{"id":47726,"date":"2021-03-15T22:42:36","date_gmt":"2021-03-16T03:42:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=47726"},"modified":"2021-03-15T22:42:36","modified_gmt":"2021-03-16T03:42:36","slug":"burned-out-doesnt-even-come-close-to-describing-how-i-feel","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=47726","title":{"rendered":"\u2018Burned out\u2019 doesn\u2019t even come close to describing how I feel"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-47728\" src=\"http:\/\/totfc.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/sfaburn.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"509\" height=\"270\" \/><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">On any given day, here are the things that I like to accomplish in my free time:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Write<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Run<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Watch wrestling<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Watch tv in general<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Play <em>Fire Emblem Heroes<\/em> and\/or <em>Pok\u00e9mon Go<\/em><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Do surveys<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Coincidentally, that just so happens to be the list of things that I so rarely get to do anymore, on account of the fact that I\u2019m just so endlessly busy, with a plate so perpetually full, that I\u2019ve been feeling on the cusp of anxiety attacks at just how much stuff I feel that I have to do on a regular basis, with practically no help at all.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">The fact that I\u2019m writing now is a miracle in itself, and I mentally would really like to accomplish a whole fuckton of writing that\u2019s been backlogging in my brain as well as on the living document I keep a list of topics and things I\u2019d like to write about but the reality is that as much as I love to write, there\u2019s only a certain amount of it I can do daily before the topics begin to run into each other and I put out a bunch of bullshit that I\u2019m not happy with.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Over the last few weeks, my daily schedule hasn\u2019t really changed so much as it\u2019s just had things added to it, as some of them have finite timelines in which they should be accomplished.\u00a0 However, it\u2019s these extra things that have nickeled and dimed their way into overfilling my plate on a regular basis, and the\u2019ve all been constantly bleeding into all facets of my time not spent working and\/or raising a child, that I\u2019ve hit the point where \u201cburned out\u201d doesn\u2019t come close to describing how I feel so much as I just simply feel like I\u2019m drowning.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\"><!--more--><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">My daily schedule usually looks something like this:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Wake up at 6:30 am to start my daughter\u2019s day<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">On weekdays, overlap start of work day with time spent with daughter until she goes down for nap at around 8:30<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Work my job where my boss is actively trying to make my life miserable to make me quit so she can replace me with a sock puppet yes man, usually more than eight hours a day<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Feed, play with, bathe my daughter until bedtime at around 6:30 pm<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">So usually my \u201cfree time\u201d begins at roughly 6:45-ish, but from this time until bedtime, I have to accomplish the following:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Clean rooms, dishes and bottles my daughter utilized throughout the day<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Clean and feed guinea pigs<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Prep tomorrow\u2019s bottles<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Straighten up around the house in general<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Amidst these chores, there may be dinner, that lately has been more and more been takeout, because I simply don\u2019t have the time or capacity to do much cooking.\u00a0 Also amidst all these tasks, I lament about 50 times about how I feel like I can\u2019t do all this on my own, but still do.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">However, in addition to my already packed plate, I have added the following things that make me question my life in general, and add to my ever-increasing frustration with how I have had an extremely scant amount of time in which I can actually decompress, wind down and simply relax:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Night class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which begins at 9 pm if the instructors are on time, and ends at 11 pm<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Weekly homework from said night class that often involves the necessity to involve outside parties in order to do testing and experimentation<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Conversion of the guest room into a children\u2019s room, which involves the following sub-tasks:<\/span>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Moving furniture<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Painting trim and walls eventually<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Putting up a mural eventually<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Cleaning<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Speaking of children, now that my child has become increasingly mobile, there are all sorts of baby-proofing that\u2019s needing to be done, including the fabrication and construction of DIY baby gates, because there is an aesthetic to the home I wish to maintain, even in lieu of needing baby gates<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">Needless to say, it\u2019s safe to state that I am overworked, every single day.\u00a0 Weekends give me no reprieve, as unlike the weekdays, I do not have my nanny to alleviate four hours of the day to where I can actually be productive with one of the numerous projects\/chores\/tasks that need to be done.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">By the time I am typically done with chores and at stopping points with all my projects, it\u2019s usually past 10:00 pm, often closer to 11:00 pm, and I am mentally fried, physically exhausted, and completely feeling, well, kind of traumatized at just how stressed out and overwhelmed I feel.\u00a0 My anxiety is impossible to suppress, I am always pissed off, and nothing brings me any relief.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have time for any fucking relief, and I just don\u2019t know when I will actually have some time to simply relax.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">This unfortunately also happened to be the case on periods of time during the weekend of my daughter\u2019s birthday.\u00a0 I was genuinely happy to have gotten to celebrate a coronavirus-era version of a birthday party, but I was undoubtedly overwhelmed and overworked throughout the rest of the weekend, and felt anxious and irritable at the hole I felt like I was falling into throughout the time, and I ended the weekend feeling fried and agitated, in spite of the joyous times the days prior.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">The fact that I\u2019m writing right now is probably conflicting with something more productive I could be doing, but I like to tell myself that I\u2019m not doing some things, because my daughter is sleeping and it would make too much noise, or I\u2019m skirting some other duties because I don\u2019t have the physical materials in order to do them yet, and I\u2019m in a position where every single thing requires some explanation or justification to why I\u2019m not working on something else instead.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 12pt;\">But that list of things that I would like to be doing whenever I have a free few minutes here and there?\u00a0 Yeah, none of that shit has really happened for a while now, and it\u2019s only adding to my angst and general discontent with my non-parenting life that I feel every single day.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>On any given day, here are the things that I like to accomplish in my free time: Write Run Watch wrestling Watch tv in general Play Fire Emblem Heroes and\/or Pok\u00e9mon Go Do surveys Coincidentally, that just so happens to be the list of things that I so rarely get to do anymore, on account &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=47726\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">\u2018Burned out\u2019 doesn\u2019t even come close to describing how I feel<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[36,104,121,37,105,146,49],"class_list":["post-47726","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-brog","tag-angst","tag-depression","tag-homeownership","tag-job","tag-rage","tag-triggered","tag-wtf"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47726","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=47726"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47726\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":47730,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47726\/revisions\/47730"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=47726"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=47726"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=47726"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}