I see you, Balakey

I can’t say that I’m particularly a fan of pitcher Blake Snell; I tend to not care for baseball players that act like out-of-touch man-babies when it comes to how much they’re paid for the privilege of playing professional baseball, and Snell is amongst the worst. 

He once suggested that players should’ve been paid their full salaries during the COVID season, and he’s one of those guys that it’s pretty clear that his full career objective is accumulating as much money as possible, which inherently there’s nothing wrong with, but it’s also the way that he’s trying to accomplish it with an inequitable amount of effort exerted to earn it that rubs me the wrong way.

This past off-season was a delight to see him flounder away during free agency, and basically becoming the cautionary poster boy for talented free agent to get absolutely pwned by the process.  He was looking for comparable money that the Dodgers had paid Japanese import Yoshinobu Yamamoto (12-year, $365M), and along the way had turned down an offer from the Yankees that was half that, thinking if he held out, he could get better, if not comparable.

He was wrong.  Delightfully.

Ultimately, he signed with the Giants on a two-year, $62M deal which is still an egregious annual value to a human being to throw a baseball over and over again, and seeing as how it had an opt-out clause in between, it was evident that Snell’s goal was going to be to pitch his ass off, opt-out, and try again for a Yamamoto deal, while also having the security cushion of a fat $31M second year with the Giants if things fell through.

The 2024 season couldn’t have started off any worse for someone playing the game Snell was trying to play; he would go 0-3, never getting out of the fifth inning, and have an ERA of 11.57.  His peripherals were shit, he was throwing too many pitches, walking too many guys, and downright sucked.  It was clear that he basically did no work or working out during the offseason, and didn’t prepare at all during the spring since he was technically unemployed almost until the start of the season, and it was showing on the field.

He was put on the DL for sucking, AKA bullshit injury to justify poor performance, and came back at the end of May, where he would proceed to string together three more shitty starts, where he still couldn’t get out of the fifth inning, and was pitching terribly, but was masked by the fact that the Giants still won two of those games in spite of him.

I relished in Snell’s poor performance, and despite my general disdain for Bay Area sports fans, even I didn’t think they deserved the turd that the Blake Snell contract was turning into.  Without question, he was going to opt-in to year two of his deal, and hamstring the Giants for another $31M that could’ve been utilized in so many better ways.

Once again he went on the DL for sucking, and he was back on July 9th and this is where the story really begins.  Snell would pitch five innings, giving up just a single hit and no runs, and the Giants would win.  The Giants would win two of his next three starts, with Snell pitching like the two-time Cy Young winner he was.

On August 2nd, Snell would get the first win of his season, after pitching a fucking no-hitter against the Cincinnati Reds, and he would follow that with another quality start and another win.

The overall picture of Blake Snell’s current 2024 isn’t notable – 2-3 W-L in 12 starts, a 4.31 ERA, with the Giants going 7-5.  But since July, he’s gone 2-0 in six starts, has an ERA of 1.15 and the team has gone 5-1.

It’s very apparent that he’s finally woken up, and that he’s beginning to pitch his ass off so that he can opt-out at the end of the season and make another try for a long-term Yamamoto-money deal.

Here’s the thing though, as many words as I’ve spoken to be critical about Blake Snell, I actually have never bothered to really take a deep dive into the numbers that paint the picture of Blake Snell; until now.  And the most interesting thing I’m discovering about ol’ Balakey is that save for the no-hitter, the season narrative described above is absolutely nothing out of the ordinary for him.

I’ve read numerous times about how Snell is “a slow starter” but figured it was typical media defending of the guy.  But looking at his career numbers and splits, slow starter doesn’t do the man justice.

I’m now convinced that Blake Snell is probably the smartest baseball player there is, at the way he has absolutely gamed the game of baseball in order to make as much money as he can, with the least amount of effort possible.  I mean, the guy streams video games in his downtime, gaming is nothing outside of his realm of interests, and it’s apparent that he’s brought that mentality into his career strategy.

