Tag: baseball

If Ohtani ends up on the Braves, I will shave my balls

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

One of the big narratives this baseball offseason is, where will Shohei Ohtani go???  He’s basically the best player in the game right now and an unrestricted free agent, so the sky is the limit to where he’s going to go and for how much.  For months, people have been throwing around price tags of $500M for like 15 years in order to secure him, and ordinarily every time I hear such absurd numbers, I always think, sometimes say, that no human being alive in existence is worth that kind of money, but in the case of Ohtani, if there were ever a place to begin the conversation of the value of a person, his name should probably be up there.

However, one of the more obnoxious things that I’ve been seeing in recent days, is the Atlanta Braves’ name being mentioned in the same breath as Shohei Ohtani, as if they have any modicum of a chance at being able to get their hooks into the guy that is so far above Babe Ruth as Babe Ruth was above all of the rest of us in baseball talent.  Spouting all sorts of bullshit rhetoric that Ohtani wants to play for a winner, and seeing as how the Braves have been doing well for themselves over the last few years, Atlanta should not be discounted as a possible destination.  Bullshit claims from anonymously fake sources that Ohtani is “intrigued” by the Braves.

It also doesn’t help that the Braves are currently cleaning house internally, and they just non-tendered and traded a bunch of players to clear them off the 40-man roster, but from the last reports I heard, they’re really only saving like $14M in doing such, and it’s clear that the end game really were the roster spots, with the salary savings being a minute bonus.  Many of the names were recognizable and not just some minor league fodder, but given the circumstances over the last year or two, none of these should be surprising, or seen as that much of a loss.

But make no mistake, there is no fucking chance in hell that the Braves are going to get Ohtani, and I’d be really appreciative if the conversation of such asinine speculation would just stop, because all it’s doing is making a bunch of Braves homers look like idiots in thinking that there’s any iota chance of hell that he’ll suit up for the Braves. 

This isn’t one of those lame attempts to reverse jinx and tempt the fates at trying to control the universe, and have the Braves miraculously secure him in order to make me be a man of my word and shave my balls, I just so genuinely feel strongly that there’s no chance that the Braves will get him, and I just wish people would stop even making the speculation because it just makes everyone doing so, and everyone who gets hope, look dumb.

I would legitimately feel comfortable in betting my house that it’s not going to happen, because even if Ohtani were interested in Atlanta’s strength at getting into the postseason, there’s no way the Braves would be even close to meeting his financial demands.  Ohtani is likely going to want $500M, and due to the unending escalation of player salaries, will command $500M, and the Braves are going to haggle and be all Braves-ey and ask him to drop down to $295M for 13 years, and try to sell him on the chances of World Series glory at a discount, and then Ohtani is going to be insulted and annoyed that he wasted his time even entertaining the thought of coming to Atlanta.

Then he’ll end up signing with the Dodgers or the Phillies because those are the only two teams anyone seems to want to go to anymore, and worse off, he won’t forget the disrespect from the Braves, and use it as fuel to crush Atlanta whenever they play against each other in the regular season, and then when the Braves inevitably meet up with whatever team Ohtani ends up on in the NLDS, Ohtani will throw a post-season no-hitter against them while clubbing 3 HR and driving in 8 RBI en route to an NLDS MVP* and helping with yet another NLDS exit for the Braves.

*for the record I know that there’s no such thing as an NLDS MVP award but I’m just flexing my baseball humor for the time where some pitcher on the Cardinals had a clause in his contract for a bonus for winning NLDS MVP

Plus the Braves haven’t exactly had a stellar history when it comes to accommodating Asian baseball players.  Jung Bong was basically an ace in Korea, and barely amounted to a fourth starter for the Braves.  Chien-Ming Wang, the greatest Taiwanese pitcher of all time, decided that he’d rather go play indy ball than play for the Gwinnett Braves when he was trying to return from injury.  And then there was fellow Japanese pitcher Kenshin Kawakami, who is probably texting Ohtani telling him to stay the fuck away from Atlanta, if he has his number or any means of getting in contact with him.

