Clutch logic

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

If it were only that simple: Dutch man petitions to legally rewind his age back twenty years, because he feels twenty years younger than he actually is

This is a story where I can’t believe that I’ve never thought of someone attempting before – legally attempting to rewind their age.  Sure, there are tons of people out in the world that love to fudge their ages by anywhere from 1-5 years, but to claim twenty?  And to attempt to make it legally binding?  That’s some outside the box thinking if I’ve ever heard of it.

One of the funny things about it is that the guy basically just wants to be able to declare himself 49 and not 69, but nothing’s going to change the fact that he was born in 1949 and not 1969.  But he just wants to be able to legally declare himself 49 as of now instead of 69, as if it were really that simple to change history with a piece of paper.

The other funny thing about the whole story is that the real impetus behind this desire, is so that the guy who already has seven bastard children really wants the younger age to help him on his quest to get hits on Tinder, where he’s hoping to possibly knock up other women to sire more kids in this already crowded planet.

It’s all a gasser, because the guy wants to basically validate a lie, but openly, honestly, and in plain sight, so that he can be a degenerate Dutch Shawn Kemp and have a bunch of kids with a bunch of random women.  Obviously, this is probably a plight that will inevitably fail, because the date of birth isn’t something that can historically be altered, short of the invention of a time machine or time traveling witchcraft.

But kudos to some real outside the box thinking, all so he can really just go out and get his dick wet.  A part of me hopes this is allowed to pass, so when he’s like 52 but actually 72, and his body really begins deteriorating to the manner that a legitimate 72 year old should be dealing with, he’ll be boned by his own want to bone, and fall short of retirement and pension, and when he croaks at 53/73, he’ll have nothing to bequeath onto his stable of bastard kids.

That’ll learn this horny Dutchman.  In this day and age, there’s a fuck to be had for absolutely everyone who wants one, as long as they’re savvy and/or willing to be resourceful.  Or desperate.

Ben Affleck hair

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

It’s no secret that I make a lot of observations at the gym; it’s one of the great settings for the observation of mankind to occur, as it’s at the gym and the ensuing locker room in which the male species has a tendency to strip away societal norms to their truest selves, whether it’s extreme narcissism, misogyny, douchebaggery, or all of the above.

At my current gym, it’s unmistakable that the vast majority of the members are about as white as Paul Ryan’s interns, so naturally this doesn’t just open the door, it kicks it open for ridicule and judgment at how insufferably white it is.  And I’ve already pointed out whether in writing or not, many of the so-white behaviors of the locker room, whether it’s bitching about European vacations, tariffs affecting their businesses, or my recent favorite, the fact that there are quite a number of them who show up to the gym, don’t work out, but still take a shower; and then lie about what they did at the gym today to any colleagues that happen to be present.

However, I have noticed another thing recently that’s caught my fascination, and that’s the immense precision that Ben Afflecks put forth towards styling their hair.  The way my gym locker room is set up, the toilets, urinals, sinks and the accompanying mirrors are like in this separate alcove away from the rest of the lockers and showers.  So when I’m done dressing out, and I want to go fix my own hair in the mirror, there’s always a good chance that I’ll turn the corner into the sink/toilet alcove and then every sink will have Ben Affleck standing in front them, with them very precisely working on their hair.

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Atlantans would rather have a ghetto hole than a city?

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TL;DR: protestors try to convince the City of Atlanta to not go forward with a $2 billion dollar proposal to develop the Gulch

For those of you who don’t live in Atlanta, or live in the metro area and are clueless anyway, the Gulch is this giant parcel of land that currently exists as a big empty parking lot that sits two stories lower than the rest of Downtown Atlanta, because long ago the city decided for some reason to build above everything, or maybe they just wanted to keep the streets nice and level.

The bottom line is that the Gulch is a gigantic eyesore of space that exists really, really close to some major Atlanta landmarks, like Centennial Olympic Park, Mercedes Benz Arena, the CNN Center and Philips State Farm Arena.  It’s basically where cars park to get broken into, or where the drivers get harassed, buy drugs, assaulted, murdered or all of the above.  It’s undesirable, looks like shit, and is in desperate need to be taken over by developers and actually developed.

So when some smarmy hot-shot California developers come into town and propose some $2 billion dollar idea to develop the Gulch, you’d think there would be people that might actually be excited by the promise of the City of Atlanta gentrifying yet another shitty area and trying to make it look nice, right?

Fuck no, of course not.  Much like the Beltline, Mercedes-Benz Arena, ScumTrust Park, there are a ton of people who show up, all up in arms, about how it’s a bad idea, and how it’s going to price people out and how some rich developers are going to get richer at the expense of the poor.  Now in their defense, the city most certainly didn’t need Mercedes-Benz Arena or ScumTrust Park, but the Beltline most definitely succeeded in both beautifying the areas it’s been developed in AND pricing out the poors while the rich got richer.

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I lost a mythical gf

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

On this day, I no longer have a girlfriend. 

I have a fiancée now.

Marriage is one of those things that I always imagined would be in my future.  Even though jaded people like to claim that it’s an archaic institution or something that doesn’t really mean much these days, the eternal romantic in me always saw it as something that I figured I’d want to attain in my life.  I’ve watched couples that I’ve always thought were great, mothers and fathers of children, and even my own parents dissolve and divorce which I’d be lying didn’t give me concerns for pursuing it myself, but it just seems like one of those things that always had a place in my life, personally.