Looking over his game logs over the last few seasons, which were coincidentally the most critical years in terms of showcasing himself in preparation for free agency, his Aprils have as many L’s as the 2024 Chicago White Sox, and he looks like shit; can’t get more than five innings, giving up lots of runs, mundane strikeout numbers.

But then July hits each year, Snell’s fairy godmother materializes out of nowhere and turns him into fucking Nolan Ryan.  He starts piling up strikeouts, the inning numbers start turning from 5.0 to 7.0, and the team starts piling up W’s like they’re the 1996 Chicago Bulls.

This isn’t hyperbole, there really is that drastic of a split between the first halves and second halves of his seasons, career-wide:

1st Halves: 28-39 W-L, 3.98 ERA, 1.339 WHIP, 10.9 K/9
2nd Halves: 41-17 W-L, 2.41 ERA, 1.097 WHIP, 11.4 K/9

Now I know all these numbers don’t mean a thing to anyone who doesn’t follow baseball, but what it really says is that Blake Snell is trash in the first half of most seasons, and turns into a fucking demi-god in the second half.  He walks fewer guys, strikes out more guys, and the team just flat out wins.

And the thing is, I don’t think this is coincidental, I don’t think this is fluky, I think it’s entirely by design and mostly deliberate by Blake Snell.  It’s no secret in the world of professional sports that athletes tend to metaphorically hit the NOS during their walk-years, and there’s mountains of evidence that exist these days to justify such a notion.  It’s also no secret that professional sport is influenced tremendously by recency bias, where the most recent version of an athlete is the one to consider when it comes time to negotiate dolla-dollas.

I may not be a fan of Blake Snell’s perceived-by-me money-grubbing ways, but I see you, Balakey.  I kind of respect the cerebral approach to optimizing his earning capabilities.  I’m not going to poo-poo on a guy’s effort to make as much money as he can, but at the same time, I’m not going to also not think that it does seem crappy to the teams, the fans of those teams, and those who root for him, to often be knowing that unless it’s July or later, he’s probably holding something back and not trying his hardest, because as he’s demonstrated for us all over the last few years, those April-May-June starts definitely don’t mean as much as the months July and on.

Dominik Mysterio has an important choice to make

Be more like his dad Eddie Guererro Rey Mysterio, or be more like Sammy Guevara?

So I’m scrolling through theFacebook, and I come across a random photograph taken by a fan, from Summer Slam, and it’s of the part where Dominik Mysterio and Liv Morgan are embracing after Liv’s successful title defense against Rhea Ripley, whom Dom-Dom had just schemed against and screwed.  Enthralling television.

But in the photo, you can clearly see some tongue action going on between the two, and I’m thinking to myself first, that’s kind of gross because seeing anyone really tongue making out isn’t ever really attractive if I’m being honest, but then I’m thinking, hey Dominik Mysterio is actually married in real life and I bet his wife probably isn’t appreciating the liberties he’s taking in the name of putting on a show.

Most fans probably noticed that over the last two years of the Dominik and “Mami” Rhea Ripley relationship, there’s never been any real kissing or anything too affectionate shown on screen.  With kayfabe being a dead thing these days, most fans also knew that both of them were in relationships outside of the ring, Dominik married, and Rhea Ripley engaged (now married) to Buddy Matthews.

I get the impression that this was the case out of a mutual respect between all parties related, and what they did show on screen was all for show, and because Dom and Rhea are pretty talented performers, they still managed to sell it convincingly and seem pretty natural on screen.

But after seeing Dom and Liv going ham as soon as the ruse was revealed, now it seems more like the previous agreement was probably more Rhea’s idea than Dom’s, and although I imagine he’ll deny and proclaim that it’s to sell the storyline, I feel like Dom went a little heavy-handed with his actions, the way he was trying to inhale Liv Morgan into him like he were Shang Tsung sucking up her soul.