Instead, the Braves will bring in some 2 or 3-tier starting pitchers at economical contracts, that will be expected to overperform, bounce back, or be veteran leaders for the next wave of Mike Sorokas, Kyle Wrights, Braden Shewmakes and other promising young starting pitchers that will ultimately be unloaded for relievers later on, and even if they play well during the regular season, they’ll be too old and tired or injured by the time October rolls around.

For real though, can we all just stop with the embarrassment of speculating Ohtani to the Braves?  It’s not going to happen, and everyone who gives into hoping that it will is just setting themselves up for as much disappointment as whenever the Braves make the playoffs and people think they’ll actually get out of the NLDS.  I ain’t having anymore kids, so it’s never going to happen again, and the chances of me having to shave my balls is more than likely even less.

Introducing the Rome Emperors

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I don’t hate it: the Rome Professional Baseball Club formerly known as the Rome Braves, unveils new team name and branding identity, the Rome Emperors

Sure, it’s not the snarky low-hanging fruit like the Rome Rednecks, or the outside-the-box idea I had of calling them the Floyd County Archers, but it’s not like we didn’t know that it was going to be something safe, kid-friendly, and homogenized, because at the end of the day, the Rome Professional Baseball Club is still a business and going safe, kid-friendly and homogenized is still the modus operandi of trying to squeeze money out of as many demographics and parties as possible.

So yeah, the Rome Emperors – as stated above, I don’t hate it.  Smart to have unveiled everything at once, or at least that’s how I found out because I live under a rock and this was fed to me by friends before I could even find out about something this baseball minutiae on my own like I used to, but whatever, because I saw everything all at once, I didn’t have time to speculate, dissect and eventually hate it, because everything was done upon delivery.

There’s one aspect that likes that they’re calling themselves Emperors, which sends a message that they intend to rule the Sally League or the Carolina League, or whatever level of A-ball they’re in these days, I’ve lost track, but at the end of the day, Minor League baseball is still a feeder league to higher leagues, and so often times is the case, especially with Braves affiliates, is that their records aren’t ever really that great.  I don’t remember the last time, or ever, when a Braves affiliate won a league championship, so it’s kind of funny that they have the name of Emperors, but will more often than not, be doing anything but ruling the league.

It’s kind of like Team Emperor in Initial D, because they were introduced to be this badass guerilla team of Evos that dominated lower-tier street racing clubs, but then eventually became another fodder squad to the Hachi-roku, the Redsuns, Kogashiwa’s MR2 and even Mako and Sayuki’s Sil-Eighty.  In spite of the menacing sounding name, they ultimately were just mid, at best.

Regardless, in spite of the snarky analysis, good on the organization for picking a name that remotely goes tangibly with the name Rome, and I like the explanation of their direction to go with a penguin, instead of the Little Caesar’s mascot, because when the day is over, everyone loves animals and frankly I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like penguins. 

Sure, it’s ironic that an animal most known for living in arctic conditions will be the mascot for a team that plays in a state that has nuclear summers, but when kids and grown-ups like me that like chintzy, novelty crap like penguins with baseball bats see a penguin, there’s money to be made in moving merch.

Not lost in the rebrand is the fact that they actually got away with using the overkill’d Trajan font with the Rome wordmark on their away jerseys, because if there was ever something that could get a pass on using the most basic and Rome-ey fonts there ever was, it was a brand that was actually called Rome.  I still think they’re lazy for not sharpening off the tips of the serifs, but at the same time, I can understand why.

Overall, I’m quite satisfied with the rebrand altogether.  Kudos to the organization for pulling it off, even if I wish they didn’t try to sparsely try to satisfy the Braves by keeping so much red in their branding, but baby steps, I suppose.  They’ve already taken great strides stepping away from their overlords, and hopefully things can only get better from here.

I look forward to (not) hearing about the promotions, shenanigans and general business that the team will be able to do in the coming season and in the future, when they’re not quite so held down by the shackles of the Atlanta Braves stuffy corporate branding.

