Tag: comparison

Jaguar’s new logo = Publix Supermarkets

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Trent Crimm, The Independent: Jaguar unveils new branding and logo and the crowd goes mild but eventually more into ire

I don’t particularly care much for Jaguar as far as cars go, they’ve always been a little pretentious and overrated as far as my tastes are concerned, but I also wouldn’t put them in the category of cars that I wouldn’t ever get if I had the means necessary.  Their aesthetics aren’t really my cup of tea, but I can like what I see on a paper when it comes to performance specs.

That being said, put me in the camp of people whose interest in the car company most definitely trended downward upon seeing their rebranding.  Jaguar becoming JaGUar, with this absolute masterclass of horseshit spinning from their corresponding press release:

seamlessly blended upper and lower case characters in visual harmony”

Nah, of course it’s not as cerebral as that.  The designer, and I use that term loosely, didn’t like the way the lowercase G looked and didn’t like the extra stroke that the lower case U had and went with upper case variants which looked more seamless; and then the right VPs, with their wealth of artistic credibility, happened to like the way it looked, gave it the green light, and away we go.

Looking at it made me immediately think about Publix Supermarkets’ logo and possibly the Beats by Dre identity,* but mostly Publix, and it always amazes me when the brand designers of the world don’t really take any time to research the logos of the world and take a modicum of effort to not look like someone else’s identity.  Because then rogue designers like me can’t clown on them and make the easy swap of logo into what they really look like, and if I’m someone with any clout, or at least tempted to try and engage Publix on social media and post this graphic just to see their reaction.

*also there’s this regional adult store chain that also utilizes a similar typeface that I always see billboards for while driving to Disney World that is somewhat related to the jaguar animal kekeke

All the same, it’s kind of sad.  I might not have been that high on Jaguar as a brand, but their identity was pretty unmistakable, with the silhouette of the jaguar leaping over a fairly nondescript bold all-caps wordmark.  But there’s this overarching cry in the design community, that modern branding is all metamorphosizing into a very diluted pool of vanilla “safe” logos that are all looking the same and homogenized into these blobs of non-personality.  Serifs and symbols have become enemies, variations of Helvetica Neue and Gotham are overtaking visual identities everywhere, and with JaGUar’s rebranding, another long-standing reputable brand has deliberately chosen to converge with the masses and adopt a boring, vanilla, forgettable identity, once the initial reactions and internet ridicule all die down.

That being said, I think it’s only a matter of time before JaGUar releases some turd on wheels that’s a hybrid crossover CUV that looks just like a Corolla Cross or a Buick Encore, and then we will truly know that JaGUar has really given up on trying to compete in the market as much as they’re just trying to blend in and hide in plain sight.

I mean with a logo that looks like this, they’re already halfway there.

If this were my Korean family, I’d jump out a window

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

FOX26: 17-year, 8 month girl passes the California bar exam, breaking the record for youngest person to do so, previously held by, her brother, besting him by three months

Originally, this was just going to be a fairly predictable, forgettable post about how tryhard these Korean teenagers are, how they propagate Korean stereotypes and make it harder for the rest of the Koreans on the planet that don’t want to be doctor or lawyer and have to go to Harvard or Yale, but then I found this specific article that did a little bit of a dive into their entire family, and then the whole thing kind of turned into a horror story that makes me feel all triggered and grateful that this wasn’t my life growing up.

But when I found out about these tryhard teens who both passed the California bar at the age of 17, my first thought was that man, I certainly hope they don’t have any younger siblings, because the bar set by their asshole elder siblings is going to be one hell of a lofty goal to aspire to best.  And then I found this article that goes in depth to their entire family and not only is there one younger sibling, there’s actually two more kids in line behind the brother and sister who passed the bar at 17.

My next thought was that man, life is going to suck for the two of those younger siblings.

Turns out that the 14-year old next in line, is already in her second year of law school.  I don’t know how long law school goes, but I’m going to imagine that she’s probably going to do whatever it takes in order to take the bar exam when she’s like 16 years old, and will probably kill herself if she fails to best her nuna.

But if she succeeds?  Man, it’s going to suck to be the baby of this family, who’s just eight years old now, but will probably have to pass the bar at 15 in order to keep up with the escalating expectations that his asshole siblings keep heaping onto him.  But the little nerd has already declared his intention of being an attorney as well, to the point where he’s dressing up as a little Korean Carlton Banks, pretending to be an attorney already.

