Author: dannyhong

Every now and then, China gets it right

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

America could use these: China employs a suction-cup device that sticks to cars that implements fines for poor parking, and increases the fine based on how long it takes to pay the fine, fully aware of the societal embarrassment to violators

As the subject says, every now and then, China does manage to get it right.  In this case, they actually created something somewhat original in concept, and is something that I think more places than just China would benefit from.

Obviously, there’s no shortage of shit drivers all over America whom on purpose, or just their insufficient skill levels, park in manners that leave it up for debate on evolution, and whether or not these shit parkers’ genetic lines have all of the same makeup that of those who actually know how to park a car correctly.

So I’d be over the moon at the thought of devices like this being employed in America, and am a little bit envious that China seems to have these first, with the hopes that they would actively deter people from parking like unskilled invalids, or those who park terribly on purpose because they think their Nissan Maxima was manufactured by Bugatti and need to take up four parking spaces.

There’s a lot of gray area on these devices, mainly how they are retrieved once a violator has paid their fine, or what the next steps are if a person is not deterred through public shaming and accepts the fact that they’re to drive around with this big ass digital barnacle on their vehicle until the end of time, but just my knee-jerk reaction of these things is resoundingly positive.

The source video appears to already be gone, and I don’t want to hunt and search for anything from Chinese internets, but if the thumbnails are any indication, and the device is slapped on for merely having the tires overlapping the boundary line by just a few centimeters, it appears that China’s expectations for parking ability are quite, Asian in the sense that it doesn’t seem like it requires a lot of infraction to warrant getting one of these slapped on your ride.

All the same, the intent is to make people better drivers in general, and I wouldn’t even say that I’d be impervious to getting one of these, because I’m no stranger for looking for imbalanced parking spaces that give me a slight advantage of space wherever I can, and at one of my old jobs, I used to always park way over the line, to maximize the distance of an adjacent car’s ability to park next to me, but it was far away, so I didn’t think I was inconveniencing anyone.

But I love the logic behind this from the Chinese, because it’s undoubtedly a cash-grab of a device, but also, it’s a device of public shaming, because it’s not like a boot that immobilizes a car, but it’s instead a boot that you can drive around with, and everyone can see that you’re a shit parker.  And it’s insinuated that Chinese and other Asian cultures seem more susceptible to embarrassment than other countries (America) and that this idea might not work as well in other countries (America) as they might in a place like China.

But I’ll be damned if I wouldn’t want to see it piloted here anyway.  I’d love to see Chinese meter maids trolloping around a place like Atlantic Station or the West Paces Ferry shopping center where the worst parkers on the planet all parked like the wild west, in order to minimize how much they had to walk to Starbucks or Willy’s.  Every Mercedes, Kia Optima or BMW that parks like a douche gets one of these giant suction cup yellow discs slapped onto their door, and is stuck with them until they’re paid.  Every Dodge RAM mobile-insurrection chariot that is oblivious to just how much their cab is sticking out or over the lines gets one of these slapped on their door.

They might not be as embarrassed as the Chinese might be to have one of these one, but they’d definitely be pissed that something as ugly and unsightly would be stuck to their rides, and if they not going to outright just try and remove them illegally, it might just actually succeed at making some terrible drivers, slightly more conscientious of their decision-making when they’re behind the wheel.

As much as I love to clown on the Chinese as much as anyone of Korean descent does, gotta give credit where it’s due; they had a great idea with these things, and I can only fantasize about things like these being deployed in ‘Murica.

An unprecedented level of ownage just went legendary

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

The bar has been set: Marcus Jordan, son of Michael Jordan, wants dad to be his best man when he gets married . . . to Scottie Pippen’s ex-wife

About a year ago it came out that Scottie Pippen’s ex-wife was in a relationship with Marcus Jordan, the son of the greatest NBA player of all time, Michael Jordan.  I just figured ol’ Larsa was doing so a cerebrally petty means of attacking her ex, ol’ Stiffin’ Pippen, because they seemed to have had a fairly tumultuous and ugly public divorce. 

After all, there’s rebounding with a younger man, and then there’s rebounding with a younger man who also happens to be the son of your greatest frienemy/rival/man who overshadowed you your whole career/life, and considering all the nastiness that showed during their divorce, it didn’t seem like such a stretch that a gal like Larsa would do such a thing for no other reason.

