{"id":51030,"date":"2026-01-20T21:36:07","date_gmt":"2026-01-21T02:36:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=51030"},"modified":"2026-01-23T21:36:11","modified_gmt":"2026-01-24T02:36:11","slug":"current-status","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/?p=51030","title":{"rendered":"Current status:"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Normally I try to keep certain aspects of my personal life out of my writing, but I\u2019m at a point where I feel like I can\u2019t really speak to just anyone about the things going on in my head over the span of the last 12+ months and the journey I\u2019ve been enduring, and writing to nobody seems like a better alternative to unloading a metric fuckton of baggage onto just anyone because frankly I don\u2019t know anyone in their right mind who would want to hear it and nobody probably needs to hear some of the negativity that\u2019s manifested in my thoughts.<\/span><\/p>\n

This includes my own immediate family, my wife and my closest friends, I don\u2019t feel I can really do much beyond vent some surface level things without encroaching into a realm of dark and frustrated thoughts without risking bringing people who don\u2019t really need to be brought down, down.\u00a0 And although I know many people who have endured their own episodes of family bullshit, there really aren\u2019t that many that I know who are in the entirely relatable situation of dealing with immigrant parents with severe language barriers fucking shit up on top of all the other typical bullshit that dealing with aging parents entails.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m not trying to deliberately separate myself from everyone else, or even insinuate that I\u2019m going through a very specific and very unique scenario, obviously there are millions of xennial children of today who are dealing with this exact scenario, it\u2019s just that I don\u2019t really know any whom I can commiserate with.<\/span><\/p>\n

Real talk is that I\u2019m moving my dad down to Georgia, so he can come live out the remainder of his life, closer to one of his kids, instead of being on an island up in Virginia, where he basically has no real friends, and the military buddies he has don\u2019t really include him in anything anymore these days on account of his rapidly declining mobility and basically inability to transport himself to wherever they gather and fraternize.\u00a0 So he\u2019s basically been living a life of solitary confinement for the better part of the last few years, and it\u2019s doing no favors to his general state of mental wellbeing, and his memory has started to rapidly decline and whether it\u2019s early onset dementia or Alzheimer\u2019s I don\u2019t fucking know, but it\u2019s wreaking havoc on, life, as a whole.\u00a0 His, mine, my sister\u2019s, and by proxy the ones in our individual lives, because I have family obligation to give a shit about my dad\u2019s well-being.<\/span><\/p>\n

However, it\u2019s been a colossal pain in the ass, because my dad has been indecisive and has numerously changed his mind on relocating or staying, with it becoming more and more frustrating each ensuing time.\u00a0 I got him to come down for Thanksgiving to try out the home I found for him, and in typical fashion, he didn\u2019t hate it, but he also was in no rush to move.\u00a0 Unfortunately, shortly after Thanksgiving, his cognitive abilities began falling off of a cliff and my sister and I were rudely awakened to the fact that he seemingly couldn\u2019t recall that he had any grandchildren, and that I even lived in Georgia.\u00a0 Our spouses were completely forgotten, and if not for the fact that he has family photos in his home, he wouldn\u2019t know that we were both parents in our own right.<\/span><\/p>\n

Such really chaps my ass, because we\u2019re at the stage of where my sister and I are basically flexing our power of attorney over our dad and low-key forcing him to relocate now, as opposed to him coming on his own volition, no matter just how much sense we were trying to talk into him.\u00a0 Nobody can make another person do something they\u2019re not willing to do without things getting uncomfortable in some manner.\u00a0 Had he transitioned a year ago when I first found the home, or even six, eight or ten months ago, when his wits and memory weren\u2019t an issue, he could already have had one foot in the door and begun his twilight years cognitively competent, and not basically being moved for no other reason than his own safety and need to be close to one of this kids because we\u2019re the only people on the planet who give a fuck about him.<\/span><\/p>\n

It goes without saying that I\u2019m full of resentment and frustration with my dad for not fucking listening to me, or my sister, about relocating sooner.\u00a0 He can\u2019t live alone anymore, and shouldn\u2019t really have been over the last year and change, but neither of us could make him help himself without his willingness to be on board with changes, and now we\u2019ve crossed the point where it\u2019s not a choice based on logic and mutual acceptance, but one out of necessity and for the sake of safety.<\/span><\/p>\n

