Tag: video games

When a punny headline gives you no choice

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

NO CHOICE: Truck carrying truckload full of cans of nacho cheese spills all over I-30 in Arkansas; news outlets all over quick to bust out headline of “worst queso scenario”

Normally, no matter how tempting it is, I tend to resist glorifying truck spills from places outside of Georgia.  If it didn’t happen on a Georgia road, it doesn’t warrant mention on the brog, although I know I’ve done it a few times with the truly exceptional wrecks.

But when I caught wind of this particular crash in Arkansas, where the reporters couldn’t wait as if they were sitting on this headline, waiting for some cheese-related malady to eventually emerge, and then they all collectively bust out WORST QUESO SCENARIO and you know they were all throwing high fives and doing celebratory fist pumps after hitting publish, I just couldn’t sit on my hands and let this go without mention on the brog.

Talk about amusing this one is, with nacho cheese spilling all over a highway.  Although the likelihood of there being any collateral damage from this, because typically a truck overturning probably doesn’t have a tremendous amount of people thinking they can zip past it like they’re Dominic Toretto after the point of wreckage, but I like to imagine that if there were cars who were unfortunate enough to get caught in the wreckage, there would be a bunch of cars spinning out of control like in Mario Kart when you hit an oil slick.

Complete with the sound effects of getting slick’d.  But hey, better to spin out to a stop than to slide perilously into a costly and dangerous wreck.

Either way, entertaining and amusing is, a truck full of nacho cheese spilling all over the highways.  Even better knowing that nobody was hurt, so I guess it really wasn’t the worst queso scenario after all, but heaven forbid missing an opportunity to bust out that tagline, even if it’s not entirely accurate.

This is what it’s like when everyone knows the Mario Kart boost trick but you

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

3-2-1 GO?!  Somalia suspends chairwoman of country’s athletics federation after an embarrassing display where an untrained and unprepared runner placed dead last in a 100m sprint, nearly 10 seconds slower than the winner

Lord only knows why Somalia sent out someone so unqualified, untrained or unprepared for such an event, but if I had to guess, a no-show would have probably been worse than what they did, and they’d probably lose their spot or face some form of penalization.  Details are murky, but I’ve heard nepotism could’ve been at play, with the runner being related to someone in the decision-making process, or just completely inept planning, seeing as how a trained runner or any prepared backups were even in the building when they did what they did.

What really sucks is that despite the fact that in all likelihood it was not her fault, the poor runner is the one who is going to eat the unforgiving wrath of the internet, and be the target of all sorts of ridicule, commentary, memes and other less-than flattering outcomes.  More likely than not, it wasn’t her idea to be put in this situation in the first place, but she’s unfortunately the one who will be immortalized on the internet for this scenario.

But here it comes, not going to lie, I laughed my ass off when I saw the video.  I started snickering even before watching the video just from the synopsis alone, and by the time I got to watching the video, I knew what was going to happen, but it didn’t stop me from belly-laughing at the sheer hilarity of someone being in a situation they had no business being in, regardless of if it were their choice or not.

Even prior to the race, when you see the poor Somali runner stepping up to the blocks, everything about her stands out from her dress, stature, physique, and you just know it’s not going to be pretty.  And then the race starts, and it’s exactly what you predict is going to happen if you didn’t know the backstory behind it, and literally the best way to describe it is that it’s as if everyone knew about the Mario Kart starting light boost trick except the one person.

I know it’s not that person’s fault for being in that position, that it was entirely the result of inept leadership and people in decision-making positions that aren’t remotely qualified for them.  But I can’t deny that I haven’t laughed so hard at a video in a very long time, and I really, really needed it, and that I really, really appreciated the expense they’re coming at in order for me to have it, all the same.

When I like to think I’m funny

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I don’t really know what prompted it, but for some reason, the thought of Mortal Kombat’s Test Your Might bonus stages came to mind, and I thought about how silly it was that one, almost nobody ever got to see it in the arcades, because at its heyday, Mortal Kombat was always so constantly played that the game seldom ever got to reset to a point where the bonus stages could be triggered, and two, even if you did see all the bonus stages, you might have seen that the final bonus stage is trying to shatter a giant block of diamond.

