{"id":44563,"date":"2017-04-08T20:23:08","date_gmt":"2017-04-09T00:23:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=44563"},"modified":"2020-07-31T20:23:20","modified_gmt":"2020-08-01T00:23:20","slug":"aporkalypse-not","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=44563","title":{"rendered":"APORKALYPSE NOT"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Surprise of the century, Hardee\u2019s Aporkalypse biscuit was hardly the culinary miracle that fast food marketing attempts to make it sound like it is.\u00a0 I mean, it\u2019s not like I was expecting the greatest breakfast menu item in history, but it\u2019s almost meme-worthy just how much this fell into the category of marketing versus reality.<\/span><\/p>\n

Eating satisfaction-wise, it\u2019s actually decent.\u00a0 Sure, they ignored my request to put no egg on it, but since Hardee\u2019s uses a washcloth folded into fourths and calls it an egg, it\u2019s easy enough to remove without fear of any embryo remnants wrecking my digestive system for the afternoon.\u00a0 But combining bacon, ham and sausage and drowning them in two cheeses is pretty self-explanatory when it comes to satiating a fat guy\u2019s craving for a breakfast biscuit.<\/span><\/p>\n

I think the biggest fallacy of Hardee\u2019s is that they market something called the Aporkalypse, but completely fail to include all the porks that the restaurant offers.\u00a0 Because adjacent to the sign on the window that boasts the Aporkalypse, there\u2019s also a giant sign for this pork chop and gravy biscuit that they offer.\u00a0 Yet the Aporkalypse boasts all this pork but completely fails to offer up a prevalently marketed pork!<\/span><\/p>\n

Fat guy problems, yes I know.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Anyway, just because the name was so catchy, I had to make trying the Aporkalypse a reality.\u00a0 In the end, it wasn\u2019t that bad.\u00a0 Would I get it again?\u00a0 Probably not, because Hardee\u2019s aren\u2019t so frequently available to where I\u2019d want to go hunt one down every time I wanted one.\u00a0 In fact, the one I went to was surprisingly difficult to get to, due to an unexpectedly crowded Saturday morning, and the drive-thru was so long, I opted to go inside to pick up my order.<\/span><\/p>\n

Which was a mistake in itself, because fast-food shitholes are accustomed to prioritizing the drive-thru customers first, leaving one guy on register inside, and where apparently the only people who go into restaurants to order are retards like me, and the assholes who try to get all sorts of intricate customized orders from a fast food restaurant<\/em> like scrambled eggs, when they\u2019re not even offered.<\/span><\/p>\n

The Aporkalypse created a want for me to eat at Hardee\u2019s for the first time in ages, but now that I have, I can\u2019t really say that there\u2019s much of a need until something else catchy-named comes around.\u00a0 It\u2019s too difficult to stand toe-to-toe with breakfast staples like Bojangles and Chick Fil-A, and not even the rise of Aporkalypse can measure up.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Surprise of the century, Hardee\u2019s Aporkalypse biscuit was hardly the culinary miracle that fast food marketing attempts to make it sound like it is.\u00a0 I mean, it\u2019s not like I was expecting the greatest breakfast menu item in history, but it\u2019s almost meme-worthy just how much this fell into the category of marketing versus reality. … Continue reading APORKALYPSE NOT<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[45,120,56],"class_list":["post-44563","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-brog","tag-fail","tag-fat-people","tag-food"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44563","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=44563"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44563\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":44565,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44563\/revisions\/44565"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=44563"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=44563"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=44563"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}