{"id":42441,"date":"2016-06-16T23:07:46","date_gmt":"2016-06-17T03:07:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=42441"},"modified":"2020-07-20T23:08:08","modified_gmt":"2020-07-21T03:08:08","slug":"part-of-why-i-write-so-much","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=42441","title":{"rendered":"Part of why I write so much"},"content":{"rendered":"

I had a disheartening train of thought recently, that I don\u2019t feel like anyone really listens to the things I say.\u00a0 Say, as in voice, when I speak, the words that come out of my mouth.\u00a0 Sure, I know that I\u2019m often accused of mumbling, that I clearly must have some sort of mush-mouth, and it makes me self-conscious when I speak, and I sometimes catch myself trying hard to enunciate everything with more fervor than the average speaker probably does.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Regardless of my shitty-sounding voice, sometimes I get in my head that I don\u2019t think anyone\u2019s listening.\u00a0 People will indulge me and grant me their immediate attention when words are coming out of my mouth, but I don\u2019t frankly think many people actually listen, care, or are really actually paying attention.<\/span><\/p>\n

I understand that we all as people have a million things going on, and I get that sometimes these things occupy a tremendous amount of space in our heads.\u00a0 I grew up with probably what would be diagnosed as ADD as a kid, and got my ass beat by my mom because I had difficulty listening and paying attention.\u00a0 Whether it was through overcompensation, the fact that it might not actually be a real ailment, or my general wanting-to-please-others mentality, I think that I\u2019ve become quite a decent listener to what other people have to say, but especially lately I don\u2019t feel that such courtesy is reciprocated on a pretty wide scale.<\/span><\/p>\n

My own parents don\u2019t really listen to me, and in spite of how often they ask me to do their menial correspondence for them, the instructions that I give that might just actually make their lives and my life a little bit easier are often times construed as suggestion, and I, or my sister have to end up doing them anyway.\u00a0 Neither of them could tell anyone what I\u2019m currently into, what kind of car I drive, and have shreds of doubt when it comes to recollecting how old I am.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Those whom I speak with often, I feel like I bore with the things I bring up, because I know that I have a tendency to latch onto particular topics for periods of time, like how much I hate new stadium constructions, the amusement I get out of Hulk Hogan taking down Gawker, and the varying degrees of fucking up the City of Atlanta seems to do on a regular basis.\u00a0 Yes, I talk about things like such, because they interest me, and I might just actually want to talk about them.<\/span><\/p>\n

I bring them up in conversation because it sometimes feels like nobody else wants to speak, to converse, to communicate.\u00a0 I\u2019m putting myself out there, because I want to engage other people, have conversations, stimulate my brain potentially.\u00a0 And lately, it just all feels for naught, because whether I\u2019m a boring person, or everyone\u2019s heard everything I\u2019ve already said before at some point, I\u2019m just getting the impression that nobody gives a fuck about anything I have to say.\u00a0 I get accused of being \u2018obsessed\u2019 with topics, or have people try and finish my stories and diatribes for me, because they know they\u2019ve heard similarly from me before.<\/span><\/p>\n

This is probably a contributor to why I\u2019ve shied away from social media recently, and turned my back on writing gigs in the past.\u00a0 It\u2019s exasperating when you put yourself out there, only to either fall on deaf ears or blind eyes, or when people are only waiting for you to put points out there, and only are willing to counterpoint, instead of actually putting out their own points themselves.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Nobody wants to create content, but everyone is quick to argue it.\u00a0 I don\u2019t believe the world should operate that way; if you can\u2019t catch, don\u2019t pitch, if you can\u2019t cook, stay out of the kitchen, and other similar anecdotes.<\/span><\/p>\n

When I feel that others are tired of hearing about the things that interest me, I have a tendency to go silent.\u00a0 Think about them instead.\u00a0 Formulate words in my head that I can write out in text, and push them onto a brog that only six people care to read.<\/span><\/p>\n

I write because when the thoughts in my head are snuffed out in vocal form, they can never be snuffed out in written word.\u00a0 They never go away regardless of if people listen or actually care when I say them.\u00a0 When I write, I don\u2019t have anyone telling me I\u2019m obsessing, or that they\u2019ve heard the story before.\u00a0 When I write, I don\u2019t have to feel conscious that I\u2019m boring anyone, because when the day is over, what\u2019s great about words is that it\u2019s completely voluntary whether another human being wants to read them or not.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes, the mythical six people are the only ones that I find solace in; I may not know who they are, why they\u2019re so silent, but as long as it feels like anyone is listening, anonymous and quiet as they may be, it feels like my words aren\u2019t a total waste.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I had a disheartening train of thought recently, that I don\u2019t feel like anyone really listens to the things I say.\u00a0 Say, as in voice, when I speak, the words that come out of my mouth.\u00a0 Sure, I know that I\u2019m often accused of mumbling, that I clearly must have some sort of mush-mouth, and … Continue reading Part of why I write so much<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[36,92,71,156],"class_list":["post-42441","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-brog","tag-angst","tag-boredom","tag-famiry","tag-social-media"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42441","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=42441"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42441\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":42442,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42441\/revisions\/42442"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=42441"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=42441"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=42441"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}