With your bare hands.  One of the hardest stone surfaces on the planet.

Either way, maybe it’s because I’ve been feeling so mopey about finances, that the thought of a magical giant diamond block just manifested and mutated into thinking about Mortal Kombat, and how absurd it is that anyone could imagine breaking diamond with their bare hands, but why any of the Kombatants wouldn’t just take this diamond and get the fuck out of Outworld and go retire or save the planet from the likely immense worth of a diamond the size of a JVC Kaboom Box.

And of course, it’s Liu Kang being the mega nerdy paragon honorific square, that insists on trying to break a giant diamond block, but the more vapid, superficial Johnny Cage whom might actually know what the value of the finer things in the world are worth, that comes to question the objective versus an alternative solution.

Regardless, enough words, all the context that’s needed is in the comic strip itself.

Dad Brog (#111): An offense so grand

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

The nightly routine goes as follows: 6:30pm, it’s upstairs for bath time.  Then comes the night routine of lotions and pajamas, and then it’s story time and then bed time for both the girls.

Tonight however, things took a turn for the explosive worst, when the pajamas I selected for #1 were the Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings pajamas that mythical wife picked up on clearance because my kids are toddlers and girls have a way easier time getting away with wearing boys-designated clothing than the other way around.

When she saw the pajamas that I was about to put on her, I might as well have declared war on the Jews, bombed Pearl Harbor, and released the Bubonic plague all at the same time.  She went absolutely ballistic and outright refused to wear the pajamas.  I tried to coax them onto her, and was met with a fucking Liu Kang bicycle kick for my troubles. 

I did eventually get them onto her, hoping that she’d chill out and resign to the clothes that she would just be sleeping in, and changing out of in the morning, but no, it was screaming and snot and tears and waterworks, and I’m trying my hardest not to die laughing over the fact that it was just a pair of fucking Shang-Chi pajamas that was triggering this meltdown.

Eventually, it became apparent that she wasn’t going to lose this argument.  We went into her room for story time and lights out and the meltdown was still on.  And because my house is kept cold through the night, I didn’t want her to strip down as soon as I left the room, so I acquiesced and changed her pajamas to something that wasn’t as offensive as screaming the N-word at the top of my lungs in College Park.

Lesson learned today: #1 most definitely isn’t a fan of Shang-Chi.  Better avoid that one when eventually going through the Marvel movies timeline in the future.

The Brilliance of Players

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I remember when I saw a teaser for Players on Paramount; it became apparent quickly that it was about esports, and shortly afterward, it was evident that it was about League of Legends.  And then the drama about a headcase League player blathering on about how he wants to win something before he retires.

The thing is, based on that alone, I actually thought it was something serious.  It wasn’t until I had already taken the bait and looked up what this show actually was, did I learn that it was a fictional mockumentary, and then I was like ohhhhhhh that explains why anyone would even attempt to talk about being a League of Legends champion, that wasn’t in Korea.

Upon further discovery of the series, and finding out that it was done by the same team that had done the American Vandal mockumentaries, I was sold, because both seasons of that show were brilliant, and colliding two things I enjoyed seemed like a recipe for something I would like.  Even more so when I found out that the format of the series was going to borrow heavily from The Last Dance documentary about the Chicago Bulls, which I also enjoyed immensely.

Needless to say, I was optimistic about the series, and upon finishing it, I think my instincts were pretty good about it.  As a whole, I found Players to be very entertaining, downright hilarious at many points, and having been pretty deep into the League scene at a point in my life, a lot of ohhhhhh moments at reminiscing about the scene in general.

Creamcheese is a brilliant character in the sense that he’s basically every obnoxious stereotype there is about a professional gamer wrapped into a singular package and then have the volume turned up to 11.  He’s no physical specimen, but he acts all hot shit because he plays games at a high level, and is just so unlikeable and obnoxious, but you can’t help but be amused at the avalanche of bullshit he’s just always selling.

The show makes no effort to hide the fact that they are speaking to a very niche audience, primarily League players past and present themselves.  But everyone I’ve pitched the show to, who aren’t even or never weren’t League players who gave it a shot, all seemed to enjoy the show all the same, just because it’s just that well executed.

