Tag: dragon*con

Feeling despair, vol. #1,256

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Recently, my kids have both decided that they really like the lullaby tune playing on their Hatches while they go to sleep.  It’s the sweetest tune that everyone knows, but when I listen to it playing on the monitor coming from both their rooms, it takes me back to the days when they were but little nuggets of babies, and it absolutely melts my heart, reminiscing of those days.  I do not deny the feeling of tears welling up from time to time when I think about it.

I’ve been in a bit of a rut lately, and I’m having a hard time getting out of it.  Times like this, there’s really little else but for me to try to put it down in writing to see if it helps me process and figure things out which sometimes happens when I put it all into actual words.

Also, it’s because I don’t really feel like there’s anyone I can speak with much these days, because everyone is understandably busy with their own lives and matters and everyone’s time is important to them, but it still doesn’t change the fact that I feel so utterly alone these days, but at the same time I’m so absolutely over feeling like I have to be the initiator of every single human interaction, be it with my own parents, my wife, colleagues or anyone else, that lately I just want to be left the fuck alone after all and not have to do absolutely anything.

But I guess that’s really what depression kind of is at the very root of things, feeling down about anything and everything, hoping someone will notice and offer to help out, but subsequently not wanting to deal with other people and their own personalized bullshit, so it’s just this kind of negative swirl in the brain where you think you know what you want until you realize it comes with some variables attached to them, things that you don’t want, so it’s maybe for the best that I’m just left alone, and then it just regurgitates over and over again until it’s time to go to bed and hope that you wake up not feeling so shitty about things.

What it all amounts to is a version of me that’s kind of going through the motions, where the mundane is the easiest part of the day in the sense that I don’t have to think about things too much, because my job is monotonous and obnoxiously busy, but I get to go to the gym there and I don’t know what things would be like for me if I didn’t exercise as much as I do.

I come home and try to make the absolute best of time I have with my kids, reading books, playing with Legos and other building toys, occasionally watching some television together, and both girls are currently in the midst of reading Harry Potter books, and they both seem to really like them, so it’s been a pleasure reading some long-form stories to them on a nightly basis.

They go to bed, begrudgingly, and not without tremendous resistance, and then dad-mode disengages, but then my house is a fucking disaster zone because everyone treats my home like a storage facility where nobody knows how to throw anything away and shit continues to accumulate within my walls, and bringing it up to anyone results in snappy rebuttals and nothing gets done, but I try to do my best at being really the only one who puts forth any fucking effort at straightening the place up, because I no longer have an office or any dedicated space to call my own where I can hide in and decompress, so I’m constantly trying to make the public areas of my home more to my liking, but that eats into the time I have available to me to not be dad.

I feel underappreciated and taken for granted by just about everyone in my life these days, and my kids are the only ones who really get a pass because they’re still just kids and don’t really understand such complexities of human behavior yet.  But whether I’m at home, or at work, I just feel very underappreciated and taken for granted, and it feeds into the perpetual cycle of being down on a daily basis, probably getting worse.

My medium at work is oft-overlooked and not at all taken into consideration by the decision makers of the company who are all so easily distracted by all things shiny and digital, but when the day is over, our retail locations would sure look like shit if they didn’t have people like me who put forth the work to give them any sort of visual identity.  Just this week, I’ve heard colleagues absent-mindedly proclaim their general ignorance for the work that my team and I do, and I’m just like, great, good to know that you’re not as qualified for the job you have despite probably saying you were, good times.

At home, I feel like a glorified housekeeper, seeing as how I’m the one who does the vast majority of any sort of house work, but the difference is that I’m not getting paid to do it, and in fact, my credit card debt is actually only getting worse after an expensive trip to Asia where I’m shouldering the brunt of the financial lift, and any sort of recompense is going to be slow, small, and generally inconsequential to the fact that I’m the one eating the interest on any balances carried over month to month.

Nobody respects my time, which makes me feel like nobody respects me, and with as limited time I have in order to do anything remotely close to being for myself, dwindles with every 5-10 minutes chunk that is burned by my kids not listening, or anyone else just not respecting me or my time.  Almost nothing in the world is a bigger pet peeve than my time getting wasted, I state it as clear as day, and people either ignore it, or consciously choose to not give a fuck, with neither being a particularly respectful decision.

