lol, I love to see the Dodgers lose

In case you missed it because I did too: the Disney Anaheim Angels of Southern Orange County Los Angeles sweep the Los Angeles Dodgers over the weekend

Unsurprising, this is what happens when a team gets good, succeeds, spends boatloads of money, signs all the notable free agents and becomes the internal darlings of the league they’re in – they mostly become reviled by fanbases that are not supporters of them in the first place.

I mean, I wasn’t really ever a Dodgers fan at any point of my life with the closest thing to support being when Chan Ho Park was there, but for the most part, I just never really cared about them.  They were a fringe team that played in a weak division and never seemed like they were any threat to actually succeed, especially when the Phillies bounced them every time they ran into each other in the playoffs.

But then they eventually got their shit together, started making the playoffs every single year, basically bounced the Braves from them every time they encountered each other except for 2021, and had been enjoying a renaissance of sorts.  I started to dislike them.

Then, they poached Freddie Freeman from the Braves, which wasn’t entirely their fault as much as the Braves being the Braves, meaning the cheapskate fucks that absolutely will not spend money on a free agent that isn’t at their peak, but for all intents and purposes, the Dodgers took the heart out of Atlanta, and I really disliked them.

And then their organization deployed a pelican strike on the league by exploiting deferred money deals to avoid luxury tax penalties while at the same time securing massive money deals on just about every notable free agent on the market, most notably getting Shohei Ohtani for $700 million dollars, en route to committing over a billion dollars on free agents.

By this point, if baseball fans that weren’t Dodger fans already didn’t dislike the Dodgers, this is where they really began to.

It’s not that they’re cheating or doing anything at all that’s not legal, it’s just that they’re really driving home the reality of the importance of spending money, and there’s a lot of misguided frustration and hatred for their own teams, being directed at the Dodgers, but the bottom line is that the Dodgers have basically become the most hated team in the league, even more than the Yankees depending on whom you ask.

So that’s why it’s so satisfying to see when the Dodgers perform like anything other than the team that outspent the rest of the league to construct an uber-roster, and not just get swept at home, but get swept at home to their in-city archnemeses, in the Angels.  And not just the Angels, but the lowly Angels who have 2/3 the payroll of the Dodgers, as well as have a living leech on the squad in Anthony Rendon who is getting paid $38M to not play at all. 

And to top it off, the Angels were without superstar Mike Trout, who is also on the disabled list, and they still took the Dodgers behind the toolshed to shellack them, in their own house no less.

I didn’t catch a single game, much less even know about it after the fact, but I just fucking love it all the same, and it does bring me great joy to see the Dodgers fuck up in such a monumental manner.  It’s just so hilarious because the TL;DR of the whole thing is that the Angels suck and the Dodgers don’t, but the Angels still swept them. 

It’s as big of an upset as the Pistons beating the Lakers in 2003, whenever Tom Brady had a brainfart and lost to the Dolphins, or when the Honda Civic beat the Ferrari in a drag race in that one video clip that was ever only available on fucking RealPlayer.

When the season is over, the Dodgers will still most likely be in World Series contention, while the Angels probably won’t even be close to even the play-in series, but for one weekend in May, the Dodger-hating contingent of baseball fans can all collectively point and laugh at the Dodgers and all their shitty soft-ass fairweather fans.

Nobody feels bad for the Dodgers when they don’t succeed, and it is always joyous to see them lose, but getting swept at home by the rival Angels, is probably going to be the lowest point for the squad this season.  And I love to see it.

Things White People Like: Cars that are kind of like Broncos

I know that I’ve written several times about white peoples’ fascinations with the revived Ford Broncos, but over the last year or so, I couldn’t help but notice how many car manufacturers have slowly been creating their own vehicles to try to tap into that same market, of “white guys who are tired of how there are minorities that have the audacity to buy Jeeps, so they’ve all transitioned over to Ford Broncos, except now they once saw a black guy driving one, so they’ve been searching for something else.”

What finally spurred me to actually write about this after all this time that this general topic has been swirling around in my brain from time to time, is that this particular morning, I pulled up behind one of these Bronco clones, thinking that I was pulling up on a Land Rover  Defender or maybe a Hummer EV.  But then I saw the Lexus badge, and my brow scrunched and I was like, seriously, Lexus is in on this shit now too?