But the show digs deep with all the references that only really long-time League players would understand, and it really doesn’t shy away from a lot of the behavioral tendencies that have emerged from internet culture and the League scene, from memes, the way that the internet piles on, latches onto jokes and references that become unforgettable no matter how much you try, etc.

But one of the most brilliant things about the show is that it’s not officially sponsored by Riot Games themselves, the developers of the game.  But their involvement in the show is unmistakable, considering almost all of the casters and commentators of the professional scene are all willing participants in the show, reprising their handles and identities.  Regardless, in doing such, Riot kind of takes a lot of the steam behind most criticisms about the game, the scene, the culture, effectively out of the equation based on their general involvement, regardless of how palpable or not.

By owning a lot of the jokes and criticisms, in the show, it takes a lot of the power away from those flinging the stones on the internet, and they’re basically controlling their own narrative of how the League scene really is, by participating in the show and letting it happen the way it does.

But all in all, it’s just a well-executed show.  It’s endlessly entertaining the way utilizes flashbacks in the exact same manner that The Last Dance does, but instead of talking about Michael Jordan and basketball, it’s talking about a bunch of video game geeks and a video game known for its ridiculous fanbase.  But it does so with a tone and seriousness that of a real documentary, and as a whole package, it’s just such an easy show to be snickering and laughing along with.

It almost makes me miss playing the game, and being a part of the scene, but with two kids in the picture, ain’t nobody got any time for any more League these days, so good on Players for coming into existence and helping me remember the good times, and all the time I’m not blowing playing game after game of ARAM.

Oh, Georgia #354

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

/stevecarrellwinceface.gif – Cobb County elementary school unveils new logos, immediately likened to Nazi symbolism, results predictable

Seeing as how mythical wife is an educator, I’ve become more familiar and cognizant of many schools in the Metro Atlanta area by osmosis, and I actually know of this particular school in question.  East Side Elementary is right off of GA-120 which is a pretty major thoroughfare, and I pass by it regularly, despite not knowing what the name of said school was until I read about where it was located.

But man, talk about a major, major, major fuck-up from this rebranding.  Whatever designer(s) they utilized to come up with this inflammatory design really needs to be scrutinized from a character standpoint, because either they’re some deep-repressed bigots, bigots that think they can pull the wool over the public, trolls who thought it would be a real gas to sneak in Nazi symbolism, or a little bit of all of the above.  However, seeing as how it was still government work, it can probably be safely assumed that the degree of creativity wasn’t particularly high.

When mythical wife showed me these logos, I immediately recognized the red flag, because when I was a wee lad, I played a lot of Wolfenstein on my 486, because it was about the only game it could handle, and Nazi eagles were all over the place.  Imagine my mortified and amused surprise to see something so close to Nazi symbolism, being used to represent an elementary school.

The best part about the trio of logos that they moved forward with, the only element that remained consistent between them all, was the Nazi eagle in the middle of it.  Complete with a monogram that replaces one of the S’s in SS with an E, to suddenly stand for East Side.  Like they were very insistent that of all the elements to be concrete, it had to be the Nazi eagle.  Font, shape, dynamic, all flexible, but nah dog, we GOT to keep that Nazi eagle intact.

To add insult to this embarrassingly ironic design faux pas is the fact that East Side elementary is literally next door to a synagogue.  Like very literally; not down the street literally, or catty corner literally; the school parking lot, if you go straight out of it, you will run right into a synagogue literally. 

Furthermore, this is about one of the whitest parts of East Cobb there is, and that’s saying something considering just how white East Cobb already is.  The neighborhood has “country club” in the name and is flanked by a golf course, and I’ve driven through and picked up cheap/free shit that rich white people were peddling on Facebook marketplace, so I’ve seen first-hand how elevated white it is compared to the rest of the town.