Of course it takes two to tango, and as aesthetically pleasing I find Liv Morgan, and tempting as the opportunity would seem, I get the impression she doesn’t give a fuck about Dom’s wife so much as she wants to make a moment, and was all for making out with Dom on Peacock® as hard as she could to move the needle.

It didn’t end there either, as the following Monday on RAW, the two of them were on screen together, as Finn Balor revealed the grand excommunication of both Damien Priest and Rhea Ripley from the Judgment Day, and they were just all over each other, sharing all these little pecks and smooches on camera.  Again, none of this occurred when it was Dom x Rhea, but now that it’s Dom x Liv, all bets appear to be off.

So back to the original question, I feel like Dominik Mysterio is at a personal crossroads right now, and I’m not entirely not being serious about it, because the only outcome of it really does affect personal lives in the end.

Does Dominik subscribe to the newsletter of his dad, Eddie Guerrero Rey Mysterio, and maintain a healthy work-life balance where he has a loyal wife and children at home, doesn’t stray, and resist temptation?  I know I’ve made the Eddie joke twice now, but even Eddie is a good example in this case, because he too was a faithful husband and took care of his family until the very end.

Or does Dominik subscribe to the Sammy Guevara newsletter, where his professional life begins to permeate into his personal life?  Where the ultra-talented Sammy Guevara had an emotionally charged televised proposal and engagement to his now-ex Pam, but then would rapidly embark on a relationship with a fellow wrestler, Tay Conti, and basically humiliate all parties involved publicly when he ended up dumping Pam and basically immediately marrying and knocking up Conti, and even where the fickle AEW even thought he was a shithead.

Because as it stands now, it looks like Dom hasn’t made such a distinction yet, and if he thinks kayfabe is going to be some sort of hall pass for him to suck face with Liv Morgan on television and expect to be able to go home to his actual wife and all is going to be hunky-dory, I’d wager that she’s not going to be as pleased by his choices to imbibe in the physicality with Liv when he’s gone the last few years without any televised action with Rhea.

Sensibility and the want to know everyone is in a good place dictates that Dom-Dom go the route of his dad(s), and curb it back a smidge.  But Dom is also young, Liv Morgan is also hot and seems to have no qualms with using whatever hand she’s dealt to optimally raise her stock, and I think most red-blooded males can understand the conundrum going on in his head, but only time will tell to see how the rest of this journey transpires.

Someone put Miguel Vargas on (career) suicide watch

No matter how much the Braves stink it up sometimes, and even if they miss the playoffs due to Bryce Elder, their feast or famine inept offense, and their complete lack of willingness to improve at the trade deadline or by signing Trevor Bauer, fewer things will be sadder than this image of now-White Sox infielder, Miguel Vargas, staring off into the abyss after the White Sox had lost their 20th consecutive baseball game.

A little over a week ago, Vargas was suiting up for the first in the NL West Dodgers, probably living his best life.  As being part of a Major League roster, his paychecks were probably getting nice and thick, and the team is so loaded with talent, that he was mostly a backup player anyway, living the American dream of sitting on a bench for the vast majority of every game, and at the most, getting a pinch-hit or pinch-run opportunity, or a Sunday start.  Life in LaLa-Land was beautiful and sunny, and even if his minor league performance hadn’t yet caught up to the bigs, he had made it.

But then Vargas was traded to the Chicago White Sox; not just the worst team in the AL Central, they’re the worst team in all of baseball, and they were riding a lengthy losing streak, that had no light at the end of the tunnel of stopping.  Aside from the trade that brough him to Chicago, anyone who had any inkling of a chance at stopping the bleeding were also getting shipped out, and the White Sox were undoubtedly raising the white flag on the season, and the organization’s only objective was to be able to field a team for the remainder of the games of the season, all while attempting to restore their farm system with assets and prospects from other teams via trade.