Subsequently, my temper has been short, probably more than usual, because it just feels like nothing is easy, and nothing is really good right now.  The littlest tasks end up going tits up real fast, because wanting to do A, requires B, C and D to happen, but not before you move E, F and G out of the way so that H could be gotten.  I usually snap and curse the sheer amount of unnecessary crap that exists in my house, and my wife just assumes I have anger issues when she, or anyone else doesn’t seem to give a flying fuck enough about my state of being to try and find out what the problems are to see if they could possibly help.

No amount of break, trip or escape would be close to helping me out when I’m in this state of mind, because I know that if I were to be away from my house for even the smallest amount of time means coming home to a disaster zone, which is usually what happens whenever I do go away for like a weekend.  And then it’s usually worse than before I started because now I have to retroactively clean other peoples’ shit, which just ends up being a lose-all scenario.

My wife suggested I come down to a day of Dragon-con this weekend, and I don’t think I could have possibly shot that idea down any faster.  I have no ill-will towards the convention, or any of my friends or acquaintances that are looking forward to going.  But it is not something that I am at all interested in anymore at this juncture in my life, and I definitely am not remotely close to being in a mental state to where I could even fake it for a few hours, even if it means not seeing a lot of people that I think fondly of.

The con is just so different than it used to be, and I understand that that’s a me problem and not the con’s problem, but it’s no longer an event I can go to without an agenda, and wing it.  I used to say about conventions in the past, let the con come to you, but that’s a dated mentality that isn’t valid at conventions today, because everyone comes in with plans, agendas, and schedules, and old fucks like me without are usually left to just aimlessly wander, and hang out and hope to run into people they know, who usually can’t stop for more than a minute because they’ve got shit to do.

I’ve never felt lonelier at an event boasting 50,000+ people than I had at the last two Dragon-cons I’d been to.  I don’t really want to feel that way again any time soon, or spend the $2,000 that usually comes along with room, food, parking and booze.

Mythical wife has a purpose this year, and actual tasks to do, and perhaps that’s something I could consider in the future if I ever felt the itch to ever go back to any convention ever again, but for this year, hard pass on Dragon-con.

Well, I can’t really say that feel that much better putting all of these thoughts down into text.  I don’t think I really have any true takeaways from all this swill that can help me process the depression I’m dealing with right now.  I’m trying to eat better and working in a two-a-day workout, usually some sort of 30-35 minute in the evenings that I’m sacrificing out of my scarce free time, in the sake of improving my health.

But I can appreciate myself in doing it at all, instead of intending on doing it, not doing it, and then getting anxious and upset about not doing it, to which it then becomes an Inception-like layer of angst in which to fuel a future rant.  And I guess that in itself is somewhat of a pyrrhic W, and these days I have to take any wins that I can get.

It’s the Four Loko that makes this amusing to me

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

WSB: Hall County sheriff busted for DUI after blowing a 0.212, revealed that he had been drinking Four Lokos since 6 a.m.

Under normal circumstances, a story like this would roll off my back, perhaps get an eye roll out of me, knowing that police protect their own, and that regardless of how egregiously drunk the guy was, while in his county-issued vehicle, it’s safe to assume that he’s not going to be getting close to the same kind of punishment that us normal citizens would receive under similar conditions.

He may lose his job, but considering he’s out there drinking while on duty, he probably doesn’t care in the first place, and he’s most likely not going to be doing any time, or have a suspended license, or be on probation on account of the oft-cliched professional courtesy.

But what caught my attention and why this is ending up as brog-worthy is the clarity in the headline that this particular pig in question, hadn’t just been drinking since six in the morning, but he had been drinking Four Lokos in his cop car:

Couch told investigators that he had been drinking several Four Lokos since 6 a.m. that morning. Investigators also found two open cans of Bahama Mama that had spilled in his car.

The devil is in the details, and now we’re talking. 

