WTF is AEW doing #302

I’m not entirely sure if Tony Khan thinks he’s being clever, subtle or he’s flagrantly doing it on purpose, but pretty much every wrestling fan on the planet knew that BIG BU$INE$$ in BO$$TON was going to be the debut of Mercedes Mone.

Say what you will though, I’ve been critical about Mercedes over the last year and change, but I’m also critical because I care.  I was a fan of Sasha Banks, dubious in which the circumstances she left under, but happy to see when she re-emerged in Japan, won titles there, and even predicted her inevitable path that would take her to AEW.

And as much as I like the work possible by guys like Will Ospreay and Kazuchika Okada, their arrivals in AEW didn’t really make me stop what I was doing and carve out time to see them.  But knowing that March 13th, BIG BU$INE$$ FROM BO$$TON was going to be the arrival of Mercedes Mone, I made the conscious effort to carve out time from my generally time-starved life, to tune in and watch, because I was looking forward to seeing Mercedes Varnado, back in professional wrestling.

However, having watched BIG BU$INE$$, my thoughts were making these posts pondering whatever the fuck AEW is doing, because I just have a hard time wrapping my brain around their general MO.  I get that I probably fall into the category that’s been so indoctrinated with how the WWE operates, that anything alternative to it just seems rather perplexing, but I’ll also say that I had no problems being a fan of WCW and ECW and to some degree, old NWA-TNA back before the days of Impact.  In fact, I’m still a fan of Impact now that they’re back to being TNA, but it’s just AEW, and now the AEW-controlled Ring of Honor, that I’m just so often scratching my head about. 

I want to like the product as their diehard fans do, but there’s just so much going on that I can’t find the ability to be a fan of the promotion as a whole as much as I just like cherry-picked aspects of the company, like Toni Storm, Will Ospreay, Daniel Garcia, and my growing respect for Orange Cassidy.  And I think it’s very amusing that the some of the guys that are doing the best work for the promotion, are all former WWE hands, like Storm, Christian, Swerve and Samoa Joe.

But back to BIG BU$INE$$, it was obvious the entire show was produced structured around Mercedes getting to open the show, as well as close it out.  Because in no logical reality should a match between Willow Nightengale and Riho be the main event of a show, especially one that had Samoa Joe vs. Wardlow and Jay White vs. Darby Allin on the card.  There are three former TNT champs, a former IWGP champion, and the current AEW champion, and they all played the undercard, just to ensure that Mercedes Mone got to close the show out, even if it meant main eventing a match between two girls who were literally Ring of Honor dark match talent not even a full year ago.

Now I was happy to see Mercedes, but I couldn’t help but feel like the arena wasn’t doing her any favors.  I felt like the acoustics in the arena murdered her entrance music, it was hard to hear the crowd actually chanting C-E-O for her, and when she got on the mic to speak, the echo sounded as if the Boston Garden hadn’t updated their equipment since Greg the Racist Valentine cut his scathing promo with terribly racist undertones. 

She cut a good promo, gave love to Eddie Guerrero, and it will be interesting to see how things transpire, because in AEW there’s either really good workers (Toni, Britt, Purrazzo) and then there’s everyone else.  This won’t be like CM Punk coming in to a sea of talent, Mercedes will have to put on her carry boots on every night, and it’ll be telling to see how she measures up to this responsibility.

Again though, I don’t think it was right to structure the entire show around ensuring Mercedes got to close out the show, especially with the talent they lined up in order to make that happen.  I know the logical program is to work in Willow Nightengale since it was her that Mercedes got hurt against, but she’s still green as baby shit, and I can’t imagine that Mercedes isn’t going to have some PTSD having to work with the person who basically cut her entire NJPW deal short.

But then again, this is why this series of posts is titled what they are, because when the day is over, I really have no fucking clue to what AEW is doing.  And because of that, it really doesn’t matter if they have Mercedes Mone, Kazuchika Okada, or even Will Ospreay, unless they find the magic formula that gives them logical, watchable weekly programming, on top of their propensity to put on above-average pay-per-views, they’re never going to be seen as a superior product than the WWE.  I know they and their brainwashed fans insist that that’s not what the goal is, but everyone knows that’s full of shit.  They all want to have their cake and eat it too, which is that they need to be the #1 promotion, so they can all revel in being #1; but it’s never going to happen if AEW continues to operate in the manner that basically makes AEW, AEW.

Happy trails, Virgil

Lonely no more: Mike Jones, better known as former WWE wrestler, Virgil, passes away at the age of 61

I know it seems like every single wrestler from yesteryear that passes away was a favorite of mine in some way shape or fashion, and after twenty years of brogging, there’s no shortage of wrestler eulogies that I’ve written in my own way, at this point.

