Tag: futbol

O PILSUNG COREA MOTHERFUCKERS

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

On this date, December 2, 2022

South Korea 2, Portugal 1

As much as I enjoy the World Cup, I didn’t have any grand expectations as far as the Motherland’s chances were.  This isn’t eSports or Little League baseball, so my hopes for Korea’s participation in the World Cup is usually along the lines of hoping they don’t embarrass themselves, and be the worst team to get sent packing in the first round.

Thanks to the Qatar that didn’t belong there in the first place, and Canada whom I didn’t even know even played futbol in the first place, that’s not going to happen.  Undoubtedly, the team that brings the most dishonor to the World Cup is undoubtedly Germany, whom once again was bounced in groups for the second straight World Cup, with 2014 looking like a historical event from the present.

But not only did Korea not embarrass themselves on the global stage, they didn’t get bounced in groups.  With their incredible 2-1 victory over Portugal, they advance out of groups and into the elimination round of 16, where Brazil awaits, to which that’ll be its own tragedy in its own right, but at least I can have the memories of this day where Korea, once again finishes groups on a high note after starting slow with a draw and a loss in their prior two matches.

I kind of had this hope that Korea could beat Portugal on the logic that with two wins already, and advancement already locked in, the Portuguese really didn’t have to play that hard, and would change things up and play backups, in order to save their stars.  France and Spain paid a similar price, dropping their third matches, and I was hoping that Portugal would join them.

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Re: Argentina vs. Saudi Arabia

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I’m pretty sure these guys were the officiating crew in Lusail this morning.

Obviously, I didn’t watch because fuck getting up at 5 a.m. to watch a game I have no interest in, but I was curious enough to check the score while I was preparing the girls’ breakfast, because frankly I thought Argentina was a strong contender to win it all.  Lo and behold, the crooked number was next to Saudi Arabia, and I’m just like wtf?

Naturally, the red flags start popping up in my head, because on paper there was absolutely no way in hell’s hell that Saudi Arabia should have any business defeating Argentina, much less competing with them in the first place.  But being in Qatar, the Islamaphobic conspiracy is that the royal family or something must clearly be paying off the refs or something in order to buy wins for the Saudis.  Sure, they still had to get the ball into the net a few times to equalize the great Messi and then take the lead, but some outside interference could help with that.

The game summary was especially interesting, because after the Saudis took the lead early in the second half, the six yellow cards that were issued to them throughout the rest of the game clearly says that they were not being shy about physically defending their side of the field, and took it too far multiple times.  The ten offside penalties by Argentina probably says they were pressing, and bad officiating will call offsides if someone farts on the pitch.

My favorite though is the fact that Saudi Arabia only took two shots on goal, and they both happened to go in.  That truly is some Game Genie-like luck and accuracy, that I’m hard pressed to believe that even the greatest teams in futbol history have ever achieved.

Regardless of all the skepticism and bad jokes, the reality is that Argentina still shit the bed and suffered probably one of the most humiliating upsets in World Cup history.  Whether they were completely looking beyond the team in front of them, or maybe some of their 900 kilos of imported meat to circumvent Islamic restrictions went bad on them, but the fact of the matter is that no matter the interference and impartiality of the officiating, they still let a tremendously inferior team get the ball into the back of their net twice.  

They’re in one of the weaker groups, and on paper, should by any right still make it out, but they’ve got no more breathing room at this point, but historically some powerhouse always gets owned in groups, and based on this clown car performance, it might just be Argentina, regardless of they were tampered with or not.

The Qatar World Cup is going to be not great-great

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

It’s not that I’m an Islamaphobe, it’s just that I happen to disagree with a lot of their cultural customs, and when it comes to things I’m interested in, I tend to be disenchanted with whenever an Islamic country hosts things, but imparts their, what I think are archaic and frighteningly draconian, rules and customs onto them.

I have little interest in whenever the WWE runs events in Saudi Arabia, regardless of the egregious amounts of money that clearly sways them, and I can say that I have fairly similar opinions about the World Cup being held in Qatar, right fucking now, instead of the usual summer in which most World Cups tend to be played.  The difference is, professional wrestling is still fairly niche and there are way less people interested in the industry than they are about futbol, and the whole every-four years aspect about the World Cup makes it harder for me to ignore regardless of my disagreement about Qatar.

There’s no doubt in my mind that there’s a yacht full of money somewhere involved to where FIFA agreed to have it in Qatar, but what has been ironically entertaining is the sheer amount of disdain and expectations of utter failure and ownage that the event as a whole is being scrutinized over, and after day 1 of the World Cup, it appears that the watching world is in for a great ride in the sense that it might just be a brilliant shitshow.