Sure, it didn’t help that the car had an aftermarket lift kit, and didn’t look exactly like the Lexus shown to the right, but the fact that someone would go through the trouble and finances to make their “luxury” Lexus look more rugged and, like a Bronco, by adding a lift kid and wide wheels was fascinating enough, and sure enough when I passed by him, it was a guy that basically looked like Adam Scott, which is to say a pretty generic looking white guy, no disrespect to Adam Scott I love Parks & Rec and Severance

The point remains is that Lexus is on the game now too, and now I can recall numerous vehicles that fall into the category of being Ford Bronco wannabes, targeting white people, and they are most definitely biting on the bait.

Sure, when I actually line them up like I have in this image, they don’t really look as identical as they seem to look when you see them one at a time in the wild, but the point remains is that they’ve all been inspired by the success of the Ford Bronco, and are all trying to get a slice of the pie.  Which is fascinating in the sense that Ford as a brand doesn’t really have a great reputation, seeing as how their cars are basically manufactured from recycled Rubbermaid parts and the cheapest metals they can find, but all these luxury makers are crawling all over each other in order to emulate a general shitbox, but with their own pretentious spins on them.

The Lexus RX550, the Land Rover Discovery, the Hummer EV, and the Rivian whatever, all have that general same look and feel as a Bronco, except that they’re probably $20K+ more than a Bronco.  And the only real bragging right a driver of a clone really gets is the insinuation that they have money because they plopped $20K+ more on their whip than they could have had a Bronco for, but then again, fewer things say white people more than flexing finances, even if it’s not always necessarily an intelligent choice.

It’s just so funny though, because the Bronco is a rip off of a Jeep, which is basically the greatest vehicle in the world at off-roading, but it’s beyond obvious that anyone in a Bronco, much less any of their egregiously more expensive poser-clones, the closest thing they’ll ever see to being off-road is when they go to a farm in the fall for pumpkin picking.

But then again, white people.

Once upon a time, taxes edition

Once upon a time, people used to say that homeownership was a huge benefit come tax time.

At this point, I’ve been a homeowner almost longer in my life than I haven’t.  Hard to swallow that pill, but I did purchase my first home when I was 22 years old, and I’ve been paying mortgage notes almost entirely since then, with only a small gap while I was in between homes in 2017.

However, the first home, I was splitting the mortgage 50/50, so at the end of every tax season, it really didn’t benefit either myself or Jen.  We had talked about alternating years in which we would declare head of household and file 100% of the taxes on our respective returns, but it never came to fruition, and that was all at the tail end of our tenure.

It kind of helped when I was in my current digs, when mythical then-gf and I were living in sin and filing our own taxes as individual singles.  It helped me from going straight negative, and I had maybe 2-3 years where I actually made a little bit of cash back, which was a massive win considering how many years previously in which I always seemed to owe money.

Once upon a time, people used to say that marriage was a huge benefit come tax time.

I can’t really speak much to this one, considering mythical now-wife and I have been married for closing in on year, this summer.  I think in 2019 we still filed as individuals, since we were not-married for more of 2019 than we were.  By the time we filed in 2020, the vast majority of the year was spent preparing for the birth of #1 and then navigating through the coronavirus-addled world, and I can’t say that we really had a single tax return where we were a married, childless couple.

Once upon a time, people used to say that having kids was a huge benefit come tax time.

Stories of degenerate baby mamas, entrapping dumbass men who can’t be bothered to put a raincoat on, popping out and collecting children like they’re Infinity Stones, and collecting come tax time.  I’ve known some women who perhaps weren’t as degenerate, but they also weren’t shy about expressing their anticipation for taxes, due to the supposed benefits and breaks they were always subject to based on the number of children they had.

In all fairness, contrary to the tone of this post, mythical wife and I actually did have an incredible 2020 tax return.  The amount of money that was refunded to us, I had to wipe my eyes and run the numbers multiple times, because I was positive that there had to have been some sort of mistake.  But it was legitimate, and for that one calendar year, we thought that all of the things people used to say was finally coming true, and by having the trifecta of a house, marriage and kids, tax returns were about to become a fucking holiday every year.

But coming back to reality here and to the present, I’ve been a married homeowner with children for five years now, and over the span of the last two tax returns, I’ve never owed so much money to the IRS in my life.  Take 2020 and 2021’s great and okay tax returns, and they’ve been paid back with interest between 2022-2024.