Obviously, anyone who’s ever known me might recall my own fascination with Four Loko back over a decade ago.  I was mystified by the fact that these shitty, $4 tall boys of nuclear race piss were actually killing college bros, dumb enough to be drinking more than like, one, at a time.  When the government declared banishment on the drinks, for whatever reason, I felt the compulsion to seek out some of these awful drinks, and managed to procure several cans of various flavors.

Over the next years, I would bust them out at social gatherings or Dragon*Cons as my drink of choice in order to get a healthy buzz going, and make no mistake, one can of any Four Loko was instant drunk, and anything beyond that was playing with fire.

Eventually, I would steer away from this dumbass behavior, and the remainder of my hoarded cans would remain ironic collector’s items, that is, until for whatever reason, some of them would spontaneously eat their own cans, leading to some obnoxious messes that I had to clean and eventually realized that I should just chuck them out, thus closing the book on my keepsake cans of Four Loko.

Back to the present, Four Loko survived government intervention, but they apparently changed the formula somewhat to be less lethal when drank in stupid amounts, and they’re still available at gas stations and wherever shitty booze is sold.  And apparently for one Hall County sheriff, it was his go-to drink for when he wanted to get smashed on the job.

Like I said, if it were just a story of a cop who got blasted on the clock, I probably wouldn’t have given it a second thought beyond knee-jerk disgust and disappointment in the system.  But finding out that he had been getting smashed on Four Loko since six in the morning, and he was discovered obliterated five and a half hours later, man clearly had some serious demons in his closet for all this to be transpiring.

And that 0.212% BAC is pretty frightening, because to my understanding that’s basically saying that over 20% of the blood in his body was tainted with alcohol.  I’ve gotten drunk off of Four Loko before (always under slightly more responsible, non-driving conditions), but I have come down from the buzz pretty normally, so I doubt that I was ever remotely close to a 0.212% BAC, so I’m curious to how many cans of the jet fuel he consumed, and let’s not ignore the fact that he had several open cans of Bahama Mama, which is another fruity, race piss-like canned booze, so clearly this hick sheriff was having a one-man party in his cruiser.

Either way, I’m amused by the brief resurrection of Four Loko into the public lexicon, and the ironic and pathetic circumstances in which they did so.  In a way, there isn’t a better way for it to have happened, and 16 years later, Four Loko is running it back with inebriated chaos like it’s 2010 all over again.

RE: A pandemic Dragon*Con

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Over the weekend, I observed over social media as people converged on Atlanta over Labor Day weekend for Dragon*Con.  Obviously, my complicated relationship with the con and cons in general notwithstanding, I’m happy for the people who still get tremendous amounts of enjoyment them, and I’m a little envious that they’re able to get to a place where they can, because I sure as shit couldn’t seem to anymore.

Regardless, I couldn’t help but observe with, for lack of a better term, fascination at the fact that it was still going on.  Last time I checked, the world is still very much in a pandemic, coronavirus is never going to go away, and even in spite of people getting vaccinated, there are still hundreds of thousands of people in the world, hidden in plain sight, that are among us, unvaccinated, uninterested in getting vaccinated, and content with being vulnerable and spreading sickness.  And contrary to the belief that all Dragon*Con-going geeks are all liberal vaxxers, there are obviously going to many among the throngs of people attending the con, who aren’t, whom might be carrying, and whom could be the ones to turn the whole thing into a giant tragic superspreader event.

Anyway, throughout the weekend, I’d see various people doing the usual spiel of posting their photos, be it of themselves in costume, drunk selfies, the usual humblebragging of I’m here you’re not, and all sorts of glimpses of what’s going on downtown.  And depending on the source would determine just how many masks were seen, or not seen, and I have a hard time wondering what I found more sad: all the people running around the convention without masks, or all the people with them, having to add them to their costumes, preferring to look a little out of place, but considerate to the health of others.

Like I’d see pictures of Starlight from The Boys wearing a mask, or Batman wearing a mask over the cowl, obscuring 100% of skin at that point, and I’m thinking, kind of weird, but at least they’re taking health rules as serious as voluntarily going to an event that draws well into the tens of thousands.

But then I’m seeing photos of people in room parties where nobody’s wearing a mask, or the usual mish-mash of humanity that all conglomerates at the Marriott or the Hilton, and my skin is crawling at the idea of so much regurgitated air being cycled among people, potentially spreading disease.

