Tag: sports

Suck it, mainstream

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

These days, I honestly don’t give two shits about the MLB All-Star Game.  You’d think that a baseball fan like myself would enjoy seeing “the best” players in baseball, playing in a single exhibition game, where fans get a chance to see some dream matchups between star pitchers versus star hitters.

That would be great when such a thing happens, and I’d really like someone to let me know when and if it ever does.

The All-Star Game is a pretty well-known mockery to professional sport these days, since it’s now become the furthest thing from a relaxed exhibition game for the fans.  With a set of rules and guidelines, most importantly the aspect being that it “actually counts” in respect to the winning league getting home-field advantage in the World Series, it’s gone from a fun and leisurely baseball game into a tense, controversial event that always spawns the same arguments every single year.

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Is there any worse loser than Serena Williams?

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Occasionally, I like to watch tennis.  I think it’s an often underrated sport because it’s not as popular as football or basketball, but on any given day, I’ll easily argue that it’s the most physically demanding sport on the planet.  Watching tennis while I’m running on the treadmill sometimes makes me feel like running in place is nothing, in comparison to what these guys are doing, running back and forth and swinging a racket while trying to place the ball in precise spots at speeds of over 100 mph.  So whenever there’s a televised Grand Slam event going on, I always find it convenient when it happens to be airing while I’m at the gym.

Today, while Andy Murray was having a match with some guy from Russia, I noticed on the ticker that Serena Williams had been defeated.  That in itself is always newsworthy, because Serena Williams is pretty much the best female tennis player in the game right now, and she doesn’t lose often.  Apparently, she had won like 34 matches in a row prior to this defeat, so it’s safe to say that this was most certainly a monumental upset.  But then something appeared at the corner of the screen, saying SERENA WILLIAMS PRESS CONFERENCE AT 11AM.  I looked at the clock and it was 10:56am.  I’m thinking, “what about this match I’m watching now?”  And the answer came at 11am, when the match stopped airing, and I was suddenly subject to seeing a distraught looking Serena Williams sitting at a press meeting.

It was at this moment, I turned off the television.

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An attempt to put into words how much I hate ESPN

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It’s not that want anyone to keel over and die, but if Stephen A. Smith were to keel over and die, I’m pretty sure that not only would I not give a shit, there would be a part of me that would be glad.  Yes, that’s a horrible thing to put into writing, but I can’t really say that it would be an inaccurate statement.

Whenever Stephen A. Smith is on television, which is unfortunately way more than he should be, because the retards at my gym have the locker room televisions set to ESPN, and there’s no known way to change the channels without a remote, and First Take seems to be on for eleventy-billion hour blocks at a time, I want to shower and dress out and get out of the locker room as quickly as humanly possible.

Stephen A. Smith makes me want to get away from a screen faster than a snuff film, or any one of those ASPCA commercials with Sarah McLaughlin music in the background.

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Man, What A Stupid Commercial #010

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Synopsis: in a game between the Heat and the Thunder, Kevin Durant is slashing through the lane, and is thinking about throwing down a boomshakalaka. Amidst his drive, Dwyane Wade breaks off his cover to challenge Durant, and when Durant takes off, he is met with a Mutombo-like rejection at the rim. Instantaneously, Kevin Durant snaps awake because IT WAS ALL JUST A DREAM.

But the dream was real enough to inspire Kevin Durant to embark on a Gatorade-sponsored training montage, where he does every single lift and exercise he possibly can do, while pounding Gatorade products in between.

Eventually, an actual Heat/Thunder game is taking place, and there’s two minutes left, and the Heat are up by two. Kevin Durant has the ball and is bringing it up the court, and is thinking about rectifying a dreamed reality. He cuts and slashes into the lane, and is thinking boomshakalaka. Dwyane Wade sees what’s going on, and breaks off his man, and goes to challenge Durant. Both men go up, but this time, all the Gatorade-sponsored training has paid off, and Kevin Durant takes Dwyane Wade to poster city.

But then Dwyane Wade snaps awake because THAT WAS JUST A DREAM TOO.

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*Including rape, murder and infidelity

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

This Tiger Woods ad cracks me up.  It embodies one of the biggest fallacies in sport, acknowledges Tiger’s own scandalous and debaucherous history that people did not approve of, and then flicks it off, takes a steaming pile of shit on top of them, and says “yeah, fuck you.”

As much as Nike wants you to believe it, winning does not take care of everything.  Just because Tiger Woods is good at hitting a small white ball great distances with a metal stick, and getting it to roll into a tiny hole with minimal swings does not take care of the fact that he’s a sex-addicted narcissist who ruined lives and his own marriage to indulge his sloth.  The same applies to Kobe Bryant, and that just because he scored 81 points and won another NBA championship does not rectify having raped a woman in Colorado.  The same applies to Ray Lewis, and that winning two Super Bowls does not absolve him of having stabbing a guy to death.

No, winning does not take care of all these things.  All it does is give the blatantly corrupt media machine something nice to say about an athlete to hide the fact that beneath their unsubstantial and unimportant sport-related achievements, they’re still worthless as human beings.

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snOwned

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The United States’ soccer victory over Costa Rica is the equivalent of the dastardly heel professional wrestler who just snuck a cheap shot in against their opponent without the referee noticing, and pointing to their head to emphasize their use of brains to get the upper hand.  Long story short, a World Cup qualifier between the US and Costa Rica was played in Colorado, a state that is known to get snow fairly regularly until about late-April.  Needless to say, it snowed pretty heavily during their match, but the game went on, and the Americans eventually ended up winning 1-0.

The Costa Ricans are crying foul over unfair playing conditions, to which frankly I don’t think they have any ground to complain.  An objection should have been made well in advance, once it was decided that Colorado in the month of March was going to be the site of such an important game.  It’s as well known that Colorado is a cold place in March as well as its known that Costa Rica is vastly tropical; the fact that snow could have been a threat and actually happened should not have been any surprise, and could have been addressed well in advance.

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Photos: The Spartan Race

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This year, I ran in my first-ever Spartan Race.  Zombie runs are tiresome and the chasing nature of them leads to take away from the physical challenge of obstacles, since it caused people like me to blow up before any obstacles.  And after the debacle of the Georgia Run For Your Lives event, I was actually a little eager to redeem myself from such an abysmal time, even if my group and I were screwing around the entire time, due to the fact that it was an uncontrollable mud pit.

As a whole, I really liked the Spartan Race.  Not being chased by overzealous fake zombies led me to concentrate on the task at hand, and manage my endurance to traverse four miles as well as numerous physical obstacles.  I realize what my strengths and weaknesses are in general; when it comes to running, I’m pretty comfortable and right at home, but when it comes to sheer upper-body strength, despite how much I workout, I’m absolutely terrible with stuff like monkey bars and having the sheer strength to lift myself over an eight-foot wall.

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