But Virgil, this guy, was truly a guy that I can’t say was necessarily a favorite of mine, but he was something of an icon in his own way, that I was fixated with, pretty much from the time I learned of his existence until the day he passed.

When I first got into wrestling, a lot of it had to do with the fact that I actually got into a WWF video game first, the arcade version of WWF Superstars, before I actually parlayed it into indulging in the real life variant of the game on television, into the life-long fandom that still maintain today. 

In the game, the final bosses were the tag team of “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase and Andre the Giant; but before you actually started playing against them, there’s like a 12-second cutscene prior to the match where you see “Mean Gene” Okerlund interviewing both DiBiase and Andre, but also standing with them was a jacked black guy in a shiny tuxedo counting money.

When I started watching wrestling, and the first time I laid eyes on the real-life Million Dollar Man, sure enough, there was the same jacked black guy accompanying him, holding the money, and that was when I first learned of the existence of the real-life Virgil.

Little did I know that he was named Virgil, as a personal attack from Vince McMahon to rival promoter/booker/wrestler Dusty Rhodes, whose real name was actually Virgil, and in only a manner that could come from Vince McMahon, he slapped basically a slave persona onto a black man and called him Virgil.

But throughout the years, it became quickly apparent that despite Virgil’s imposing stature and menacing scowl, he was tantamount to the WWF’s punching bag to the stars, and in just a few short years of getting into wrestling, I’d seen Virgil get his ass beat by Hulk Hogan, the Ultimate Warrior, Macho Man Randy Savage, and Hacksaw Jim Duggan among others.  He was a jobber before I even knew what a jobber was, a term I wouldn’t learn until like 12 years later.

Continue reading “Happy trails, Virgil”

When news ≠ reality

News: Hulk Hogan channels the power of Hulkamania, lifts wrecked car, rescues teenage driver, cures cancer while he’s at it, completely by himself

Reality: Hulk Hogan present at the scene of an accident while most likely his friend more than likely did the actual work of pulling a teenage driver out of a flipped vehicle

You’d think a story like this would get me out of my seat and prepare to strap in and mark out about how amazing and wonderful the power of Hulkamania is and how great Hulk Hogan is, but let’s not kid ourselves anymore.  As much as I love the idea of Hulk Hogan and Hulkamania living forever, the guy himself, Terry Bollea is far from a perfect human being in his own right; made no more prevalent then the NYPost giving him the professional athlete treatment, and inserting this snippet into the footer, much like a baseball player’s statistics in any story that has nothing to do with sport:

WWE released Hogan from his contract in 2015 after audio from a sex tape revealed him uttering the n-word and saying he was “racist, to a point.” He apologized for his remarks.“

I’m not sure how any of that has anything to do with being a Good Samaritan and stopping at the scene of an accident, but in the grand spectrum of things, it was still pretty cool of Hulk Hogan to stop and give a degree of assistance, up for interpretation.

I think the funniest thing is that Hogan hogs the tagline, as if he himself did a completely selfless and heroic act, and that he and only he, lifted the vehicle with his 28” pythons and the power of Hulkamania coursing through his veins, and rescued a damsel in distress.  Obviously this isn’t necessarily by any fault of Hogan himself, a rag like the Post knows what they have to do in order to draw page views.

I have to imagine the actual reality is more along the lines of his friend, who supposedly is a veteran, along for the ride, sees the accident occur, and his protect instinct kicked in and he wanted to act.  And Hogan, always the politician and puppeteer and his (third) wife probably immediately seeing an opportunity to soak up some positive press and get the Hogan name back out into the public eye didn’t hesitate to be on board.

But then you see the few photos of the scene, and it looks pretty clear that Hulk Hogan himself, in an nWo shirt no less, is just kind of standing around and watching.  The friend, who looks younger and fitter, probably is the one who did all of the work, but solely by being the celebrity in the scene, Hulk Hogan gets to absorb the lion’s share of the credit for the act of heroism.

I’m not going to shit on the Hulkster any more than this, but it’s just funny how Hogan, whether he’s trying to or not, still somehow manages to always stay relevant in some way shape or fashion, and this is a good example of it.  All things considered, it was cool that he stopped at all, because I can’t imagine that most people these days want to get involved, and are more apt to drive off and feign ignorance rather than help out.

The return of Sasha Banks is afoot

You heard it here first: the journey of the return of Sasha Banks has begun.  Obviously, I’m not really in tune with the industry as much these days, but every now and then I like to try and flex some of my old Oracle™ predicting power to see just how much the same the wrestling industry is no matter how much things seem like they’ve changed throughout the course of time.