Man though, the thought of if this was my own Korean family growing up, just makes want to go all Tommen Baratheon if I were the baby of this family and not of my own.

The best part is that neither of the parents aren’t even lawyers either; appa is a patent clerk, and umma is a baking teacher, and apparently the two of them somehow had House Hunters finances to embark on having four fucking kids. 

I can’t imagine the old-world Korean pressures that they put on their kids to the point where they not only managed to get not just one, not just two, but three and potentially all four kids to actually want to become full-ass lawyers.  Lord knows my parents and probably countless Korean parents across America would love to invent a time machine to go to the future, abduct these parents to bring them back to their children’s childhoods and learn how to brainwash them into wanting to become lawyers themselves.

This family sounds like they have to be the biggest squares on the fucking planet, giving Koreans a sad name of being so overachieving and so tryhard.  I imagine family dinners must be a real hoot, with a whole bunch of lawyers around the table, and when they get together with extended family, I’m sure all the cousins and aunts and uncles are real thrilled when they roll in luxury cars that budding lawyer salaries are financing, full of tryhards ready to argue and rebut and well actually everything anyone says.

Sure, they will inevitably make a ton of money if they all climb the lawyer ladders they’re aspiring to climb, but all the same I have no other envy for them.  I’m sure their life is nothing like Suits, is tremendously more boring, and that these nerds probably have even less hobbies than a drowning dad like me.

The whitest thing since January 6th

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I will never understand how social media algorithms work, but for whatever reason, I was fed some videos about a dude who proclaims to be a “lawn dad” and has a bunch of videos of him working on his flawless, impeccably curated lawn.  At first, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes a little at the obvious white privilege I was watching of a white man painstakingly pampering his grass, but I was learning some interesting techniques of lawn care, like leveling out divots.

Eventually, I saw a video of the same dude, and it looked like he was doing some more mowing of his grass, but the caption said something along the lines of removing the morning dew from the grass to reduce moisture and create conditions that could lead to mold, mildew or whatever nasty growth occurs from moisture.  But the fact of the matter was that lawn dad was basically squeegeeing his grass, and at this point I was just like what the fuck.

The concern over something so inconsequential to the survival of the human race.  The excessive pampering over a concern that is naturally regulated by Mother Nature, the sun and the great outdoors.  Calling himself a “lawn dad.”

Yeah, all this bullshit is a whole lot of peak white guy, and probably the whitest content I’ve seen since footage of the January 6th storming of the Capitol.

Now I know a lot of people always recommend, avoid the comments, but when I see something so full of shit, I can’t help but be curious on what is being said in the comments.  Fuck it, I often times enjoy reading the comments, because sometimes I discover some really good memes in them, and as long as I don’t participate, there’s few things I enjoy more than seeing some good internet squabbling.

Anyway, I was relieved to see that there were plenty of commenters like me who were weirded out by just how much time and effort lawn dad puts into his lawn, calling him out for having extraordinary amounts of extraneous time, resource, privilege and all sorts of white guy attributes without specifically referring to his whiteness.

Naturally, these responses triggered a tremendous amount of mostly white, white knights, who were more than willing to trade barbs with other commenters calling lawn dad out on his privilege, and it goes without saying that those flinging stones were likely people who were lawn dads in their own right, or were so inspired that they were considering their path to becoming one too.

The point is, lawn dad life is clearly a life without kids or any of the daily struggles that those not from a background of privilege can enjoy themselves.  I’m like, motherfucker, have some kids and see if you still have any time left in your life to wick dew or pattern lines into your grass, but that being said, a guy like this probably has a trad wife who does all of the parenting without him so that he can go play around in his yard all hours of the day.

Question is, when election time was in full swing, does a lawn dad dare risk poking holes into his lawn to plant his orange guy political signs, or does the health of his lawn supersede his support for racist bigots?

Scooby Snacks are obviously a euphemism for crack

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Chalk this up under things you never noticed as a kid but realize when you’re an adult especially a parent reading to your children.  But I’ve been reading my kids stories from 5-Minute Scooby Doo Stories; these 5-minute story books are like the greatest forms of literature that exists for children, because five minutes is about as much of attention span you’re going to get from kids my kids’ ages, and as I’ve been reading them story after story, I can’t help but come to the conclusion that Scooby Snacks have got to be made out of, crack, based on their sheer ability to get Scooby-Doo and Shaggy to do basically anything in the world, no matter how much they initially do not want to.

Hey Scooby and Shaggy, why don’t you guys go into this creepy cave while Fred, Daphne and Velma don’t do shit.  Like, no way man.  What about for a Scooby Snack?  Deal.

