Everyone on the internet is a Colin Robinson until proven otherwise

Since my daughter’s been born, mythical wife and I haven’t watched a tremendous amount of television. I may have mentioned it before, but ultimately we’re hoping to avoid exposing our child to too much screen time until she’s around two years old, because we’d prefer to be parents who can stimulate their child’s brain without having to resort to plopping them in front of a television and hoping to let digital technology raise her. Needless to say, since having a kid, we’ve watched maybe a handful of things, mostly bullshit like 90 Day Fiancé or My 600 Lb. Life.

In addition to TLC’s greatest hits, one show in particular we’ve actually worked our way through has been FX’s What We Do In the Shadows, which has been great because the episodes are short, and the plot is funny in the mockumentary style of format. The cast is outstanding and the general plot is so ridiculous and quick-paced that it’s an easy show where we can watch one or two episodes, step away from viewing for a few days or a week, and then pick right back up without much difficulty.

After blowing through the two available seasons, I’d have to say that the one character that I enjoyed the most was Colin Robinson, the energy vampire. Mostly treated as a tertiary character, his whole spiel is that he’s not one of the traditional blood-sucking vampires, but rather one who feeds off of the energy of others, including the ability to drain from other vampires. He’s basically the troll among trolls in Nandor’s house, and in my opinion, he’s the funniest character among the entire cast.

There’s one episode in particular where he’s expanding on his powers to drain energy from victims by utilizing the internet, and then it occurred to me that Colin Robinson is basically the living embodiment of every internet troll on the planet. We re-watched the first episode recently, and there’s a line he mentions during the initial character introductions where “you probably know an energy vampire,” and then it hit me like a ton of bricks that he couldn’t be any more accurate that basically we all do.

Every anonymous internet troll, asshole whom you don’t know who chimes in on a social media conversation, is a Colin Robinson. An energy vampire who’s deliberately trying to deliberately trying to get under your skin and get you to tilt, so that they can drain your energy, even from afar. Once this connection is bought in, it’s actually quite amusing to envision the face on the other end of the keyboards in any sort of internet confrontation, probably looking like Colin Robinson, a bald, middle aged Dilbert looking guy. And as much as the Colin Robinsons probably got their rocks off on feeding on your energy, there’s something empowering to know that such a dorky looking dweeb is probably the one on the other end of the interwebs from any sort of online debate.

Am I naïve for having so much faith in people?

Sorry, I just can’t get over this yet.  I wasn’t really planning on writing about this again, but on the day my handyman was supposed to come back and finish fixing my fence, he no-showed on me, citing that he was going over on another job he had, which is understandable, but the objection I have is the fact that he had stated that he was going to make it by a particular time.

I’m okay with the need to reschedule and adjust, but don’t leave me hanging and make me have to be the one to get some fucking answers when it was probably very clear that the job was going to be going long, and I wouldn’t have had to feel like a hostage in my own house waiting all day, because I wanted to talk to this guy before he got to work to point out some things.

Alternatively, the title of this post would’ve been “To blow up, or not to blow up,” because I’d been thinking about this a lot over the last day, about whether or not I should light this guy a new asshole on the internet for the absolute putrid way he’s running a business.  There’s a part of me that just wants this to all end, and leave things civil, and let an up-and-comer not get obliterated on the internet, but there’s another part of me that’s sick and tired of constantly waiting for this guy to show up, the fact that when he did show up, he fucked me harder than Andy Dufresne probably did in Shawshank Redemption, and that I’m practically waiting on him to cut-and-run on me, leaving me at more than just a $450 loss.

Originally, I figured I wouldn’t bother, because as shitty of a business this guy is running, I have reservations of blowing up a guy with a million kids and clearly in need of a job, because a bad reputation isn’t just going to cost this guy a few projects, but could very well be the difference with him being able to provide for his family.

But seeing as how he’s clearly got other projects, ones that he prioritizes over mine, which he royally fucked up, I’m a little less piteous of his situation, and I’m feeling pretty steamed over the fact that he left me out to dry.

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NXT Japan? Think of the belts!

Prior to the rise and age of coronavirus, I’d heard rumblings of Triple H’s ultimate goal of basically colonizing various parts of the world with NXT. It’s apparent that he has visions of reinventing the territorial system, but in a manner where he’ll have a finger in every single one of them, by having an NXT division in all of them. And despite the notion that he could be saturating the industry with his product(s), the truth of the matter is that NXT, the WWE and their general modus operandi run pretty tight ships, and I have to ask if that’s such a problem?