When I saw that Kairi Sane had returned to the WWE and immediately gotten back with Iyo Sky, I didn’t think much of it.  But when I heard and then saw that Asuka had flipped and joined up with Kairi and Iyo, into Bayley’s Damage CTRL stable, I began to think, hmm.  Considering the long-storytelling here, and the obvious outnumbering of Bayley and an injured Dakota Kai, I feel like it’s only a matter of time before the Japanese girl-trio turns on Bayley and kicks her out of her own stable, and killing it in the process.

Charlotte has been the frequent victim to this new union, and now Bayley will be out on her own.  Somehow, Becky Lynch will get entangled in this affair, mostly because Iyo is a Women’s champion and that will be the clause needed to bring them all together despite differing show affiliation, and now we’ve got a nice little even three-on-three going on, after some reluctant teaming between the three of them which will hopefully be told in a manner that doesn’t treat the fans like idiots.

But obviously, something will feel missing the entire time, because there will be someone who is missing from the whole equation from the Four Horsewomen, and this is where I would be willing to wager, that if the rumors are true, and Giulia from NJPW/Stardom does sign with the WWE, she’ll be the fourth member to Japanese girl-squad, and it becomes all but inevitable that Sasha Banks has to make her return to the WWE at this point.

Perhaps it’s The RAW after Wrestlemania™, or maybe even sooner, maybe later, like next year’s Survivor Series or a War Games event separate, but at this point, I would wager that within the next calendar year, we should expect to see Sasha Banks return to the WWE.  As known as the Four Horsewomen name is, the stable has never been made official, the team has never competed simultaneously, and the company hasn’t merch’d or marketed them as such, and this would be as good as time as any for them to do so, especially when there would be a super-talented stable of Japanese girls to work with.

All of them get to start a new chapter in their careers, and it seems like good timing for all four Horsewomen to do such, considering Charlotte and Becky are kind of floating around in limbo, Bayley can probably do some entertaining work gradually phasing back into a face persona, and Sasha can steal all the spotlight with a grand hero’s return, en route to being the one who moves on with a championship.

The stars are not yet in alignment, but they’re all swirling around close enough to where it’s not going to take a lot to make it all work out.  The real challenge really will be trying to keep things under wraps, because once Becky joins up with Charlotte and Bayley, it’s going to be pretty obvious that Sasha is coming back, and knowing the WWE’s obsession with creating moments and surprises, anything short of a hero’s return might be enough to stall the inevitable.

The point is, from the day she left, I always predicted that it was never a matter of if, but when Sasha Banks comes back to the WWE, and I strongly feel like the wheels for that return have just begun moving.  It’s hard to get a straight answer from the internet, but to my knowledge, Mercedes Mone is basically a free agent since she was supposedly doing a per-appearance arrangement with NJPW, and considering how long she’s been out with an ankle issue, the timing seems appropriate for her to be able to make a return within the next few months. 

Meeting Diamond Dallas Page

This actually happened a little while ago, but life has just been busy, my drive to write has fluctuated tremendously over the last days and sometimes there’s a backlog of things that I want to write about first jumps around a bit.  But at the same time, this isn’t something that I wanted to not write about, because as far as my fandom in wrestling goes, this was still a pretty big deal, and half of the importance of meeting a known celebrity in a field, is being able to humble-boast about it on the internet to a small or completely non-existent audience.

But in between my vacation and my work-trip, I took a night out to go to an independent wrestling show, because it wasn’t really that far from my house, but more importantly, they had advertised an appearance from Diamond Dallas Page, a wrestler that I enjoyed a lot towards the end of the 90s and into the 2000s.

Most fans remember him as the guy who invented the Diamond Cutter, which is basically the basis for Randy Orton’s RKO, but aside from the things he accomplished in his wrestling career, there’s a lot he accomplished outside of the ring that are noteworthy and contribute a lot to why I admire the guy as much as I do, especially to the point where his name alone can sell me to go to an indy show.

I popped when he defeated Jay-Z in court, when the rapper decided that he could go ahead and just use the hand symbol for the Diamond Cutter without any repercussion, and lordy, did the guy’s arrogance prove him wrong.  Guys like Jay-Z typically don’t take any L’s in life, considering his wealth and business acumen, so it was tremendously refreshing to hear that he did the job to a professional wrestler of all people, with it being noted that the Jigga man settled with DDP outside of court in order for him to drop the lawsuit, as well as ceased using the hand symbol outright.