Hey Scooby and Shaggy, why don’t you guys go be bait for this creep riding a stampeding buffalo and might trample you to death, while Fred, Daphne and Velma go back to the Mystery Machine to search for clues that obviously won’t be there?  No?  Not even for a Scooby Snack?  Deal.

Hey Scoob and Shaggy . . . you get my point.

Which is that Scooby Snacks are clearly made out of crack, and Fred, Daphne and Velma are some fucked up asshole enablers who repeatedly exploit the addiction of these two poor hapless addicts to do a bunch of things against their will, while they coast and stay out of harm’s way.

All the goons that the Mystery Inc Gang apprehend are minor villains compared to the truly evil diabolical drug lord enablers that Fred, Daphne and Velma are, and pretty messed up how the entire Scooby Doo series is built off of the crack-addled false bravery of Shaggy and his crack-addicted dog.

And this is why it’s not always the best idea for adults to revisit properties of their own childhoods for the sake of their own kids.

How does this manage to continue to happen?

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

SI: New York Jets WR Malachi Corley drops ball before crossing into the end zone, negating touchdown into turnover

I don’t care enough to verify the details, but I’m fairly positive that between the NFL and CFB, this exact scenario has happened at least once every single year for like, the last decade or more, where a player with a guaranteed touchdown, boneheadedly drops the ball before crossing the plane of the endzone, negating six points and instead turning the ball over.

It never fails to astound, or fire me up whenever I hear about these instances, because I guess it pushes past my already extremely low standards as far as the intelligence of people are concerned, and I just can’t believe that there are people this dumb, that repeatedly keep squandering their privilege to be playing kids games at the highest levels and getting paid egregious amounts of money to do so.

It’s never not mindblowing to me, because throughout the history of the sport, all offensive skill players have always been like, GIMME THE BALL, but all of these clowns who have dropped the ball at the one-yard line couldn’t be in any more rush to get rid of the ball in their hands, to the point where they’re making these dumbass drops.

I just think about how in Forrest Gump, when Forrest was returning kicks for Alabama, his first TD return, he just kept running past the end zone, smashing into the band en route into the locker room tunnel.  A little overkill, but a definite example of protecting the ball and securing the score. 

Whenever a highlight of dropping the ball at the 1 occurs, I always wonder why players insist on being closer to DeSean Jackson instead of being closer to Forrest Gump.

There’s really not much more to add to this, aside from the continued disbelief that this somehow manages to happen at the frequency in which it does.  And while writing about it, YouTube delivers, as there’s actually a pretty interesting video that has chronicled this baffling phenomenon, and there’s a frighteningly more number of instances that have occurred than I was aware of, which doesn’t help the narrative of how bullshit stupid it is.

Suck it, MLweeB

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I’m not too thrilled with the fact that the Dodgers completed their season of destiny and won the World Series, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be happy for Freddie Freeman, who was obviously named the World Series MVP after batting .300 with an OPS of 1.364, four home runs, 12 RBI and the legendary walk-off grand slam in game 1 that basically set the entire tone of the series afterward.

Even though he plays for the Dodgers, the team he left Atlanta for, there’s not a bone in my body that holds any resentment or ill-will for the man, as he’s a first-class outstanding human being, embodies everything that’s good about baseball, and is someone whom requires a genuine effort to not like.  I am stoked that he has now won his second championship, played his butt off to win the WS MVP he easily deserved, and is getting the mainstream accolades and recognition that he deserves.

I just don’t care for the fact that the Dodgers organization are the world champions, because they kind of validated the importance of spending money, as they committed over a billion dollars ($1.185B to be exact)  to just four players, on top of their existing $230M payroll, and being a Braves fan, it’s aggravating to see teams that spend money that succeed, knowing the team I follow will never, ever spend in the same manner, and instead feed us all sorts of bullshit rhetoric and make excuses on why they won’t, despite all the evidence that exists that shows the economic benefit of a championship team.

Plus, the swarms of insufferable bandwagon Dodger fans scuttling out of the cracks and gutters like the cockroaches they are getting to be happy is annoying to me, and makes me make the face of the Friends watching meme whenever I see or hear all the front-running celebratory garbage that comes from them in the news or on social media.  It’s bad when I would rather put up with the devil I know in Yankees fans getting to be happy over Dodgers fans, even in spite of the shenanigans of the two outfield goombas who grabbed and tried pry the ball out of Mookie Betts’ glove among other typical bad Yankee fan behavior.