Obviously, Qatar really has no business being in the World Cup, only being allowed to play by virtue of an archaic rule that gives the host nation a spot in a group, and it was no more evident when they became the first host team in World Cup history to ever lose their opening game.  Now I’m not the biggest futbol enthusiast in the world, but I thought there was a constantly missing “in X amount of years” because the World Cup has been going on for a long time, and even if it’s every four years, surely in some point in time a host country had to have lost at some point, especially since the United States hosted in 1994.  But no, it really has been a 92-year streak where the host nation, has never lost their first match; sure, there’ve been some draws, but still no losses.

Until Qatar, who was basically de-pantsed in 15 minutes, allowing Ecuador to score twice, and basically never challenge them for the remaining 80 minutes of the game.  Every opinion that Qatar didn’t belong was validated, and frankly, I’m looking forward to their next two matches, and hoping they don’t score a single fucking goal, which is a very viable possibility.  They may never even have a single target shot on goal.

Amusingly, it seemed like the refs might actually be as unimpressed and disenchanted with being in Qatar as most peoples’ opinions are; I figured they would have all been bought off, like most host nations tend to do with the refs, and Qatar was going to win the match.  But be it Qatar’s lack of skill, the refs ambivalence of being there, or whatever circumstance, Qatar players were getting nailed with fouls and yellow cards at an alarming clip, and I before I sat down to start watching, I knew the narrative already.

But the best part was undoubtedly the seas of empty seats throughout the arena, and the cameras catching locals leaving the game while it was still going on.  Much has been made about, how being in an Islamic country means no alcohol at the stadium (unless you’re a VIP in a VIP lounge apparently), as well as the reported attempts to basically buy influencers to pretend like they were having a great time, but once the matches begin, Qatar gon’ Qatar, and fans who can’t have a good time are going to bounce, and clearly Qatari fans are pretty fairweather, and don’t want to stick around if their team is getting trounced.

Either way, it’s only been a single day, but I have to say that the Qatar World Cup has delivered on its fuck-uppery in an entertaining way so far, and I’m kind of looking forward to seeing what ironic bullshit is going to emerge in the coming weeks of play.  Also, I’m looking forward to being able to make the obvious dad joke on Thanksgiving about how I’m going to watch futbol instead of football americano, because again, of Qatar’s bullshit demands, we have World Cup over Thanksgiving, and Thanksgiving Day just so happens to be the day in which Korea has their first match where they’ll probably get trounced by Uruguay but I’m obviously still going to watch because O Pilsung Corea motherfuckers

God bless China

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

It’s no secret in the world that nepotism runs rampant in the world, and it’s bad enough when you’re in out in said world and people are always trying to use the phrase “it’s who you know..” when referring to the perceived advantages some people get over others, regardless of their merit, qualifications or deservedness, and it’s even worse when you find out that there are people in positions of note, that just so happen to be related to people in even higher positions in the world.

But as obvious as nepotism is in the world, at least in places like America, as third-world of a place we are here, people still try to pretend like nepotism isn’t an issue.  The relatives of those in a place of power at least try to bring some degree of experience, or potential sense of belonging when they try to capitalize on their familial connections.

Well that kind of shit doesn’t fly as much overseas, especially in a place like China, with this particular example being dead eye obvious to the concept of nepotism: a wealthy businessman purchases some semi-pro/minor league soccer club, and then demands that the coach plays his son… his 126 kg son (278 lbs.).

I mean the picture above says everything that needs to be said about this whole situation.  Yes, the boy is quite rotund and looks like he should have no business being on a soccer field, but what if he was really just the living embodiment of a troll customized character from an EA Sports game where they were made deliberately fat but had a 99 rating in every attribute?

The son’s personal highlights from the game he was in finishes the painting of the picture to those whom might think that he was potentially a lion in elephant’s clothing, and the best part was the ending to the clip.

The point is, god bless China, because it’s one of the cultures out there with the technological means to broadcast their examples of their archaic, sexist preferential treatment of little prince first sons, even if it means putting them into scenarios where they have to know the rest of the world is going to laugh at if they ever catch wind of it.

It’s bad when Brazil is leading the pack in anything other than futbol

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

WSJ (might be behind paywall): town in Brazil does “experiment” where close to 100% of adults get vaccinated, to “surprising” results

I obviously use quotations ironically, because it’s pathetic that American media is in this place where common sense is considered experimental, and the results are anything other than flagrantly obvious.  The fact that this is happening in Brazil of all places in the world, and not anywhere in the United States is pathetic, sad, disappointing and all other pejoratives applicable to describe just how third fourth world America acts sometimes.