I’m not a CPA or even willing to find out what tax laws and policies are in place that have been systematically fucking my household since 2020, but all I know is that when I do my taxes, the fact that I’m married, own a home, and having kids does absolutely nothing to my bottom line when it comes to filing taxes.  And I mean that literally, when I get to the point in the tax software where I enter in information about my property and my kids, the number doesn’t even flinch.  Not a single dollar saved on account of the things that once upon a time, people used to say would help one’s taxes.

I suppose marriage helps a little bit, because out of curiosity, I ran mythical wife’s and I’s numbers as individuals, and we would owed a noticeably higher debt, but like I said, my house, or my kids don’t affect a single fucking cent in my return as a whole.

The one thing that I do know is that both mythical wife and I did technically switch our jobs in the 2022 year, and I vaguely remember when I was filling out all my initial paperwork, I didn’t fill out a W-2 but a W-4 or whatever form has taken the place of the W-2.  Somewhere in my allowances, myself or both mythical wife and I clearly checked something different from what we know, and both of us are not having nearly enough deducted from each paycheck, which is the primary killer for us.

I don’t really know what I have to alter in order to stop getting raped by the IRS come tax time, so I just opted to just have a straight set amount withheld each paycheck, with the hopes that the cumulative math on my withholdings is closer or exceeds what I’ve owed each of the last three years, with the hopes that when I run 2025 taxes in April in 2026, I won’t get as obliterated as we’ve been getting over the last few.

Because relying on marriage, homeownership and kids to bail us out in April is clearly fairy tales that started with once upon a time are clearly a dead thing of the past now.

#TRYHARDSZN2025: The ultimate flex and power move

KHOU: Houston teen achieves the rare Ivy Sweep – accepted into all eight Ivy League schools, then proceeds to turn them all down and pick MIT

I know there was a #TRYHARD who had 155+ acceptances and $6M in scholarships that I already declared the queen of the #SZN, but let me introduce y’all to the king.  It really doesn’t matter how many cumulative schools he was accepted into and how much in scholarships he’s been offered, because he achieved one of the most rarest feats in the game, the Ivy Sweep; as in this nerd was accepted into all eight Ivy League schools, making him the ultimate enemy to slacker Asian kids, because he is the boy that all Asian parents envy and fantasize over having, and measure their own failures of children against.

However, the story gets even better, because not only did King #TRYHARD accomplish the Ivy Sweep, the kid also decided to hold a press conference to announce which school he was going to attend, like he were LeBron James in The Decision, or was some big dick sports recruit picking which school they were going to go play for.

And then, the story continues to get even better, because in the midst of his massive flex, he pulls yet another power move, by stating that he’s not going to go to any of the Ivy League schools he was accepted into, and declared himself to MIT.

He also hid his MIT shirt behind a thick ass coat, and did an unveiling like he was joining the nWo.  But instead of being a jacked wrestler or an athletic blue chip prospect, it’s just some dumpy Asian kid who basically looks like the default build-an-Asian that everyone can imagine in their heads when they think of an Asian nerd.

Y’all can’t imagine the shit-eating smirk of amusement on my face reading about this #TRYHARD and the bullshit he pulled.  I love it all too, because he flexes his academic prowess and superiority by getting into eight of some of the hardest universities on the planet, but then immediately takes a big steaming shit all over them by rebuffing all of them at the same time, and then picking MIT, the geeky little brother to Harvard, basically.

It’s funny, I came across this story before the announcement was actually made, and I noticed in the article, to stay tuned until 1 pm local time, where the announcement was to take place.  I try to plan my writing out, and I had actually prepared this photo to use to accompany this post to exemplify the nerdy arrogance of an uber-dork getting his moment to shine in the sun, but then after seeing the highlights of the video package of this kid’s press conference, and I was just like, wow, I didn’t think this whole story could possibly get any better than just being a nerd who achieved an Ivy Sweep, but how wrong I was.

Make no mistake though, when this really boils down to is undoubtedly money, and although he made the Ivy Sweep, I’m going to assume that none of them were remotely close to offering up a full-ride, which is what MIT is doing.  And considering his Asian background, free > everything, including the Ivy Leagues, and he and his parents are probably ready with all sorts of rebuttals to justify why their boy is not going to Harvard or Yale.

