Add sour rancid milk to the list

Worse than carcasses: truck carrying 48,000 gallons of milk crashed and overturned on GA-316 involving several other cars and trucks, causing numerous injuries

It has been hot and humid as hell lately.  I’m not sure whether or not it’s at all record-setting, a fact that I’ve pretty much been endlessly working on things involving a lot of physical movement, or a combination of all of the above, but it’s been hot, humid and miserable as shit over this summer.

That being said, if there was absolutely anything at all that would be a miserable truck-full-of-food-spill, milk would undoubtedly have to be at the top of that list.

On its own, milk is already a volatile, diarrhea-inducing agent, now imagine it spilled all over the roads, baking into the surfaces under the hot and miserable Georgia sun?  Rapidly souring, going rancid, and cooking its way into the asphalt and soil.  Bacteria growing like a petri dish, and the sharp odor soon to emanate from everything that the shit spilled all over.

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Now it’s time to party

Honestly, I’ve lost track of all the contents of all the trucks that have overturned, crashed and dumped their contents all over Georgia highways.  I remember off the top of my head the hams, some potatoes, a few beer trucks, and the recent spilling of watermelons all over the highway, but the intricate list of everything I’ve posted in the past is kind of forgotten in the time being while my site is still mostly offline.

So my general intentions of trying to see what ingredients were available, that might be able to pair or mix with the truck full of Jack Daniels that overturned on the ramp to I-75 south this morning is not really going to happen, but if anything at all, we can simply add a liquor truck to the hall of pain of rogues to have crashed and dumped all their shit onto the roads.

The funny thing about this particular situation is that given its location, near a lot of bougie, WASPy area is the speed in which this was taken care of.  At the time of me writing about this, the truck has already been uprighted, and will probably be towed off and cleared by the time I’m done vomiting words about the incident.  Coincidentally, all those who contributed to the expedient resolution of the incident just might be absconding with any unbroken cargo, and when loss prevention tries to inventory the payload, they’ll just be deemed lost assets.

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Too easy

Readers formerly known as my six readers might know that I have this strange fascination with trucks full of food stuffs crashing on the highway.  And throughout the years, especially in Georgia, we’ve seen quite a smorgasbord of food overturned onto the roads, from hams, beer, potato chips, more beer and turkeys spilled in magnificent messes, due to mostly the negligence of the drivers of these delectable consumables.

And throughout it all, I’ve always had something to say about each such incident, mostly overly sarcastic remarks about how the food spilled onto Georgia highways could amount to one massive banquet had the food not been declared inedible on account of it spilling onto asphalt.

But this incident, with a truck full of watermelons spilling onto the I-85/I-985 split up in Suwanee?  I got nothing.  Sometimes, there are some things that just write themselves, or the pictures do all the talking, and when a truck full of watermelons dumps its entire load onto the highways, resulting a temporary but complete closure of the road so that GDOT crews can basically sweep red sticky sweet slush and rinds off of the road, there’s really not much to add, without the humor going very inappropriate in the process.

What a visual though.  It’s absolutely everything that you’d expect to see upon hearing a watermelon spill.  I’d imagine that if I were trying to leave the city northbound, and then came to a complete standstill for reasons unknown, I’d probably eventually become livid.  But upon the even the eventual crawl through of ground zero, and seeing wet roads, red slush and rinds all over the shoulders, I’d probably end up laughing maniacally at the ironic reveal.

Whatever though, add it to the list!  Watermelons.  Might make a decent dessert option in the never ending buffet of food lost to the Georgia highway system.

lol Braves #835

Impetus: Days before the official first-ever Opening Day at ScumTrust Park, where Atlanta traffic will be put to the ultimate test of futility, Interstate 75 is temporarily crippled when a truck carrying boxes of Atlanta Braves foam tomahawks, spills some of its contents onto the highway, forcing closure of two lanes in an extremely congested section the highway

Oh, I can feel the excitement in the air.  The AJC, Atlanta Magazine, WSB, any and every outlet in Atlanta, trying to drum up interest in the impending grand opening of ScumTrust Park.  Trying their best to accentuate the newness of the park, all the things around the ballpark, and doing their best to hide the fact that the traffic will be Snowpocalypse bad, and nothing around the ballpark is actually open.  Not to mention the Braves, who started the season on the road are 1-6 at the time I’m writing this, and are the worst team in the National League and tied for the worst team in the Majors.