Never underestimate the Braves’ ability to Barves

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Unsurprising: MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred already considering tweaking new playoff format, primarily reseeding the field prior to the divisional series rounds in response to all of the top teams getting bounced

It really comes as no shock that this is happening, considering the fact that the 100+ win Braves, Dodgers and Orioles all flamed out in spectacularly unspectacular fashion in the divisional round, and when the day is over, baseball is still a business and as satisfying as it may be to a sports purist that the #5 seed Rangers and #6 seed Diamondbacks play for the World Series, it is not really best for business that the teams with the best records in the game aren’t.

Frankly, I don’t think there needs to be any tweaking to the current format.  I do like that there are two more teams allowed in the field, because I don’t really know why it’s falling on its face so hard in baseball when just about every other sport that runs tournaments loves Cinderella stories of underdog teams overcoming the odds and climbing the mountain.

It’s aberrational that all three of the teams that won 100+ games all were bounced in the divisional series, but the fact of the matter is that all of them got dropped like Demon vs. Sting because their opponents all found the Pit Fighter power pill and got hot at the precise right moment, and rode that momentum all the way to paydirt.  And that’s just it when it comes to any sort of playoff format in any sport, prior records be damned, the most dangerous team in the field are the one(s) who get hot and ride the flames, regardless of whom their opponents might be.

In fact, I don’t want MLB to change the current format and do reseeding, because it’s never, ever going to change the fact that the Braves will always turn into the Barves once the NLDS starts, and in year like this one, it would just have put the Braves into a position for greater embarrassment, because they would have been dropped by the 84-win Diamondbacks instead of the 90-win Phillies, and short of being underdogs in future seasons, this is going to be the case until the end of time because I ain’t having any more kids and will be able to bless them with baby luck anymore.

If there should be any tweaks to the playoff format, it should be that the lower seeds are the ones whom should be given byes, seeing as how the only seemingly absolute trend in baseball is that teams that “enjoy” the “advantage” of being able to rest a few extra days, all get cold and soft and then get bounced by the lower seed teams who have had some time to warm up and get battle-tested.

Like, it seems absolutely asinine that the Braves, Dodgers and Orioles should have to play more games, but in a sport as sometimes bonkers as baseball, it probably would’ve guaranteed that we would’ve had an Eastbound & Down World Series against Atlanta and Baltimore.  They’d all be riding waves of momentum from the regular season, the Braves would’ve stomped the Diamondbacks, the Dodgers would have eaten the Marlins, the O’s would have trounced the Blue Jays, and then they would’ve gone into the division series where the #3 and #4 seeds would have had to have waited, and then the Braves would’ve for sure annihilated the Phillies instead, while the Dodgers would’ve made quick work of the Brewers and the O’s would’ve dropped the Rays.

Until MLB realizes that byes aren’t really as good in baseball as they are in other sports, the playoff systems they trot out, will all be problematic.  Except for the Braves, because no matter what kind of format they run, when the playoffs begin, absolutely nothing short of me having kids, seems capable of preventing them from becoming the Barves once they postseason begins.

Nothing says World Series champion like a technicality

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Regardless of who ultimately wins the World Series, there will be at least one particularly undeserving member of their team’s organization, that will be getting a World Series championship ring.

In the red corner, we have pitcher Madison Bumgarner, who will get a WS ring if the Dbacks win the World Series, despite the fact that he was cut all the way back in April.  MLB rules state that any player that plays any duration of time on the team’s roster, is entitled to a WS ring upon the organization’s winning of a championship that season. 

Despite the fact that Bumgarner got blown up to the tune of 20 runs in just 16.2 innings in April, and was kind of a dick about accepting any sort of coaching, the rules do say that if the Diamondbacks, he would be entitled to receive his fourth championship ring, in spite of the fact that he hasn’t been on the roster for over six months.