What’s also funny is that this #TRYHARD’s area of study is computer science and engineering.  Sure, such fields could be pursued at some of the Ivy League schools, but really if that’s the route he wanted to go, he really needed to end up at a place like MIT or any school where technology is at the forefront.

But now that I think about it, it was all probably part of a great ruse by this #TRYHARD and his famiry; flex the Ivy Leagues when discussing school, and try to force institutions like MIT to want to “poach” him from them, by offering up perks like a free ride, so that they have to be the pursuer and not give off the notion that MIT is probably where he wanted to end up.

Really, at the end of the #SZN, it’s not really going to be who the biggest #TRYHARD is, but what story is the best to come from it.  As of right now, the obvious front-runners are the girl who cleared 150 acceptances and one from every state, the dork who essayed himself out of nearly every application he tried, and this guy.  Recency bias aside, the flex, the power move, and all the antics and theatrics behind it, make this a hard contender to try and top this #SZN.

The futile pursuit of Steel Armor

In the original Final Fantasy, about 25% through the game, you come across the town of Melmond.  The town has been decimated by the elemental fiend, Lich, and there are tombstones and graves scattered all around the place to denote the carnage that he has brought to this continent.  Otherwise there is nothing really of importance in the town other than what’s available at the armor shop.

Steel Armor, which doesn’t sound like anything that special, but the reality is that it is one of the highest-rated armors in the entire game, quite literally viable until the very end.  Its effectiveness is reflected in its cost, which at 45,000 GP is one of the most expensive items in the entire game. 

Its availability as early as Melmond is kind of laughable, because at this point of the game the ramping up of difficulty at its worst, and 45,000 GP would require a massive amount of grinding and effort in order to afford.  And if you have any sort of meta or any team with mages on it, acquiring their spells is of higher priority, considering the importance of magic to attack enemies, heal allies, and cast Exit, that you’re looking more like needing 60,000 GP if want to mage up and get Steel Armor before you head to the Earth Cave.

By the time you get to the point of the game where 45,000 GP is no big deal, money is flowing like water.  There’s a chest somewhere in the Sky Palace that contains like 68,000 GP, and I remember thinking, wtf is this even needed for at this point in the game, because you already have most of the best equipment in the game at that point, and your white mage can heal more HP than spamming heal potions over and over again outside of battle. 

When you have money, money comes easy.  When you don’t have money, it’s an agonizing struggle, finding that bridge to where you can get to the land where you can have money.

It’s usually not worth the effort to go back and get Steel Armor, even in spite of having the airship to whisk you back to Melmond without much effort, there are comparable pieces of armor available, found in the natural progression of exploration and advancing the story, that usually also have some degree of bonus protection instead of the base armor stats.

Most teams probably aren’t going to have multiple fighters, given the expense of equipping them, and if you don’t actually have a fighter in your team, it’s a moot point because no other class in the game can utilize Steel Armor, so really Steel Armor is kind of obsolete by the time you get to the end of the game.

The point is, Steel Armor becomes this kind of metaphor of being a reward for those who are capable of putting in the hard work, managing money well, and want to enjoy the fruits of labor at an earlier stage of life, rather than waiting until much later when you have the money, to get something that’s kind of not really needed anymore.

Continue reading “The futile pursuit of Steel Armor”

#TRYHARDSZN2025: There’s a bigger world outside of California

KGTV: High schooler from Torrey Pines accepted into 63 different colleges, amassing $3M in cumulative scholarships

$3 million bones from 63 acceptances; an average scholarship value of $47,619 isn’t bad, but in the grand spectrum of the #TRYHARD game, is fairly pedestrian in comparison to some of the #TRYHARDs that have already emerged this #SZN. 

Ultimately, I’m liking that either Google and news outlets are either being lazy and not reporting, or the possibility that #TRYHARDING isn’t as wrapped up as it used to be in previous years, and there just aren’t as many insufferable #TRYHARDs this year as in years prior, because that’s less stuff for me to write about, as if I didn’t put myself in this situation wanting to write about all the #TRYHARDs of the year.

After some of the #TRYHARDs that have already been documented, this kid really isn’t that exceptional.  His academic haul is still pretty good, but it’s hard to keep up in the game, when there are some who have doubled his scholarship dollars, and/or number of acceptances, like the one who could boast about having an acceptance from every single one of the 50 United States.