Originally, my knee-jerk reaction was that Vargas should suck it up and take solace in the fact that he’s still a major league player on a big league roster.  He’s still getting paid major league money to play a kids game, and being moved to a team like the White Sox, should alleviate pretty much all pressure there could be to succeed, because the team has no pressure to actually win games; and it’s in these conditions where a guy like Miguel Vargas could flourish and raise his stock, and either get paid, or possibly get traded again, after the season, and escape from the Southside.

However, apparently Miguel Vargas is at a precariously early stage of his career that he kind of has a reason to be depressed and mopey over his situation.  Being a pre-arbitration player, he’s making league minimum, which is still a ridiculous $775K to play baseball, it’s low enough to where he becomes a negligible risk of getting cut like a rounding error.  And if his performance doesn’t show some improvement soon, the two prospects sent to Chicago with him also play the same positions he do, and they could very well leapfrog over him in the organizational hierarchy.

Above all else, he goes from sunny beautiful Los Angeles to the south side of Chicago.  I don’t even know what their park is called nowadays, but I can’t imagine it’s improved at all from when it was The Cell™ AKA the worst ballpark in all of MLB in my own experiences.  Sure, I’d wager that he’s not actually living on the south end of the city, but he still has to commute there for all his home games, and the Southside really is as shitty as it’s made to look in Shameless

I’d be on the precipice of a breakdown if I were Miguel Vargas too, but at least there’s one possible silver lining to everything he’s going through – if the Dodgers actually do manage to not fuck up in the playoffs and miraculously win the World Series, then he is due a World Series ring too, because baseball is funny like that and even the slimmest of contributors get a share in the credit of a championship.

Either way, when I had the idea to write about Miguel Vargas, I originally thought along the lines of suck it up, buttercup, but then diving deeper into his financials and his performance statistics, I began to realize that he really did have a reason to be this sad, and that in itself is really sad, because professional athletes shouldn’t ever be sad, unless they’re losing critical championship-implication games, not some random August regular season scrap against another pitiful franchise like the A’s.

Things White People Like: Black and White Houses

Part of observing the world around me, is occasionally identifying patterns.  I like to think that I’m a pretty observant person, and I feel like I’m pretty good at identifying patterns, especially when I see commonalities in behavior or tendencies in demographics.

To cut to the chase and keep my word count down and free of paragraphs of extraneous fluff, I’ve determined that white people are extremely willing to accept questionable aesthetics and/or quickly latch onto the new and niche, as long as the result of their collective acceptance makes something “theirs.”

And once something becomes a white people thing, all the other basic white people begin to glom onto it and perpetuate the stereotype even stronger and give it more and more momentum, to where it gets to this point where upon visual identification of it from the rest of the world, it’s automatically associated with being a white people thing.

In the past, I have brogged about things about how white people really love Major League Soccer, and how white people really love the new Ford Bronco, but I’ve given this a lot more thought than I probably should have considering all the things in the world that would be slightly more productive to think about alternatively, but to the point where this could potentially become a series of posts or at least worth justifying the existence of a white people tag on the brog.

Over the last, I’d say four years, I’ve noticed a trend in home design, along with a correlation of seemingly only white people partaking in it: black and white homes.  Homes that are entirely black and white, be it white brick, white panel, white siding. 

I’m talking straight up white; #FFFFFF white, 0.0.0.0 white.  Not “bone,” not “French white” or any shade of white that has any iota of colored pigmentation in it whatsoever.  Just fucking default plain white, but all over the home.

And then comes the black, usually in trim, shutters, doors, maybe an accent wall or side of the home.  Garage door(s), gutters, support beams, full on black.  #000000 black, 100.100.100.100 black.

Homes like these, I’ve seen an increase of them popping up all around the city, especially in the little bubble of zip codes that I live in, since I do live in an area with a high concentration of white people.  Roads that I’ve driven on, I’ve seen homes that clearly sold during the nuclear real estate boon just a year ago, and it’s evident that the new owners tore down the old homes, and erected these black and white, white people monuments in their place.  Empty lots or little parcels of land in which I didn’t even think that a home could be built upon, now have homes that are more black and white than a weekday newspaper comics page.