And in the blue corner, we have Max Scherzer, to his credit, is still on the Rangers’ roster, but has been trying his hardest to prevent the Rangers from doing any sort of winning.  Since being reactivated for the ALCS, Mad Max has made three playoff starts, but has only pitched to the tune of 9.2 innings, and given up seven earned runs in the process. 

In spite of his ineffectiveness, the Rangers still won two of those putrid starts, and are two wins away from the Commissioner’s Trophy; however the bad news is that if the Diamondbacks manage to stretch this series out even just the littlest bit, the chances of Max Scherzer getting the ball again in a critical game six or seven go up exponentially, and he definitely doesn’t inspire any confidence in his current state.

So which brings us to the question of, who would be the heavier freeloader in one of the teams’ hypothetical championship wins?

There’s something to be said about a guy who was on the squad for 14% of the entire season, and ineffectively at that, getting a championship ring, but then there’s the guy that is actively sandbagging the team’s chances at getting the championship, right now. 

If I had to ironically pick one of them to get their ring that they don’t deserve, I think it would be funnier if it were Bumgarner, but as it stands right now, the Rangers seem like they’re a little bit more Team of Destiny™ than even the Diamondbacks are, so it’s looking more favorable that Scherzer might gravy-train his way to his second WS ring, not to mention that he’ll be due to make around $118M over the next four seasons being paid out from four different franchises.  But on that same token, there’s something owning towards the Mets that their big-ticket acquisition goes onto win a ring with another team after the abject failure of the Mets forced them to trade him.

Regardless, it really doesn’t matter to me, and I really don’t care so much as it’s just mildly amusing that we’re in a scenario where a completely undeserving guy is going to be getting a championship ring regardless of the outcome of the World Series.

(Ironic) reason #169 why baseball is so great.

[EDITlol] not long after I wrote this, it came out that Max Scherzer was removed from the World Series roster, citing some bullshit physical ailment, to which any sports fan with a brain knows, is the dreaded DL for sucking.  And seeing as how the Rangers are now 3-1 in the series, it doesn’t seem likely that a Scherzer in game 7 is even remotely a possibility, so it looks like Mad Max might be getting the ring he doesn’t deserve.

If you don’t want to get disrespected, don’t get owned

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Well, that was a pleasant surprise, the Phillies getting bounced from the NLCS.  By the way they had handled business against the Barves and the whole spiel I made about how the culture the Phillies had created would undoubtedly carry them into, and win the World Series, I guess I must have jinxed them because if there’s one thing the world loves to do to me is to make all of my sports predictions come crashing to earth whenever I make them honestly and earnestly.

Despite having no real horse in the race, there was a part of me that would’ve felt a modicum of satisfaction if the Phillies had won the NLCS, because it would have proven me correct about how they were the team of destiny.  All the same, I am never not disappointed to see when the Phillies eat defeat, because misery loves company and if the Barves can’t be World Series champions, it’s nice to know that the Phillies won either.

Anyway, prior to, during and after game 7 of the NLCS was lots of delicious subplots and side quests that were occurring, all of which ended up with lots of Phillies supporters and fans, getting owned and taking L’s alongside the team that they followed.

First, let’s start off with “Mad Dog” Mike Russo, an obnoxious radio talking head who thinks he knows two shits about sports, who boldly proclaimed with all the conviction of an emperor wanting to go to war, that if the Phillies lost in game 7 of the NLCS, that he would retire, on the spot.

Naturally after the Phillies did in fact lose, everyone and their mother knew that he wasn’t going to follow through with his promise, so it was up to Howard Stern of all people, to negotiate his penance, which honestly, as satisfying as it would be to see a squid like Mad Dog on the streets of New York in a bikini and wearing a sign that said “I am a douche” still pales in comparison to the relief and satisfaction of knowing that the guy would close the book on his loud and obnoxious career.

But of course, he’ll still be working a week from now, and in about as much time, people will have forgotten he made such a stupid wager in the first place.