After basically flexing power of attorney on him, I deliberately left two weeks on the clock, so we could have a little buffer for any last minute issues that may or may not come up, as well as to arrange travel without having to rush or pay for rush charges.\u00a0 Unsurprisingly, the last two weeks have been agonizing from the standpoint that my dad\u2019s been blowing up my phone on a daily basis, having forgotten everything we talked about the day previously, requiring me to say the same shit and explain the exact same stuff that I\u2019d been discussing with him for multiple days at this point.\u00a0 No amount of demanding he write shit down works, because he\u2019s either lying or being lazy or both, because if he were, then he wouldn\u2019t be needing to call me six times every fucking day.<\/span><\/p>\n

I snapped at my dad, telling him how frustrated I was that I had to keep doing this, and he uncharacteristically grew a little defensive and clapped back a little bit, citing that if he couldn\u2019t ask questions to his own children, then who could he ask questions to?\u00a0 I explained that he\u2019s forgetting things on a daily basis and to write things down to a degree where he wouldn\u2019t have to ask the same questions every day, and that he needed to also consider my position of where I have to say the same crap every single day because he won\u2019t help me help himself by writing down the important things.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

He forgets, I can\u2019t.\u00a0 No matter how much I\u2019d love to, and then chalk everything up to being forgetful.\u00a0 My angst, frustration and pain compounds daily, while he gets to forget about it, and ask the same bullshit questions that could\u2019ve been avoided two, four, six or twelve fucking months ago had he just listened to his own goddamn kids.<\/span><\/p>\n

And on top of it all is the motherfucking language barrier that eternally exists between us.\u00a0 And I will never not resent my parents for not learning more English after 50 years in this country, or pushing me to become more proficient in Korean.\u00a0 It takes a difficult situation and ramps the difficulty up tenfold, with neither of us really being able to say the things we really want to say, and actually have the other fully understand it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m sick of having to sit in front of my computer with Google Translate open, or having to say hold on, while I swipe out of the phone and into a browser so I can do the same thing.<\/span><\/p>\n

I swear on my life that I will never put my kids in this situation that my parents put me in.\u00a0 We will never have a language barrier between us, and I hope everyone out there who doesn\u2019t have one with their parents know just how fucking lucky they are, especially those of immigrants, who ended up on the same page to have a common tongue between parents and children.<\/span><\/p>\n

To top things off, is this rumbling of the blizzard of the century that\u2019s supposedly about to bombard the east coast.\u00a0 My dad\u2019s official travel day to Georgia is coming up, and I\u2019m going to go apoplectic if the weather comes into play and completely cockblocks everything.\u00a0 It buys time for my dad to try to back out yet again, and frankly the waiting for moving day has been way too long as it is, and I just want it to be here, so I can get him settled and hopefully started on a better life where he\u2019s closer to me, will be surrounded by other human beings, and perhaps get the mental stimulation that he\u2019s sorely needed.<\/span><\/p>\n

Of all the things I don\u2019t need, is the weather to come into play and ruin our plans.*\u00a0 But considering the general nature of bad luck, fortunate and everything else that has delayed things to this point, I feel like it\u2019s kind of a lock to happen.<\/span><\/p>\n

*actually came up with an adult idea and paid to moved up his arrival date as to avoid the proposed start time of the so called blizzard of the century<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

The point of all this rambling is that I may not talk about it a lot in my writing, or even in person, but I am going through a metric fuck ton of stuff right now.\u00a0 My life is pretty overloaded with parenting, a really currently mid-feeling job that has me churning a lot, being the general hard carry of my home, and then I have all of my dad\u2019s bullshit that I\u2019m having to run point on because nobody else is willing or able to do so, and I\u2019m in a pretty precarious state of being.<\/span><\/p>\n

Once my dad is settled and hopefully on the right track of existence, I need a fucking break.**<\/span><\/p>\n

**I put this in writing a few times a year, but it basically never actually happens<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

I also need everyone to respect my time.<\/span><\/p>\n

I also need people to stop questioning everything I do.<\/span><\/p>\n

I also need everyone to stop being so reliant on me.<\/span><\/p>\n

I also need to not have to be the hard carry in every facet of my life.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Normally I try to keep certain aspects of my personal life out of my writing, but I\u2019m at a point where I feel like I can\u2019t really speak to just anyone about the things going on in my head over the span of the last 12+ months and the journey I\u2019ve been enduring, and writing … Continue reading Current status:<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[36,71,49],"class_list":["post-51030","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-brog","tag-angst","tag-famiry","tag-wtf"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/51030","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=51030"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/51030\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":51032,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/51030\/revisions\/51032"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=51030"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=51030"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/totfc.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=51030"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}