Parasite should probably be Best Picture

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I remember when I first saw the trailer for Parasite, my first thought was: what the hell is this actually about?  The trailer gives pretty much nothing away, and the only thing that can really be deduced from it is that there is one family that is dirt poor.  There’s little clue to why the film is even called “Parasite” for the matter.

Regardless, the cinematography looked intriguing, the brief clips seemed quirky enough to pique curiosity, and naturally I wish to support anything Korean that can ascend to the world’s stage, so I knew that I wanted to see this flick.  It didn’t hurt that on the film festival scene, Parasite was cleaning up, even winning the Palme d’Or, which full disclaimer I had no idea what it was, but it’s basically the highest award at Cannes, which is a pretty big deal.

Needless to say, having watched Parasite, I can say that I do feel that the film did live up to all of the hype.  It’s one of those films where you enjoy the ride while you’re on it, but then afterward, the mind wanders and analyzes and delves deeper into the story and execution, and the more I think about Parasite, the more I think about how good it really was.

And not just because the fact that me being Korean I’m going to give a Korean film an automatic pass on a pedestal; sure it definitely doesn’t hurt it, but when I break Parasite down into my own criteria of storytelling, cinematography, acting and plot analysis, I think the film as a whole really stood out.

The story is pretty linear, and not really that complicated; without giving too much up, poor family finds a way to entwine their lives with a rich family, and then some complications arise, leading to the culmination of the plot.  The acting is good and Song Kang-ho is to me, one of the most recognizable faces in Korean cinema, to where even a novice to Korean media like me can pick him out.

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You heard it here first

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Say it with me now: Luke Harper* – IWGP World Heavyweight Champion

*or whatever name he chooses to go with, because the WWE probably owns the copyright the name “Luke Harper”

When news broke that the WWE had released, among several performers, Luke Harper, from their contracts, my friend and I immediately realized the destiny that was now free to become fulfilled: Luke Harper was now free to migrate over to the land of the rising sun, and begin his reign as a foreign terror, en route to a lucrative and prosperous career revitalization for New Japan Pro-Wrestling, culminating with at least one reign as the IWGP World Heavyweight Champion.

For a while now, my friend and I have always made the joke about how Luke Harper was a future IWGP champion; historically, there’s no secret that NJPW loves bringing in big white guys to push as these evil foreign heel characters for their national Japanese heroes to feud against.  And in order for the feuds to have any modicum of impact, they occasionally need to be allowed to ascend to the highest honors, so that the heroes can have lofty goals to achieve.

From guys like Vader, Scott Norton, Tyson Tomko and even Prince Albert, Japan has often times embraced the big white guy heel, pushed them to the moon so that their stars could fight them, and eventually put the faces over, and if there was ever a guy more destined to be the next great big white terror in Japan, it was Luke Harper.

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Impossible Burgers are pretty good

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

For a while, I’ve wanted to try an Impossible Burger AKA the meatless, plant-based burger that allegedly pulls off pretending to be a beef patty, impossibly well.  I was pretty alright with the idea of swinging by a Burger King to try an Impossible Whopper to see what all the fuss was about, but mythical wife was convinced that I needed to try one at a real restaurant and not a fast food joint, so that I can get a more accurate bar of what an Impossible Burger was capable of.

It also doesn’t help that maybe it’s just Georgia, or the general state of Burger King as a company, but I realized it’s pretty challenging finding nearly as many Burger Kings these days as there are just about any other fast food joint out there.  Needless to say, I ended up waiting a little bit before I would get my chance to try one of these hamburgers of myth.

But over the weekend, I finally got to try one.  Mythical wife took me to the restaurant she had in mind where I should try one, and I was pretty excited to get to try it finally.

Honestly, if nobody ever told me that what I had eaten was an Impossible Burger or any other plant-based, meatless hamburger, then I probably wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference.  It tasted like a hamburger, the consistency was that of a typical hamburger, and like I said if I didn’t know it wasn’t actual meat, then I would’ve just figured I had a regular beef hamburger.

In all fairness, I have a tendency to like my burgers pretty loaded, so what I had eaten was with lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, grilled onions and ketchup and mustard, so the general flavors do get jumbled up in some bites.  Admittedly, there is a slight flavor difference in the patty itself, but it’s pretty miniscule and I ask myself if I’d even have noticed it if I didn’t already have in the back of my mind that what I was eating wasn’t beef.  It’s kind of a slightly more earthy flavor, which isn’t necessarily bad, but it’s the tiniest hint that it wasn’t real beef.

