Tag: crime

TFW your BAC is higher than your career BA

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

It’s that time of the year again in spite of the fact that like a year ago, it’s probably still not a very good idea, but because Major League Baseball is a machine that demands its financial tithe, the 2021 season is a-go, and it’s Spring Training all over parts of Florida and Arizona, or wherever each team is actually deciding to try and get their bodies into shape for another unnecessary season of sports while a pandemic is still very much in play.

But the specific time in which I am referring to is that with Spring Training afoot, it’s only a matter of time before a baseball player, personnel, executive or alum, makes the news having gotten a DUI, most likely from a little too much fraternization and/or having a good time with the boys.

In this case, it was an alum, in former All-Star outfielder Johnny Damon, getting pulled over and arrested for driving under the influence in Florida. And naturally, because it’s completely relevant to the conversation, the article makes sure to mention that in his baseball career, he had 2,796 hits, 235 home runs, and a career batting average of .284.

It’s one of my favorite clichés about professional athletes getting in trouble with the law.

However in this case, it actually does provide a little bit of interesting context, because batting average is a decimal number measured by three digits, much like a breathalyzer test, and in the case of Johnny Damon’s two tests, he allegedly blew both a .300 and a .294, to which I hope most people can do the math, is well past three times the legal limit of .080. I mean, anything over .000 is illegal in the state of Georgia and I’m okay with that frankly because (in a non-pandemic world) ridesharing has made any sort of driving with any booze in the system completely unnecessary.

But back to the topic at hand, not only is .294 a staggeringly high blood alcohol content that literally states that nearly 30% of his body’s blood diluted by booze, it’s higher than his career batting average. Which is ironically impressive, because a career .284 batting average is actually pretty quite good, so the fact that he was able to surpass his batting average on a night out is pretty amazing.

Obviously in the grand spectrum of things this is really pathetic; most baseball fans know Damon as kind of face of the 2004 Red Sox that came back from the 3-0 deficit to the Yankees and ultimately won the World Series, but now he’s this sad sack of retired professional athlete with too much time, privilege and money to do stupid shit, like get trashed three times the legal limit. More than likely Damon won’t do any sort of time or get anything more than a fine and slap on the wrist, whereas any ordinary American would be in pound-me-in-the-ass prison by now, most definitely if it were any sort of person of color. But since there’s little anyone can actually do about it, all we can really do, is make jokes.

Patience is a virtue

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

In short: teenage Kroger employee in Gwinnett County arrested for stealing nearly $1 million dollars from his employer over the span of several weeks

The thing is, if this kid only paced himself and didn’t make it flagrantly obvious that something was amiss by refunding an $87,000+ transaction among the other $900,000 worth of refunds he issued to himself over two weeks, he probably would’ve had a system that could’ve stole about as much money with almost no risk.  But when you steal nearly a million dollars from your employer by issuing false refunds, from the same store you work at, within the span of two weeks, it’s this dumbass’s turd for thinking he’d actually get away with it.

Companies as large as Kroger typically have a built-in margin of loss on a daily basis, because of stuff like employee accidents, customers that accidentally ruin merchandise, prepared food that goes bad, and of course, petty theft, and if this kid were to keep his falsified refunds to smaller amounts, if he wanted them frequently, or numbers that weren’t $87,000 if he wanted to swing for the fences, but on much less frequency, then the losses probably would have slipped through the cracks and not rose any red flags unless there was some skepticism in the first place.

But as my brother pointed out, the simple reason was the fact that we were referring to the perp in question as a kid, because kids have no fucking sense, even less intelligence, and clearly don’t grasp the strength of the long game.  Because it sounded like he had a pretty rock solid system for pilfering extra cash, and if he could just keep his vices in check and not have to have Camaros and guns and shoes, he could’ve built up a sweet little side gig to keep things fluid and probably gotten away with it.

Whatever though.  It’s clearly a slow news day when people aren’t talking about politics now, because this story showed up in no less than all of the major Atlanta-area news outlets, and was picked up by a number of national news outlets too.  I guess when people want someone to point and laugh and judge from afar, dumbasses like this become low-hanging fruit and easy targets.

New Father Brogging, #033

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

My kid has become observant enough to comprehend sights and interpret sounds and make associations to them, namely to say she recognizes the bottle, is familiar with the sound of the bottle warmer, and subsequently goes nuclear when she thinks it’s time to eat because clearly she must be starving to death and is wasting away at that very juncture in time.

