{"id":44428,"date":"2017-03-04T22:31:15","date_gmt":"2017-03-05T02:31:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=44428"},"modified":"2020-07-30T22:31:27","modified_gmt":"2020-07-31T02:31:27","slug":"im-in-a-bad-place-right-now","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=44428","title":{"rendered":"I\u2019m in a bad place right now"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m not going to sugar coat the fact that over the span of my last posts, things haven\u2019t exactly been going swimmingly for me in my life.\u00a0 As much as people of the internet bemoaned and stated how much of a dumpster fire that the year 2016 was, I\u2019d have to say that 2017 hasn\u2019t exactly been a drastic improvement over the year removed.\u00a0 If anything at all, I would say that I\u2019ve been more stressed, more emotionally drained and more taxed this year than I was last.<\/span><\/p>\n

So to update from the last time I sat down and wrote for a site that\u2019s still down and out of commission, Jen and I finished moving out of the house.\u00a0 The house is not only empty and completely vacated, it\u2019s up on the market, and doing surprisingly well in terms of buyer interest and awareness that it\u2019s on the market.\u00a0 Obviously, interest does not equal it actually selling, so only time will tell just what happens with all these people and realtors marching in and out of my house on parade because I can see it happening because I still have security cameras that let me see timestamps of when people come and go.<\/span><\/p>\n

Getting the house prepared for listing was a tremendously taxing task both physically and emotionally.\u00a0 Every single day for just under two weeks, weekday and weekend, was spent painting walls, patching up gaps or holes in walls, painting walls, cleaning out belongings, painting walls, cleaning floors and painting walls.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Painting walls is pretty much the worst activity ever.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

And as I said before, every day I left the house I wondered if it would be for the last time, and now that the house is listed and on the road to transferal to another, such curiosities become more and more prevalent, despite the fact that I know for a fact that at least one more trip will be necessary in order to return my leased modem among whatever little niggling details that might have lingered from departure.\u00a0 Regardless, there have been many melancholy moments where thoughts of 13 years of residency at the house, memories good and bad have flooded my mind, but knowing that all are on the cusp of being compartmentalized and archived as the past<\/em>, and life in a way kind of begins anew, with the house no longer being a part of the equation.<\/span><\/p>\n

Needless to say, this all lends to the notion that I have a hard time handling change, regardless of it is for the best, or whether or not the circumstances were good or not.<\/span><\/p>\n

So moving has been a stressful and all-consuming affair in my personal life.\u00a0 And when my personal life becomes overwhelming, I\u2019ve always found solace in the fact that when I go to work, I could always have about eight hours in which I could sit fairly still, gather my thoughts, bury my focus in work so that I didn\u2019t focus on my personal life, and occasionally go to the gym, catch up on the news, or write down some words in my downtime.<\/span><\/p>\n

Unfortunately, lately my work life hasn\u2019t really been accommodating when it comes to being a little bit of a reprieve from real life.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been so swamped and overloaded at work, that there were literally nothing I could do but laugh whenever a project coordinator came to me with assignment after assignment due in further intervals than the next, despite the fact that I was already buried underneath two other assignments due now and tomorrow and next week.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve had little time to really breathe and collect myself at work, and on top of the draining nature of the moving process, I\u2019m coming to work with feelings of dread, anxiety, and not wanting to be there or do my assignments.<\/span><\/p>\n

As a whole, between a taxed personal life and an overwhelmingly busy work life, my head has gone into a very, very bad place, and I do not think it\u2019s very good for myself and anyone around me.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m always in a state of being upset, agitated and irritable, and I\u2019m apt to going 0-to-100 in anger at things that shouldn\u2019t really bother me so much.\u00a0 Nothing cheers me up and I feel like I can see the dark cloud that is hovering over my head during this stressful period.\u00a0 At work, I\u2019ve become shut off and removed, and I want nothing more than to listening to music on my phone, loudly, as not to listen to the typical office drivel and sounds of people around me, praying for a break in all the interruptions, so I can actually work on my biggest assignments instead of dealing with a bunch of ticky-tack little ones scattered about.<\/span><\/p>\n

The lack of being able to turn off has bled into my life outside of work, where I\u2019ve had difficulty in cooling off, getting mad at everything, and dealing with anxiety in thinking about the workload that awaits me the following day.\u00a0 The fact that I\u2019ve had little time to relax for as long as it\u2019s been has been completely draining and making me wonder if I\u2019ve ever put myself through such a long gauntlet without reprieve for this long before.<\/span><\/p>\n

Naturally, this many words wouldn\u2019t be remotely possible without a little bit of time, but this is one of those things called a weekend, which I haven\u2019t really had one in the prior three.\u00a0 With the house vacated and kind of out of my hands for the time being, as well as no requirement to go into the office on a weekend, I\u2019ve finally got a moment to breathe and sip a cup of coffee without any too-loose strings attached.<\/span><\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t absolve the weeks of hell I\u2019d gone through, but it is a nice thing to know that after all the weeks of working non-stop and being on all the time, things will eventually catch back up to normalcy, and hopefully sooner rather than later, the dark cloud will dissipate over my head, and my mood will return to a somewhat more neutral state of rest.<\/span><\/p>\n

Just having a morning where I can sit back, drink coffee and write, is a good start.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m not going to sugar coat the fact that over the span of my last posts, things haven\u2019t exactly been going swimmingly for me in my life.\u00a0 As much as people of the internet bemoaned and stated how much of a dumpster fire that the year 2016 was, I\u2019d have to say that 2017 hasn\u2019t … Continue reading I\u2019m in a bad place right now<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[36,104,121,37,105,77],"class_list":["post-44428","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-brog","tag-angst","tag-depression","tag-homeownership","tag-job","tag-rage","tag-ronery"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44428","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=44428"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44428\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":44429,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44428\/revisions\/44429"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=44428"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=44428"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=44428"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}