Probably how Screech would have wanted to go out

Not necessarily the dying at age 44 part, but most definitely the part where everyone* on the old Saved by the Bell cast is probably left feeling like a bunch of assholes.  Regardless, it was unfortunate, and sad to hear that Dustin Diamond AKA Screech from Saved by the Bell, passes away from lung cancer, despite the fact that he alleged to never have been a smoker at all.

*except Mario Lopez, who seems to have been the only member of the old cast to ever have reached out to Diamond to make amends prior to his passing

I’ve made no secret that I loved Saved by the Bell.  It was definitely one of the shows of my childhood, and I can to this day, with great clarity, make SbtB references and analogies to even the most obscure episodes.  There’s nary a week where I don’t make at least one Jessie Spano on caffeine pills SO EXCITED reference, and the general cast are almost biblical characters in how often they can be compared to, when describing other human beings.

That being said, it’s also been no secret that since the heydays of Bayside’s finest, the alumni of the show have not been particularly nice to Screech since everyone went their separate ways.  The popular narrative, as told mostly by Screech himself, is that among the cast and the crew, he was the youngest of them all, and was therefore systematically alienated and left out of the cool kids’ club throughout their time on the show as well as all traces afterward.

Dustin Diamond clearly held sour grapes to his Bayside brethren throughout the years, and unfortunately that kind of vitriol seemed to poison everything about his post SbtB career; whereas Zack maintained an acting career even to this day, Kelly went onto 90210, Slater went onto be the male morning talk personality, Jessie did Showgirls and even Mr. Belding parlayed his career into all sort of personal appearances and cameos, it’s hard to really say what Screech did afterward.

He certainly spent a lot of time trying to tear down the posse that shunned him, with projects like the tell-all Beyond the Bell, and the Lifetime-released Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story, and when all else seemed to fail, he resorted to celebrity boxing and even released a porno, thus feeding the age-old narrative that people really will, pay to see just about anyone, fucking on tape.

For the most part, the rest of the SbtB crew no-sold the shit out of Screech’s attempts to deride them, which in itself is sad on all parts; it was clear that Screech just wanted to be a part of the gang, a lifelong member of Zack Attack, but was going about it in the worst possible manner; and as a result of the antagonization, the rest of the crew gleefully went about their lives, continuing to shun and deny Screech from anything and everything potentially related to any sort of SbtB reunions.

With the coup de grace being a legendary skit on Jimmy Fallon, where pretty much the entire crew, minus Screech (and Lisa, who more or less got into drugs and religion at different points and mostly dropped off the face of the planet, but didn’t seem to hold ill will or have any real desire to stay in Zack Attack), where everyone reprised their old roles and acted out a skit with Jimmy Fallon basically being the nerdy dork who needed Zack and Co to help a brother out.

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An observation about the Final Fantasy VII remake

I don’t think I’ve made any secret that I think that Final Fantasy VII is probably one of the most overrated games in the history of the industry.  Personally, VI is still my favorite among all that I’ve played, followed closely by IV.  But all pale in comparison to Final Fantasy Tactics

Regardless, just because I thought it was overrated didn’t mean that I didn’t play it; of course I played it.  Did all the stuff that all players back in 1997 did, breed chocobos so you could get a golden one, which was the only way to get the Knights of the Round materia which basically put the rest of the game on easy mode thereafter.  I beat Emerald Weapon, but was never able to beat Ruby, but by then my interest had already waned and I didn’t feel any real need to bother and try. 

Needless to say, the game didn’t really leave a long lasting impression on me personally, and I was always fascinated to why so many people thought this was the pinnacle of video games, and continued to do so for literal decades afterward.

So imagine my general ambivalence-resentment at the nearly decade-long song and dance of a FFVII remake being developed and released, that ultimately dropped over the last year, to which I was disgusted to find out that even that was still just a portion of the game, which people basically had to pay a full price for a part of a game, and a remake at that.  Obviously, I wasn’t going to shit on everyone’s parade who was ecstatic for more FFVII, but I was pretty irritated at the general low-ambition business model of remaking an old game instead of trying to develop and tell new stories.

Recently, I’ve been getting video suggestions for FFVII remake videos on YouTube and because I’m now a parent with low tolerance for searching and wanting to instead be presented, I’ve watched several over the last few days, because I was seeing things and/or characters that I didn’t recognize from the original version, plus watching gameplay videos satiates any curiosity I might have about the way the game plays or looks without having to commit the money or the time investment into finding out personally.

Clearly, because the objective of the remake is to drag things out as long as possible so they can sell individual chapters of the game at full MSRPs over a window of time, the remake has definitely taken some liberties to flesh things out tremendously, and give a lot more spotlight to characters that were definitely more tertiary in the original than they are now.