But that’s just the shit going on through my head.  Obviously, I wouldn’t have gone to the convention even if there were no pandemic, but there’s absolutely no way in hell that I would have gone, even if I were still gung-ho about conventions.  All the same, I still hope all of the friends of mine who went still had good times, and are hopefully healthy and symptom free in the weeks after the con.  If conventions drove me away without a pandemic, who knows if and when I’ll ever get back into them in the future again.

This is really the state of America in 2020

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

No matter how much I never liked to admit to feeling it, now that the faucet’s been turned, it seems like not a day goes by where the words don’t pass through my lips, and it doesn’t make me feel any better verbalizing it now as it did when I first came to the realization that right now, America sucks.

Talking with a friend about the state of the world, I found myself saying things that I’d never said before in regards to how I felt, mostly because I’ve been isolated, and mythical wife and I try not to talk about things too much because they really are that depressing, but what came out of my fingers in text is that I don’t think it’s ever felt so physically possible to feel just how much our country is letting us down, the way America is completely and utterly failing the American people on a daily basis right now.

It really is becoming impossible to keep up with all the ways things are fucked up, at least for me, who likes to jot down notes on a daily basis so I can remember the things happening in history for another day, especially in case I feel inspired to write about them at some point.  But it’s downright sad and pathetic the things that emerge on a daily basis about the state of America in the state of the world currently, and I realize that it becomes a little more difficult every day to not grow more jaded and nihilistic about how things are, which are definitely things I don’t want to be happening when I’m in a period of my life where I’m trying to enjoy and savor the time of new fatherhood and spending time with my baby.

It’s kind of not fair that America is in such chaos and forced to hunker, when all I want to do is show my kid the great big world and can’t, because neither of us want to get the coronavirus that’s fucking everywhere and risk our lives.

Continue reading “This is really the state of America in 2020” →

Bubba Kemp is determined to make Georgia #1

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

…at coronavirus cases and deaths, because he’s lifting even more COVID-19 restrictions, including large gatherings, sporting events and conventions.  And when I say conventions, you know that this post is going to be talking about the inevitability of Dragon*Con, which I can arrogantly say that I am quite glad that I had no inkling of going in the first place, which seems like a fantastic choice.

At this rate, it’s inevitable that barring a massive re-outbreak of coronavirus, Georgia will probably be completely open for business by like the start of August, further multiplying the chances for everyone that the shit will spread even faster and increase “our chances” at leading the country and effectively the rest of the world at coronavirus cases.  Already, at the time I’m writing this, the singular state of Georgia has over eight times the number of deaths as the entire country of South Korea.

Ironically, and not that I want people to get coronavirus and die, but in the latest data that’s been illustrating the US states’ individual growth rates of coronavirus, it kind of sucked that Georgia didn’t lead the nation in increase rates.  Because I feel like Georgia really needed to lead the league in corona increase, in order to prove that Bubba Kemp recklessly endangered Georgians by charging through the gates like Leeroy Jenkins by opening the state before anyone else did.

But because Georgia miraculously (or lied about their numbers, also extremely plausible) did not lead the league in corona numbers, it kind of validates Bubba’s choice to open the state, and kind of makes him this bigot asshole version of Forrest Gump, as in the good ol’ boy of below-average intelligence that somehow lucks his way into wins and favorable outcomes.

Back to the point though, of the things that Bubba’s given the green light to resume, naturally the one thing that stands out is conventions, because most of the people in my little world know and love this little, 80,000 people drawing convention known as Dragon*Con, which by this logic, is now a go, in spite of how terrible of an idea it is.

And I know that after I wrote my scathing opinion about the poor optics of them announcing that they would continue to hold the convention, I learned a lot very quickly about how they were obviously posturing for the sake of insurance and act of god clauses, that were, basically their only hopes for survival, because of the numerous contractual obligations of the D*C organization, they’d basically be fucked if they were the ones who had to initiate the cancellation of the convention.

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This is what is called “poor optics”

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Since really March, when coronavirus really began taking off and running wild across the globe, a lot of massive events have been cancelled, understandably.  The 2020 Olympics postponed until next year, the NBA and MLB have suspended their seasons indefinitely and it doesn’t look like either is going to resume at all this calendar year.  The city of Las Vegas pretty much shut down, as did both Disney World and Disneyland.

