Tag: crime

The worst-case scenario bowl

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

If anyone were to ask me who I would want to win the Super Bowl, I would go all Socrates on them, and ask them, “do you remember that scene from The Dark Knight Rises where Bane detonates all the gunpowder-laced concrete, and it destroys the ground underneath the football stadium, killing two entire football teams, except for Hines Ward who outruns all of it en route to scoring a kick-return touchdown?”

And when the response is obviously yes, because I probably wouldn’t associate myself with anyone who hasn’t seen The Dark Knight Rises, then I would say that that’s precisely how I would prefer this year’s Super Bowl to end up, except I don’t want anyone to score a touchdown at all, and would prefer that the kick returner just narrowly fall short of the end zone and fall to his death a step short of scoring.

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I don’t get you people sometimes

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Back in 2007, pro-wrestler Chris Benoit was discovered dead, along with his wife and his son.  Immediately afterward, the WWE broke all storylines for one night, and put together an entire tribute show for Chris Benoit and his family, where there were some great matches, but most notably an array of tear-filled, emotional outpourings of interviews of Benoit’s fellow wrestlers sharing touching stories and memories of their fallen comrade.

Days later, it was revealed that it wasn’t an attack on the family by a second party that ended up with the Benoit family dead; it was Chris Benoit himself, who had murdered his wife and his son, before hanging himself.  Suddenly, all of the RIPs to Chris Benoit were rescinded, the WWE did everything they could to break association with Chris Benoit, and wrestlers everywhere expressed emotions of betrayal, disappointment and disgusted sadness at the guy they all thought they once knew.

It wasn’t really “rest in peace” anymore, as much as it was “good riddance, you fucking murderer.”

Recently, a player on the Kansas City Chefs, Jovan Belcher, murdered his girlfriend and mother of their three-month old child, and then killed himself.  This has all been confirmed and is all fact at this point – Jovan Belcher was a murderer before he killed himself.

So why the fuck are so many people bidding him to rest in peace?  The guy is a fucking murderer, and fellow football players, and people all over twitter are wishing him the same farewell, reserved for people who live their lives honorably, or at least without committing murder?

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Steal from Walmart, get owned – to death

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

A sadistic part of me finds morbid amusement at reading about the tyranny and carnage that occasionally takes place during each year’s Black Fridays.  As unfortunate as it is that the worst stories that emerge from Black Fridays typically include death, I can’t help but be astonished at some of the lengths people will sometimes go to in order to get their grubby hands on particular doorbuster items.

I saw this story of a man getting essentially brutalized to death at Walmart, and was kind of half-surprised, half-not surprised at the fact that it led to an AJC link, meaning the incident took place in the greater Metro Atlanta area.  I’m never really surprised when some of the worst things happen in Atlanta, because that’s kind of how I perceive this place sometimes.

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How I would improve the prison system

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Personally, I think today’s prison system is all wrong.  Completely, unequivocally wrong.

Criminals who are killers, rapists, and most often times dangerously violent people, are put into tight quarters with other criminals who are killers, rapists and most often times dangerously violent people.  Now add a whole bunch of weights to lift, equipment to exercise with, and large yards for them to workout in.  Ration their meals to tiny, portion-controlled, bare-minimum nutrient servings.  And if it’s like The Shawshank Redepmtion, have a library and an Andy Dufresne, where prisoners can learn, expand their horizons, and become smarter.

And then after five to ten years of all this, set these motherfuckers free – physically chiseled and hardened, likely smarter, and probably with a whole lot more knowledge from the other prisoners who might have been willing to share their personal knowledge, connections and information.  Send guys back out on the streets way more dangerous than when they were first put in prison.  What a brilliant legal system.

Fuck all that.  If I controlled the world, all of this would be the exact opposite.  I guarantee the world would be a safer place.

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Admittedely puzzled

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

For the second time in my life, a credit card number of mine was stolen, and someone tried to make purchases with it.

The first time my credit card number was stolen, I could feasibly trace it back to a Vegas trip where the card machines “were down” at the car rental place, and someone took a carbon copy of my card number, and coincidentally, a spending spree occurred.  Although the fraud was discovered when the motherfucker tried to buy a Piss3 off of GameStop’s website, they still managed to get about $150 worth of hearing aid supplies.  Hearing aid supplies.  Of all the things someone would want with a stolen credit card number, they go and buy some hearing aid supplies.  Still can’t figure that one out.

But anyway, the number that was recently hijacked, I have no idea to how it happened.  I’m generally paranoid about my credit card activity, to the point where I won’t do any sort of shopping while connected to unfamiliar networks.  Off the top of my head, I suspect when I used my credit card in a Mexican ATM, because clearly everything international is shady as fuck, or back in September when my card was never returned to me at the Pub during Dragon*Con, and I was without my card for about four days.  Either way, an attempt was made to use my credit card number, and here’s where I’m quite befuddled.

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Holy shit this old guy is my hero

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Man, I can’t imagine what these two fucking loser petty crooks were thinking when they busted into an internet cafe, thinking it would be an easy smash and grab and robbery of a bunch of nerds, but little do they realize that the old guy in the khaki shorts with his lily-white shirt, lily-white hat and lily-white shoes is packing heat, and is not the least bit unafraid to uncork on some lowly jobber thugs.

I think my favorite part of the video is at 0:46, where he gets a close-range shot and doesn’t believe in the ‘ol paintball surrender rule, and still pulls the trigger.

I’m still in awe, and have watched this video like five times over now.

WTF

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Summary of this commercial:

  • Kid closes refrigerator, clearly disappointed at the inability to find something suitable to snack on
  • Creepy, bug-eyed grape creature stares intensely at kid, and is close
  • Grape creature ejaculates all over kid’s shirt
  • Grape creature turns and runs away, escaping through the pet door
  • Clorox C2® Triple Solve Stain Fighter