{"id":47382,"date":"2020-10-22T16:17:10","date_gmt":"2020-10-22T20:17:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=47382"},"modified":"2020-10-22T16:17:10","modified_gmt":"2020-10-22T20:17:10","slug":"writing-when-i-dont-feel-like-writing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=47382","title":{"rendered":"Writing when I don\u2019t feel like writing"},"content":{"rendered":"

My motivation to write lately has been pretty nonexistent lately.\u00a0 Not necessarily due to depression, quite the contrary, I\u2019ve managed to pull my head out of the darkness a little bit better since my last brog therapy session.\u00a0 It\u2019s just that I just don\u2019t really have any motivation to write.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m not finding a lot of things on the internet that are inspiring me to write, and maybe I\u2019m still in a state of having writer\u2019s rust when it comes to consistent brogging since I got my site back up months ago.\u00a0 The point is, I just haven\u2019t felt like I\u2019ve had any real inspiration to write, and I don\u2019t particularly feel motivated to write about things out of thin air either.<\/span><\/p>\n

Regardless, the anxiety of letting too much time pass between posts is greater than the anxiety of feeling like I don\u2019t have anything to write about, so in order to try and fill the airtime, I\u2019m doing something I used to do whenever it was that I felt like I had nothing to write about: sit in front of a blank canvas and just start writing and see what words I can barf out.<\/span><\/p>\n

Life lately has been somewhat steady over the last few weeks, especially since my mom is living with me for a few more weeks, and I have the peace of mind knowing that my daughter is in good hands while I hole up in my office for work; I\u2019m actually utilizing my dedicated office space in order to take my job more seriously, as I probably really wasn\u2019t during the first few weeks of quarantining, especially since I had a newborn baby that\u2019s now a 7+ month old infant now.<\/span><\/p>\n

My entire team has been told that we\u2019re basically going to be working from home until at the very earliest, January 31st<\/sup> of 2021, and frankly even that seems like a dubious milestone in my opinion, because I think when the day is over, schools are what are going to be driving the decisions of all companies on whether or not they\u2019re going to make employees come back to the offices or not.\u00a0 Child care is low-key the main thing that is going to determine whether or not businesses large or small will be going back to offices any time soon, and even that, is going to be determined by the availability of a vaccine, since \u2018Muricans can\u2019t stop being so selfish for two months to effectively quarantine and let coronavirus burn out on its own.<\/span><\/p>\n

But whatever, for better or worse, I\u2019m working from home for the remainder of this year, and into the start of next.\u00a0 Regardless of the state of work in that time, I can always have peace of mind knowing that I am always going to be home with my child, even if she will be with the nanny that we\u2019re going to have to hire part-time in order to have eyes on her while I take my job seriously.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Frankly, this isn\u2019t going as well as I hoped it would, I was hoping that as I was writing down words, more ideas and thoughts would permeate into my brain and inspire me to write more, but it\u2019s not really working.\u00a0 Typically, I\u2019d always be looking for stories or news that would inspire me to write, but lately between paywalls, anti-ad blocking and the fact that most sites with interesting content are talking about nothing but politics, coronavirus, and the same shit that\u2019s been discussed all year long, it\u2019s hard to find any good things to inspire me to write about.<\/span><\/p>\n

Recently, I finished watching The Good Place<\/em> and just more recently finished The Vow <\/em>on HBOmax.\u00a0 The Good Place\u2019s final season, makes me think that there\u2019s a little bit of a misnomer about preannouncing that a season will be the final one, because I feel like it makes viewers cognizant about how everything they see is among \u201cthe lasts,\u201d and as the episodes start ticking down, people like me start to grow sad that a good show is winding down, or they become critical in that they\u2019re thinking the show might not be ending on the home run they hope it would.\u00a0 That was kind of like me with The Good Place, and as overall pleasant the show has been throughout its run, it\u2019s definitely no Parks and Recreation, <\/em>but frankly asking anything to encore that is a nigh impossible task.\u00a0 It still invoked a lot of emotion as the final episodes wound down, and was outright a good show.<\/span><\/p>\n

The Vow<\/em> on the other hand, started off as the clinger-on show that came on after Lovecraft Country, <\/em>but as time progressed, it became the show that I personally was more engrossed in over Lovecraft.\u00a0 I remember being genuinely interested in the whole story of NXIUM when the arrests first happened, mostly because I was like \u201choly shit Chloe from Smallville<\/em> was busted for being in a sex cult???\u201d And the 14 year old in me was all like \u201choly shit Chloe from Smallville<\/em> in a sex cult sounds like some demented fantasy.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Either way, the show was very easy to get sucked into, and it\u2019s produced extremely well, and if not for the insane narcissism of Keith Raniere, we wouldn\u2019t have all these countless hours of footage in which 75% of the documentary could have been derived from, and it\u2019s astounding to think and\/or be skeptical that was this much volume of video and audio available in order for all this to happen, but in a way it\u2019s kind of appropriate that an organization run by a rampant sociopath like Keith Raniere wouldn\u2019t want everything to be documented for some vain satisfaction later on.<\/span><\/p>\n

Anyway, aside from work and television, I really can\u2019t say that much else has been going on.\u00a0 I\u2019m still operating on low amounts of sleep every night, and there\u2019s a little bit of impending dread at the idea that when my mom goes home, the honeymoon of having grandma taking all-star care of my child for free and mythical wife and I needing to pick up the extra time amidst our day jobs is a little daunting, but we\u2019ll make it work.\u00a0 But it\u2019s still much of the same, we revolve around baby until she goes down, and then I\u2019ve got like 3-4 hrs a night to not be a parent until it\u2019s time to go to sleep and start over again, and again.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m also nearly up to $700 in belt money, so at least there\u2019s that going for me as well.\u00a0 Fascinating the passive trends and things one can learn by doing internet surveys over and over and over again.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My motivation to write lately has been pretty nonexistent lately.\u00a0 Not necessarily due to depression, quite the contrary, I\u2019ve managed to pull my head out of the darkness a little bit better since my last brog therapy session.\u00a0 It\u2019s just that I just don\u2019t really have any motivation to write. I\u2019m not finding a lot … Continue reading Writing when I don\u2019t feel like writing<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[36,151,79,71,37,192,69],"class_list":["post-47382","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-brog","tag-angst","tag-blets","tag-cashmoney","tag-famiry","tag-job","tag-kids","tag-television"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47382","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=47382"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47382\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":47383,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47382\/revisions\/47383"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=47382"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=47382"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=47382"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}