But most of all, the Dodgers winning the World Series is precisely what MLB wanted to be the outcome, because they’ve gone full weeb-mode this season, what with pushing Ohtanimania down everyone’s throats, and seemingly every popular team there is making a mad dash to acquire Japanese talent, none more than the Dodgers with not just Ohtani, but also Yoshinobu Yamamoto, and they’re all treated like these mystical Mr. Miyagis demonstrating karate for the first time in history based on how every little thing they do is made such a big deal about.

Make no mistake, the season Shohei Ohtani had was other-worldly, but for every game where he had a homer and two steals, Yamamoto goes five innings with three earned runs, and it’s applauded like he just pitched a Maddux.  Shota Imanaga has a low ERA in the first half of the season and people act like he knew how to throw a disappearing pitch, meanwhile the Braves’ Reynaldo Lopez led the league in ERA up until like August, but nobody cared about him because he wasn’t Japanese.

I think my favorite part of the World Series was that in spite of the monumental rocket ship the Ohtani hype train had strapped to it, fans and viewers were treated to a series of futility as he went a pitiful 2 for 19 (.105) in the series, an OPS of .385 and no home runs.  Aaron Judge was absolutely dragged by the media and fans for being ineffective, in comparison to Ohtani, he went 4 for 18 (.222) with an OPS of .836 and one home run.  It’s just that the Yankees as a team stunk it up throughout the series and used Judge as a scapegoat, while Ohtani could easily hide underneath Freddie Freeman’s Superman cape while the team kept on winning.

Which brings us back to Freddie Freeman, whom is the only thing I like about the Dodgers winning the World Series, because a I genuinely like, enjoy and admire, gets to be the focal point and superstar, everyone in Atlanta already knew of, everyone in Los Angeles is probably well aware of now, and probably every baseball fan in the world is aware of now too.

When the lights were the brightest, the stakes were the highest, Ohtani absolutely crumpled under the pressure.  Yamamoto, to his credit did pitch a great game in his one start, but when all was said and done, the World Series was the Freddie Freeman show, and even if it means that the Dodgers are World champions, I am okay with it.

This is Freddie Freeman’s world, and everyone; Ohtani, Yamamoto, the country of Japan, the rest of MLB, are just living in it.

Now that’s what I’m talking about

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

ANF: North Carolina man wins $1M from scratcher, has big plans

I’m pretty sure this is the plot to My Name is Earl, where a redneck finds a $20 in the parking lot, parlays it into a scratcher lottery ticket and promptly wins $1M prize.  TBS couldn’t produce something funnier, and they’re the home to All Elite Wrestling.  But congratulations and good on this soon-to-be former master carpenter for pulling off the luck streak of a lifetime.

Makes me think back to when I found a $20 outside the Cheetah; I feel like I should’ve parlayed that stripper $20 into some lottery tickets, instead of adding it to the pot of cash I was saving to get an iPad with, especially since that iPad is long since dead after its screen cracked.

But the best part about this man’s story, and why it’s such a no-brainer to warrant posting about in the brog was pretty obvious, which were his plans upon receiving his payout:

We are going to head straight to Golden Corral and eat everything they’ve got,” Hicks said after claiming his winnings.

It’s a lol quote if there ever was one needed, and I love how the man’s first meal idea after pocketing $425K large is Golden Corral, and he elaborates that he’s going to “eat everything they’ve got,” as if he’s now capable of spending more to get more, at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Forget about China Star Buffet kids, we going to Golden Coral!  Plus y’all get to have your own plates!

I’ve never been to Banner Elk, North Carolina before, but seeing where it is on the map, not that far from the unfortunately recently destroyed Asheville and surrounding Appalachia, I can’t be too surprised to assume that Golden Corral might be the golden standard for dining out options in that region.

Jokes aside, no shade and beef with Golden Corral; like much on this planet, I am not above it, and I in fact freaking love me some Golden Corral when the opportunity strikes, and frankly as much as I wouldn’t kick it out of bed, $425K isn’t necessarily life-changing money as much as it would be a great big windfall to catch up with, so honestly going with Golden Corral as the celebratory meal isn’t the worst option there could be.

Either way, I am a jealous fatty of this man for all of the above; finding a $20 in the gas station parking lot, winning a $1M lottery, and having the opportunity to celebrate with Golden Corral.  I tip my cap to this gentleman, and wish him good fortune in the wars to come; mostly with the IRS and his digestive system after eating everything at Golden Corral.