Now whether it was a one-night stand gone wrong, a touching tale of true love to grow out of the pile of dog shit, or an orchestrated plot to try and make Scottie Pippen have sleep problems for the next decade, the relationship has evolved, and now Marcus and Larsa are apparently engaged and are planning to get married; and Marcus wants his dad, to the best man at his wedding.

Back when I found out about Marcus and Larsa’s relationship, I called it an unprecedented level of ownage, which still stands, but with them getting married, and the desire to have MJ as the best man, which he will more than likely do, that unprecedented level of ownage is about to become legendary.  A new lofty level of owange that will have a hard time ever being matched, much less surpassed.  One where even Patrick Ewing of all people would sit back and go, “damn, Scottie about to get owned.”

Not only did Larsa dump Scottie’s ass, she held onto his name because obviously she’s nothing without it, so that’s getting owned; she keeps the notoriety of being a Pippen without having to put up with Scottie’s bullshit and most likely the constant embarrassment of him being Stiffin’ Pippen whenever they went out to eat.  Then she hooks up with a younger man, and that younger man happens to be Marcus Jordan, the son of Michael Jordan, whom Scottie hasn’t been shy about turning full heel on over the last few years, and letting his true green-eyed monster rear its ugly head, so that’s getting owned to the unprecedented level.

But now they’re getting married, and if MJ has any semblance of knowledge of what it takes to be a good dad, he will undoubtedly be his best man, and when they undoubtedly and inevitably and have exorbitant wedding photos, it’s going to be Scottie’s ex-wife, with a younger man, AND Michael Jordan all looking at the camera and smiling, looking right back at Scottie.

It’s no secret how much MJ loves winning and owning others, and this undoubtedly counts as a severe and massive W for MJ, at the expense of Scottie.  And I’m not sure what would be sweeter, between all of this being basically payback for all of the bullshit Scottie had spouted in the media about MJ and their relationship, or the fact that throughout this whole journey, MJ really didn’t actually lift a finger the whole time, letting his son do all of the legwork, and being able to usurp the credit for the ownage solely by being Marcus’s dad.

Either way, at this point, I think it’s safe to say that Patrick Ewing can finally hand over the massively burdensome torch of being MJ’s biggest bitch over to Scottie Pippen, because I have no earthly idea on how this level of ownage can ever be surpassed.

Nothing says World Series champion like a technicality

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Regardless of who ultimately wins the World Series, there will be at least one particularly undeserving member of their team’s organization, that will be getting a World Series championship ring.

In the red corner, we have pitcher Madison Bumgarner, who will get a WS ring if the Dbacks win the World Series, despite the fact that he was cut all the way back in April.  MLB rules state that any player that plays any duration of time on the team’s roster, is entitled to a WS ring upon the organization’s winning of a championship that season. 

Despite the fact that Bumgarner got blown up to the tune of 20 runs in just 16.2 innings in April, and was kind of a dick about accepting any sort of coaching, the rules do say that if the Diamondbacks, he would be entitled to receive his fourth championship ring, in spite of the fact that he hasn’t been on the roster for over six months.

And in the blue corner, we have Max Scherzer, to his credit, is still on the Rangers’ roster, but has been trying his hardest to prevent the Rangers from doing any sort of winning.  Since being reactivated for the ALCS, Mad Max has made three playoff starts, but has only pitched to the tune of 9.2 innings, and given up seven earned runs in the process. 

In spite of his ineffectiveness, the Rangers still won two of those putrid starts, and are two wins away from the Commissioner’s Trophy; however the bad news is that if the Diamondbacks manage to stretch this series out even just the littlest bit, the chances of Max Scherzer getting the ball again in a critical game six or seven go up exponentially, and he definitely doesn’t inspire any confidence in his current state.

So which brings us to the question of, who would be the heavier freeloader in one of the teams’ hypothetical championship wins?

There’s something to be said about a guy who was on the squad for 14% of the entire season, and ineffectively at that, getting a championship ring, but then there’s the guy that is actively sandbagging the team’s chances at getting the championship, right now. 

