I knew the story was going to be good when I saw “MARTA”

Long story short: Man escapes from a prisoner transport bus, two hours later is caught at a MARTA station.

I’m having a hard time deciding between whether if the prisoner was made dumber by being in the proximity of a MARTA station, or if MARTA is like a beacon of stupidity that draws its own kind like moths to lights.  Either way, while perusing through the AJC’s website, when I saw the word “MARTA” in the headline, I knew it was going to be an instant classic.

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Nothing (realistically) can be done about it

Impetus: Atlanta Regional Commission proposes ideas that would cost about $59 billion dollars which could theoretically alleviate traffic.

I hate to write about it every time something like this comes up, but there’s something about the topic of Atlanta’s incessantly horrendous traffic that sets me off.  Maybe it’s because so often times is the case, I’ve suffered a particularly bad morning of traffic when I get to work and eventually begin reading the news, there’s something about the fair city’s bad traffic that just aggravates me.

Anyway, the posted link is basically a story about how some probably likely crooked bureaucrats want nearly 25 years of a boatload of money to do a whole lot of nothing AKA attempt to “solve” Atlanta’s traffic woes.  It’s not that I’m deliberately trying to sound pessimistic towards the idea of alleviating traffic, it’s just the fact of the matter, conclusive and succinct is that Atlanta traffic is unsolvable, and that nothing short of changing the topography of the entire city, destroying existing, and creating an entirely new, actually planned, road system and implementing an efficient and planned mass transit system, would actually help.

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Oh Atlanta

I’m fairly certain that this isn’t the first time I’ve used this headline before. I’m too lazy to cross-check though, but the context is probably the same – shame. There’s also a high probability that if I have used it before, it too was probably related to one of Atlanta’s biggest embarrassments: MARTA.

Long story short: Due to the overwhelming problem of people urinating in MARTA elevators, MARTA will be wasting even more money to install “Urine Detection Devices” (UDDs) to attempt to deter people from peeing in the elevators.

Obviously, MARTA is one gigantic joke to the world, especially those of us that live in Atlanta, but honestly, I had no idea that this was even an issue. Being physically capable of using my legs, I have always utilized the stairs or the escalators, and I can honestly say that I’ve never once been inside of a MARTA elevator. But apparently, it’s among the worst experiences on the planet due to the fact that people have a tendency to use them as public urinals.

Thank goodness for physical competence.

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Somewhere, something has gone terribly wrong

This picture was taken at 7:10 a.m. Eastern Standard Time on a Wednesday morning.  I am roughly 3.5 miles away from my final destination, and it will take me 30 minutes to traverse a stretch of road that would ordinarily take just under four, if traveling at the legal speed limit of 55 mph.  It is not the fact that this was exceptionally bad that serves as the impetus of this post, it’s the fact that this is absolutely ordinary that it does.

Actually, that’s not entirely true, because I’ve seen endured it worse before, many, many times.  These electronic signs scattered insufficiently throughout the outskirts of the Metro Atlanta area are harbingers of dread and symbols of ineptitude.  15-17 actually isn’t bad, as it’s usually 24-26 most of the time, and if there’s absolutely any precipitation, it’s 38-40; the general rule is to add 10-12 minutes to that, which is a more accurate estimation.  And if there’s an accident, it’s guaranteed to occur right under the sign, so that there’s absolutely zero chance of you knowing there’s an accident in advance and detour, and that you’ll see the sign just as you’re approaching the calamity.

Just once, during a particularly bad morning, I’d like to simply see it say “YOU’RE FUCKED.”

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Atlanta sports fans and the importance of antagonists

For the vast majority of the game, his back was to the field, and he instead was facing his fellow attendees in the stands instead of watching the game transpiring on the actual field itself.  Repeatedly, he would pace back and forth through the mostly-empty row of seats in which his own ticketed seat was located, and seek out fans wearing gear of the opposing team.  Whenever he located one, he would either pantomime that he was watching them, make a throat-slashing gesture, puff out his Atlanta Falcons sweatshirt, or all of the above, among a few other taunting gestures, like the “loser” L on the forehead gesture.

It did not matter if those he taunted were grown adults, or young children.  If they were wearing the other teams’ colors, they were fair game for taunting.  A grown man, taunting young children, and essentially calling them losers.

This wasn’t just an Atlanta Falcons fan; this was a typical Atlanta sports fan.

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Are there any other cities like this?

I was sitting in traffic the other day, which is a fairly common occurrence to those that live in Atlanta.  Whenever this occurs, inevitably, I, or someone like Jen often asks “why is it always this bad?”  The question is pretty redundant, because we all know the answer to it, but it’s partially frustration and partially the fact that there’s really nothing else to say when you’re stuck in suffocating Atlanta gridlock.

Aside from the sheer lack of surface streets leading to a massive reliance on the highways, if you were to ask me, I’d tell you that the biggest problem causing Atlanta traffic is simply Interstate 20, which slices neatly through the middle of Atlanta, going east-west.  At three points in the Atlanta highway system does I-20 intersect, and at any given point during the day (or night), those will inevitably be the worst points of traffic.  The I-85/I-75 connector probably gets it the worst in both directions on a daily basis, but the west intersection of I-285 and I-20 is notorious for predictably horrific traffic, especially for those traveling southbound; it’s incredible how people needing to travel westbound on I-20 manage to choke out and congest four lanes across 10 miles of roadway on a daily basis.

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Small prediction

Long story short:  Atlanta’s State Route 400 AKA the toll-road that directly connects Midtown to Sandy Springs is finally getting rid of the toll plazas, and will very soon become a free road to travel.  Many believe that this will ease congestion throughout the city.

Here’s my prediction: traffic on 400 will become worse than ever once it becomes a free road.  When it occurs to every single person who grinds through I-75 to get onto I-285 to get to Sandy Springs because they don’t want to pay the 400 toll, a good chunk of them are going to start taking 400.  In addition to all the people who take 400 on a regular basis, because that’s their daily routine already.

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