{"id":48115,"date":"2021-09-07T00:22:42","date_gmt":"2021-09-07T04:22:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=48115"},"modified":"2021-09-08T00:22:58","modified_gmt":"2021-09-08T04:22:58","slug":"2-under-2-my-wife-left-me-062","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=48115","title":{"rendered":"2 Under 2: My wife left me (#062)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/span><\/p>\n

Oof.\u00a0 Even out of context, writing those words stings, and I hope that I\u2019ll never have to write those specific words again.<\/span><\/p>\n

But yes, mythical wife took #2 and went to go spend a few days with her parents, and I am at home with #1.\u00a0 No, this did not stem from a fight and we\u2019re already on the rocks after two years of marriage. \u00a0It was a call that she made on account of observing the fact that I\u2019ve been operating at a stress level of 170 out of 100 and it\u2019s only been getting worse over the last few weeks as the job that I\u2019ve already lost my favor for tends to get seasonal this time of year, adding to the fuel of anxiety, frustration and negative short fuse, and that I could use a little bit of a break in from the constant screaming and very hands-on requirement of #2.<\/span><\/p>\n

She\u2019s not wrong at all, but the days leading up to this, I had a hard time digesting the whole plan, no matter how much I actually did need some quiet time.\u00a0 No matter what anyone tells me, I can\u2019t help feel a sense of failure or shortcoming at being a partner and father to my children, because I have been becoming increasingly short and miserable dealing with two under two, and the sheer lack of time I\u2019ve had since the arrival of #2 to occasionally catch my breath, decompress and feel like a normal human being again.<\/span><\/p>\n

But I really did need a break.\u00a0 Pretty much since #2\u2019s arrival, I haven\u2019t had 30 minutes to myself where I haven\u2019t been working, sleeping or being actively hands on as a dad, and the sheer lack of time to come back to earth has been grating at me and grating at me, every single night where I go to bed thinking about all the things I wanted to do but couldn\u2019t do, and then it compounds each and every night.<\/span><\/p>\n

As gross as it sounds, I\u2019ve basically been showering once a week because I just frankly can\u2019t find the time to do it more regularly.\u00a0 Even though I know I\u2019m getting grosser and grosser in between them, the time it takes to clean myself up seems more like a chore and a nuisance, and that I\u2019d rather spend that 20 minutes doing absolutely anything else more self-serving than personal hygiene.<\/span><\/p>\n

A similar sentiment exists for sleep itself, where in the past, I\u2019d probably embark on the whole notion of revenge staying up late, where I\u2019d sacrifice sleep for personal time because I\u2019m so resentful that I didn\u2019t have any time to myself that I\u2019m going to take some in spite of the need for sleep.\u00a0 Fortunately, cooler heads prevail most of the time, and I remind myself that the only ones getting hurt by me being gassed from not getting enough sleep are my wife and kids, and I opt to get sleep more often than making poor choices.<\/span><\/p>\n

And as the days turned into weeks, my general state of being was not in a good place.\u00a0 My patience deteriorated into nothingness, and just about every little thing would set me off.\u00a0 #2\u2019s frequent crying would grate at me, and I\u2019d begun making more tasteless jokes about killing myself as a result.\u00a0 All I was feeling was that every single day was wake up, work, and then clean, clean, clean baby stuff until it was time to go to sleep again, with nothing but feeding, diapers and thanklessly trying to calm a screaming baby in between everything.\u00a0 \u00a0And it basically began breaking me.<\/span><\/p>\n

However, the notion that my wife has to take my fussy child away from me in order for me to not feel the like I\u2019m burdened by responsibilities makes me feel sad, makes me feel defeated, and makes me feel overall lousy, even if it I am getting the opportunity to write in silence and stare at the wall in between the typing.\u00a0 This is one of those instances where I do not feel like I have done well as a father, and it\u2019ll probably stay with me for a while, but hopefully it will change my perspective a little bit, teach me a little more patience, and help me grow as a dad.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Oof.\u00a0 Even out of context, writing those words stings, and I hope that I\u2019ll never have to write those specific words again. But yes, mythical wife took #2 and went to go spend a few days with her parents, and I am at home with #1.\u00a0 No, this did not stem from a fight and … Continue reading 2 Under 2: My wife left me (#062)<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[36,193,45,71,192,177,83,105],"class_list":["post-48115","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-brog","tag-angst","tag-dad","tag-fail","tag-famiry","tag-kids","tag-mythical","tag-observations","tag-rage"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48115","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=48115"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48115\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":48117,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48115\/revisions\/48117"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=48115"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=48115"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=48115"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}