I’m fairly certain that this isn’t the first time I’ve used this headline before. I’m too lazy to cross-check though, but the context is probably the same – shame. There’s also a high probability that if I have used it before, it too was probably related to one of Atlanta’s biggest embarrassments: MARTA.
Long story short: Due to the overwhelming problem of people urinating in MARTA elevators, MARTA will be wasting even more money to install “Urine Detection Devices” (UDDs) to attempt to deter people from peeing in the elevators.
Obviously, MARTA is one gigantic joke to the world, especially those of us that live in Atlanta, but honestly, I had no idea that this was even an issue. Being physically capable of using my legs, I have always utilized the stairs or the escalators, and I can honestly say that I’ve never once been inside of a MARTA elevator. But apparently, it’s among the worst experiences on the planet due to the fact that people have a tendency to use them as public urinals.
Thank goodness for physical competence.
Anyway, the geniuses at MARTA are going to install UDD devices with hopes that it’s going to deter and ultimately prevent people from pissing in the elevators moving forward. That’s great and all, but I see one major flaw in their proposed plan of action: upon detection of someone peeing in the elevator, it supposedly triggers an alarm, to where “MARTA police will be there in seconds to catch the offender in the act.”
Is this proposal talking about the same MARTA police officers that MARTA riders see? Or, for lack of a better term, don’t see? Seriously, I’m not exaggerating when I say that I’ve seen actual MARTA police officers like twice. I’m not a regular MARTA rider (thank god) but I oftentimes do take MARTA straight from the office to the airport. In the station, or on an actual train, I can honestly say that I’ve only twice seen an actual MARTA police officer. MARTA police cars is a different story, and the bicycle cops that occasionally ride laps around the Midtown station sure, but never an on-foot officer present, much less in any proximity remotely close to an elevator, capable of responding to a piss-alarm if were to theoretically occur.
Seriously, I’m confident that I could outrun at least five of these guys. I could probably outrun all eight of them, if I ignore the belief that just because they’re not fat or old doesn’t mean they can run.
So sure, install UDDs in all 111 public MARTA elevators, at $10,000 a pop. Sounds like a great idea, but as long as Atlanta Police Department rejects and duty-incapable people are the ones representing the vaunted MARTA police force, and they’re never around to react to any UDD alarms, people are still going to be pissing in the elevators until their bladders are all relieved.
GG, MARTA. GG, Atlanta.
