{"id":44326,"date":"2016-12-22T22:06:51","date_gmt":"2016-12-23T02:06:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=44326"},"modified":"2020-07-28T22:06:59","modified_gmt":"2020-07-29T02:06:59","slug":"it-only-took-four-seasons","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=44326","title":{"rendered":"It only took four seasons"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

(**spoilers alert**<\/strong> I\u2019m sure I\u2019m the only person who really watches 90 Day Fiance<\/em>)<\/span><\/p>\n

But it looks like we\u2019ve finally got the failure to launch that I\u2019ve been pining for since the series began.\u00a0 Listen, I don\u2019t know when the show actually aired, because watched the entire season via TLC GO at my own leisure, and I don\u2019t know if anyone other than me actually cares about the show, but damn it, I just finished it, so here we stand with me writing about it, for a brog that is still down for eight months going.<\/span><\/p>\n

Anyway yeah, I\u2019ve been hoping for a failure since the show started.\u00a0 The show has always kind of had a particular dynamic, with almost a formulaic dichotomy of couples each season, with there being at least one layup of a couple that would make it to the altar with minimal disruptions, but everyone else would have varying degrees of obstacles and hangups that left viewers wondering if they would make it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Eventually, it became apparent by season 2, that for the sake of television, the success rate for all couples was extremely high, as frankly no couple wanted to be the couple that failed for television, and by the time season 3 wound down, I was pretty resigned to the fact that every couple was going to make it, regardless of what might happen after the cameras stop rolling. No matter how unlikely the compatibility between Mike & Aziza or Jason & Cassia seemed, they were going to make it.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Season 3 had a legit contender in the 58-year old Mark trying to wed a 19-year old Nikki, because their age gap was larger than a canyon and Mark had a daughter and several other children all, older than his bride.\u00a0 But they made it too, spoiler alert.<\/span><\/p>\n

And let\u2019s not get started on Danielle & Mohamed, whom were the breakout stars of the franchise, so dysfunctional and magnets for chaos that TLC has pretty much put cameras on their existences permanently now, with hopes of milking the cows until they run dry or die.\u00a0 In spite of the obvious sham, even they<\/em> got hitched, regardless of how much of a disaster the aftermath has turned into, much to the chagrin of TLC and sadists like me.<\/span><\/p>\n

Needless to say, I watched season 4 with a resigned expectation that every couple was going to succeed.\u00a0 And as has often been the case with prior season, 90 Day provided several couples where one couple was pretty much a layup (Matt & Alla), and several other couples with some major roadblocks, but nothing completely insurmountable in pursuit of not wanting to be seen failing on national cable television:<\/span><\/p>\n

Chantel & Pedro<\/strong> \u2013 frankly, this couple really should have been a second layup for the show.\u00a0 Whether it was manufactured for the sake of television, or Chantel really is that stupid, it turned out to be a way higher risk of failure than it should have been because Chantel was resistant to tell her family that she was engaged until like day 86 of the K-1 visa, putting in jeopardy necessities like the pre-nup as well as family approvals.\u00a0 Although they get married in the end, their future starts off on the completely wrong foot, with Chantel\u2019s family all not trusting Pedro by no fault of his own, and that their Geocities.com-acquired pre-nup is probably as legally binding as used wet tissue.<\/span><\/p>\n

Jorge & Anfisa<\/strong> \u2013 If there was any couple that was the highest risk of failure this season, it was without question this one.\u00a0 Fat mush-mouth (legal) pot dealer Jorge and his insufferable mail-order Russian gold-digging attention whore of a fianc\u00e9 Anfisa, this couple commanded some severe drama-inducing plot devices throughout the season.\u00a0 Be it all the verbal abuse, digital harassment, repeated threats to go back to Russia and keying up Jorge\u2019s Escalade<\/em>, Anfisa was pretty much trying to get dumped on television, for the sake of going out a martyr or something.\u00a0 But if there was one thing that she was, it was completely transparent about how much she liked Jorge\u2019s money and just wanted a lot of shit for nothing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Their arc hit a real unique boiling point when after she keyed Jorge\u2019s ride, they went to the airport with his parting thoughts being that it might be best for her to go back to Russia, but when they instead returned home after what had obviously been some shopping at Steve Madden and Victoria\u2019s Secret being done, it was pretty much a forgone conclusion that they were going to make it, regardless of the 0% chance I give them that they make it through the first year unless TLC has them contractually obligated to stick it out for a future show.<\/span><\/p>\n