One of the most oft-discussed future NXT territories, has been Japan; it goes without saying that when it comes to the professional wresting industry, Japan is easily top-3 when it comes to countries that take it seriously, between them, the United States and Mexico. It goes without saying that if there were any place on the globe that should be a priority for a future NXT brand, it’s definitely Japan. And try, the WWE and Triple H have done throughout the last year or so, and every now and then there’s news of WWE getting into talks to purchase some small federation in Japan, before it fizzles out somewhere along the line.

It’s pretty clear that the WWE’s intention is to purchase an existing company, re-brand it as NXT Japan and go from there, as opposed to starting something from scratch. Which sounds like a decent plan, as to minimize transitioning as much as possible, but if there’s one thing about Japanese culture, is that they’re extremely nationalistic and extremely prejudice towards outsiders seeking success in their lands. Whether the validity of the reports are true, supposedly the WWE has been shot down numerous times by various promotions looking to sell, and in some stories, some Japanese promotions be it New Japan, All Japan or some other players, have swooped in to purchase them, for seemingly no other reason than to cockblock the WWE from getting their foot in the door.

Whether or not any of that is true is really irrelevant in the long run, and I don’t particularly feel like going through the trouble to validate any of it, but the fact of the matter is that in the long run, it’s a moot point, because eventually, the WWE will get their foot into Japan, and NXT Japan will one of these days, eventually come to fruition. It’s not a matter of if, but when, because everybody has a price, and someone will eventually set aside nationalistic pride for financial gain and hand the reigns to their promotion over to the WWE, or failing that, the WWE will start from scratch if the projections of success are high enough.

I for one, am all for an NXT Japan division, because I appreciate and like what they’ve done with NXT UK, and I think there’s a tremendous world of opportunity and growth if an NXT Japan were to come to fruition. They’d obviously be the new base for Asian talent, and much like UK does, they can easily bring in talents from China, the Philippines, and if there’s even any interest in professional wrestling in Korea, why not see a first-ever Korean-born WWE professional wrestler too? They’d be closer for talent in the hot beds of Australia and New Zealand to feed into, and they’re an option for talents from Russia and India as well.

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I don’t care if it’s a work

I mean, there’s a 100% chance that this is a work, because things in the WWE universe don’t happen if they aren’t; but anyway, I just wanted to say that I took tremendous enjoyment out of Adam Cole blasting into Pat McAfee during his shitty radio show, because I fucking can’t stand Pat McAfee, and it’s a pleasure to hear a strong talker like Adam Cole tear into him.

Since I’ve devolved into a way more filthy casual wrestling fan over the years, my only real exposure to the WWE product really is down to NXT re-broadcasts once they’re made available on the Network, and PPV events.  Without cable, I can’t watch RAW, I can’t watch NXT live, and frankly I can never find the time or want to watch Smackdown despite the fact that I can watch FOX on Friday nights.  NXT UK is currently shuttered due to coronavirus, and I don’t even think the WWE personnel even watches Main Event or 205 Live.

So occasionally, I’ll have the wherewithal to tune into a WWE PPV, and over the last few years that I’ve been able to intercept a pre-show, my thoughts have often been, who the fuck is this guy??

This ginger, jew-fro’d geek with a receding hairline and a voice that makes me think of the scientist guy from The Simpsons, so having said that, I am naturally referring to Sam Roberts.  I had no idea who he was, and why he got to be on the pre-show panel with guys like Booker T and Renee Young, but all I knew was that I thought he was annoying, and I was not a fan.

But then came along this other guy, some douchebag-looking Chad, who exuded a frat-bro personality tantamount to his appearance, and my brow crinkled even more at the notion that the WWE kept opening their doors to these douchey marks to be on their pre-shows.  Well that turned out to be Pat McAfee, and he immediately gave me X-Pac Heat vibes, and I was really tempted to tune out entirely thanks to him, but I wanted to watch the PPV, so I grit my teeth and soldered through.

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Life always finds a way

Groggily, I went outside with my dog, so that I could try to see if he would poop.  Being 14-15 years old, his pooping schedule changes on a dime, and it’s among the most frustrating things in the world when he goes stretches of 36+ hours between poops, and I have no idea when to expect him needing to go again.  It was 7 a.m.-something, which meant all the grass would be wet and dewy and I don’t like to get my feet wet, but I had just cut it the day prior, so perhaps it wouldn’t be so terrible.

As we walked through the field next to my driveway, I spotted something out of the ordinary not far from us: a turtle.  It looked like a box turtle, which meant that it was mostly harmless, unlike their prehistoric cousins, the snapping turtle.  But it doesn’t matter if you’re eight or 38, if there’s a turtle out in the wild, it’s worth checking out, so I went over to it just so I could snap a picture of it and show mythical wife later on when she woke up.

