{"id":42589,"date":"2016-08-08T23:32:16","date_gmt":"2016-08-09T03:32:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=42589"},"modified":"2020-07-22T23:32:48","modified_gmt":"2020-07-23T03:32:48","slug":"the-most-nova-story-ever","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=42589","title":{"rendered":"The most NOVA story ever"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Short story shorter<\/a>: woman in smarmy Mercedes-Benz somehow manages to not just crash, but wedge her car stuck onto the bumper of a smarmier $300,000 Ferrari<\/span><\/p>\n

Watching the corresponding video to this tragic<\/em> story, all I could think about was the issues that fictional Eagletonians dealt with in fictional Parks and Recreation<\/em>; shit like not enough lobster at the soiree, or the mineral water content in the urinals being not up to par.<\/span><\/p>\n

But this is pretty much the most Northern Virginia story ever to happen.\u00a0 A WASP pretending like they\u2019re rich and white privileged, somehow managing to not just hit, but basically run over and get stuck on top of an extremely overpriced and expensive status symbol with wheels; owned by another WASP.\u00a0 Not to mention the Benz had a vanity plate reading \u201cDER BNZ\u201d because nothing is WASPier than needing to let everyone know that your car is definitely of a German manufacturer.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Seriously, I don\u2019t even know how something like this occurs.\u00a0 There\u2019s the obvious gender joke here that could suffice, but I\u2019m still trying to wrap my brain around the physics of it all, how a car ends up on top of another car in this kind of manner.\u00a0 Whether it\u2019s the biff of biffs when it comes to parallel parking, or she absolutely did not feel the wheel hit the curb when parking, and just kept applying gas until she was on top of the Ferrari, undeniably, there\u2019s a degree of ignorance here.<\/span><\/p>\n

Not to be ignored is the fact that all of this took place in Great Falls, pretty much the de facto richest part of Northern Virginia outside of actual Washington D.C. real estate.\u00a0 A place where Resident Evil<\/em>-like mansions sit, tastefully distanced from the closets neighbors, where residents can boast natural boundaries such as wildlife, rock formations and rapid divides of water that keeps NOVA\u2019s burgeoning Middle Eastern and Asian populations out without the necessity of any walls.<\/span><\/p>\n

The whole scene is hilarious to me.\u00a0 Naturally, nobody is helping, because everyone is recording the whole thing on their phones.\u00a0 The woman in the Benz exacerbates the problem by trying to drive back off<\/em> it and pushing the gas, resulting in more damage.\u00a0 And then the owner of the Ferrari comes out, looking as Ryan Jones as I\u2019d have imagined him, cursing up a storm, while the woman driving the Benz emerges, exclaiming her shock.<\/span><\/p>\n

But I think my favorite part is the guy reminding everyone that \u201cat least nobody is hurt\u201d in a deadpan manner, right before the video ends.\u00a0 Because you know the Ferrari owner probably exploded about how he doesn\u2019t care that nobody is hurt, because his nine-inch penis on wheels has some cosmetic damage.\u00a0 Or said something like \u201cWELL SOMEONE IS ABOUT TO BE\u201d in a manner that he would only dare say to a white woman and not a male of any ethnicity.<\/span><\/p>\n

But to briefly recap, a Mercedes hits a Ferrari, outside of a coffee shop, in Great Falls.\u00a0 Yep, about as NOVA as hating Afghans, loving gentrification and replacing Giant Food grocery stores with Asian supermarkets.\u00a0 And the amazing thing is just how viral this went, where a fender-bender between two white people in a small privileged community gets picked up by global news outlets.\u00a0 I wonder how many minorities were killed in senseless deaths went unnoticed in the same time frame?<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Short story shorter: woman in smarmy Mercedes-Benz somehow manages to not just crash, but wedge her car stuck onto the bumper of a smarmier $300,000 Ferrari Watching the corresponding video to this tragic story, all I could think about was the issues that fictional Eagletonians dealt with in fictional Parks and Recreation; shit like not … Continue reading The most NOVA story ever<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[51,79,45,52,27],"class_list":["post-42589","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-brog","tag-cars","tag-cashmoney","tag-fail","tag-owned","tag-virginia"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42589","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=42589"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42589\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":42592,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42589\/revisions\/42592"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=42589"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=42589"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=42589"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}