Needless to say, since nobody actually needs to read the article behind the paywall to take a wild guess at what happens, but when 98% of all adults in a population of 45,000 get vaccinated, coronavirus numbers plummet, and the town of Serrana, Brazil has officially become somewhat of a safe haven oasis from COVID-19, and life has basically turned back into a state of being prior to the pandemic.

The “experiment” at this point can be considered a rousing success, and I can only wish that the legions of fucking idiot Americans would use this as a basis to follow suit, but we all know that that’s never going to happen because we are basically the dumbest country on the planet, cumulatively.

But yeah, a small town in Brazil; a mostly impoverished country, where they’re mostly known for futbol, Victoria’s Secret models, trolling League of Legends and annually converging onto Disney World much to the dismay of those who work there, has basically shown the rest of the world that they’re twelve steps ahead of the curve when it comes to handling the pandemic.  They’ve already declared check mate, while the rest of the world is still Googling what a Sicilian or the queen’s gambit is.

I don’t like to give Brazil credit if I don’t have to, but good on them for having the common sense to strive for 100% vaccination rates among adults.  The rewards are obvious and palpable, and the rest of the world looks like fucking idiots for failing to exercise common sense in the most common sense of scenarios.

MLS is clearly the preferred white people sport

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Driving around Atlanta, there are often a lot of tells on peoples’ cars that indicate the race of the people driving them.  Some are pretty blatant, like how white people all love to have shit like stick figure family stickers, black people have big flashy rims or the content of Africa silhouetted in some way shape or form, or Hispanics having pictures of their trucks airbrushed onto their trucks, while being looked over upon by the Virgin Mary.

However, some tells are more subtle, but no less obvious to those who see them.  Like blackout license covers or (likely) illegal shades of tint or a box of Kleenex wrapped in an ornate satin box cover sitting in the back window.  But there’s no more obvious tell that a car belongs to a white person in Atlanta, than an Atlanta United sticker or emblem on it.  Because there’s nothing short of Ponce City Market and talking about gentrification and urbanism that white people in Atlanta like more than Atlanta United soccer.

And then it got me thinking beyond just Atlanta United, and about soccer in general, specifically MLS.  And how it really seems like MLS has become the de facto preferred spectator sport of choice for white people, even above the NFL, NBA and MLB.  The more cursory internet glancing I do, I’m seeing that in major cities like Toronto, Seattle, Portland and Philadelphia, if you take snapshots of the crowds, they’re unmistakably overwhelmingly white.  It doesn’t seem like a lot, but that’s really all the justification I need to make my snap judgments; I’ve been to enough cities to watch sports, and despite being in different states, they really aren’t that much different from one another.

Ultimately, I think white people loving MLS really boils down to two very obvious white people traits: racism and a lack of commitment.  A low-key third would be the fact that so many are hipsters, so naturally, they gravitate towards a lower-tier popularity sport, especially if it meant that there were fewer minority fans to have to mingle with.

But frankly, upon thinking about it, it kind of makes perfect sense why white people love MLS so much. Go to any NFL or NBA game, and it’s abundantly clear that black people love football and basketball.  And the average white person is often times afraid of the average black person, so it stands to believe that white people don’t like going to these sporting events, because it puts them in too close proximity with those that intimidate them.  When the home team does well and the black people get excited, it scares the white people.  But when the home team loses and the black people get butthurt, it scares the white people then too.  This isn’t to say that white people avoid these sporting events outright, but typically they tend to go when they have privileges like corporate box seats, or are in large enough numbers to where they manage to feel safe, but even still it’s not the same white safety as an MLS game would be.

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When you look at Super Bowl Leee that way…

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Super Bowl Leee was a fantastic championship game… if it were soccer.

Not because the punters made more news and excitement kicking the ball a combined 14 times, setting some obscure records in the process.  But in the sense that it was an extremely low-scoring affair that resembled more of a soccer game that fútbol americano enthusiasts love to ridicule.

Seriously, when the game went into halftime with New England up 3-0, I was really hoping that that would be the final score, because it would be ironically hilarious to have a Super Bowl be decided by a 3-0 score.  The “best” teams in the league duking it out, only for a single field goal to be not just the decider, but the only score of an entire 3-4 hour affair.  It would roughly be the equivalent of a soccer match where the final score is 1-0.

And although it didn’t end up being 3-0, it was still an embarrassing exhibition that really was 10-3, before there were some more kicks, with the Pats getting an insurance field goal before the Rams booted their own; and it figures that both teams would have missed field goals, because Nantz and Romo made it very clear that throughout the entire season in the Georgia Dome Mercedes-Benz Arena, no Falcons or any opponent kicker had missed a field goal, 31/31 overall.

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