Needless to say in order to adjust to such behaviors, mythical wife and I try to be as discreet as possible when it comes to pulling bottles from the fridge and getting them to the warmer, so she doesn’t notice, and subsequently begin screaming bloody murder.

I feel like we’ve become something along the equivalents of prisoners, where we have to sneak the bottles around like we’re handing off shanks, and we’ve been practicing trying to be slight of hand when it comes to keeping the bottle out of sight, and since there’s little we can do about the sound of the warmer, we typically have to keep her out of ear’s reach once it starts ticking away for 9-10 minutes.

No, I still have no regrets or unhappiness about parenting, but I do find it greatly amusing the correlations between prison inmates and new parents.

The whitest thief in the world

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I mean, there’s really not much to add to the headline.  A Tennessee man is arrested for stealing an alleged $65,000 worth of clothing from Hollister and American Eagle. 

Clearly, the mall in which he was victimizing must not have had an Abercrombie & Fitch, otherwise it’s safe to assume they would have been pilfered from too.

Sometimes, stories just kind of write themselves, and when I see a headline about how Hollister and American Eagle are the companies being burgled, my first thought was “white people clothiers” and how the perpetrator must undoubtedly be a white guy.  Seriously though, it probably wasn’t the best idea to be stealing from global brands like these, because regardless of race, these are companies that live and die by numbers, and $65,000 worth of merch is undoubtedly going to be noticed and it would only be a matter of time in which action would be taken.  Trent McWhiterton III clearly dipped into the well a little too many times and to no surprise, was eventually caught.

The funny thing to me was his general racket of stealing brand new goods, and then selling them to consignment shops.  Undoubtedly, Plato’s Closet was probably only to give him 25% of the value, at consignment rates, so in spite of the fact that he stole like $65k* worth of clothing, he probably made like $10k in sales.  Honestly, if this bro weren’t so lazy, he probably could’ve made vastly more money through eBay, and probably been way safer, since apparently it was Plato’s people who helped tip off the fuzz.

*let’s also not forget that $65k worth of Hollister and American Eagle is probably like $6,500 in materials and Cambodian slave labor to manufacture

What’s also entertaining to me is that I just happened to chance across this story, because like many Americans right now, I’m fixated to election news, and for whatever reason, this story happened to be the first thing listed in related articles.  I guess there is though, a modicum of relation considering just how white and criminal the election process kind of is, that a story about a white guy stealing from white people clothiers can be somewhat related.

Whatever though, white people getting busted for stealing from white companies, and where ultimately everyone comes out a loser, that’s all water off my back.  It’s something whimsical for me to write about while I await hopefully good news to come out of this shit show, because I’m tired of feeling like I’m held hostage by the country with everyone else, who just wants to know who’ll be our dear leader for the future.

When the day is over, you just have to do the shit yourself

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Because my mental being can’t handle loose ends, I decided to take it upon myself to put back up my own fucking fence, so that it’s one less thing that I’ll have to dump money into when it comes time to (hopefully) finding someone competent to fix shit around my house.  As mentioned before, in the process, I fucked up my finger pretty bad, but fortunately it wasn’t in a state where I couldn’t just bandage it up, wear gloves and not be able to continue working.

To summarize, among the shit that the clown of a “handyman” I “hired” to fix my window did, was not just remove several fence panels,  but also damage the posts in in the process of fishing the $450 scissor lift rental I made on his request, off of my backyard, which also tore the shit out of my turf (photos below).  He claimed that he would take responsibility for the damages, but shocking nobody, he’s been as evasive and vague as an extreme cheapskate when the bill shows up, about when he’s actually coming to do anything, and frankly I don’t actually believe he’s going to do anything, and I’m going to light him up on the internet and hope it hurts his future business, because an asshole like this doesn’t need to be out there pretending to be a respectable handyman.

During the days of ghosting, I would step outside and just look at the unfinished job of the fence, and get madder and madder, and I realized that this was not good for my mental state.  Just because I didn’t want to do it didn’t mean that I wasn’t capable of doing it, and considering the sloppy nature of this guy in the first place, it would probably be in the best interest if I did it myself, to ensure that it would be done well.

So janky finger injury aside, I assessed where things stood, and came to the conclusion that this was one of those situations where I would just have to do this shit myself.

