Enzo and Cass are already boring

Enzo: my name is enzo amore and I am a certified g and a bonafide stud and you can’t teach that.  this here is big cass and he’s seven feet tall and you can’t teach that.  badaboom, realest guys in the room, how you doin’?

Cassady: (improvised remarks about Dudley Boyz opponents) and there’s only one word to describe you (period) and i’m gonna spell it out for you: s-a-w-f-t

Here’s the thing; I just wrote all that out from memory.  I’m 90% sure that I’m 100% correct on the entire spiel, because I’ve heard the exact same fucking lines every single RAW since Wrestlemania.  And the fans eat this shit up, reciting the whole routine, word for word along with them, while popping like they’re cheering for Hulk Hogan in the 90s all the while.

Personally, I’m already bored of Enzo and Cass, and I’m at the point where I know that 4-5 clicks of the 30 seconds forward button is sufficient to skip the entire entrance routine, see that they’re wrestling the Dudley Boyz for the 74th time, and then start clicking some more to skip the match outright.

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Right on so many levels

Love this so much: Mexico City science teaching assistant discovers ways to engage students’ attention – by dressing up as Spider-Man.

This right here, is some absolutely amazing (no pun intended) ingenuity and outside-the-box thinking.  Students of today ADHD and Ritalin generation have no attention spans, and need shiny objects and fluffy curriculum to hold their hands into growth.  They’re also being raised to believe that the only acceptable movies out there are all based on comic books.  What better way to kill two birds with one stone than teaching dressed as a comic book character?

This guy, Moises Vazquez, hits the nail on the head on so many levels that absolutely love it.

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Why don’t final bosses ever get their comeuppance?

I make no promises that the things I write won’t blurt out spoilers to certain works of storytelling.  I can tell you right now two things I have in mind are Netflix’s Jessica Jones and the Game of Thrones television show, which has begrudgingly surpassed the novella, and will probably utilize plot points that will be spoilers to us book nerds but anyway.

Okay, it’s kind of a spoiler, but I’m not going to go into specifics; but the final conflict of Jessica Jones was pretty unsatisfying.  It’s a show that could’ve been wrapped up in 6-8 episodes, but since 13 is the magic number in terms of “seasons,” the song and dance kind of repeated itself twice over before it finally reached its conclusion.  Somewhere around the eighth episode, I knew the ending was finally coming, and I had an idea of what I wanted to see, but then I told myself to not hold my breath; because final bosses never get their comeuppance.

Needless to say, the fate of Doctor Who was not what I was hoping for, and I was left with this Kermit face when the final credits began rolling.  Perhaps this is a chief reason why I so unanimously and without hesitation, anointed Daredevil as the superior show, among the Hell’s Kitchen chapters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

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Overthinking Fiction: Guile’s Stage

I don’t really remember the circumstances, but I remember staring at a screen capture of Street Fighter II, of Ryu fighting Guile in Guile’s stage.  And I began to think, how did Ryu manage to get onto a United States Air Force base in the first place?

Not to mention that his declared business on base would have to have been something like “I’m here to have a street fight Colonel/Commander/whatever Guile.”  Yeah, I’m sure the soldiers at the gate would hear something like that, and then immediately lift the gate and allow entry and passage, with no questions asked.  Sure, come on in, welcome to base, and go enjoy your street fight.

Also, not to mention the fact that Ryu isn’t an American citizen in the first place, a Japanese guy with zero documentation because he’s homeless to begin with, trying to get onto a US Air Force base seems all sorts of ludicrous.

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The leg drop really is a dumb move

Over the last few days, I’ve been watching a lot of Hulk Hogan leg drops, in honor of his recent victory over Gawker.  Now, I’m still excited and happy over his victory over that shitty network of sites, but eventually I got to a point where I’d begun moving on, and watching all these montages of Hulk Hogan leg drops got me thinking about ultimately, the leg drop is kind of a dumb move.

Basically, a wrestler leaps up in the air and drapes their popliteal over their opponent’s head.  It’s basically like clotheslining someone, with your leg, and probably with less momentum, since they’re already flat on mat, and gravity probably can’t provide the same force as person(s) running at each other.

Sure, Hulk Hogan made the move famous, but there’s no denying that when you take the Hulkster factor out of the equation, it’s still a pretty mundane and lackluster maneuver.

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Finally truly respectable

If there’s one good thing about Wrestlemanias, whether you watch them or not, it’s usually the most opportune time for the WWE to make some changes upon it’s passing.  Throughout the years, belt changes have often come on or immediately after Wrestlemanias, including numerous iterations of the World title, the Intercontinental championship. all the times John Cena wigger-ized both the United States and the World championships.  But at long last, the most visually problematic belt of the bunch, the maligned Divas Championship was finally put to rest, replaced with the new and respectable WWE Women’s Championship.

This is a step in the right direction.  But a bigger step in the right direction is the WWE’s decision to finally scrap the whole notion of “Divas” in the first place, and anoint the women wrestlers with the same distinction as the male wrestlers – Superstars.

It’s not so much that I’m some ultra feminist, as much as it’s simply the fact that I recognize that women’s wrestling has come leaps and bounds from the days of Torrie Wilson versus Stacy Keibler cat fights or Sable versus Jacqueline piss breaks.  Those were Divas.  From AJ Lee, Paige, to the more current crop of stars like Charlotte, Sasha Banks and Becky Lynch, and those on the way like Bayley and Asuka, calling any of them Divas isn’t as much of a disservice as much as it’s simply kind of insulting.  All of these women have proven that they can go, and it’s at last long overdue that they’re no longer denigrated by the title of Diva, and called the Superstars that they really are.

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I don’t know why people are looking forward to this

To no surprise, I think I have a difficult time connecting with the current iteration of wrestling fans.  I question their allegiances, why they pop so hard for certain things, and why they resent particular guys so much, regardless of just how obviously hard they work to better themselves and try and improve; for them.

With Wrestlemania creeping ever closer, it’s that time when storylines begin manifesting for the supposed grandest show of the year.  Naturally, in spite of The Steak having come to an end two years prior, it’s still very much a big deal that the Undertaker participates in Wrestlemania.  With ol’ Mark Calloway not getting any younger, every year is speculation about when his last Wrestlemania is going to be, and theorizing which of the current guard should be the guy that gets that ultimate rub and sign of respect from the Deadman, to be the one who “ends his career.”

Make no mistake, the Undertaker is going to lose his final match, whenever that may be.  He’s of an old guard that firmly believes that no one person is bigger than the business, and the only way to show respect for the business on your way out, is to go out on your back, and lose your last match.  Mick Foley lost his last match.  As did Ric Flair.  Shawn Michaels lost several “final matches,” as has The Rock.  Even Stone Cold Steve Austin, at least when it came to wrestling matches, lost his final match.

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