But in the process of fleshing things out more thoroughly, I’ve noticed that the game has taken the time to really inject some more personality and character into the individual core characters as well, and 23 years of technological advancement has given the visuals the ability to interpret stuff like facial expression and body language to do all the talking that the dialogue might not have been able to do itself in 1997.

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OK, let’s talk about Cobra Kai S3

[Full disclosure]: I make no promises that I will not write things that can be construed as spoilers.  Read at your own risk, if you think Cobra Kai is as so bad it’s great as I do.

Despite the fact that I think I’ve established that I have very little free time to myself on a very regular basis, I still made it a point to churn through Cobra Kai season 3, fairly pretty quickly as soon as it dropped.  It’s very fortuitous that the episodes are all barely 22-30 minutes, so they breeze by quickly, and it’s very easy to binge watch and complete without that much commitment, and of course, the show is so fucking terrible that I can’t help but think it’s great.

That kind of description doesn’t really help to determine on whether I like it or not, but when the day is over, I’ve seen every single episode of the show, and I have no real regrets in watching.  I’ve also written and analyzed the show numerous times on the brog, back when I was still acting like it was beneath me and I was doing the show a tremendous favor by writing about it.

Anyway, S3 – shotgunned it, and finished it in two days, over one evening and two baby naps.

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I want to like this more, but the jokes

Impetus: Thirty years after WWF Wrestlefest is released in arcades, some company announces the release of RetroMania Wrestling, the “official” sequel to WrestleFest

As the title of this post says, I really want to like and be excited about this game more than I am, but there are just so many jokes and snark to unleash and get out of my system before I can resign myself to the fact that I’ll still probably impulse purchase this on Steam so that I can play with my brother and my bros.

When I was a kid, I loved Wrestlefest.  I almost always picked the Ultimate Warrior despite the fact that by then, I was already well on my way to being one of those contrarian mark types of wrestling fans and was a by far bigger fan of Mr. Perfect than I was the Warrior, but the cheapskate cheesing kid with very limited quarters didn’t like the fact that Mr. Perfect lacked many power moves, but most importantly the ability to drop a body slam, so there was no way to get cheap easy eliminations with Mr. Perfect when playing in the Royal Rumble mode.  One of my fondest memories of this game was being a such a master button masher, that no matter the fact that I had zero health in a Royal Rumble match, I would still kick out of every pinfall attempt, and I ended up outlasting two other human opponents, with me winning the rumble after back dropping the last human player out.

Hell, even as an adult, I loved Wrestlefest, and I installed Mame and got a rom of Wrestlefest, it was basically the greatest thing on the planet, that I could now play one of my favorite arcade games ever, with basically unlimited quarters, since credits could be added with the press of buttons.  I dabbled with all other characters I didn’t want to waste money with when I was a kid, and realized that the best player in the game was Sgt. Slaughter, who not only had good power moves, but an automatically initializing submission move in the cobra clutch, that anyone slapped into it had like a 20% chance of actually not tapping out of.

Needless to say, you’d think I would be over the moon that when a “sequel” was announced, I’d be more excited about it, especially since at first blush it’s basically the same game, just with different characters, settings and some modern polish.  But you hear the title, you see the roster, and realize that there’s obviously no legal affiliation with the WWE, and it kind of feels like something is missing, and the whole thing kind of comes off like a non-canonical fan-fiction of a production.

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Happy Trails, Animal

The end of the road for this warrior: legendary tag team wrestler, Joe “Animal” Laurenaitis passes away at the age of 60

Here’s a big oof moment – when looking for a picture to use for this post, I came across this particular image from Survivor Series 1990, and realized that now, every single person in this particular promo was dead.  Kerry Von Erich, Road Warrior Hawk, the Ultimate Warrior, “Mean” Gene Okerlund, and now, Road Warrior Animal, all gone from mortal existence.  This particular Survivor Series was also the debut of the Undertaker, whom has just officially retired from the business after 30 years in the WWE but is otherwise alive and well.

But back to Animal, 60 is not quite an age where the royal we can say he’s gone too soon, but at the same time it’s not really an age where we can say that he lived a full life, closer to general white male in America life expectancy than not.  The cause of death hasn’t formally been revealed, but I don’t think it’s going out on a limb to assume that it was probably his heart, it was probably enlarged, and couldn’t have been helped by some of his life spent with his former tag team partner, who was a notorious partier, substance abuser, and was someone who was gone too soon, at the age of 46.