Continue reading “When the day is over, you just have to do the shit yourself” →

Somehow, being a Marty Jannetty managed to get darker

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

It’s funny, as I’d been going through all of my old posts from the last decade, I came across this one from 2017, which was this cringe-worthy story about how Marty Jannetty supposedly wanted to bang his own daughter.  The span between 2016-present, I’d forgotten a lot of the things I’d written, because they never saw the light of day on my brog in the first place, but there’s no other way to describe the situation – Marty Jannetty apparently wanted to bang his own daughter, and the most fortunate thing that could’ve happened was that the biological test proved that they were not actually related.

But basically, I declared that the definition of being a Marty Jannetty was no longer exclusive to being the weaker half of any professional wrestling tag team, but also implied a man who would want to bang his own daughter.  For example, it could be said that the current president of the United States has almost made some Marty Jannetty-like remarks, like when he stated that if Ivanka were not his daughter, he’d probably be dating her.

The point is, I declared that the definition of a Marty Jannetty had changed back in 2017 based on some ironically fucked up behavior, but very, very shortly after revisiting that post, one of my friends shares with me a text message that basically just said:

Marty Jannetty confessed to murder on Facebook

Naturally, this friend never really gives me any context to remarks like this, so I had to look it up, but well yeah, it basically looks like Marty Jannetty confessed to committing a murder, on theFacebook.

In the grand spectrum of things, as fucked up as potential incest is, I’d still rank it not as bad to, potential murder.  So I guess perhaps it’s gotten even darker to be defined as a Marty Jannetty, because now that would imply that you might be a murderer, and if we want to get specific, someone who can kill a guy and that will ultimately confess to it on social media, 30 years later.

Either way, I’m sure the Nick Jacksons, Chuck Taylors, Angelo Dawkins, Tuckers and Erick Rowans never liked being called Marty Jannettys in its original definition, but I think it’s safe to say that perhaps we should start looking for new terminology for the weaker half of tag teams now, because ‘ol Marty is taking his shit into some really dark and undesirable to be compared to places these days.

Silence ≠ ambivalence

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I’ve had a difficult time putting into words the things that I feel these days, as the world continues to sink further and further into chaos.  Tons of people suddenly loathe law enforcement, and there’s no end to the ping-ponging of stories out there where one side of the fence is writing whatever they can to slander the other side of the fence.  Cops supposedly being overheard ordering each other to deliberately go out and hurt protesters, protesters being accused of transforming into looters, and the list goes on and on where two definitive sides are trying to smear the other.

Throughout it all, I’ve watched own social media landscape turn from a pretty casual, relaxed locals-only kind of environment to where everyone is now taking a very intense voice about current events, and it’s honestly a little bit frightening.  People calling out their friends and family that might have different viewpoints, and others ready to get into vitriolic arguments at the drop of a hat if anyone dares to have a conflicting opinion.  I’ve seen no less than three posts where people are rallying others to suppress their own posting unless it’s relevant to current events, because “it will take up space” as if there’s ever been any amount of finite space on the internet.

Offline, people are going out en masse to attend protests and this scares me more than anything, because unless you’ve been living under rocks, protests all across the country have often descended into riots, regardless of whom starts it, and the nights end with tallies of injured, arrested, and eventually if this keeps up, dead.  Cops beating the shit out of civilians, bouts of looting erupting in just about every city where protests are occurring, and as far as I can tell, absolutely nothing good at all is happening on a nightly basis.

I’ve mostly kept quiet about all of this because I frankly don’t know what to really say.  My world right now is quite tiny, because yes I definitely have feelings for what’s happening in the greater world all around me, but with an infant child that classifies as medically fragile, my focus and energy is primarily on my baby, whom I grieve for, having been born in such a terrible year in history.

But please don’t mistake my silence for ambivalence, and I do state such in response to the asinine opinion that those who aren’t posting allied messages, or changing their Facebook profile pictures to black squares, or going out and protesting, or any other virtual action or otherwise, is implicit in the negativity by being inactive.  That’s a bullshit belief, and I really scoff at anyone who believes such; but only those specific people.

Because saying “everyone” would be an blanket statement, and frankly I feel that we’re in this what I’m calling blanket statement culture, where the prevalent opinions that are being flung around left and right are these gigantic, overarching blanket statements where all cops are bad, all protesters are looters, all black people are thugs, and all sorts of encompassing rhetoric.

Continue reading “Silence ≠ ambivalence” →