If I had to ironically pick one of them to get their ring that they don’t deserve, I think it would be funnier if it were Bumgarner, but as it stands right now, the Rangers seem like they’re a little bit more Team of Destiny™ than even the Diamondbacks are, so it’s looking more favorable that Scherzer might gravy-train his way to his second WS ring, not to mention that he’ll be due to make around $118M over the next four seasons being paid out from four different franchises.  But on that same token, there’s something owning towards the Mets that their big-ticket acquisition goes onto win a ring with another team after the abject failure of the Mets forced them to trade him.

Regardless, it really doesn’t matter to me, and I really don’t care so much as it’s just mildly amusing that we’re in a scenario where a completely undeserving guy is going to be getting a championship ring regardless of the outcome of the World Series.

(Ironic) reason #169 why baseball is so great.

[EDITlol] not long after I wrote this, it came out that Max Scherzer was removed from the World Series roster, citing some bullshit physical ailment, to which any sports fan with a brain knows, is the dreaded DL for sucking.  And seeing as how the Rangers are now 3-1 in the series, it doesn’t seem likely that a Scherzer in game 7 is even remotely a possibility, so it looks like Mad Max might be getting the ring he doesn’t deserve.

If you don’t want to get disrespected, don’t get owned

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Well, that was a pleasant surprise, the Phillies getting bounced from the NLCS.  By the way they had handled business against the Barves and the whole spiel I made about how the culture the Phillies had created would undoubtedly carry them into, and win the World Series, I guess I must have jinxed them because if there’s one thing the world loves to do to me is to make all of my sports predictions come crashing to earth whenever I make them honestly and earnestly.

Despite having no real horse in the race, there was a part of me that would’ve felt a modicum of satisfaction if the Phillies had won the NLCS, because it would have proven me correct about how they were the team of destiny.  All the same, I am never not disappointed to see when the Phillies eat defeat, because misery loves company and if the Barves can’t be World Series champions, it’s nice to know that the Phillies won either.

Anyway, prior to, during and after game 7 of the NLCS was lots of delicious subplots and side quests that were occurring, all of which ended up with lots of Phillies supporters and fans, getting owned and taking L’s alongside the team that they followed.

First, let’s start off with “Mad Dog” Mike Russo, an obnoxious radio talking head who thinks he knows two shits about sports, who boldly proclaimed with all the conviction of an emperor wanting to go to war, that if the Phillies lost in game 7 of the NLCS, that he would retire, on the spot.

Naturally after the Phillies did in fact lose, everyone and their mother knew that he wasn’t going to follow through with his promise, so it was up to Howard Stern of all people, to negotiate his penance, which honestly, as satisfying as it would be to see a squid like Mad Dog on the streets of New York in a bikini and wearing a sign that said “I am a douche” still pales in comparison to the relief and satisfaction of knowing that the guy would close the book on his loud and obnoxious career.

But of course, he’ll still be working a week from now, and in about as much time, people will have forgotten he made such a stupid wager in the first place.

Next, we have the rumblings about how the Phillies organization “felt disrespected” because the Diamondbacks planted a flag of their team being National League champions onto their field at Citizens Bank Park.  Which brings us back to the title of this post, if you don’t want to get disrespected, you shouldn’t have gotten owned in the first place.

The Diamondbacks earned the right to plant their flag wherever they feel like it, because they came into an extremely hostile environment and didn’t blink once, holding the explosive Phillies offense to just three runs in games 6 and 7.  Bryce Harper, Trea Turner and Kyle Schwarber went 1 for 19 in those two games, and about as invisible as the Braves offense was against them.  If anything should feel disrespectful, it should be the guys that make up for 40% of their team’s payroll being completely absent when the team, the city, needed them most.

And finally we have some misguided Phillies fans who decided to be sore losers and decide to try and have some e-words with actual Diamondbacks players, namely Zac Gallen.  The thing about the world of social media is that it makes it really easy for people to pick and choose when they decide to engage and coming off of an impressive NLCS victory over the Phillies, Zac Gallen decided to not sit idly and let Phillies fans take shots at him and his team, and responded with the harshest of realities for Phillies fans: a reminder of when their next actual game is going to be – in Spring Training.

