{"id":50467,"date":"2025-03-17T09:21:08","date_gmt":"2025-03-17T14:21:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=50467"},"modified":"2025-03-28T09:21:13","modified_gmt":"2025-03-28T14:21:13","slug":"imagine-being-so-insecure-of-your-masculinity-that-you-need-to-get-a-manly-band","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=50467","title":{"rendered":"Imagine being so insecure of your masculinity that you need to get a MANLY BAND"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"I don\u2019t know what it says about my browsing habits and the conversations that big brother is listening to, but I got this ad for some company called MANLY BANDS and it\u2019s apparent that they\u2019re in the business of making MANLY rings for the MANLIEST of MEN to wear to physically indicate their marital status.<\/span><\/p>\n

They appear to be available in names like THE COWBOY, and based on the one photo they have, they appear to have wood as one of the materials in which they\u2019re made, looking like a squashed barrel that Donkey Kong sat on instead of throwing at Mario.\u00a0 Apparently instead of some pussy jeweler\u2019s ring box, they\u2019re packaged in TACTICAL BOXES, because nothing is MANLIER than presenting shit inside of a tactical box instead of something made of lesser, more pussier material.<\/span><\/p>\n

I love how their logo is crisscrossed fire axes, a campfire and a tree, to hit that this is what a MANLY BAND is made out of, and of course their choice of font is IMPACT, because this whole thing is just so absurdly ridiculous, it may as well be a meme.<\/span><\/p>\n

Oh, and I\u2019m definitely not going to ignore the very obvious MANLY BAND customer looking like how he\u2019s got his bride in a chokehold in order to kiss her, because he probably sees her as property after saying \u2018I do\u2019 and is wasting no time at imposing his will and possession over her.<\/span><\/p>\n

And come on, bro can\u2019t even take off his fucking Apple watch for his wedding?\u00a0 I like the convenience of being able to check the time at any given moment, but even I took my fitness tracker off when I got married.<\/span><\/p>\n

I remember when I was looking for a wedding band before I got married.\u00a0 I initially thought I wanted something different than a traditional sterling or gold or white gold band, and I imagined myself getting something like a carbon fiber band or something different, not necessarily to be MANLY, but just for a change of things.<\/span><\/p>\n

I tried on some carbon fiber rings and things that weren\u2019t so traditional, but frankly they all looked too dark and ridiculous for my taste.\u00a0 Ultimately, I went with a tantalum band that definitely leaned more traditional, but at the same time was slightly darker than a shiny band, and I like the general indestructible nature of it in order to get a degree of uniqueness that I\u2019m satisfied with.<\/span><\/p>\n

But never did it once cross my mind that there would be the possibility of giving off the perception of becoming less MANLY if I picked a questionable wedding band.\u00a0 So going back to the title of this post, imagine being so insecure with your masculinity that you feel the need to acquire a MANLY BAND as a wedding ring.\u00a0 Maybe the aesthetics are more these bros\u2019 style, but for me, anything with wood is a no-go.\u00a0 Last thing I\u2019d want from my ring is for it to get beat up like mine sometimes does, and then it starts to rot because that\u2019s what wood tends to do.<\/span><\/p>\n

Either way, chalk MANLY BANDS as one of the dumber things to have come into existence in recent years.\u00a0 I think I\u2019d put them up with drinking cups made out of baseball bats, but unlike those, I wouldn\u2019t wager a sacrificial bet in order to get the Braves to win a World Series for a MANLY BAND.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I don\u2019t know what it says about my browsing habits and the conversations that big brother is listening to, but I got this ad for some company called MANLY BANDS and it\u2019s apparent that they\u2019re in the business of making MANLY rings for the MANLIEST of MEN to wear to physically indicate their marital status. … Continue reading Imagine being so insecure of your masculinity that you need to get a MANLY BAND<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[159,45,203,83,52,190,49],"class_list":["post-50467","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-brog","tag-advertising","tag-fail","tag-marketing","tag-observations","tag-owned","tag-white-people","tag-wtf"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50467","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=50467"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50467\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":50469,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50467\/revisions\/50469"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=50467"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=50467"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=50467"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}