Even a home in my own neighborhood, frankly one that I would’ve gone after myself it were available at the time in which I was looking for a house, I remember walking in my neighborhood one day, and I nearly went snow blind when they had completely whitewashed the entire fucking home, before they put their all-black trim on it.  Like, this couple paid a large sum of money to transform their ordinary home into this gaudy black and white structure smack dab in the middle of a cul-de-sac with more ordinary looking homes all around it.

And the thing is, although my sample size is small in confirmation, I’d wager a good bit that every single one of these homes is resided by white people.  Many of the homes that come to mind while I’m writing this post I know by virtue of visual confirmation of the residents that they’re white, others have some serious tells that they’re resided by white people, most notably shit like big fucking Dodge Ram trucks, orange guy or Yosemite Sam political signs out in front, among other very obvious white people-centric things that easily fill in the blank.

The bottom line is that black and white houses have become this very obvious indicator of white people living somewhere, and I imagine I’m going to be flabbergasted the day I drive past a black and white house, and I see a minority coming out the door or garage.  However, I imagine that when such a day occurs, similar to the fashion in which white people abandoned cities throughout US history, it will probably mean that white people have begun to abandon ship on the trend are on the prowl for something other home aesthetic trend that they can make theirs, before any colored folk decide to get in on the trend.

Suck it, Italy

That’s just ~a little bit~ racist: after Hong Kong’s Cheung Ka-long’s gold medal victory over Italy’s Filippo Macchi in individual men’s fencing, the Italian Fencing Federation files a complaint with the IOC, accusing the refereeing to be biased because the refs were from Taiwan and South Korea, and had geographical favoritism

Man, not a whole lot to unpack here, but some pretty flagrant racism in the middle of the Olympics going on over here.  Italians crying foul and accusing refs of cooking up some home field advantage is wildly ignorant and racist considering the fencer is from Hong Kong, one ref is from Taiwan and the other ref being Korean.

Sure, there is a degree of Asians supporting Asians from time to time, but usually when it’s something where there are very few Asians present in some sort of contest, like Jeremy Lin in the NBA getting a lot of love and admiration from most Asians regardless of race.  Not the fucking Olympics, where not only are there a whole bunch of Asians present and participating in all sorts of events, they’re all representing their own cultures in neat little conveniently categorized by country.

Like, Taiwan couldn’t give two shits about Hong Kong.  They already exist with tons of beef from the mainland themselves, so they actually have something in common with HK, but a Taiwanese referee isn’t going to put their career on the line and secretly pull for a Hong Konger.  And Koreans couldn’t give even lesser of a fuck about Hong Kong.  As the kids so eloquently say these days, the fuck on out of here, Italy.

While we’re making sweeping generalizations, let’s go ahead and proclaim that there are few countries that whine and act like sore losers than Italy does.  Lose to a Chinaman in fencing?  Obviously racist and biased refereeing.  Angela Carini takes a punch and throws in the towel?  Clearly her opponent was a dude (read: she wasn’t), and drag her entire name and reputation into the mud before being proven wrong.

It’s even worse in futbol, where Italians have demonstrated a laundry list of bad behavior and reactions in the name of defeat, like fans throwing fireworks onto the field, pelting opposing players with dangerous projectiles.  In 2002, the Korean player who headed in the game-winning goal that sent Italy packing in the World Cup who happened to play for an Italian club, was cut almost immediately afterward.

But this recent episode isn’t just sore losing, it’s just straight up racist.  Ignorant, reckless and completely idiotic racism, that I had to stop and actually process just how dumb it was after hearing about it, because I almost couldn’t believe that there were people in positions capable of having direct lines with the IOC, being so juvenile and flagrant with their accusations.

Haven’t Koreans already had enough bullshit already during this Olympics?  Getting announced as the wrong country first was pretty bad, but now getting dragged into this pitiful Italy tirade is pretty bad too.