All the same, despite the fact that I had picked the Phillies to win the World Series after the drubbing they gave to the Barves, this is definitely a situation where I most definitely do not mind being wrong about something.  The city of Philadelphia taking L’s in any way shape or form is always a welcome sight to me.

Because swearing is so cool

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Obviously, it is not lost on me that I do swear in my own writing and spoken vernacular from time to time, but it doesn’t change the reality that my attitude on it is that it’s still not cool when done to an excess, and especially when profanity is used mostly for the sake of it.  I think it loses meaning when it’s done too much, and I like to think that when I do it in my own writing or spoken word, it’s because I’m fired up about something, trying to be funny for ironic effect, and not just saying it because I have nothing else better to say.

That being said, I don’t particularly remember what I was doing, where I was or how I heard it, but I recently heard a song that was clearly a sampling of Eiffel 65’s Blue Da ba dee back from 1998.  Looking it up, it’s I’m Good (Blue) by David Guetta and Bebe Rexha, figures that I no particular qualm with, I like Guetta’s music, and I like Rexha’s general persona, and as a song, it’s not bad and I think it pays decent credit to the original song.

It’s just that my beef with it is the melody that repeats itself like what feels like 28 times:

‘Cause I’m good yeah, I’m feelin’ alright
Baby, I’mma have the best fuckin’ night of my life“

And so I’m hearing a big ass F-bomb over and over again seemingly, and each time I hear it, I feel like I lose a little bit more respect for the song each time, because I’m wondering to myself if it’s even so necessary to have it in the first place.  Yes, I know how old man this probably makes me sound, but frankly the excessive use of it makes me feel like the appeal of the song erodes each time it’s blurted out.

Which sucks too, because much like the original, I like the musical theme of the song, but this is definitely not something I can play around my kids, because much like me, I’m sure they’ll only hear FUCKIN over and over again, and knowing my luck this will be the one single word they decide to repeat.

Like I know that the rules of society change, and that a lot of standard profanity isn’t as incendiary as it used to be, at least in compared to a number of terms and slurs that have more bigoted meanings behind them, but there’s just something so sad and pathetic about having to hear the same f-bomb over and over again, and thinking that something like a song, as a whole, can still be considered to be remotely of high quality when it just sounds like it’s trying to make itself sound dumb by virtue of spamming cuss words because cussing is so cool to begin with

Meeting Diamond Dallas Page

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

This actually happened a little while ago, but life has just been busy, my drive to write has fluctuated tremendously over the last days and sometimes there’s a backlog of things that I want to write about first jumps around a bit.  But at the same time, this isn’t something that I wanted to not write about, because as far as my fandom in wrestling goes, this was still a pretty big deal, and half of the importance of meeting a known celebrity in a field, is being able to humble-boast about it on the internet to a small or completely non-existent audience.

But in between my vacation and my work-trip, I took a night out to go to an independent wrestling show, because it wasn’t really that far from my house, but more importantly, they had advertised an appearance from Diamond Dallas Page, a wrestler that I enjoyed a lot towards the end of the 90s and into the 2000s.

Most fans remember him as the guy who invented the Diamond Cutter, which is basically the basis for Randy Orton’s RKO, but aside from the things he accomplished in his wrestling career, there’s a lot he accomplished outside of the ring that are noteworthy and contribute a lot to why I admire the guy as much as I do, especially to the point where his name alone can sell me to go to an indy show.

I popped when he defeated Jay-Z in court, when the rapper decided that he could go ahead and just use the hand symbol for the Diamond Cutter without any repercussion, and lordy, did the guy’s arrogance prove him wrong.  Guys like Jay-Z typically don’t take any L’s in life, considering his wealth and business acumen, so it was tremendously refreshing to hear that he did the job to a professional wrestler of all people, with it being noted that the Jigga man settled with DDP outside of court in order for him to drop the lawsuit, as well as ceased using the hand symbol outright.

But what most people are probably very familiar with DDP these days is his yoga and fitness programs that the guy promotes tirelessly, because once people are able to get around the professional wrestler persona, and the power of positivity that seems almost too good to be true, the fact of the matter is that DDP has helped tons of people these days, overcome all sorts of physical boundaries and limitations they were told they would have, with his training programs and general life coaching.