But what most people are probably very familiar with DDP these days is his yoga and fitness programs that the guy promotes tirelessly, because once people are able to get around the professional wrestler persona, and the power of positivity that seems almost too good to be true, the fact of the matter is that DDP has helped tons of people these days, overcome all sorts of physical boundaries and limitations they were told they would have, with his training programs and general life coaching.

From prolonging the careers of fellow wrestlers, to helping athletes from all wakes of life and sport regain a modicum of physical capabilities, to rescuing veterans, those with paralyzing injuries and other handicaps, DDP has made it his life promoting wellness, health and mobility for anyone interested, from regular people, retired athletes to those still in the wrestling industry.

So when I got to have my chance to speak with DDP, I basically told him that I loved him as a wrestler, but I think it’s what he does with his life now, that really has a more admirable quality to it, and that regardless it was an honor to meet the guy.

From all the times I’ve met wrestlers, be it through random encounters, minor league appearances or paid meet and greets, it’s really hit or miss to the types of personalities you get in person.  And often times, people are encouraged to not meet their heroes so to say, so they don’t disappoint you, but to absolutely no surprise, DDP was about as gracious and as layup of a good guy in person as they come.

Instead of just ushering people away and moving onto the next guy wanting to pay money, DDP for some reason decided to tell me a story about how he went to a boxing show, and he was eager to meet Ken Norton there, but in a random hallway he runs into Norton who was in a rush as he was, and it turns out that Norton was in a rush to meet him.  I’m not entirely sure what about me made DDP want to tell me that story, but it was still cool and entertaining that he gave me the time of day to hold up the line and tell me such, and with a second handshake and an autograph I was on my merry way.

And that’s really all there was to it.  The wrestling show itself wasn’t bad as far as indy promotions go, and I saw some potential as well as names I recognized from previous times I’ve bounced around the area watching indy wrestling, but really the whole night was all about trying to meet DDP, and mission accomplished.

I look forward to having an office wall to hang my autographs off of one day, because DDP is definitely one that I’m glad to add to the collection.

AEWShop be out of their GOT damn mind

  • Get email from shopAEW.com for some reason, I’ve never purchased anything from them before
  • Limited edition The Acclaimed-themed AEW World Trios Champions replica blets
  • Only TEN will be made
  • $5,000*

*actually $4,999

Most people know the story about how way back when, someone in marketing figured out that pricing things with a cent value of 99¢ often times subliminally tricked consumers into thinking something was cheaper than it really was, because like $1.99 was leaps and bounds cheaper than $2.00 was, solely based on the fact that all they saw was a leading $1 instead of a $2.

Yeah, I think when we’re dealing with the difference between four thousand and five thousand dollars, that single digit in the ones column really isn’t going to be fooling anyone.

But here we are, where AEW is now selling a replica blet that is, for all intents and purposes, the most expensive replica blet on the market.  Higher than WWE’s Elite series of replica blets (~$2,000 USD), and higher than New Japan’s replica blets ($2,500-3,400 USD), and not even close, butting up against $5,000 in comparison to others.

Allegedly, the old NWA/WCW World Heavyweight Championship blet that was synonymous with Ric Flair back in the olden days, was originally estimated to be $8,000-10,000 depending on whom you asked, and when the NWA refused to give Ric Flair back a collateral of $10,000 at one point, he took the blet with him, and showed up to WWF television with a rival promotion’s blet.

The point of bringing that up is the fact that an actual original championship blet, albeit in 1991 dollars, was closer to the asking price of AEW’s tribute Trios blet, than any other blet replica available in marketspace.

I know that the Acclaimed are pretty over right now, but the fact of the matter is that in the grand spectrum of the wrestling industry, they still haven’t proven jack shit, to be worthy of getting a tribute blet, much less one with so much exclusivity, that they might not actually move all ten of them but who am I kidding, AEW tribe marks are so ryde or die that they’re probably already all ten accounted for by the time I’m done with this post.

Like, WWE has a shitload of tribute blets out there, but they’re all for guys that are legitimate legends of the industry.  AEW giving a tribute blet to the Acclaimed would be like the WWE realizing the team of Al Snow and Steve Blackman were over at one point, and making a tribute tag blet for Team HeadCheese.

The Acclaimed are a pretty okay team, and they’re a good example of how actual wrestling skills aren’t as important when you have charisma and great stage presence.  I’d say Anthony Bowens is a 7 in the ring, and Max Caster is a 6 at best, but the two of them together have a tremendous amount of charisma and performance chops, and they know how to engage a crowd.  But when push comes to shove, they’re not even the best tag team in the company by a long shot, and from a promotion that values tag team wrestling as AEW does, they’ve got a long way to catching up with the Young Bucks, FTR, and Lucha Bros among others.

