I had a disheartening train of thought recently, that I don’t feel like anyone really listens to the things I say. Say, as in voice, when I speak, the words that come out of my mouth. Sure, I know that I’m often accused of mumbling, that I clearly must have some sort of mush-mouth, and it makes me self-conscious when I speak, and I sometimes catch myself trying hard to enunciate everything with more fervor than the average speaker probably does.
Regardless of my shitty-sounding voice, sometimes I get in my head that I don’t think anyone’s listening. People will indulge me and grant me their immediate attention when words are coming out of my mouth, but I don’t frankly think many people actually listen, care, or are really actually paying attention.
I understand that we all as people have a million things going on, and I get that sometimes these things occupy a tremendous amount of space in our heads. I grew up with probably what would be diagnosed as ADD as a kid, and got my ass beat by my mom because I had difficulty listening and paying attention. Whether it was through overcompensation, the fact that it might not actually be a real ailment, or my general wanting-to-please-others mentality, I think that I’ve become quite a decent listener to what other people have to say, but especially lately I don’t feel that such courtesy is reciprocated on a pretty wide scale.
My own parents don’t really listen to me, and in spite of how often they ask me to do their menial correspondence for them, the instructions that I give that might just actually make their lives and my life a little bit easier are often times construed as suggestion, and I, or my sister have to end up doing them anyway. Neither of them could tell anyone what I’m currently into, what kind of car I drive, and have shreds of doubt when it comes to recollecting how old I am.