Next, we have the rumblings about how the Phillies organization “felt disrespected” because the Diamondbacks planted a flag of their team being National League champions onto their field at Citizens Bank Park.  Which brings us back to the title of this post, if you don’t want to get disrespected, you shouldn’t have gotten owned in the first place.

The Diamondbacks earned the right to plant their flag wherever they feel like it, because they came into an extremely hostile environment and didn’t blink once, holding the explosive Phillies offense to just three runs in games 6 and 7.  Bryce Harper, Trea Turner and Kyle Schwarber went 1 for 19 in those two games, and about as invisible as the Braves offense was against them.  If anything should feel disrespectful, it should be the guys that make up for 40% of their team’s payroll being completely absent when the team, the city, needed them most.

And finally we have some misguided Phillies fans who decided to be sore losers and decide to try and have some e-words with actual Diamondbacks players, namely Zac Gallen.  The thing about the world of social media is that it makes it really easy for people to pick and choose when they decide to engage and coming off of an impressive NLCS victory over the Phillies, Zac Gallen decided to not sit idly and let Phillies fans take shots at him and his team, and responded with the harshest of realities for Phillies fans: a reminder of when their next actual game is going to be – in Spring Training.

All the same, despite the fact that I had picked the Phillies to win the World Series after the drubbing they gave to the Barves, this is definitely a situation where I most definitely do not mind being wrong about something.  The city of Philadelphia taking L’s in any way shape or form is always a welcome sight to me.

I don’t like admitting this

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

But Philadelphia is a better baseball town than Atlanta is.  Better than your town too, wherever my zero readers might be, unless it’s also Philadelphia.

After the Braves were unceremoniously bounced from the go-zillionth NLDS, once again by the Phillies, I got to thinking.  No, I’m hardly mad just disappointed whenever this happens, but the Braves will always be the Barves barring me having any more kids, which ain’t ever going to happen again, but I always think about why it is that the Braves just can’t stop transforming into the Barves, pretty much every single October throughout history, before by brain shuts down on baseball entirely until the following season.

I actually saw this outcome coming, because the way the Braves limped to the end of the season was pretty telling that they were in trouble once the playoffs began.  Immediately after winning the division, the team entirely went on vacation and got clobbered by the Marlins, dropped 2/3 to the Phillies and then ended the season on an L to the Nationals.  Max Fried and Charlie Morton went on the injured list, and it’s easy to say that the Braves were resting starters, but if you looked at the box scores, the starters were all playing starters’ innings for the bulk of the games after clinching.

I actually was a little optimistic when news came out that the Braves would be playing scrimmages against their minor leaguers during the Wild Card round, because it was evident that the first round layoff the Braves had last year dulled them once the Phillies came around, and they were proactive in trying to prevent that from happening again.  And I was hoping that allowing fans to come watch, would’ve been like in Ted Lasso when AFC Richmond opened their practices to the fans, and they grew and increased, and it helped create a stronger bond between players and fans, which propelled them to later success.

But when the Braves got dropped by the Phillies in a glorified bullpen game in the first game of the NLDS, the sinking feeling in my gut returned, and I just knew that the Braves were going to lose in four games; and not just in four, I knew the sequence that the Braves would win game two, but then lose the two games once the series moved to Philadelphia, because it was the same script from the year prior.  Once you’ve watched sports as much as I have, there are just patterns and feelings that make it easy to predict certain outcomes, and especially when it comes to the Braves, and their postseason success.  But believe me, as much as I love being right about sports, this prediction coming true does not bring joy.

This year though, my brain took a different route, and stopped thinking about why the Braves suck in October, but more pondering on why the Phillies are so good once again, once the playoffs began.  In fact, for those paying a modicum of attention throughout the season might’ve noticed, the Phillies were an outstanding team for the better part of the entire season, it’s just that the Braves were having a near-historically good season in their own right; but make no mistake, if not for the massive division lead that the Braves built in April and in June, the narrative of the season would’ve been way more interesting in September.

