There’s a household in my neighborhood that would classify as an extreme supporter of orange guy. Unfortunately, they live pretty close to me, so it’s impossible to not notice the majority of the bullshit that I’m about to detail.
When I first moved into the neighborhood, it didn’t take long before, for whatever reason, they put up a T/P sign up in their yard; mind you, this was in 2017, and we were already a year into this dictatorship, and I can’t help but feel like this sign going up was kind of directed at mythical wife and I, for being this mixed couple that had the audacity to move in fairly close proximity to them.
The sign got blown away during the hurricane season months later, and I remember lol’ing heartily at seeing the stand of the sign still in their yard, with the sign itself nowhere to be seen.
Suffice to say, 2020 was not a good year for them, having to exist in a world where their lord king was knocked out of power, and I guess I was delusional to think that that would be the end to their bullshit, because it was only the beginning. Their property and their belongings eventually became their canvases to express their disdain with the state of America, and over the span of the last few years, there have been a revolving door of signs, flags, cardboard cutouts and other orange guy paraphernalia adorning their house, the yard, and even their own primary vehicle.
I don’t pay a tremendous amount of attention to world news or political news because I would rather stab myself in the dick, but it was always obvious that Joe Biden did something, based on the rapidly changing reactionary décor of the orange house’s entrance window; sometimes it would be an upside American flag, which really should be reserved for genuine states of distress but here we are, a black and blue WE BACK THE BLUE flag, a red MAGA flag, or sometimes a lifesize cutout of orange guy is just thrown up there, smiling like the sex offender out at the rest of the community.
Unsurprising, their front yard has become a battlefield of orange guy supporting signs over the last few weeks, and it started with one generic sign, but over the span of the last week, the signs have multiplied greatly, with all these fairly niche and overboard signs featuring silhouettes of the orange guy, presumably after the first assassination attempt, really expressing their defiance of Democratic America, and the fairly recent array of signs that are basically the lowest common denominator of ORANGE GUY GOOD, KAMALA BAD, like ORANGE GUY LOW PRICES / KAMALA HIGH PRICES and ORANGE GUY SECURE BORDER / KAMALA OPEN BORDER, etc.
But what really served as the impetus to this post, is their car. Not long after the events of 2020, I noticed that they had decals of the orange guy on their car; the ones that are of his profile, and placed on the windows, so it looks like he’s riding in the backseat of their car. But the best part is that they apparently only have adhesive on one side, so although it looks normally placed on the passenger side, on the driver’s side, orange guys is rear-facing; much like the infant he acts like all the time, so it is kind of appropriate.
However, a few days ago, I noticed that there was some writing on their doors. I was outside with my kids and I didn’t have my glasses on, so I couldn’t make out what the writing was, but either they had started a side gig of some sort and had some company name or information on their door, or they had to have some new orange guy-related message affixed to their car because why the fuck wouldn’t they do that.
Later in the day, I was picking up some food at Chick Fil-A, and as I was circling through the app-only lane AKA the greatest invention in the food service industry, I noticed a car in the non-app lane AKA the pleeb lane, that had on the door, the words “GARBAGE MOBILE.” My brow scrunched in confusion at seeing this, like why the fuck would anyone want to call out their ride as being a garbage mobile? Were they in the waste industry or something? But then I glanced up and I saw the backward orange guy on the window, and my jaw kind of quarter opened at the realization at whose ride I was seeing.
Okay, so my thought process was that either some filthy libs had enough of seeing the orange guy mobile, and decided to vandalize them with a sticker calling their car garbage mobile, or something had occurred in the political arena where orange guy was called a piece of garbage or something, to put focus on the word garbage in the first place, and this fanatic voluntarily put this sticker on their car, because their modus operandi since I’ve known of them has always been reactionary and petulant, and they’re not intelligent enough to realize that they are willingly calling themselves garbage.
Asking my friends, who follow news and politics more than I do, I learned that while on the campaign trail, apparently Joe Biden called orange guy, his supporters, or something under that dumb orange umbrella, trash, and there appears to be a contingent of his brainless disciples that seem to want to be voluntarily owning the terms, trash or garbage, and here we are, where extreme orange-ites are putting stickers on their cars calling themselves, garbage mobiles.
The point is, this is a household that strikes me as extremely, extremely weird, because their entire identity is absolutely nothing but their political beliefs. Like, I’ve been the sports guy, the baseball guy, the wrestling guy, the blet guy, girl dad, and various other guys in my life. At no point in my life, would I want my entire public facing identity being tied solely to politics much less any single iota.
And that being said, if I had the power and ability to kick them out of the neighborhood, evict them and get them the fuck out of here and replaced by a household of more sensibly existing human beings, I’d do it in a heartbeat. And in all fairness, I’m not targeting them solely because they’re orange guy cultists; I would be just as eager and willing to eject out a household of left-wing extremists who were as obnoxious about their political identity and had absolutely no personality other than politics.
There’s just so much to the world that a higher importance than fucking politics, that anyone who can’t see that, and lets politics consume their entire existences, I don’t want them living near me. Get the fuck out of my community, please and thank you