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Not art + design

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Because every gym on the planet is seemingly contractually obligated to be airing ESPN on at least one television, I saw this story about how the coach of the Cleveland Browns was spotted wearing this t-shirt that said “Pittsburgh started it,” as commentary over an incident a few weeks ago where the Browns’ Myles Garrett and the Steelers’ Mason Rudolph got into a scuffle ending with Garrett ripping Rudolph’s helmet off of him and swinging it at his head.  Garrett has been suspended indefinitely by the NFL for basically assault, and Rudolph was fined a bunch of money for remarks that supposedly started the whole incident which may or may not have been racist.

But this isn’t a post about the incident, because when the day is over, I really don’t give two shits about an organization that somehow thinks organized dog death fighting is a lesser crime than kneeling during the national anthem.   No, I’m more incensed over the fact that on the aforementioned t-shirt, is an actual signature on it from a supposed “art + design” company as if printing a t-shirt with three words in the Garfield font (Cooper Black) is remotely anything considered art or design.

This is the kind of shit that really makes me jaded towards the creative industry as a whole.  A bunch of hacks out there that take the most low-effort bullshit, slap a logo or take credit for it, and call it “design.”  And when challenged, comes a deluge of bullshit about minimalism or simplicity.  And then there’s legions of like-minded sheep who think it’s the most innovative idea in the world, and then it goes viral and people actually benefit from it.

Amazingly, the “company” that signed this shirt that I could easily plagiarize in 2 seconds, appears to be an actual company that actually makes all sorts of Cleveland-centric apparel and merch, almost all of which is 78,000% more creative and contains actual design than Pittsburgh Started It.  But because they’re an actual company, they do have the audacity to try to monetize their low-hanging fruit, and to no surprise at all, are selling these bullshit shirts for $28 a pop.  But realistically, even if it was some individual who calls themselves a studio, they’d still try to sell them for $35, because they’re broke-ass poor and trying to capitalize on going viral.

Naturally, people are buying them because they clearly have way too much money.

Either way, if I had more than 0 readers, I’m sure I’d inevitably be accused of being jealous that someone out there is making money on such a low-budget idea.  And they’d be entirely right, because I would love to make actual money on such little effort.  Why the fuck can’t something controversial and nationally known happen for an Atlanta team, that I could easily make into some sort of meme, call it design and cash in on?

It had to happen eventually

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Back when Extreme Championship Wrestling was still a thing, Tommy Dreamer had a feud with Raven that went on for a few years, where no matter what happened in the storylines, whenever they actually had a match against each other, Tommy Dreamer always lost.  It didn’t matter if Dreamer was in control of the entire match, or Raven would squash him, in the end, Dreamer did the job. 

It wasn’t until Raven had been poached by WCW because Paul Heyman couldn’t afford to keep any of the rising stars that he had cultivated, did Tommy Dreamer actually get his long-awaited win over Raven.  And even that was mostly because it was a convenient way to write him out of the storylines because he was leaving, but the point remains it took Tommy Dreamer over two years of jobbing before he finally got a win over his long-hated rival.

Over the Thanksgiving weekend, the University of Virginia finally defeated Virginia Tech in football.  They won the Commonwealth Cup for the first time since 2003.  As I was watching the score (I don’t watch games, because teams I favor tend to always lose when I do), and it was knotted at 30-30 in the fourth quarter, I couldn’t help but have this sinking feeling that maybe this was the year where the streak had to end.  But who really knew, because over the last few years, there had been quite a few nail biters where the good guys prevailed, including an improbable OT win just a year ago.

But then I saw that UVA went up 33-30, and when it came down to the final drive, it was either going to be a soul-sucking TD win for Tech, or probably a turnover when UVA would inevitably make Hendon Hooker actually have to throw the ball if they wanted to win.  When I saw that suddenly UVA was then up 39-30, I knew what had happened without having to dig.

Anyway, for quite a while, I’ve had this analogy in mind for the day when UVA actually beat Tech.  I think it really came to mind back in like 2014, when the two teams were 5-6, and they were playing not just for the Commonwealth Cup, but for bowl eligibility, and the game was a real nail biter that came down to the closing seconds and a defensive stand by the Hokies in order to win it.  But that was the first time I finally felt like the general invincibility of Virginia Tech over UVA was no longer a given, and I couldn’t help but feel that the proverbial doomsday clock of the Hokies’ dominance was really starting to tick.

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I try not to wish death unto others

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

As we get older, sometimes we try to be a little more cognizant of the things we say, even in knee-jerk reactions or the heat of moments.  When I was a moody teenager who hated everything, I was pretty quick to wish death unto others, for the most minor and inconsequential of circumstances.  Cut me off in traffic?  I hope you blow a flat and crash to your death.  Take my parking space?  I hope you become collateral damage to an MS-13 drive-by.  Beat me in Street Fighter by chip damage?  I hope you have heart attack and keel over you fat cheap fuck.