Nicole & Azan<\/strong> (pictured above) \u2013 Long story short, this couple was TLC\u2019s vain attempt to try and get Danielle & Mohamed 2: Electric Boogaloo<\/em>, by basically finding a replication of a fat dumpy dumbass American girl attached to a Muslim man from northern Africa.\u00a0 The difference was that instead of bringing Azan to America, Nicole went to Morocco, in what was basically an advantageous scouting trip to make sure that a K-1 visa would even be sought out.<\/span><\/p>\n

Naturally, the spoiled and out-of-shape pear Nicole had tremendous difficulty in adjusting to Moroccan ideals, Muslim laws and Azan\u2019s lifestyle, and it caused a great deal of frustration from both parties.\u00a0 The timeline of the show made it pretty obvious that viewers were not going to get to see Azan in America, but it didn\u2019t mean that failure was necessarily imminent.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ultimately, although the couple doesn\u2019t get married, because they never started a K-1 visa that would have put them under a clock, they are definitely still together, which is kind of a copout of a technicality that prevents from them being deemed a failure.\u00a0 I have tremendous doubts that their relationship will last, considering there is a literal ocean between them on top of their numerous lifestyle and cultural differences and the fact that they\u2019re both too young and too stupid, and will probably wizen up eventually, unless Azan really wants to come to the United States and needs that easy green card.<\/span><\/p>\n

Narkiya & Lowo<\/strong> \u2013 which brings us to the last couple, which finally answers the question of \u201cat what point will a 90 Day Fiance couple not succeed?<\/em>\u201d Well, the answer to that intrepid question is, an alleged Nigerian prince + compulsive liar + catfisherman + man with baby mama.<\/span><\/p>\n

Seriously, the fact that the show waited nearly four episodes before even introducing the last couple, should have been indication that this was a quick, hard-hitting trainwreck waiting in the wings.\u00a0 Whether that was intentional or not is hard to say, but the fact is that in spite of the delivery of a long-awaited 90 Day Failure, I\u2019m hard pressed to really care.<\/span><\/p>\n

Narkiya comes off as kind of stupid in the fact that sure it sucks that she was lied to so many times, but she already knew she was catfished once, lied to numerous times, but still pursued the relationship, burning tons of money and faith from her friends and confidants in the process.\u00a0 And Lowo is pretty much unlikeable from the onset, with all the exposed lies, and the hilarious claims that he\u2019s a Nigerian prince, complete with photographic proof of him in a dashiki.\u00a0 And then the show doesn\u2019t give them as much screen time, because they\u2019re really not that interesting, they never are under the gun of the K-1 visa time limit, and both are difficult to relate to.<\/span><\/p>\n

Regardless, they fail.\u00a0 Despite her being from Pennsylvania, him being from Nigeria, they somehow need to accomplish this finality in Vietnam, and it basically ends in the only entertaining interaction between the two, with an ice cream cone smashed in Lowo\u2019s face as Narkiya goes angry black woman off the camera and back to the hotel.\u00a0 And despite Narkiya\u2019s stupidity in going along for this embarrassing ride in the first place, her story comes to a close as she has a surprisingly enlightened and thoughtful conversation with her surprisingly mature and well-raised son about why she broke up with him, over frozen custard.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, it took four seasons for it to happen, but 90 Day Fiance finally had a failed relationship occur.\u00a0 It took a Nigerian prince scam, but at least we viewers know that the show won\u2019t continue to be artificial smoke, mirrors and daisies going into future seasons, which I obviously hope, there will continue to be more future seasons.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(**spoilers alert** I\u2019m sure I\u2019m the only person who really watches 90 Day Fiance) But it looks like we\u2019ve finally got the failure to launch that I\u2019ve been pining for since the series began.\u00a0 Listen, I don\u2019t know when the show actually aired, because watched the entire season via TLC GO at my own leisure, … Continue reading It only took four seasons<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[100,45,83,69,125],"class_list":["post-44326","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-brog","tag-comparison","tag-fail","tag-observations","tag-television","tag-tlc"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44326","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=44326"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44326\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":44328,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44326\/revisions\/44328"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=44326"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=44326"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=44326"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}