I like to think of myself as a pretty easy going kind of person. I may complain and voice my disdain at Dragon-Con from time to time, but I’m well aware of the fact that a lot of things are out of my control; I just instinctively bitch sometimes. Like big-ass crowds, common people smelling all rank and BO-ey, the football bros that come and troll the place; all that shit is completely uncontrollable, and there’s nothing that can be done about it. I accept that.
But if there’s one thing that agitates the shit out of me, are diva costumers.
Miranda Lawson is a bitch. No really, that’s her character. She’s a bitch that is hung up on her own perfect appearance, biotic powers, and genetic superiority, and takes it out on everyone else. But it doesn’t change the fact that she’s still really hot, being portrayed by Yvonne Strahovski and all, and that the horndog BIoware creators saw fit to put her in a futuristic sausage skin as a character design.
After I beat Mass Effect 2, I looked forward to the fact that ME2 was popular, and popular things lead to people dressing up at Dragon-Con. And being the red-blooded male I am, I really really hoped to see some hot women dressed up as Miranda Lawson. Didn’t happen. Instead, it was just a bunch of mediocre Shepard armors, Tali’Zorah vas Bennigans and people carrying ME guns. Fortunately, the next year is when Jen bust out her perfect Tali, Harrison bust out his N7 armor, and Lindze showed up as a finally good Miranda Lawson. As a fan of the game, I was pleased to see such good strong costume executions.
I asked the first Miranda costumer I saw this past weekend if I could take her picture.
“No, I have to go to the Bioware panel.”
“It’ll just take a second?” It would have. I’m not a demanding photographer. Just fucking be still.
“Sorry, can’t,” and she walks off.
Despite the fact that I sometimes think I should spend more time with the people I photograph, I typically just take a single picture, that takes all of four seconds to do, if the subject stops and poses. If I really like you, then I’ll ask to take another one, or try another pose or angle. You might notice in my pictures, how little that actually happens.
But the Miranda who gets into costume for the sake of seeking attention blows me off to go to a panel she’s already late for, and if you’ve ever been to a Dragon-Con, if you’re late for a panel you want to go to, you may as well not go, because you’re not getting in. I am not pleased with this outcome, and no longer wish to photograph this Miranda if I saw her again (which I did, and I kept the lens cap on).
I see another Miranda costumer during the scattering of other pretentious Mass Effect costumed snobs. She’s wearing the alternate black outfit, and standing by herself at a railing. I ask if I can take her photograph:
“Yeah, just a second,” and pulls out her cell phone and begins to type something into it.
Ten seconds later, I’m still waiting, feeling lamer by each passing second and I realize that I am no longer interested in photographing this girl any longer. Seriously, you decide to type an essay prompted by my request to take your picture? Before I can feel any more lamer for actually waiting for this girl, I turn my back and walk; not worth it.
At this point, I’m thinking to myself that I’ve been blown off by two Miranda Lawson costumers in the span of an hour. I know the character itself is a pretentious snobby bitch, but I can’t say I expected the Miranda Lawson costumers to follow the role so succinctly.
You’re in a fucking costume at fucking Dragon-Con. Dressing as an attractive character at a nerdy sci-fi/fantasy convention is trying to stand out, on Shit Mountain. There is no pride of being alpha female at Dragon-Con. Where this pretentious self-importance and diva behavior comes from is completely beyond me.
Yes, I am “u mad” because I was blown off, because it’s not like I was propositioning them for sex. I was asking to stroke theirego and take their pictures, so they could feel like America’s Top Model rejects for four seconds, and they ignored me like I was fucking nothing. And I find it infuriating.
Get over yourselves, girls. Neither of them were the best Mirandas, and I could critique the hell out of their costumes if I bothered to re-attempt photographs, but frankly, neither of them were worth bothering; after blowing me off, they became as ugly as Jessica Simpson’s fat ass to me.
You know what I really hope? When these egosaurses inevitably go ego surfing for cosplay pictures of themselves on Google, and finding the brog. Typing “Dragon-Con” and “Miranda Lawson” and “costume” so many times, I’m liable to show up in Google results when these egosauruses come scrubbing the web looking for pictures of themselves. It worked for my Mafia Graves gun.