Yup, didn’t see any of this coming.

But one thing I didn’t expect to see, but am not the least bit surprised, because “Braves” and “fucking up” seem to go together these days like peas and carrots, was like, a soft opening of shitty traffic, when some boxes of foam tomahawks fell onto I-75 and shut down two lanes in literally the worst possible spot where I-75 and I-285 intersect.

Sure, it was mostly harmless and no foam tomahawk is remotely capable of physically damaging any motorists’ vehicles, but it still provided a nuisance to anyone on the road, and is a nice reminder of the shitshow that the Cobb Braves and their corruption-fueled new ballpark are all about.

TRUCKS TRUCKS TRUCKS

It’s been a few days since I last allocated some time to write, which is typically something that I’m not a fan of doing.  But things have been busy at work, and even busier at the house, so I haven’t really had a nice chunk of time in which I could throw down some words, much less dick around on the internet to look for things to write about, or even glance at social media.

Being an adult sucks and is depressing, and I very much dislike this feeling of not feeling at home no matter where I am currently.  But like all adverse weather, this storm too shall pass, and eventually things will get back up to a more satisfactory par.  But first, I wish everyone around me at work weren’t sick and carrying the plague into the workplace and I feel like I should propagate Asian stereotypes and start showing up with a surgical mask on, because I actually value my health and have consideration to stay away.

Anyway, when I want to get back into the swing of the written word, I tend to go for low-hanging fruit or easy fluffy things to help jog the mind and the typing into a groove.  And there’s no better things for me to get fascination out of, than trucks full of interesting contents, crashing all over Atlanta highways.

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It’s not food, but damn

It started with hams, followed up by turkeys, eggs, chips and beer, but it looks like we’ve got an entire house to host this highway garbage party!  A mobile home falls off a truck at the I-85/I-285 intersection on the south side of Atlanta.

I didn’t think I’d find enjoyment out of things not being food crashing onto the highways, but it’s not every day that you hear about mobile homes falling off trucks, and being destroyed entirely in the process, shutting down the entire highway, crippling hundreds of motorists.

I guess it’s due to the fact that it was a mobile home, akin to the structures found in trailer parks, which are home to white trash and the lowest common denominators of popular society that makes this funny.  I don’t think it would be so much of amusement if it were an oversized load, dropping an entire like, Sears craftsman home onto the highway, because that would seem kind of tragic.  But a trailer park mobile home falling off of a truck and being destroyed seems hilarious in comparison.

The bottom line is that it wasn’t considered back when the food carnage was occurring, but it is indeed that the highway food waste party would have needed a venue to be held at.  And what better place for a party serving trashed food littered with road waste, oil slicks, dead animal matter and cigarette butts, than inside the shattered remains of a mobile home.

Count it

Back with a gruesome bang: tractor-trailer overturns on Atlanta’s I-285 westbound ramp, spilling 55,000 pounds of chicken guts onto the roads, effectively closing them during the heart of rush hour

Just when I thought all the other states were getting all the good stories of tragic overturned truck crashes, Atlanta comes back with a bang.  Other states can have ketchup and biscuits, but we live in a world where food is sparsely to be considered food if doesn’t contain protein, and when the chips get low, we can always count on Atlanta highways to derail the most premium of cargos.

And this is kind of intricate as it gets; I mean Atlanta’s had hams, entire pig carcasses and turkeys spilled onto the highways, but this is straight up chicken parts.  Not an order of like, pre-cut and gutted chicken cores frozen and ready to be sold for normal consumption, but the byproducts and leftover organs and intestine that people typically do not eat.

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