Oh, MARTA #100

Obviously, I can’t have entitled this “Oh, MARTA #1,” because I’ve been chronicling MARTA fuck up stories for a few years now, but at the same time, I didn’t feel that this particular incident could just be summed up in the arbitrary numbers that I make up on the fly that make it sound like MARTA fucks up way more often than they actually do although it’s not really that much of a stretch to believe if they did.

So much like they do in comic books or any sort of regular periodical, I figure to just let’s just call this commemorative #100, because it truly was a MARTA incident that can’t simply be recognized with some made-up number.

As the story goes, since it all happened while I was overseas, the long-awaited implosion of the Georgia Dome, as covered by The Weather Channel, had their video feed utterly and completely ruined by a MARTA bus that just so perfectly timed its arrival into the shot right as the initial charges went off and the Georgia Dome came crumbling down.  Usually, I like to believe that I’m capable of coming up with way better headlines and descriptions of events than popular media does, because I don’t have to play by the rules of censorship or any sort of policing.  But when scuttlebutt declared the event as “The most Atlanta thing to ever happen” or something along those lines, I simply had to shake my head and just agree.

Seriously, I can’t really think of something more symbolic of Atlanta than a MARTA bus photobombing a momentous occasion.  And you know the driver had no fucking clue of its actions, as it was probably some wage slave just doing their daily job, trying to keep to the schedule and continuing to move . . . people, routinely through Atlanta.  But to the people at The Weather Channel who were completely banking on this footage, this was a cockblock that not even a Michael Cera film could have possibly executed. 

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Hashtag white-washing lol

Impetus: Ghost in the Shell starring Japan’s own Scarlett Johansson attempts to create promotional meme; blows up in their face like Japan’s own bukkake

Honestly, I thought too much time had passed for me to bother talking about the white-washing of GITS.  Sure, I’ve got lots of opinions about whitey taking over yet another story conceived and taking place in ‘ze Orient, but none of them would really be any different than the litany of white guilt white knights that are all over the internet crying over the injustice of it already.

I mean there was a movie about the Great Wall; of China, starring fucking Matt Damon of all the people on the face of the planet, so it shouldn’t be the least bit surprising that GITS would star a woman as Japanese as Scarlett Johansson as the lead character.  I don’t think we’re that far off with a remake of Roots, starring Topher Grace as Kunta Kinte, or perhaps a rendition of Frida starring Blake Lively as the titular Frida Kahlo, and neither would be a surprise if such were to occur.

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How to civil war

A year ago to this day, I asked people on theFacebook a question about where they stood on couples that sit next to each other, side-by-side, at restaurants.  Personally, I think it’s a little tacky and potentially inconsiderate if the restaurant is one that is apt to get crowded.  Of all the random questions I ask people on social media, this one seemed to elicit the largest pool of responses, ranging from agreement to my sentiments, and a whole lot of agitated disagreement.

Needless to say, I was greatly amused seeing this old thread on On This Day, which is pretty much my favorite component of theFacebook outright, I think.

Anyway, I decided to do a little cursory researching over the internet about this specific topic, to see what a little bit more of a mass audience felt about it.  In the end, I found countless Yelp discussions, message board threads, and various opinion pieces complete with passionate commenters, on the topic, and it’s not difficult to get a generalization of the types of responses:

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Forcing terminology: A Bundy

I’ve decided to start referring to good things happening in fours as “a Bundy.”  As in Al Bundy scoring four touchdowns in a single game.  Sure, the meaning behind four touchdowns in a single game has been somewhat diluted and turned into something of a joke thanks to seasons of Married… With Children, but the fact of the matter is that four touchdowns in a single game is an extraordinarily difficult task to accomplish.

Looking at the list of all-time single game records in the NFL (before it turned to shit), there are literally a single handful of guys who have managed to score five touchdowns in a single game, and slightly more guys who have managed to score four touchdowns in a single game.

Bundys.

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