For the record, I was always more fond of Animal than I was Hawk, even though I fully understand that when the day was over, Hawk really was the stronger worker and more talented of the two.  I guess I just preferred Animal’s power game and his general aesthetic, and the single center mohawk looked cool, and not like he was prematurely balding like Hawk’s dual mohawks.  Hawk would carry matches, take the brunt of the punishment, but then make the hot tag to Animal, who came in and bulldozed opponents, before eventually putting someone up on his shoulders for the Doomsday Device, which to this day, is still one of the more legitimately devastating looking finishers in all wrestling, and there’s a reason why so few tag teams even try to replicate it today.

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When kids make grown-up money #2

I have a hard time answering whenever anyone asks what I want for my birthday/Christmas.  For those people whom I do exchange gifts with, I imagine it’s extremely aggravating having to shop for me; shit I aggravate the piss out of myself whenever I want to do my own recreational for-me shopping, so I know this is fact.

So back in April, when my sister asked what I wanted for my birthday, I actually had an answer for her: I wanted a Tyrannosaurus Rex Dinozord that I’d seen existed.

I am nearly a 40-year old man, and I wanted a toy back from my grade school days.  Like when I got my DragonZord figure a few years back, and ultimately my MegaZord a few years after that.

Anyway, the issue with this is that the price of this particular toy remake is that the price has a tendency to fluctuate, as it seems to be available in only places that are not the United States as if America needed any more reasons why I’m beginning to think we suck on a daily basis.  During the holidays, I’d seen it dip down into the $50s, but at around April, $100 was the typical going rate.  I implored my sister to keep watch and she basically told me to keep watch and let her know if the price dipped to something more reasonable.

Long story short, it dipped down to $65, and my sister pulled the trigger on it.  However, this also coincided with the biggest spike of coronavirus across the fucking planet and the seller was in Japan and explained that JapanPost was no longer sending to the US for the time being, so that the shipping would be on hold indefinitely.  But as I am nearly a 40-year old man with no rush on when this toy should arrive, I told my sister to hold out and wait it out.

That was back in April.  Needless to say, after like July it seemed pretty obvious what was happening; the seller was making shit up to get my sister to refund and cancel the order, so that the guy could relist the toy back up to $110, where it seems to have spiked back up.  If it were up to me, I’d have held true and maybe gotten Amazon involved to see if they could strongarm the dick in Japan to pony up, but my sister is not me, and she instead just got the refund and gave me a $65 gift card.

Slightly dejected at not getting my tyrannosaurus Dinozord, I went on eBay to see if I could test my luck.  And lo and behold, I found some figurine collector in France who was selling the same toy, brand new, for $50~.  And to sweeten the pot, I had just gotten an email from eBay to congratulate me on being an OG member back from 1999, and they gave me a $25 coupon code, so now I was in a position where I couldn’t not buy this thing.

Anyway, my T-Rex dinozord arrived today, and I’m quite pleased.  It’s amazing the lengths and money I expend in order to acquire things that ultimately just end up sitting dormant on shelves or walls, but damn it, they make me happy.

But the best part about this new toy, was the evident ability to compare it to the old toy.

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Things that have happened since the brog’s been down

Shortly after my brog went down in April 2016, I started a document, bulleting things that want to potentially write about, in the event that the site would be back up within like a month or two.  Obviously that never happened, but it didn’t really stop me from adding to the list on a regular basis, even if it continued for nearly four years.

At first, it was a pretty nitty-gritty list, straight to the point and pretty succinct at what I wanted to remember.  But by the time 2018 rolled around, I noticed some patterns and categories in which things caught my attention and warranted notation, and so some categories started to take place.

I’m not entirely sure why I feel compelled to share all of this, but for whatever reason I’m following through with it, and basically this is going to be little more than a massive bulleted list of things that happened between mid-2016 through mid-2020, with probably not a lot of context, but likely some snark and veiled commentary peppered throughout.

2016

  • Pokemon Go came, lit the world on fire for 15 minutes, and then flamed out harder than the FOX Fantastic Four films
  • I became The Burrito King of Atlanta, winning Willy’s Road Trip promotion by visiting 27 Willy’s locations in four days
  • Kobe Bryant retired from professional basketball, but not before dropping 60 in his final game
  • The Golden State Warriors won 73 games and passed the ’96 Bulls’ unbreakable record, but then lost in the NBA finals like chumps
  • The Atlanta Braves retired Turner Field for whiter pastures, by sucking hardcore and losing 93 games
  • Hulk Hogan killed Gawker
  • Went on a European cruise vacation with mythical then-gf, visiting Italy, Turkey, Croatia and Greece
  • Went to Korea for the first time in my life, with my mom
  • The Chicago Cubs won the World Series, breaking a 108-year long drought and endless memes
  • An orange baked potato reality television personality inexplicably won the presidency of the United States of America
  • A fuckton of people died from senseless gun violence

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