Yeah, death is a little bit extreme when it comes to momentary lapses in judgment of gauging the value of life.  I’d really be kind of disappointed if I ever wished death unto another human being, and then it actually happened.  And although the chances of such are microscopically minuscule and would obviously be the perfect storm of freak circumstances and not because I mentally wished it upon them, it really does make me think twice about even absent-mindedly, wishing death unto others, especially for overall trivial matters.

These days, I just wish diarrhea unto people who piss me off.  Like, really bad liquid shits, that alter an afternoon, or ruin a night’s sleep; just a temporary dull pain with inconvenient side effects.  It seems like an adequate amount of comeuppance to mentally wish to inflict on other human beings who piss me off.  Take too long to order at Willy’s?  Clog up the self-checkout at Publix?  Aggressively whip around four lanes of traffic to ultimately end up one car length ahead of me?   Be the shitheads sitting in row 25+ on a flight that rushes up to row 23 to get off ten seconds sooner, and ruin the entire deplaning process?  Yeah, I wish diarrhea unto all these asshole motherfuckers.  The more severe shits depending on how insufferable their actions are.  One really bad episode, or nuclear shits that come back several times.

However, there are admittedly still some instances where my frustration bubbles over, and I still fantasize about some horrific death occurring, as much as I don’t really want to admit it.  One is very specific, to when the perfect storm of human beings all spawning on every single toilet in the gym/office when I really have to go; seriously I rarely feel as enraged as I do when I feel the need to relieve myself, but every single stall in the numerous bathroom options I have are all occupied, regardless of the fact that it’s sometimes very early in the morning at times in which I deliberately choose to workout, banking on the early time reducing the amount of people that are present.

The last time this happened, I wanted to a meteor to fall onto the building.  If I can’t use a crapper, then nobody should. 🙁

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I guess someone had to jump off the cliff to pioneer some change

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I’m at the gym and in between some dumbbell presses, I look up at the television and see a headline scroll across saying “Tesla Truck Breaks the Internet.”  And then suddenly, this thing shows up on screen, and my knee-jerk reaction is something that looks like a cross between the Pyramid Head helmet with wheels, and one of the numerous one-trick wedge-shaped robots from Robot Wars that won matches solely by wedging themselves under the competition and upending them.

But ultimately, my eyebrow scrunched and I mouthed “what the fuck” at what I was seeing, because it was without question the most radically designed automobile that I’ve seen designed that wasn’t CG from Test Track in Disney World.

Look, I get that I often fall into the category of being reluctant to accept change, and I often police myself to try and be open-minded to new and radical things that come to fruition these days.  But seriously, Tesla’s Cybertruck is pushing the boundaries of accepting change for the sake of change, or because they really think that they’re making something that is going to make a difference in the long run.

I mean, as an automobile manufacturer, I think Tesla is really cool.  My wife wants a Tesla Model 3/S/X like nobody else’s business, and from an environmental standpoint, it’s incredible that there’s a car that’s 100% electric, produces zero emissions, AND doesn’t look like a glorified Mario Kart, AND gets outstanding performance.

But the Cybertruck takes a lot of that equity and flushes it down the toilet.  Although the internet wasted zero time at all making the comparison, it really does feel like that episode of The Simpsons where Homer finds out he has a long-lost brother Herb, who’s a successful automotive mogul, but then entrusts Homer with designing the car of the future, which results in this abomination, and to make matters worse the production costs of it ended up bankrupting the company.  It’s like Elon Musk entrusted his long-lost American brother Jimbo Musk to create the pickup truck that Americans wanted, and they ended up with the Cybertruck.

Seriously, “special” is really the only way to describe the Cybertruck, but now without one of those pregnant hesitations before saying the word special, as if to imply that what you’re really trying to say is retarded, but can’t because it’s politically incorrect to be using the R-word these days.  Based on how difficult it is to delineate what side is front and which side is the back, it reminds me of the Tyco Rebound RC cars that could go in either direction and could even flip upside down and still function.

The bottom line is that I understand that someone needs to be the first, when it comes to attempting to break new ground, but I would’ve thought Tesla would’ve been a little more conservative when it came to trying to make waves than this.  The Cybertruck not only doesn’t even look like a truck, but instead it looks like the kind of imaginative fantasy vehicles that children draw on construction paper with crayons.  But actually rendered and built in reality, it’s a cringey abomination of a turd on wheels that really makes me wonder what Tesla’s strategy is; no press is bad press, or do they actually think this actually has a chance of exploding in the market?