It started off with noticing that my refrigerator door was slightly more difficult to open. It was sticking more than a refrigerator door should stick, and whenever I succeeded in opening it, there was always a slight peeling sound, like pulling tape off of a surface.
Eventually, I ran my finger along the sealing lining of the refrigerator door, and noticed that it was a little tacky, the type that’s reminiscent of a sugary, syrupy drink spilled, and left to dry kind of way. I didn’t think much of it, and wiped off the residue, and my fridge’s door began behaving like normal. I figured it was probably 10 years of existing that caused some sort of buildup to develop to where it eventually grew a little sticky, leading to the added effort to open the door.
Nope, it turns out that one of the original recipe Four Lokos I bought back in 2010, nearly six years ago, that sat on the top of my refrigerator, spontaneously exploded at some point, causing a sticky film to have sprayed onto surrounding bottles and cans, and an ever so slight amount to seep into the lining of the refrigerator door, which is now the obvious cause for the sticky door in the first place.
But let’s get back to this scary revelation, that a six-year old can of nuclear murder fuel, sat stationery for over half a decade, and then just spontaneously blew its top. Like, quite literally, the top of the can was popped, with such force that it was wrenched back completely backwards in the process.
I mean, it was no secret that Four Loko was basically the devil’s piss, put into aggressively designed cans, and meant for college kids and retards like me to get obliterated for less than $3 dollars. But at least that was the kind of carnage that we controlled ourselves, acquiring and consuming Four Loko on our own volition.
Not for them to sit in a stationery position for six years, but then still manage to spontaneously explode and cause carnage on its own.
Not going to lie, this is all an amusing story to me, but at the same time I was snapped back to reality when I was reminded that I drank a good bit of this spontaneously explosive concoction in my own stupid right in another stupid time. God this was the stuff of probably the pinnacle of any sort of alcoholism I’ve ever had, and nothing, nothing ever wrecked me like this shit could.