And let’s not forget the fact that they’re carrying around Billy Gunn, whom it seemed like a pretty slapped together union at first, but to their credit and willingness to run with whatever is thrown their way, they’ve made it work.  Obviously, Billy Gunn is in incredible shape and can still go despite being 59 years old, but the guy is mostly a legend solely by association with stronger performers. 

But in storyline, he was shunned and assaulted by his own sons, and in two seconds afterward, he was completely revitalized and renewed by putting his fingers into scissors and joining hands with a rap group team; seems a bit convoluted and silly, but then again, this is AEW we’re talking about.

Back to the blets though, we’re living in a world where a replica blet that is held in part by Billy Gunn, is the most expensive replica in the entire industry.  And it’s not even real gold like the IWGP replicas sold in limited quantities by NJPW; as absurd as it would be to drop 2.5-3.5K on one of those, they’re at least made from real 24 carat gold, and might actually appreciate in value, aside from the fact that some of the greatest wrestlers in history have held it.

My god man, I’m worked up over something so silly and absurd and I really need to stop.  AEW be out of their got-mind with this one.

A e-tale of two extremes

I got two emails today; one from New Japan Pro-Wrestling’s shop, and then not long afterward, one from the WWEShop, since I’m a big wrestling mark nerd who has shopped with both companies to where regardless of the checkbox I decline to receive emails, they send me shit anyway.  Normally, I delete them all with light prejudice since I never asked to receive them in the first place, but today I opened both of them, because they smartly put in the subject line, shit about my favorite thing in the world: blets.

In one corner, we have NJPW’s shop advertising the pre-sale of the undisputed NJPW World championship that I’ve made no secret to not being a fan of the design of.  But at an insignificant, paltry $3,500 (three thousand, five hundred dollars), you could be one of probably 1,000 extreme marks to get your hands on an extremely rare, official NJPW replica championship blet.

In all fairness, it is typical impeccable Japanese craftsmanship, and unlike lots of wrestling replica blets that are made from brass or some other cheap shit metal, official NJPW blets are (allegedly) made from actual 24-karat gold, to justify the drink-spitting price tag on them, so in theory, they literally could be purchased as a legitimate investment, should the cost of gold ever spike to Gamestop-like proportions, and an actual owner of one of these bad boys could flip them for some actual profit.

But yeah no, $3,500, I can think of a hundred more constructive or better things to spend that money on, mostly going towards my actual house, a real architectural structure where human beings reside in, instead of a championship blet replica, regardless of how much I love collecting them.  Alternatively, I could get like 7-8 WWE replica blets (at full retail) for that cost, or every single AEW replica blet in one fell swoop, instead of a blet that I don’t like the design of in the first place.

But speaking of WWE replica blets, it brings us to email #2, from the WWEShop.  Because the WWE has caught up to having released almost every single blet in WWF, WWE, WCW and ECW history at some point, as well as having made a legion of bullshit “commemorative” blets for cherry picked former wrestlers, and a confusing array of MLB and SEC athletics tribute blets, it should come as no surprise that the WWE has finally gotten in bed with the NFL, seeing as how there’s a considerable amount of overlap between fans of both companies.

For what will probably be a low-cost (in comparison to NJPW) of $499 per blet, NFL fans can get official WWE replica blets of their favorite team, regardless of if they’re the Kansas City Chiefs or not, seeing as how they’re probably going to embark on a dynasty and win every Super Bowl as long as Patrick Mahomes stays on the squad, but you can get a blet anyway, because if you’re a Redskins Commanders, Lions, Cardinals, Texans or fan of some other hopeless shitty NFL squad, you can get a blet anyway and feel like for two seconds what it feels like to have something that scripted winners get to hold.

UNLESS you’re a Jacksonville Jaguars fan, because in a humorous turn of events, the WWE overlooked for a few minutes that the Jags are also the owners of AEW, and pulled the option from their site, but not before smartasses on the internet made the astute observations first, and of course, got their archive of screencaps and proof of fucking up, because there’s little else the internet loves to do than call out failure.

Either way, I’m broke as fuck, so there’s no chance in hell I’m getting any of these new blets anyway.  I only like blets that actually exist or have existed, and my general cap for any blets is preferred to stick under $500 a pop.  But all the same, I do think it was amusing that both of these drops happened on the same day, and not without its own malaise by the ol’ E for forgetting that one of the NFL teams also reinforces their number one North American competitor’s bankroll.