A pretty Riverdale being Riverdale story

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

This is just one of those stories that really encapsulates Riverdale in a nutshell pretty succinctly.

Long story short: principal gets arrested, student finds mugshot online, posts mugshot to Instagram. Principal gets pissed that her mugshot is discovered and posted online, confronts and then suspends student for no real good reason. lols ensue.

  • The student, named “Keandre” (thank GOD even Word thinks that’s a misspelling) says this after he is suspended:

I gots to be in schoo

Because he “has to study” for finals. Anyone who’s ever been to Riverdale knows that the only real education that happens in Riverdale is how to correctly hold a gun, how to escape from the non-existent police force, and how escape from the scene of a crime.

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An attempt to put into words how much I hate ESPN

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

It’s not that want anyone to keel over and die, but if Stephen A. Smith were to keel over and die, I’m pretty sure that not only would I not give a shit, there would be a part of me that would be glad.  Yes, that’s a horrible thing to put into writing, but I can’t really say that it would be an inaccurate statement.

Whenever Stephen A. Smith is on television, which is unfortunately way more than he should be, because the retards at my gym have the locker room televisions set to ESPN, and there’s no known way to change the channels without a remote, and First Take seems to be on for eleventy-billion hour blocks at a time, I want to shower and dress out and get out of the locker room as quickly as humanly possible.

Stephen A. Smith makes me want to get away from a screen faster than a snuff film, or any one of those ASPCA commercials with Sarah McLaughlin music in the background.

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It’s not called “Challenger” without reason

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I’m sitting at a stop light, and a Dodge Challenger pulls up in the lane to the right of me.  As the driver evidently lives his life a quarter mile at a time, when the light turns green, he takes off, leaving me behind.  But not before I noticed the fuel cap on the vehicle.

Clearly, the only way I knew it was the fuel cap was because it was clearly marked FUEL, and not because it was located on the rear quadrant of the vehicle LIKE 98% OF CONSUMER VEHICLES.

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Oh, just a veiled message hinting how I’m feeling today

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Between kindergarten and the third grade, I apparently had a very poor attention span. I’m pretty sure that if I were a kid in today’s society, I’d have been diagnosed with ADHD, and be put on medication of some sort, but since I wasn’t, we’ll just say that I was a typical kid who erred on the side of hyperactive, and it reflected in my performance in school.

Anyway, the most frequent evaluative remarks I would get during those years of contemporary schooling were along the lines of “needs improvement with paying attention, listening to and following directions.” Such sentiments would reflect in my report cards where I would apparently have low marks in those exact behavioral categories, despite the fact that I was doing pretty well in the actual educational aspect of school. It got to a point where my mother engrained the fear of god into me that paying attention and listening to and following directions were the most important categories to excel at when considering the next report card.

But since effort is one thing, and actual results are a completely other thing, there was a report card where it was more of the same thing; poor marks in paying attention and listening to and following directions. My mom apparently hit a boiling point and beat the shit out of me.

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Photos: Clearwater, Hogan Beach and baseball

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I made a spontaneous trip down to Tampa, Florida, because my boy James said he was going to make the trip up to Clearwater to visit the Hulk Hogan Beach Store.  Frankly, I couldn’t see myself visiting on my own and I’m not sure to who I would be able to force come along, so this was an opportunity that I was not willing to pass up.

As for the store itself, it was pretty much the Hulk Hogan Nostalgia Center located on the Beach for all intents and purposes, filled to the brim with Hogan-related memorabilia, souvenirs, crap on the wall, as well as a huge variety of t-shirts and other chintzy things that all have Hogan’s likeness all over it.  And tons of yellow, it was like Asian camouflage in there.

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Charles Ramsey just won the internet

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I’m know I’m not going to be the only person to use this headline, and typically it’s not often I use my brog to write about current events, but this was all just too much gold to not write something about. And there’s really not a whole lot to write about, because if you watch the video, which I’m pretty sure you’ve already seen because everyone had to have seen it by this point, but it completely speaks for itself.

Charles Ramsey is like, the best person in the world, for at least the next 15 minutes. The world needed Charles Ramsey more than it may have realized right now. God bless the guy.

And because I’m sure that this video will ultimately come down some day, I’m going to quote the best lines after the jump, because if I can’t replace the video, we all need to remember the memorable and notable things that was said by this everyman hero.

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The Nubian Queen drives a Honda Accord

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I would make a small wager that the woman driving this car, her ancestors don’t even come close to having been from Nubia.  Somewhere throughout time, being “Nubian” had less to do about actually having ancestors who lived along this tiny region in the Sudan, than the fact that the Sudan happened to be in Africa, so it happened to apply to all of those who were of African descent, and then it turned into being a term to replace the word “black.”

The funny thing?  It’s easy to accuse me of simply going to Wikipedia to find this information, but the thing is that I did a report of the Sudan back in grade school, and I actually did remember the region of Nubia.  The capital of the country is also Khartoum, but that’s besides the point.

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