But it goes back to a storyline earlier in the season, where the Phillies’ shortstop Trea Turner was having a complete bomb of a season, and considering the fact that he had signed with the team to an 11-year deal worth $300 million, it looked like we were on the cusp of witnessing the newest edition to the endless list of bad contract free agent busts.

However, in a strange turn of events, there was a particular game where Phillies fans for one night, stopped acting like typical Phillies fans, and they did something collectively surprising and impressive; they cheered the fuck out of Trea Turner in the midst of his slump, and gave him a series of standing ovations every time he stepped to the plate.

Continue reading “I don’t like admitting this” →

This is why I don’t go to Braves games

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

The last time I went to a Braves game was in 2021.  The Yankees were visiting, and since mythical wife and her mother are both Yankee fans, an opportunity arose for the wifey and myself to go to a game.  I had tremendous apprehension being in such a gargantuan crowd in 2021, and the Yankees draw like gangbusters no matter where they go, but we still went, and unsurprisingly, the Braves lost.

Sure, they went on to win the World Series later in the season, but in the one and only game that I went to, the Braves would do what I’m conditioned to seeing them do whenever I see them in person: lose.

As part of trying to allow our au pair to try things out and experience the little things that makes ‘Murica America, I took her to a baseball game; regardless of if you’re a sports fan or not, the American pastime is something that should be experienced at least once.  Frankly, it wasn’t my idea since despite my distance from baseball fandom, I still want to see the Braves succeed and win baseball games, but mythical wife went ahead and bought tickets and insisted we go.

Considering the fact that the Braves were 90-game winners hosting the 60-win St. Louis Cardinals, it seemed like a good bet that the Braves might have some success on this game.  It was compounded by the fact that upon getting to the ballpark, seeing Spencer Strider starting the game, who is a legitimate candidate to win the NL Cy Young this year.  And of course, there’s Ronald Acuña, Jr. who is a very strong candidate to win the NL MVP this year, there was plenty of reason to be optimistic that maybe, just maybe, the Braves could deliver a win for my au pair to witness.

Naturally, in spite of the monumental favoring of the Braves, they would completely shit the bed and roll over and die, losing an abysmal contest 11-6, where the final score hardly tells the story of just how bad of a game it was for the Braves.

Spencer Strider would basically have his worst start of the season, pitching only 2.2 innings, while allowing six runs on six hits, with one of them being a titanic home run that happened before we even got to our seats, meaning it was 2-0 by the time we sat down.  He couldn’t find the strike zone, and for a guy whom Atlanta grew accustomed to seeing striking out 8-10 guys every start, it’s a miracle he even struck out five.

Ronald Acuña, Jr., despite being the likely MVP of the league was just as bad on this night, going hitless until the ninth inning where he finally connected on a meaningless single when the score was already 11-6.  He flew out, ground out, struck out and completing what I like to call the cycle of suck, ground into a double play with runners on base, effectively killing the one rally the team scraped together.  Him and Ozzie Albies were completely ineffective on the entire night, and it was quite surreal seeing the two of them basically being the rally killers, for whenever the team got going, they’d be the ones to snuff out any and all momentum built up by the others in the lineup.

Needless to say, when we bounced early in the seventh, it was quite humorous that no sooner did my feet touch the ground outside the gates is when Austin Riley connected on a home run, but by then, it was already too late.  I’d been to enough baseball games in my life to know the rhythm of a game like this was pointing towards an L.  It kind of sucks that the Braves would flop so badly in my au pair’s first ever experience at a baseball game, but it was still a pleasant time where she got to see the sights, eat ballpark trash food, and she did get to see a bunch of homeruns; even if the majority of them were hit by the opposing team.

All the same, this is why I don’t go to Braves games anymore, because now the Braves have lost three in a row, run the risk of getting swept by the strangely woeful Cardinals, and probably begin a September swoon which will lead to their inevitable yearly NLDS collapse, because baby luck is long past gone now, and regardless of how many regular season games and division championships they win, it’s about time for the Braves to stick to the status quo and remain being the Braves.