Day: March 17, 2025

Imagine being so insecure of your masculinity that you need to get a MANLY BAND

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I don’t know what it says about my browsing habits and the conversations that big brother is listening to, but I got this ad for some company called MANLY BANDS and it’s apparent that they’re in the business of making MANLY rings for the MANLIEST of MEN to wear to physically indicate their marital status.

They appear to be available in names like THE COWBOY, and based on the one photo they have, they appear to have wood as one of the materials in which they’re made, looking like a squashed barrel that Donkey Kong sat on instead of throwing at Mario.  Apparently instead of some pussy jeweler’s ring box, they’re packaged in TACTICAL BOXES, because nothing is MANLIER than presenting shit inside of a tactical box instead of something made of lesser, more pussier material.

I love how their logo is crisscrossed fire axes, a campfire and a tree, to hit that this is what a MANLY BAND is made out of, and of course their choice of font is IMPACT, because this whole thing is just so absurdly ridiculous, it may as well be a meme.

Oh, and I’m definitely not going to ignore the very obvious MANLY BAND customer looking like how he’s got his bride in a chokehold in order to kiss her, because he probably sees her as property after saying ‘I do’ and is wasting no time at imposing his will and possession over her.

And come on, bro can’t even take off his fucking Apple watch for his wedding?  I like the convenience of being able to check the time at any given moment, but even I took my fitness tracker off when I got married.

I remember when I was looking for a wedding band before I got married.  I initially thought I wanted something different than a traditional sterling or gold or white gold band, and I imagined myself getting something like a carbon fiber band or something different, not necessarily to be MANLY, but just for a change of things.

I tried on some carbon fiber rings and things that weren’t so traditional, but frankly they all looked too dark and ridiculous for my taste.  Ultimately, I went with a tantalum band that definitely leaned more traditional, but at the same time was slightly darker than a shiny band, and I like the general indestructible nature of it in order to get a degree of uniqueness that I’m satisfied with.

But never did it once cross my mind that there would be the possibility of giving off the perception of becoming less MANLY if I picked a questionable wedding band.  So going back to the title of this post, imagine being so insecure with your masculinity that you feel the need to acquire a MANLY BAND as a wedding ring.  Maybe the aesthetics are more these bros’ style, but for me, anything with wood is a no-go.  Last thing I’d want from my ring is for it to get beat up like mine sometimes does, and then it starts to rot because that’s what wood tends to do.

Either way, chalk MANLY BANDS as one of the dumber things to have come into existence in recent years.  I think I’d put them up with drinking cups made out of baseball bats, but unlike those, I wouldn’t wager a sacrificial bet in order to get the Braves to win a World Series for a MANLY BAND.

#TRYHARDSZN2025: it has begun!

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

WSB: Douglasville teen accepted into 58 college, amassing around $1M in cumulative scholarships

It’s that time of the year again, where overachieving teenagers across the globe start playing the game of applying to as many schools as they possibly can so that they can brag about how many they got into, and how much cumulative scholarship dollars they can earn despite the fact that combined value is not actually a viable thing, but it sounds good for social and media purposes.

And naturally, the first instance of #TRYHARDSZN for 2025 starts in the Metro Atlanta area, where a notably substantial number of #TRYHARDS seems to emerge from every year.  But we have a kid out of Douglasville for a change, to have been reportedly accepted into 58 different colleges, with a combined scholarship amount already around $1M.

Seeing as how the vast majority of the low-end schools are never mentioned in these stories, it’s apparent that the most notable school this guy was accepted into was Alabama.  No Ivies, no Stanford, no UVA, Georgia Tech or any other prestigious schools were listed on this kid’s academic rap sheet.  So although the initial numbers sounded impressive, a little bit of digging reveals that it might not be as impressive as the numbers might lead to believe.

I digress though, this is only the first #TRYHARD of the season, and will undoubtedly not be the last.  Can’t really come out of the box firing napalm here, and I’m sure as the #SZN progresses, we’ll start to hear about some truly insufferable #TRYHARDS clearing 70-80 schools, all the Ivies and amassing over $10M.

All things considered though, I like this kid as far as his extracurriculars are concerned.  His GPA isn’t mentioned anywhere because it’s probably not 4.0 or above, but boy is very active in extracurriculars, and one noteworthy thing I’ve never seen from a prior #TRYHARD is that he’s basically a part of the school’s cheer team among other groups and organizations he’s a part of.

And Douglasville is becoming almost as bad as the shitty South Fulton area that a lot of the #TRYHARDs of previous year have emerged from, so good on this kid from taking some big steps to get the fuck away out of that cesspool.

Anyway, with this #TRYHARD now in the books, #TRYHARDSZN2025 has officially begun.  Hopefully there won’t be such an avalanche of #TRYHARDs that I begin to feel exasperated and burned out on making all these posts, like last #SZN started to get to towards the end, but instead a nice steady pace of #TRYHARDs that works optimally with my writing schedule and availability.

Hey, we all can wish