Everytime I see this commercial, I can’t help but think this.

I vaguely know the name Abby Wambach, because I look at enough sports websites on a regular basis for osmosis to eventually absorb, or maybe it was during the time when the whole world was fascinated with Hope Solo that some of her teammates names manage to float around or something, but I had no idea of what she actually looked like.  So I really had no idea that the “protagonist” of this Gatorade commercial was Abby Wambach until the descriptors in the YouTube video revealed such information.

But watching this commercial, I’m always thinking that Abby Wambach looks like the main character from Wanted.  That crappy movie which also had Angelina Jolie and Morgan Freeman, where the concept of curving and hooking bullets came from, which I’ll occasionally rage-complain/reference while playing L4D, when I’m picked off around a corner, miraculously.  But I mean, come on – look at the picture; they totally look alike.  The swimmingly-green eyes, the Penguin-like hook nose, and even the furrowing of the brow, in intense agitation.

So now that the comparison is complete, it’s deduced that the guy from Wanted apparently plays professional women’s soccer when not making shitty movies.  Ironically what he does off-screen is reminiscent of the Rodney Dangerfield flick, Ladybugs, which focused around a dude playing soccer on a girls’ team.  And much like the character he played in Wanted was a gigantic pussy, the guy from Wanted waits until his defender is fatigued and feebly weak before exploiting it for the win.  Granted, I’m not above accepting wins no matter how they come, but ideally, nothing is more gratifying than beating an opponent when they’re at their best, not when they’re on their last legs.

But whatever – Wanted was a shitty movie anyway, and I stopped drinking Gatorade for the most part.  Too much fucking sodium.