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This would be a sad way to go for NXT UK

Long story short: there is speculation that the WWE’s NXT UK brand could get shut down amidst the hashtag-Speaking Out movement

To those of my 0 readers who don’t pay attention to wrestling, to summarize, there’s been an online movement in the industry known as #SpeakingOut in which people (men and women but mostly obviously women) went on social media to identify and post documentation of those in the professional wrestling industry of bad behavior, of the less than fortunate nature.

There hasn’t been a company large or small that hasn’t been named in some sort of capacity, be it a promoter, producer or a talent, and so far the names that have been thrown out have been pretty eye-opening, and the fallout of lots of it is beginning to get big.  The trying-to-rebirth NWA has put themselves on hiatus amidst the allegations, and their VP has outright resigned.  Philadelphia’s Chikara Pro wrestling has outright shut down.  Jim Cornette, the guy who can’t not get involved with anything in wrestling, had a disgusting sexual adventure/fetish unearthed.  Notable names from Ring of Honor, Impact and even AEW have been unearthed as people who have done things as far as being too clingy, not taking no for an answer, to some, little extreme remarks to express physical desire.

But with obviously anything pertaining to the wrestling industry, all eyes eventually seek out what’s going on in the world of the WWE, and believe you me, things have not been easy for the ol’ McMahon family business either, amidst all this.

Numerous names of talent have been named, and you can practically see the WWE machine scrambling to figure out the guys who are above a certain tier to whether they’re safe from losing their job, versus the guys that need to be immediately let go in order to look like they’re doing something about it.

One very alarming and unfortunate pattern that has emerged however, is the volume of reports coming out of the UK, primarily involving guys that are on the NXT UK roster.  As the link above details, guys like Ligero and Travis Banks have been immediately released, with the latter being somewhat of a surprise considering I figured he had a future with at least 205 Live reinforcement.  But guys like Trent Seven, Joe Coffey and Jordan Devlin are also names of accused parties, and regardless of what happens from their individual cases, it’s a frightening notion that already so many names in the British wrestling scene have popped up in such a short amount of time.

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Looks like the WWE was finally ready for Asuka

Sometimes I wonder if my posts are too long, mostly on account of me rambling about something in the long form that sets up what I’m actually intending on writing about, and then five paragraphs later, I really actually get to the point of the impetus for writing in the first place.

That being said, I’ll keep it short about how much I cringed like OJ Simpson in court, when fucking Otis won the men’s Money in the Bank briefcase.  Sure, I’ll give the WWE a little bit of credit for actually taking a stab at some pure unpredictability, but based on the lineup of contenders, Otis had to have been the one guy that nobody and their mothers from their basements would have actually considered winning MITB, but here we stand.

Needless to say, I’m disappointed that fucking Otis is going to be the get-out-of-jail-free card for WWE Creative for the next calendar year, and I have to assume that he’ll end up like Damien Sandow or Baron Corbin, as dudes who will inevitably have failed to successfully cash in their championship opportunities; or, they’ll go very radically, and have Otis cash it in on tag titles, or do some revisionist history to where he can cash it on any brand and any title, which might actually make it a little more interesting.

Anyway, the point of this post wasn’t to talk about fucking Otis, but to applaud the WWE for their choice to get back on the Asuka train and actually give her a god damn push.  She went from being one of the hottest talents in the company with an undefeated streak that eclipsed Bill Goldberg, but once the streak came to an end against Charlotte Flair, she was dropped down to the mid-card faster than television ratings during an X-Pac match.  Sure, she had a Smackdown women’s championship in this time, but again was jobbed out to Charlotte Flair, and relegated to tag duties, which she actually spun gold from shit, with Kairi Sane and their cringeworthy Kabuki Warriors name.

Regardless, I was excited to see Asuka win the women’s Money in the Bank briefcase, but before I could even write about it, the following night on RAW occurred, where Becky Lynch announced her pregnancy to the world, and relinquished the RAW women’s championship over to Asuka, for winning the MITB contest.

Now it’s no secret WWE loves to build their company on “moments,” and it was widely reported that absolutely nobody other than Lynch, Seth Rollins (the father) and only a few key creative bigwigs knew about it, and not even Asuka was informed before the segment, so it’s safe to say that Becky’s announcement and the bequeathing of the RAW women’s championship over to Asuka was an entirely unscripted and about as genuinely real moment as one could see in professional wrestling.

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