Basically, anything that encouraged any sort of mass gathering of human beings has been cancelled, with great justification.  Major events such as SXSW and recently San Diego Comic-Con have cancelled.  Hell, even non major events, but still capable of drawing people out of their homes have shuttered up, as they don’t want to have the blood of anyone dying from contracting coronavirus at their events from happening.  Momo-con in Atlanta, a massive Memorial Day convention has cancelled, among all sorts of fun runs, shows and concerts.

As disappointed as I’d be, the Peachtree Road Race is probably going to be cancelled at some point soon, because it’s the world’s largest 10K run, that draws 65,000 runners to Atlanta every July 4th.

One of the biggest questions among some people in my little world was “what about Dragon*Con?”  Seeing as how it falls on Labor Day every year, there stood to be some hope that it might still happen, since we were still several months away from it at that point.  But at the same time, America has literally been the worst country on the planet at handling coronavirus, with idiots who not only don’t adhere to social distancing and staying home, but proudly defy the one scientifically proven way to combat the pandemic, and go outside and amass in groups to protest, being suggested of what to do.

Even if we’re still several months away from Dragon*Con, the world as a whole is even further away from any sort of vaccine or drug that can help suppress the spread or effects of coronavirus.  I think it goes without saying that an event that draws nearly 75,000 people in the tightest possible quarters, should probably be cancelled.

Nope, as of right now, Dragon*Con is still a go.  Four months from now, still anticipating 75,000 attendees crammed like sardines within a three-block radius in Downtown Atlanta with no known vaccine or inoculation in sight.

So much for that whole flattening of the curve thing.  It only took the convention nearly a decade to successfully scrub a known pedophile off of their board, but somewhere within it is basically another Bubba Kemp who insists on keeping the convention on schedule despite the fact that nearly every known other major event and gathering of people have been cancelled or postponed.

Continue reading “This is what is called “poor optics”” →

If omens were a thing, it’s good I’m skipping Dragon*Con this year

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I’m sure I’ve written about it already, it’s hard to keep track when everything is kept offline, but I’m not going to Dragon*Con this year, and I’m frankly at peace with that choice.  At the same time, I don’t see the need to make an announcement over social media or anything because I’m really nobody, and nobody is going to care anyway.  I also don’t want to be perceived as a downer dunking on the con, because I don’t dislike the convention one bit, it’s just that I can’t seem to find the magic recipe in order to actually have a good time anymore.  So instead of risking impeding the anticipation and excitement for others, I’ll just keep quietly to myself writing my thoughts on a brog that isn’t even online.

But back to the point, if omens really did exist, then I think it’s a good thing that I’m skipping out this year.  I’m not sure how many outside of Atlanta actually heard, but at the Sheraton AKA the hotel where goers usually have to go pick up their registrations, there was an outbreak of Legionnaires’ disease, which is basically pneumonia on steroids not too long ago, and the hotel has been under a lot of fire and criticism about their sanitation and safety.  A lot of people were afflicted with the ailment, and there was one reported death attributed to it.

There was a lot of speculation on whether or not the hotel could get the green light before Dragon*Con or not, to which of course they would, because Labor Day weekend is such a cash meteor for the entire city, that the Sheraton is going to damn well make sure that they can take part in collecting from the money printer as well.  But the fact of the matter is that they did do a rush job in order to get cleared, which they supposedly are, but skeptics like me can’t help but wonder just what shortcuts were taken in order to get the green light, and honestly short cuts are what probably led to the hotel becoming a ground zero for Legionnaires’ in the first place.

Thankfully, I’ve never been a Sheraton guy, as most of my friends and I have always been Marriott people.  But I definitely know people who are staying at the Sheraton, and of course they’re going to be a packed house, and I certainly hope that nobody comes out of the weekend with any weird ailments or reason to believe that the Legionnaires’ outbreak wasn’t adequately taken care of, in pursuit of money.

Continue reading “If omens were a thing, it’s good I’m skipping Dragon*Con this year” →