{"id":47359,"date":"2020-10-09T08:34:04","date_gmt":"2020-10-09T12:34:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=47359"},"modified":"2020-10-09T08:34:04","modified_gmt":"2020-10-09T12:34:04","slug":"when-your-brain-wants-you-to-be-sad-youll-be-sad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=47359","title":{"rendered":"When your brain wants you to be sad, you\u2019ll be sad"},"content":{"rendered":"

Lately, I can\u2019t shake it, but I often times find myself feeling sad.\u00a0 A few weeks ago when I posted about wondering if I needed therapy, it really wasn\u2019t one of those posts where I was trying to be humorous, it was more erring towards legitimate pondering than it was trying to be funny but I understand how it could be misconstrued considering the vast majority of the time on my brog I\u2019m trying to be funny.<\/span><\/p>\n

The thing is, I have no real reason to be feeling sad, too.\u00a0 Sure, my paternity leave is over and I\u2019m back to a job I\u2019m often times feeling very lukewarm towards, but the reality is that I have a job, my mom is staying at my house and alleviating mythical wife and I of our biggest concern, which is childcare during the work days, and there\u2019s a small sliver of normalcy starting to come back into our lives.\u00a0 My child is healthy, often happy, and there are no adequate words to describe the happiness and joy that she brings to me, but whenever I get settled down and have the time and capacity to get into my own head, I can\u2019t help but feel sad from time to time, and I really have no reason to be.<\/span><\/p>\n

I think I\u2019m generally unsatisfied with certain aspects of my life and it\u2019s silly to think that I feel like a lot of things would improve if I were to win the lottery or find some way to take financial concerns off the table entirely, and whenever I get into my own head, these pessimistic and worrisome thoughts tend to permeate into my head and leave me feeling more blue than I really have any right to be.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been asking myself lately what I think would make me happy, and the answers that come up are often times further into the realm of impossibility, like being able to take my child out to certain places, because the world is fucking dangerous still because America can\u2019t get their collective head out of their asses and put some fucking masks on for 2-3 months and eradicate coronavirus instead of waiting for a vaccine that large swaths of the country won\u2019t take anyway because they\u2019re anti-vaxxer dumb fucks.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And then there are more realistic things, like wanting to make things with my hands, but that requires tools, materials, space, to which those require time, money, time and money, to which those are commodities in which I do not have a lot of to expend, because no matter what, my child will always come first.\u00a0 By no means do I harbor any resentment towards my child for such reality, I wouldn\u2019t have it any other way, but in the fleeting amounts of spare time that I do have, I feel like I want to do things that I just don\u2019t really have the means to indulge in, at least not without a bunch of prerequisites.<\/span><\/p>\n

In a perfect world, I have a workshop space, where I can create and do and build and explore things.\u00a0 But in order to have that, I need to have money, to which I\u2019m not struggling to pay bills or have a fairly normal life as it is, but I don\u2019t want to take out loans for things that don\u2019t add any true value outside of personal gratification, so this is where it would be nice to just win a lottery or something, just to jump start a lot of personal projects and to oh, quit my job while in the process.<\/span><\/p>\n

But back to the point, I occasionally feel irrationally sad, and it doesn\u2019t take a lot to trigger it sometimes.\u00a0 It\u2019s times like that in which I ponder on if I should seek therapy, which isn\u2019t that easy of a decision for me to make, because my work insurance doesn\u2019t cover any, and I wonder if I have the financial means to go out of pocket on it.\u00a0 I\u2019m not saying I want medication, quite the contrary, I barely like taking ibuprofen when I have a headache, but I don\u2019t think it would hurt to know why my brain sometimes insists that I be sad, when I really shouldn\u2019t have any reason for it.\u00a0 My life is pretty good in spite of the dumpster fire \u2018Murica is these days, but when the brain wants to be sad, it\u2019s going to be sad.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Lately, I can\u2019t shake it, but I often times find myself feeling sad.\u00a0 A few weeks ago when I posted about wondering if I needed therapy, it really wasn\u2019t one of those posts where I was trying to be humorous, it was more erring towards legitimate pondering than it was trying to be funny but … Continue reading When your brain wants you to be sad, you\u2019ll be sad<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[36,79,104,37],"class_list":["post-47359","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-brog","tag-angst","tag-cashmoney","tag-depression","tag-job"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47359","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=47359"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47359\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":47360,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47359\/revisions\/47360"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=47359"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=47359"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=47359"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}