Normally, I’m at the point in the #SZN where I just want to skip writing about all of the #TRYHARDs once the truly exceptional ones have come out, but in this case, it’s the article itself that I want to nitpick about and provide me with some inspiration to blather some words out:

A graduating senior from Torrey Pines High School has accomplished what some might consider impossible — earning over $3 million in scholarships.

Impossible?  $3M?  I know Torrey Pines, California is basically akin to paradise, but these so-called journalists need to look at the world outside of their own, because not only is $3M possible, there’s already been at least one teen who has amassed $6M in scholarships this #SZN alone.

The lack of credentials and failure to name drop any of the acceptances other than the one he selected lends to imply that many of them weren’t very prestigious or impressive, and comes off as one of those #TRYHARDs that actually didn’t #TRYHARD as much as they were just good at filling out online forms and getting what I’m guessing are free applications.

It’s also funny to me that someone in this part of California is even in a position to need to be applying to every school under the sun, because that chunk of land slightly north of San Diego is home to some gorgeous earth, that I also imagine probably costs the arms and legs of several generations’ worth of wealth to be living there.  I have a hard time believing that there are people who actually live out there who are in positions to be needing scholarships, but I suppose while I’ve been thinking about money fervently over the last few weeks, the wealthy don’t stay wealthy by being frivolous, they’re usually wealthy because they’re often times good at finding other people to pick up the check instead of themselves.

Whatever though, good on this #TRYHARD and I use that term lightly on account of comparing him to others in the game, for getting accepted into a buttload of schools, and of course picking a fairly mid one to actually go to, in Howard University.  I’m sure it’ll be an interesting culture shock to go from the vast picturesque paradise of Torrey Pines to going to school in the dump of Washington DC.

If my life were different, I would live above a Costco in about two months ago

Better late than never: ground broken in south Los Angeles for a Costco that will have 800~ apartment units above it

I saw this query on my theFacebook feed about if people were willing to live above a Costco should there be a Costco that had residences above one, and my knee-jerk reaction was pffh, absofuckinglutely I would live above a Costco if my life were different, and I didn’t have a wife and kids.

I could only imagine how much money I’d save if I did, knowing that at any given meal of any given day of any given week of any given year, if I were hungry and didn’t want to think about it, I was a literal hop skip and a jump from going downstairs into Costco, and grabbing a hot dog and soda I probably wouldn’t even drink or swap it for water, for a buck-fifty. 

That’s $4.50+tax a day for a food budget, and extrapolate that of the course of a year, and I’m spending like $7K a year on food.  Sure, undoubtedly I wouldn’t be eating a glizzy and soda for every single meal in a year, but that’s still a tremendous savings from what my general food budget is now in comparison, not even factoring in the kids and everyone else I have to carry.

Or I could alternatively meander downstairs, grab a $5 rotisserie chicken and probably fill up a series of cookbooks of all the different things I would do to the meat in order to mix things up, but that might also jeopardize by $7K annual food budget but maybe not if I’m getting multiple meals out of a $5 chicken.

Or, I could be the ultimate shithead and just wander downstairs, pretend to be shopping but really going around and being one of the degenerates who just wants to snag as many free samples as I could, and try to fill up best on free shit, and call it a meal.

Either way, I really don’t see any drawback at all to living above a Costco, other than maybe automotive traffic issues when at their peak times, unless there’s a separated residential means to get in and out of the complex.  Also, cholesterol, if I planned on having the bulk of my meals being hot dog+soda, but human bodies can adapt, and I’m sure someone like me who has the innate ability to never get sick of things would rewire my body do solder through.

I like how a membership is included with the lease agreement, as if a $79 annual fee is really that huge of a benefit when you’re most likely going to be paying like $2100 a month since it is in the greater Los Angeles area.  It’s the equivalent of when Costcos try to sweeten the membership by throwing in a free chicken.  Small, but amusingly meaningful.

Honestly, when the day comes that I become an empty nester, I wouldn’t turn my back on the idea of living above a Costco.  I think it would be pretty incredible to have that kind of convenience just downstairs, but I guess it really depends on how much the cost of living is get into one of these units, and if these things will ultimately begin to migrate to other parts of the country and world.

But to answer the original query, emphatic yes, I would live in an apartment on top of a Costco, without any hesitation.