None of it helps feed the narrative of a lily-white community being so dense and ignorant as to not notice their neighborhood elementary school adopting Nazi imagery to be a part of their logo.  In the end, I don’t think the school or community is really that Nazi, so much as the person(s) who developed these logos, probably have some explaining to do.  But what’s done is done, and the internet never forgets, so it’ll be etched in stone that there was a school in Cobb County that was almost branded with Nazi eagles.  hashtagGeorgia hashtag’Murica

Ken Masters, Street Fighter canon and divorce in fiction

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

A while back, I remember making a post about how Ken Masters in Street Fighter V was clearly on the back half of his prime, and was at the stage in his life where he was wearing compression shirts to help hide his deteriorating physique, a natural occurrence with the passage of time.  And as much of a Ken main that I’ve been in my own experience playing Street Fighter games throughout my life, it was an awkward but still mostly a yeah ok whatever thing, because it was still a fictional character in a video game.  But it didn’t change the perception for me that Ken was being slightly disrespected in the grand spectrum of the franchise’s history.

Many years later, no real thought given, but with the impending release of Street Fighter 6 (and it’s shitty logo), some gameplay footage has apparently been leaked, and among it, some visuals of what Ken Masters is up to in SF6.  Long story short, the once famous and handsome and suave and cool US champion of some title of fighting, in SF6, has become a shell of his former self.  His wife has left him and taken their child, and supposedly the story of Ken is that he’s on the pursuit of trying to be just like Ryu, which is the best fighter on the planet.

But apparently he also has decided to be a homeless man just like Ryu, and has apparently hit bottom in terms of appearance and attire, which is kind of hilarious because now he’s basically turned into the Mark of the Garou rendition of Terry Bogard, which may or may not be a deliberate dig at SNK, that hobo Ken Masters is basically the greatest SNK fighting game protagonist of the 90’s.

And that’s about as far as we’re going to go with analyzing the storyline because when the day is over I really don’t give two more shits as much as this is just something that piqued my interest and inspired some words to manifest onto a post.  But my reactions to this character development are:

  • Ken Masters has decided to become a homeless bum just like Ryu; in the name of trying to be the best fighter in the world, but still homeless all the same.
  • Eliza, his ex-wife, is apparently the sister to Guile which is completely new information to me, and makes me wonder just when the hell this was written into the series canon, because the two characters have had basically no unique interaction throughout the first ten years of the series since Guile debuted in SF2.
  • Street Fighter canon writing has apparently gotten really dark, and not in the sense that people are dying and bad guys are succeeding at taking over the world, but its characters are being dealt some too real and life-fucking circumstances like divorce and separation from children

Obviously, I’ve been living in a bubble under a rock over the last few years, so series canon has passed me like a bullet train, but I get the impression that SF lore is kind of starting to get as wild and written on the fly as Mortal Kombat lore is.  Maybe not so outlandish to where they’re retconning all sorts of joke characters as core characters or merging franchises in order to boost their character counts, but when you’re going as far as to deliberately deconstruct characters like having Ken go through a divorce and becoming a hobo, that’s some pretty wild development.

Then my train of thought departed from solely Street Fighter, but just on the thought of why it seems like divorces and other breakups seem to keep happening to fictional properties.  I chatted it out with a group chat of confidants and realized that I was answering my own question, but it doesn’t make it any less sad to those of us in a generation or minded like one as mine is, to see these fictional breakups.

Peter Parker and Mary Jane.  Homer and Marge Simpson.  Kermit and Miss Piggy.  Ken and Eliza Masters.  All these fictional couples had loving, lasting, strong relationships, but as time has progressed, the world becoming more cynical, people needing reassurance that they can be related to and aren’t alone, even these are not safe from being dismantled in order to, try and be an ally.

Because that’s really what it seems to be all about, showing the watching world, that anyone and everyone is capable of break-ups and divorces, and for those children of parents who go through it, that they are not alone.

I understand that it is important to be allies, but damn it, I’m seeing iconic relationships of my childhood being systematically dismantled in order to hitch their carts to helping, and it’s no less sad, even if there are important lessons to be taught and imparted by doing such.  It’s exasperating and depressing all the same.

Fiction is where people come to escape how shitty the real world actually is, but apparently even fiction is not safe from the heavy hands of reality, to where it has to be altered and mutated into content that can help people who just wanted to get away from it in the first place.