From prolonging the careers of fellow wrestlers, to helping athletes from all wakes of life and sport regain a modicum of physical capabilities, to rescuing veterans, those with paralyzing injuries and other handicaps, DDP has made it his life promoting wellness, health and mobility for anyone interested, from regular people, retired athletes to those still in the wrestling industry.

So when I got to have my chance to speak with DDP, I basically told him that I loved him as a wrestler, but I think it’s what he does with his life now, that really has a more admirable quality to it, and that regardless it was an honor to meet the guy.

From all the times I’ve met wrestlers, be it through random encounters, minor league appearances or paid meet and greets, it’s really hit or miss to the types of personalities you get in person.  And often times, people are encouraged to not meet their heroes so to say, so they don’t disappoint you, but to absolutely no surprise, DDP was about as gracious and as layup of a good guy in person as they come.

Instead of just ushering people away and moving onto the next guy wanting to pay money, DDP for some reason decided to tell me a story about how he went to a boxing show, and he was eager to meet Ken Norton there, but in a random hallway he runs into Norton who was in a rush as he was, and it turns out that Norton was in a rush to meet him.  I’m not entirely sure what about me made DDP want to tell me that story, but it was still cool and entertaining that he gave me the time of day to hold up the line and tell me such, and with a second handshake and an autograph I was on my merry way.

And that’s really all there was to it.  The wrestling show itself wasn’t bad as far as indy promotions go, and I saw some potential as well as names I recognized from previous times I’ve bounced around the area watching indy wrestling, but really the whole night was all about trying to meet DDP, and mission accomplished.

I look forward to having an office wall to hang my autographs off of one day, because DDP is definitely one that I’m glad to add to the collection.

Dad Brog (#122): the endlessly scary world we live in

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I got an email from my kids’ preschool, stating that due to current events happening in Israel, the school would be taking measures to increase the presence of security on site.  You see, my children attend a preschool at a Jewish temple, not because we have any modicum of interest in religion, but solely based on the fact that it’s a well-rated preschool with a proven track record of taking fantastic care of children.

Sure enough, the next time I had the opportunity to drop the girls off myself, there were extra security vehicles in the parking lot, and although I knew this was coming, it still pained me to the heart to see the entire temple feel the need for increased security due to happenings halfway across the planet.

Don’t get me wrong, I know Jews have had perhaps the rawest deal in human history.  I’ve been doing a little side project which basically entails reading up on the events and happenings of every single date, and I’m not kidding when I can say that sparingly, does a day go by, where at some point in history, I don’t come across an event there weren’t a number of Jewish people who were killed, primarily just for the fact that they were Jewish.  And I’m not talking about just World War II, all throughout history, basically since the Judaism was invented, at some point in time on every single day, Jews have been persecuted and/or killed just for being Jewish.

But back to my tiny little world here, it’s absolutely mortifying to think that there would be people so radicalized, so hateful or so just plain misguided, that they’d take action against a freaking preschool, full of children ranging from ages 1-5.  A bunch of kids who are all yet still so pure and innocent and don’t even understand that horrific things are happening in Israel.  Not that anyone is deserving of being attacked with the intention to kill, especially these kids should not be targeted and I’m not just saying it because my kids are also students there.  They’re all just kids, and it takes a real sick fuck to go after them.

It’s just really, really scary to think that my kids’ school even feels the need to shore up their security, and I don’t blame them at all.  It wasn’t even a year ago where another Jewish temple not that far from where I am, had bigots demonstrating right outside their property, brandishing actual Nazi swastikas, with absolutely no fear of doing so without needing to protect their identities.  I know the Jewish community has had it bad historically, and I don’t question one bit when they feel the need to beef up.

I don’t follow the news because my plate is always so full without the feeling of needing to be up-to-date in current events, not to mention that the news is always just so god damn depressing as it is, that I don’t want to hear of such shit in my life, so I’m actually quite uneducated on the specifics on what’s happening out in Israel.  But from what bits and pieces I hear from my friends’ groups chatter, it doesn’t really seem more of anything outside the ordinary from how Jews have had it historically, which is, always a sad thing to hear.  And it’s absolutely frightening to think that it’s why my kids’ school thousands of miles and a continent away, still feels concerned about their safety.  😞