Props to Pizza Hut HK though, for sticking it to Italian culture by offering up free pineapple on pizza for the next 24 hrs.  I really wish Domino’s in Korea would do the same thing in solidarity and retaliation for Italy’s bullshit.  Kind of makes me want to go out and get some pizza with pineapple on it myself, but I think I’ll have to keep that want in my back pocket for the next time pizza is a possibility.

Dad Brog (#138): About that “fake” global warming

I remember when I was a kid, outdoor play was as regular as going to school or a job; something you did on almost a daily basis.  Summer vacation saw tons of playing outside, I have tons of memories of exploring the woods, playing basketball, practicing rollerblading, and all sorts of things done solely outdoors.

Sure, the summertime would be hot, but we kids would pop outdoors without blinking an eye, and spend hours playing basketball, or just wandering aimlessly.  Personally, I don’t ever recollect putting on sunscreen at any time, and I’d go outside, do shit, and be content to come back home sweaty and relieved to be out of the heat, but otherwise not worrying about dehydration and excessive sun exposure.

The other day, I was at a parent orientation for my kids’ preschool, talking to the teachers about what to expect for the upcoming year, and a question that mythical wife had asked was if they adhered to the county protocol when it comes to heat advisory, to which they did, which was good to know, seeing as how often the temperatures here in Georgia are 95F+, which is that if the heat index exceeds a certain threshold, kids are not sent outside for recess.

Sure, there’s a knee-jerk reaction somewhere that wants to call everyone today soft and that they need to toughen up and get out in the sun and live a little, but the more rational part of my brain also understands and acknowledges the existence of global warming, and in spite of the dumbasses of the country who like to claim that it’s fake news, the fact of the matter is that every summer seems like it gets to become the hottest one ever, and we’re getting to the point where the act of going outside in the summertime comes with actual health risks involved.

My kids have gotten to the point where their general love of books, puzzles and board games has been diminishing a little bit, and they really want to be active and do physical activities, like playing tag, hide-and-seek and just plain run around and expend the gas tanks worth of energy that kids this young are in disposal of.  I want to be able to oblige them, and it kills me that I have to always be cognizant of the heat index conditions, and over the last few weeks of this summer, it’s either been torrential downpour or temperatures well in excess of 95F, with the heat index being even higher.

And I keep them inside, because they’re not old enough to be mindful of dehydration and exertion in the sun and heat yet, and I’ve seen them be affected by lesser temperatures, so I don’t want to subject them to the risk, just because they’re a little bored and antsy.  It’s like the outdoors, as beautifully sunny and picturesque it can be sometimes, is like an episode of Dual Survival or that mission in Mass Effect 2, where you had to rescue Tali from the planet that was too close to a sun, where excessive exposure to the sun would erode your shields and health.

The point of this post is that I just think it really sucks that I have to err on side of caution with my kids and taking them outdoors, because global warming is a very real fucking thing and the planet isn’t just hotter than it was 30 years ago, it’s gotten to the point where everyone has to exercise a ton of caution, preparation and basically gearing up, just to go outside.  It’s obnoxious and bothersome when dumbasses like to proclaim their opinion that it’s not a real thing, because there’s monumental amounts of evidence that says that it is.

As much as I’d love for my kids to have the kind of childhood that had the type and amount of outdoor play as mine did, I just don’t think it’s going to be possible, at least without elevating their risks of physical harm, dehydration and skin cancer risks.  It’s not fair to the kids of tomorrow to have to deal with the consequences of the generations long before them, and it makes me anxious and disappointed that I’m going to have to basically wait until like October before it’s going to be really comfortable and adequate to play outside with my kids.

Good riddance, Pearl

TIL: the Atlanta Braves will be moving their Double-A minor league affiliate from Pearl, Mississippi to Columbus, Georgia.  They will also be ditching the Braves moniker and will hopefully be something chintzy and marketable

Not that I pay attention to every iota of Braves coverage as I once did at a point in my life, but as a fan of minor league baseball, and for lack of a better term, a fan of the Atlanta Braves, news like this piques my interest, even if this were reported way the fuck back in January of this year.