And fortunately, I’ve had an accommodating partner throughout this journey towards marriage, and the once-mythical gf has stuck with me throughout the last four years, and kind of made it something of a no-brainer that we just might work out in the long haul.  I’m lucky to have a girl in my life that loves and accepts me, is supportive of my pursuits, and encourages me to be the best person that I can be, and I’m pretty stoked and excited to go through the awkward transition of calling her “my girl-I mean fiancée,” and eventually, my wife.

It’s funny because despite the fact that it took four years to get to this point, this is something that has been on my mind for a way lot longer.  But I didn’t want to be one of those people who were just giddy to be in a relationship, and rush straight into marriage, without really knowing their better halves, and despite the fact that I was wondering if this could go in this direction, I always erred on the side of steady, to let things grow, feel things out, and really be more and more sure of, well everything.

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Thoughts on WWE Evolution

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Warning: there will probably be spoilers; not that it really matters because who knows how many eons past Evolution it will take before this ever sees the light of day on the internet.

When it was announced that WWE was going to do an all-women’s pay-per-view show, I had a couple of knee jerk reactions.  One was that it had the capability to be the best show of the year, due to the kid gloves that the WWE would undoubtedly have to treat a show of such a nature, and two, that it was a show that could not absolutely afford to fail.  Failure would wreck a tremendous amount of work and equity that the women superstars have put forth to building their brand, and would send things back in time at least a decade.

Fortunately, with the level of talent and the volume of it now present in the WWE, it didn’t seem like failure seemed very likely, especially since the WWE is known to be capable of putting a good show together when they actually give a shit about it.

To no real surprise, Evolution was an outstanding show that I feel lived up to the hype, and truly delivered on what the primary goal of the show was supposed to be: this is women’s professional wrestling.  Sure, there were some booking choices that I probably wouldn’t have made as an armchair booker, but when the show had ended, I can confidently say that the good of the show far outweighed the negatives.

Even some of the matches on the undercard that I didn’t really expect to be that great were better than expected, as if viewers could feel the sheer will and empowerment of the superstars, or the WWE actually let a lot of these women unleash a little bit more from their arsenals than they normally would be allowed to on television.

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The Mae Young Classic, or just Toni Storm?

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

After the semi-final match between Toni Storm and Meiko Satomura, I thought to myself: man, I can’t remember the last time I ever felt so vested in a match before.  Usually, whenever I have a that thought, my mind races back way in time in order to exaggerate how long it’s been, which took me back to like Wrestlemania XX, when Chris Benoit (pre-psychotic murderous suicidal breakdown) had Triple H in the Crippler Crossface, and I’m on my feet at my friend’s house screaming at the television TAP TAP TAAAAP.  Then I realized that I was pretty vested and captivated by the Andrade Cien Almas vs. Johnny Gargano match that happened just earlier this year, but the point is, matches that manage to capture the suspense and excitement of a jaded smark like me are still few and far between.

Toni Storm vs. Meiko Satomura managed to do just that, have a match where I had an idea of who I thought was going to win, and I like think I have a good read on professional wrestling direction, but still managed to execute a match that was able to make me unsure of my choice, scoot me towards the edge of my seat, and make my eyes widen with what-ifs.  Several close calls, repeated kicking out of signature maneuvers and just plain great work from two very competent wrestlers made for an extremely good match that might not get five stars from Dave Meltzer, but damn was I pleased with it.

And for the second year in a row, I have this thought that this is why the Mae Young Classic is so great, is because they put on center stage, a bunch of female wrestlers whom the casual WWE audience probably isn’t aware of, so the idea of predicting things is kind of negated and it creates this completely fresh wrestling environment for fans to indulge in.  However, when I think of the matches that stood out the most from last year’s Mae Young Classic and this one, I also realize that there’s a correlation between those too: Toni Storm.

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Oh, MARTA #666

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Yeesh: MARTA bus full of passengers runs over a person, killing them

It’s been a while since I posted anything about MARTA’s fuck-ups, and it’s not to say that there haven’t been any since the last time I did, it’s just that they’ve never really been anything worth talking about, or the fact that I hardly have the spare time I once did, and simply didn’t get to them.

But I guess if there were ever a time to bring one back out, running over a guy seems like good as time as any to bust out the ol’ point and scowl at what MARTA did now trope.  Not that it’s ever really truly funny whenever lives are lost, but given the Darwinian manner in which this occurred, it’s still something that piques my interest enough to put some words down about.

So whenever the notion of someone getting run over by a vehicle is mentioned, I have to imagine most people envision a moving vehicle approaching a human being, and running them over.  But in this particular instance, a human being managed to get run over while tailing a vehicle, moving away from them.  I’m not entirely sure how someone behind a moving vehicle somehow ends up underneath it, but if it was ever going to happen, naturally it involves a MARTA bus.

Initial reports say that a possibly drunk person was chasing after the MARTA bus as it was pulling away, slapping it, trying to get them to stop so that they could presumably get aboard.  It’s a murky picture to imagine, because either the guy was really fast in spite of their inebriation, or the bus was going the perfect speed to where a human being could keep up and slap at it while simultaneously having enough momentum to drag someone into a wheel well, run them over and kill them.

Regardless, it still ends up with a perfect storm of ironic chaos that results in a fatality, with MARTA’s name attached to it, regardless of the fact that it wasn’t their fault, which feeds into the narrative that MARTA can’t do anything right, except Ride or Die.