{"id":45911,"date":"2018-05-30T13:25:37","date_gmt":"2018-05-30T17:25:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=45911"},"modified":"2020-08-07T13:25:57","modified_gmt":"2020-08-07T17:25:57","slug":"pokemon-is-what-makes-it-funny","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=45911","title":{"rendered":"Pok\u00e9mon is what makes it funny"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/span><\/p>\n

Newsworthy: parkour hero scales four stories in like four seconds in order to rescue child hanging off of a ledge in Paris.\u00a0 French president applauds his act of heroism and immediately expedites his pursuit of French citizenship and immediately offers him a job with the Paris fire brigade.\u00a0 A wonderful story of bravery and a reward fitting of a hero who deserves it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Brogworthy: child ended up in the precarious situation because his dad left him unsupervised so he could go to the market and play Pok\u00e9mon Go<\/em> on the way back.\u00a0 Dad faces two years in prison for child neglect.\u00a0 Because of Pok\u00e9mon Go.<\/span><\/p>\n

Even before it was revealed that dad was out being an idiot, this was still a fantastic story of a legitimate hero who did something extraordinary.\u00a0 It\u2019s a happy ending for all, because the kid didn\u2019t fall to his death, and the Malian immigrant who scaled the building like Spider-Man to rescue the kid is instantly rewarded with the French citizenship he was aspiring to gain.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There\u2019s not much to talk about in a situation like this, and it\u2019s easiest to simply marvel in the incredible feats of human bravery and feel like our collective faith in people can gain a point or two for such selfless courage.<\/span><\/p>\n

But then it comes out that the kid was left unsupervised by a deadbeat of a father who went out to the market, and then decided to leisurely take his time coming back so that he could play some Pok\u00e9mon Go.\u00a0 Now, it\u2019s something to brog about.<\/span><\/p>\n

Full disclosure: I still play Pok\u00e9mon Go.\u00a0 It\u2019s literally taking me an entire year to go from level 34 to 35, and there\u2019s a litany of life milestones that I\u2019m fairly confident that I\u2019ll hit before I can get to the maximum level 40, and knowing my luck, Niantic, if they\u2019re even still around in six years, will raise the max cap to like 50, and then I\u2019ll be fucked and proclaim I\u2019ll stop but then probably won\u2019t anyway.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

And I don\u2019t even have kids.\u00a0 But even I know that kids, when left unsupervised, have all of their physical stats juiced, because there\u2019s no other way to explain how kids get into all sorts of shit, only when left unsupervised.\u00a0 Kids who topple furniture, or scale kitchen counters and then knock over the refrigerator and shit; kids left unseen are kids capable of unspeakable amounts of destrucity<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

So shame on a dad so stupid to leave a child unattended and expect that nothing was going to happen.\u00a0 Of course when he leaves the house to try and catch some Pikachus is when the kid is going to smash through a window but not realize that there is no surface on the other side, and then be left hanging onto dear life off of a ledge.\u00a0 Fuckin idiot of a parent, that I\u2019d expect such stupidity from an American, but I guess the limits of stupidity really do know no nationality in the end.<\/span><\/p>\n

I hope it was worth it too, but I\u2019d wager that it wasn\u2019t.\u00a0 I\u2019ve played Pok\u00e9mon Go in Europe, it\u2019s really no different than it is anywhere else; tons of Rattatas, Pidgeys and other common shit, and it\u2019s not like Mr. Mime is a big deal to them, considering it\u2019s their own regional exclusive.\u00a0 While his kid is dangling off of a balcony, dad is probably raging at the juiced Weedle that\u2019s refusing to go quietly into the ball, because Weedles have had their escapability juiced tremendously over the last few months.<\/span><\/p>\n

Anyway, it\u2019s kind of appropriate that one of the last free acts that dad did was playing Pok\u00e9mon Go, because when he gets put into the slammer for child neglect, he\u2019ll be spending the next two years kind of living like a Pikachu, depending on if the prison system in France is similar to how it is in America \u2013 kept in confinement, but occasionally let out to workout and fight.<\/span><\/p>\n

Meanwhile, after he gains his citizenship, Spider-Man may as well just become Spider-Man; dude is in fantastic shape, and clearly has a talent for scaling buildings and doing heroic shit.\u00a0 Given the occasional terrorist acts that unfortunately happen to Paris, the city could very well use a real-life friendly arrondissement Spider-Man to protect the people.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Newsworthy: parkour hero scales four stories in like four seconds in order to rescue child hanging off of a ledge in Paris.\u00a0 French president applauds his act of heroism and immediately expedites his pursuit of French citizenship and immediately offers him a job with the Paris fire brigade.\u00a0 A wonderful story of bravery and a … Continue reading Pok\u00e9mon is what makes it funny<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[112,45,50,30,52,19],"class_list":["post-45911","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-brog","tag-crime","tag-fail","tag-honor","tag-justice","tag-owned","tag-video-games"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45911","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=45911"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45911\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":45913,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45911\/revisions\/45913"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=45911"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=45911"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=45911"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}