I mean, I knew that the Braves had relinquished control over all of their minor league squads back in 2021 like selling their debts, and I didn’t hate the news at all quite the contrary, because I felt that it opened the door for Braves affiliates to spread their wings and try to be something more in the spirit of minor league baseball, instead of the boring, stuffy and sterile branding of “The Braves.”

Gwinnett (AAA) had already switched over to becoming the Strippers Stripers, and Rome (A+) as of this years ditched being the Braves and became The Emperors, as in Roman emperor, and better yet, adopted emperor penguins to be their team’s mascot.  Not that I’ve been paying any attention, but for whatever reason, the Mississippi Braves had remained as such over the last two-plus seasons, and despite their freedom to do so, they didn’t appear to be in any rush to make any changes to the organization.

Until this season apparently, as it was announced that the club will be moving out of Pearl, Mississippi and moving to Columbus, Georgia, as well as ditching the Braves moniker and will be adopting a new name for the start of the 2025 minor league season.

At first blush, my thought was, oh great here we go again with a brand new fucking ballpark to build, but it turns out that there’s apparently a historic ballpark in Columbus, Golden Park, that will actually be renovated and used to house the future Columbus Braves affiliate, instead of building something from scratch.  Granted, a renovation isn’t cheap either, and I’m sure it will probably be something of a $65M tax burden for the people of Columbus to absorb, but that sure beats the $126M it took to build the Braves’ Spring Training facility from scratch in Sarasota.

Regardless of the financial burden of accommodations, this is actually a change that I don’t immediately just want to shit on upon hearing about it.  Having been to Pearl, Mississippi, solely to watch a M-Braves game, I have to say that getting the fuck out of that shithole in the middle of goddamn nowhere is nothing but good news for the Braves and frankly, all of Minor League Baseball in that nobody again will ever have to step foot in Pearl/Jackson, Mississippi after the 2024 season.

It’s the only place I’ve ever been to where I genuinely felt like I was whisked back in time at the casual ignorant racism that got in just a singular afternoon in town, from the moment I left the airport, to getting to the ballpark, and while simply getting food.  The cabbie who picked me up from the airport thought that I had to have been an actual player since I was headed to the ballpark, and upon arriving at the ballpark, I caught some kids staring at me and thinking I was Hideki Matsui.

It’s clear that Asian people aren’t a common occurrence in this chunk of the country, but god damn.  During the game, I was puckish so I went up to a concession stand where there were unsurprisingly chicken tenders and fries, and when I handed over my debit card to pay, the lady at the register examined my card and put down her bifocals, and then said to me, “oh that’s an easy one.”

Obviously having no fucking clue to what she was talking about, I asked her what, and she responded that it was my name, that it was one of those names that wasn’t too hard to pronounce.  Okay then

So needless to say, it seems like a monumental win for any person or any business or in this case, any team, to get the fuck out of Pearl, Mississippi, and head closer to somewhere that’s closer to their parent organization.  Columbus isn’t a tremendous step up from Pearl as far as not feeling like you’re in the middle of nowhere, but at least it’s a military town where people have had some etiquette and discipline beaten into them, and it’s only like a 2-3 hour drive to the Metro Atlanta area if anyone wants to feel some actual civilization.

I’m excited to eventually find out what the team will lean towards as far as a new team name, branding and identity will be.  I don’t know much about Columbus other than it being a military town, so I can’t take any snarky takes or come up with any sarcastic names to anoint them as, but hopefully the yokels out there will have the wherewithal to steer clear of the low-hanging fruit of Christopher, whom we all with brains have heard wasn’t exactly the best guy in history.

But hey, there’s always the Columbus Barves, wouldn’t that be some shit, to take the popularized typo-meme-unofficial sarcasm name for whenever the team fucks up, and make it official?  A guy can dream.