m having one of those afternoons where I am disappointed, dejected and more or less bummed out.\u00a0 Naturally, I had a train cart full of thoughts and emotions swirling around my head while I was driving home, but now that I\u2019m behind the keys, I can\u2019t seem to put any words down to convey how … Continue reading Feelin\u2019 mediocre<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[36,130,104,45,15],"class_list":["post-40294","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-brog","tag-angst","tag-art","tag-depression","tag-fail","tag-og"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40294","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=40294"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40294\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40295,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40294\/revisions\/40295"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=40294"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=40294"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=40294"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}